A/N: Originally written for the 3rd Humour Writing Contest. I'm just now getting around to uploading it here. This is as good as my parody skills get. It's my own twisted take on 'Think of Me'. Read and Review, but more importantly ... SING ALONG!
Once More With Squee'ing
(It's a quiet New York afternoon. PEOPLE are standing in line for PHANTOM OF THE OPERA tickets)
PFN GIRL
Let me squee,
let me
squee loudly,
when I've got
a seat.
The greatest show
I ever saw —
one hundred times
or more.
FIRST TIMER:
No
one's seen this show that often.
PFN BOY:
Oh, oh, I have!
PFN GIRL
It started
young, this
sexy dream I
have that takes
my breath
and memory —
but if he can just
look at me
we
can be
the schmex …
(Transformation to the Show, PFN GIRL is revealed wearing a replica costume)
The
lights go down
it's time
for fantasy,
the chills and
shivering
as I squee —
I see
him waiting
in the
wings,
soon to hear
my squee …
He could see me in
my seat and know —
his co-star is a bint
who has to go
…
Let me squee,
Let me squee right now,
I feel faint
and flushed.
Envision me,
getting into
his
dressing
room to hide!
Take me now, please
say you'll
take me now,
whoever else
you choose to do —
there
will
never be
a phantom
I won't want
to screw
...
(The Show ends, and PFN GIRL runs to the stage door.)
HUGH
PANERO
Is she there?
Is she there
back-stage?
Security!
(HUGH as the PHANTOM tries to hide behind a bit of scenery)
Long ago
I signed
her
ticket stub
now she won't let
me get away ...
(putting his hand on the trap-door lever)
If
she
doesn't let me
go I
swear I'll have to
kill!
PFN GIRL
I need you to
begin
that
song again,
or I might have to
break your heart —
maybe
I'll come back,
at least to
the next show
(Random
vocalisations completely off-pitch)
and squee!
(the
lever is pulled and PFN GIRL falls to the basement below, still
squeeing … erm vocalising)