What Comes Around, Goes Around

"Inuyasha, do bugs sneeze?" Kohanu asked him.

"How the hell should I know? Do I look like I study bugs? Go find Myoga and ask him," Inuyasha snapped.

"I would, but I haven't seen him since that last battle you and Naraku had. I don't know why you two just can't set aside your differences and accept the fact that you're related." Inuyasha gave him a long, cold look, then went back to sharpening his sword.

It had been a month since Kohanu had come crashing (literally) into his life and ruined every belief he had had about his family. He could accept the fact that he was his cousin, but to find out that he was related to Kouga, Shippou, and Naraku too? That was just the icing on the cake.

Kohanu shrugged off Inuyasha's cold stare, then, actually trying to be of service to the group, went to go catch dinner since they had set up camp near the sea. Inuyasha watched him out the corner of his eye, surprised when he drew back the net and saw that it was full of something. Sighing in relief because he just knew his cousin was going to mess up somehow, Inuyasha headed over to the camp fire with the others. A moment later, Kohanu joined them, the net behind his back, hiding his catch.

Looking at Kagome, for she had become his favorite of the group, he said, "I have crabs."

She had been reading a book before, but now her eyes suddenly froze on the page, then slowly lifted to his. "You have crabs?"

He beamed at her. "Yep, and I worked hard to get them too!"

"Kohanu," Kogome said quietly, "Keep your crabs to yourself."

Kohanu's face fell. "But why? I didn't get crabs to keep them to myself. I wanna share them with everybody!"

"No!" Kagome screamed. "That's disgusting!"

"What?" Kohanu said. "All I said was that I have crabs." And with that, he pulled the net from behind his back. It was full of crabs.

"What'd you think he meant?" Miroku asked Kagome.

"Nothing," she muttered, and went back to her book.

~.~.~

Somewhere far, far away, or maybe it was really just a few miles, but I wouldn't know since I wasn't there, Sesshomaru sat at his kitchen table, also reading a book. "Three eggs, check. 1 1/2 tablespoons of vanilla extract, check. 2 pints of ice cream, check. Great! I have everything I need for my Baked Alaska!"

Suddenly, there was a knock on the kitchen door and a man with a headset walked in. "Lord Sesshomaru, five minutes till show time." Sesshomaru nodded and the man left.

He checked over his ingredients one more time to make sure he had everything when... "Where's my sugar! Kami, damn it! Who the hell used up all the damn sugar!" Quickly he started turning into his true demon form. His eyes turned red. The stripes on his face turned purple and swelled. His fangs grew longer, as did his claws.

"Jaken!" He barked. Immediately the toad or imp, it doesn't matter which one he is, scurried into the kitchen. Jaken tried to hit a U-turn when he saw Sesshomaru's state, but Sesshomaru grabbed him by his collar and held him up at eye level.

"Jaken, where the hell did the rest of the sugar go?" Sesshomaru hadn't brushed his teeth yet that day and had eaten a package of raw ground meat for breakfast. The smell assaulted Jaken's nose.

"Me Lord, your breath is doing Tae Kwon Do on my nostrils."

Sesshomaru raised his clawed hand in warning. Ordinarily, he would've killed him, then revived him with the Tensaiga the next time he needed him to do something he was too lazy to do himself. But time was running short and he needed answers. Jaken gulped when Sesshomaru cracked his knuckles and said in a hurried voice, "You used the rest of the sugar on that Better Than Sex Cake you made last week."

Sesshomaru considered this for a moment. Yes, it was better than sex, he thought, remembering the last girl he was in bed with, who had decided that she wasn't going to move for him no matter what, even when he had started rubbing her—

"You're dismissed, Jaken," Sesshomaru said and let him go. He must have been doing 500mph getting out of the kitchen. Sesshomaru sat back down at the kitchen table, but immediately got back up when he noticed one of the crew members in a distant corner was holding up ten fingers. But still he had no sugar. Oh well, the show must go on. Suddenly the commentator's voice came on over the loud speaker.

"It's once again that time of the week, folks! So get your spoons, bowls, and mouths ready for Cooking the Best with the Lord of the West! And now, put your hands together for the one, the only...Lord Sesshomaru!"

Sesshomaru waved at the camera. "Okay everybody, this week I'm going to show you how to make a Baked Alaska! Now, due to a sugar shortage, there's not going to be any sugar in the cake. But don't worry people! This is perfect for all of you diabetics out there! Okay, so you first want to grease your pan..."

~.~.~

"That'll be 50 yen," the merchant said.

Two days had passed since Kohanu got crabs. For dinner. Crabs for dinner. Get your minds out of the gutter! Anyway, the Inu gang had moved on from the sea and was on their way to find Naraku again, when they passed through a town that was having a large sale in the market. Of course they had to stop and have a look. Or rather, Kohanu had to stop and have a look.

"That'll be 50 yen," the merchant repeated.

"I ain'ts got it," Kohanu said in a flat tone.

"You don't have it," Sango corrected him.

Kohanu turned on her. "I said what I meant, don't you be correcting me."

Miroku came to her defense. "Kohanu, you sound ignorant when you speak like that. Sango was just trying to help you."

Kohanu looked doubtfully at him. "You must think you a prophecisor or something, using all them big words. You trying to do some kind voo-doo on me?"

"You mean am I a professor? No. And I'm not trying to do voo-doo, I'm just trying to help—"

"I ain'ts crazy!" Kohanu snapped at him. "Yous the one who needs some psycologinial help!"

"Psychological," Miroku muttered under his breath.

Inuyasha , who had had enough of Kohanu's stupidity, reached over and slapped him on the side of the head.

Kohanu shook his head, then said, "Thanks! I'm not stupid anymore, I don't think!"

You're right, you don't think, Inuyasha thought.

"Sir, I have other customers to serve," the merchant said to Kohanu.

Kohanu reached into his pockets and withdrew a bubble gum wrapper, a nail filer, a whoopie cushion, and a napkin that said, "Lola, 245-9872" with a bright red lipstick mark on it. "I don't have any money," Kohanu told him.

"Then why the hell were you trying to buy something! I would've been happier if you'd have just stolen the damn thing rather than waste my time like this!"

"Okay," Kohanu shrugged and put the beanie baby deer that he'd been ogling at for the last hour in his pocket. The merchant sighed and simply waved him away, rubbing his temples and feeling the start of a migraine coming on.

Continuing on their way, everyone had to endure more of Kohanu's never ending chatter. Except this time it was with himself. "Ms. Deer, do you want some tea?" Then in a very girlish voice he giggled and said, "Yes, I would love some tea!" Without a second thought, Kohanu strode up to Kagome's back pack and started rooting through it.

"What are you doing?" She asked him incredulously.

"You got any tea in here?" he asked, still throwing things out.

"No, or else we would've been had tea with our meals. What do I look like, Wal-Mart?"

Kohanu kept digging for a moment, then poked his head out and said, "Who are we talking about?"

Kagome sighed in exasperation, pulled him out of the bag, and replaced everything, except the top to a thermos. "Here, give Ms. Deer—" She couldn't finish her sentence due to laughing so hard. "Ms. Deer! Kohanu, you're too old to be playing with toys and especially to be giving them names like 'Ms. Deer'! Sounds like one of the names I would've given one of my old dolls!"

"Oh, do you have any more dolls?" he asked her excitedly. Kagome's face fell, and she decided not to dignify the question with an answer.

Everyone fell into silence (even Kohanu, hallelujah!) that is until Kagura appeared almost out of nowhere. "You weren't trying to go fight Naraku again were you?" she asked Inuyasha. "Not after that last ass-whupping, I hope."

Inuyasha snorted under his breath, but didn't answer. Instead, Kohanu did. "Yeah, Inuyasha, are we going to go find Naraku again? He beat you so bad last time. Me and Ms. Deer want to see another one-sided fight!"

"It wasn't one-sided!" Inuyasha finally commented.

"No, but it sure was a beating!" Kohanu told him.

Inuyasha had no response to this.

Kagome hated seeing her hopeful future husband like this and said, " Naraku has nearly all of the Jewel shards and possession over Kohaku. We want the rest of the Shards and Sango's brother."

Kagura looked Kagome up and down, then said, "Who are you supposed to be? Saint Kagome?" When Kagome didn't answer, she chuckled to herself. Then she noticed something out the corner of her eye. Kohanu had been staring at her rather intently. "What the hell's wrong with you?" she demanded.

"You're so beautiful," he said, dreamily.

"Kohanu!" Inuyasha said. "That's your half-sister!"

Kohanu snapped out of his daze and looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, if Naraku is your half brother, and she was created from Naraku, that would make her your half sister or something, wouldn't it? Or maybe it'd be your second cousin. I don't know, but anyways, she's family."

Kohanu looked like he had lost his best friend. "You mean, there can never be a Kohanu and Kagura? It even has a nice ring to it!" He heavily sighed, then said to Kagura, "I have to let you go, my beautiful butterfly, but one day, when we're reincarnated, I'll come back for you, I promise!"

Kagura only rolled her eyes, and disappeared just as suddenly as she'd appeared.

"That was pointless," Sango said. The rest nodded assent.

"Hey, let's sing Christmas carols!" Kohanu suggested.

Surprisingly, everyone agreed, so in the middle of July, a group of teenagers and one kitsune were singing the Twelve Days of Christmas. Except that Kohanu kept changing the words.

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me! A shard of the Shikon Jewel! On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me! Two Fang swords and a shard of the Shikon Jewel...!

~.~.~

"Acho!"

"Bless you, me Lord," Jaken automatically said.

"Shut up," Sesshomaru drawled at him. He sneezed again.

"Bless-"

"I thought I told you not to speak?" Sesshomaru cut him off. He'd been hearing "Bless you" for the past two days. He seemed to have fallen sick after his last cooking show and couldn't stop sneezing, among other things. He would have sent Jaken away, but he liked throwing his snotty tissues at him and seeing how mad he got, knowing that there was nothing he could do about it.

Lord Sesshomaru's nothing more than a rich daddy's boy, Jaken thought. He knows nothing of real work! He's never cleaned a toilet, or an oven, or, for heaven's sake, his own bedroom! Jaken tried to push away the memory of the first time he cleaned Sesshomaru's bedroom, but the pictures came to him anyways.

He'd been told to scrub the room from top to bottom. He'd started with his bed. He straightened out the covers, then went to the side of the bed to tidy up the stack of magazines on the floor. That should have been his first indication that those weren't normal magazines. Still he over-looked this until he saw the women on the covers. Needless to say, it took Jaken three hours to clean Sesshomaru's room, rather than his estimated thirty minutes due to having passed out…probably from a nosebleed as anime characters are wont to do.

Sesshomaru got up off the couch that he'd been occupying since he'd gotten sick. He went out the front door, through the gates of the palace, and on toward…well he didn't know where he was going, he just knew that he couldn't stand being in the palace anymore. Jaken ran after him, all the while telling him that he needed to get back inside. He received a slash from Toukijin, then revived him right afterwards. He loved doing that just for the hell of it.

I follow my nose, where ever it goes, to the scent of a mutt, 'cause his scent blows, Sesshomaru thought dryly to himself. That was stupid. He sneezed again, this time turning toward Jaken, snot covering the imp.

"Lord, Sesshomaru! Didn't anyone teach you to cover your nose?!"

"No," Sesshomaru told him, and was actually serious about it. "But you shouldn't worry about it. It blends in with you so well, no one will notice it. I command you to leave it there, or else I'll kill you and I won't bring you back." Sesshomaru was smirking, but Jaken knew better than to consider this as a sign that he was playing, and lowered the hand that he had risen to wipe away the snot. A moment later, he too sneezed.

"Me Lord, I believe that you've given me what you have."

"I don't like your tone, " Sesshomaru responded.

Jaken looked at him, confused. "I simply was stating a fact, me Lord," he said.

Sesshomaru glared at him. "I still think that you're getting a tone with me. Lower it." Jaken mumbled something under his breath. "Say it to my face or shut up," Sesshomaru growled.

"Fine!" Jaken could no longer take his cruel treatment. "You treat me like the scum of the earth, day in and day out! I don't get paid for my work and you never say thank you! Not once! And why won't you look at me anymore when we make love?"

This last one made Sesshomaru pull out Toukijin again and kill Jaken. Permanently. "I told him that what happened that night was never to be spoken of again. I just had too much sake, that's all. Not like I did it while I was sober," Sesshomaru tried to reassure himself.

Presently, well more like five hours later, he came across Inuyasha and the others. "So, we meet again," Sesshomaru said to him.

"So it seems," Inuyasha responded, then looked at him quizzically. "Wait, what the hell are we supposed to be? Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader? And who the hell are they?"

"Dosen't matter," the other brother said. "You'll be dead all too soon." Sesshomaru ran towards him, and Inuyasha pulled out his sword, ready to strike, when he suddenly felt flecks of something wet hit his face. Snot.

"What?! Did you sneeze on me?!"

Sesshomaru gave a maniacal laugh. "Yes, I did! Now you shall die a slow and painful death!"

Inuyasha raised an eyebrow at him. "Die from the common cold? Sesshomaru, you've hit an all-time low."

Sesshomaru's shoulders sagged. "Yeah, I know, but I figured if I'm going to be sick, I might as well take a few others with me."

Inuyasha met his gaze with understanding. Their first brotherly moment. Of course it didn't last long. Inuyasha doubled over wheezing and Sesshomaru gave such a powerful sneeze, that it knocked him unconscious. The other's started backing away from them, trying to be spared the disease. However, thanks to Kohanu, who had ran over to Sesshomaru thinking that he needed CPR and then ran around on-purposely coughing and sneezing on everyone, they all ended up back at the Western palace, sick on the couches.

By this point, everyone had begun to contemplate on killing Kohanu. Life would just be so much better without him. Of course they'd have to do him in before he did them in with one of his crazy antics. Now, just the perfect way to do it...