Love, Lust and Lunacy

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine…never will be.

Spoilers: la la la la, I can't hear you… it's Alternate Universe

Rating: T for language

Characters: Trish, Dawn, Victoria, Lillian, Lita, Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Tyson Tomko, Batista, Christian, Jeff Hardy and John Cena…appearances by many others.

Summary: Bad plumbing, a need for room-mates and a mutual friends wedding brings them all together.

Notes: See the prologue..

Thank you all for the kind reviews! I have ideas, many, many ideas for this piece.

…………………

By the time Lita and Trish were in the vicinity of their apartment, the redhead was about ready to toss her passenger in the bay… or maybe that was just a bit too nice for him. Perhaps, instead, she should tie him to the lower deck of the Bay bridge right before the tunnel. There was a small bump in the pavement there anyway, an additional one wouldn't make much of a difference. But, maybe even that was being too nice. And besides which, even with the Saturday afternoon traffic, it wasn't nearly as bad as rush hour traffic during the week. No, Lita decided, being tied to the lower deck of the bridge or being tossed into the bay would be far too humane for the complaining passenger. All Randy had done, since they had left the airport, was nit pick and whine about the city, the car, the traffic or his flight. Lita, had done her best to be understanding, to muster some shred of sympathy since he just had a non-stop flight from St. Louis. Not to her surprise, sympathy had been hard to come by for the blue eyed man. Maybe it was his sour attitude, maybe it was his condescending mannerisms or perhaps he was just an asshole in dire need of an attitude adjustment. Lita decided on the last of the three possibilities. Of course, she knew that everyone had a good side to them…or at least that's what she wanted to believe. In his case, she wasn't quite sure. Maybe his ego needed to be knocked down a level…or two or three. The hellacious car trip from the airport to the apartment, ultimately lead to one conclusion- he was so incredibly full of himself that it was absolutely sickening.

Knuckles near white from gripping the steering wheel, Lita turned to her passenger. "Look, all you've done since we left the damn airport is whine like a three year old." She forced a smile, "Like it or not, you're stuck with me, my room-mates and Dawn's cousin until the party."

Randy scoffed, "So? You could just drop me off at my cousin's house.. I'll gladly stay there until this stupid party."

Lita rolled her eyes, "If I could, then believe me- I wouldn't hesitate to do so. But, since I don't know where Christian lives, I can't take you there."

"Then I'll call him and get directions," he brought out his cell phone, "Don't park yet."

"And what right do you have, telling me what to do?" She snorted, eyes searching for a good spot. "Even if you do get directions, that doesn't mean I have any obligation to take you there."

Randy smirked, "That's what taxi cabs are for…and I wouldn't ask you anyway, because you can't drive."

She glared at the dashboard, "The thanks I get for doing a friend a favor.. You're lucky I just didn't leave you at the airport."

He rolled his eyes, occupying himself with his phone call. "Hey.. Yes, it's Randy."

Lita shook her head, mumbling to herself. "Please take him away.."

"Can you either come get me or give me directions to--" Randy frowned, "What do you mean you can't?"

Lita raised an eyebrow in interest as she parked the car. "This ought to be interesting.."

His frown deepened, "So I'm stuck with this… this woman, her stupid friends and your fiancé's stupid cousin until the party?" Randy sighed, "You really suck."

Lita nodded sagely, "You really do suck.." Loudly she added: "Not you Christian.. Your cousin."

Randy raised an eyebrow, closing the cell phone with a flick of his wrist. "Who asked you?"

She shrugged, "It's a free country isn't it? I'm entitled to express my opinions.. Just as you've been doing since you set foot in San Francisco."

He laughed without humor, "Well I can't really help it if the flight attendants were incompetent, if seemingly everyone in this stupid city can't drive, if--"

"Would you just shut up.." Lita shook her head, opening the door as she spoke. "I do hate to break it to you, but.. The world doesn't revolve around you."

"It should," he stated simply as he exited the car. "Life would be so much easier that way."

The redheaded woman pinched the bridge of her nose, slamming the door shut. "I usually don't judge a book by it's cover, but in your case? I think I'll make an exception."

Randy placed a hand over his heart, shutting the passengers side door shortly. "That hurts…really, it does." With a snort, he shook his head, walking around to the trunk. "Can you open this so I can get my bags?"

She smirked, "I could but.. You wouldn't really need all of your crap unless you planned on staying at my apartment." Lita shrugged, "Not that I would invite you to anyway but--"

"Did it occur to you, that maybe I wanted to get a change of clothes?"

"For what?" Lita rolled her eyes, "In case it slipped your feeble mind, the party starts at 5:00."

"Well.." Randy gestured down to his clothing. "My shirts wrinkled and so are my pants."

Lita smiled shortly, key ring swinging idly from her index finger. "You know, they're doing some construction a few blocks away…they probably still have a steam roller there. That'd fix your problem and do the world a favor."

"Hey Li!" Trish called from across the street, she and John standing in front of the apartment building. "John wanted to know if we could grab a bite to eat then explore a bit.."

Randy rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. "Oh now that sounds like loads of fun.. Not only will I be stuck with the psycho bitch, but I'll also be stuck with her stupid room-mate and--"

"That sounds like a great idea!" Lita yelled in response, "Where do you want to go?"

Trish shrugged, "Well we can't really go too far.. Traffic's already bad, I wanted to change before we left and--"

"Wouldn't it make more sense to cross the street?" Randy asked, looking down at the redhead. "I mean, correct me if I'm wrong but--"

"Didn't I ask you to shut up?" Lita smiled, before she turned her attention back to the blonde woman. "Hold on a sec, Trish." She waited until traffic had cleared, sparing a glance to Randy before she dashed across. "Now, you were saying?"

Trish blinked, glancing between her room-mate at the somewhat bewildered looking brown haired man across the street. "Well.. It s just, I wanted to change before the party. We know that traffic is already getting bad, so…"

Lita shrugged, hands tucked in her pockets. "So, we'll just go somewhere within walking distance then drive down to Pier 39.. Or, we could head over to Ghiradelli Square, grab something there and then walk to Pier 39."

The blonde woman nodded slowly, "Sure that works… I wonder if Vikki's home. We can see if she wants to come with us or something."

The redhead frowned thoughtfully, "I don't see her car anywhere.."

Randy glared when he finally made it across the street. "Do you do this to all of your out of town guests? Or am I just special?"

"No, but.." Lita rolled her shoulders. "You aren't my guest, are you? You're Christian's guest."

….

While Lita and Randy continued to argue with each other, Trish called Victoria. As Lita and Trish suspected, their raven haired room-mate was still at the college. But, since she had already met with the necessary people, she was just about to head out. Trish informed Victoria of the pre-party plans, inviting her along if she wanted. Just as Trish was finishing up the conversation, Lita's cell phone beckoned. Randy waited impatiently while the redhead discussed the evening's plans with her brother. To his further chagrin, John and Trish collected one suitcase from the trunk of Trish's car before the two disappeared into the four story apartment building. But, before Randy could snatch the cell phone from the redheaded woman's possession, she ended her conversation. The two exchanged a heated glare before Lita lead the mad dash back across the street to retrieve one of his suitcases. But, of course, the un-pleasantries couldn't stop there. The two continued to bicker while they crossed the street and up until they had reached the third floor apartment.

"Ty and his co-worker will be meeting us at Ghiradelli," Lita mentioned once she was safely inside. "Is Vikki meeting us there too?"

Trish nodded in confirmation, "Vikki ran into Jeff who heard from Chris that the engagement dinner starts at 8:30.. We're going on a sunset cruise on the Red and White Fleet at 6:00."

Lita laced a hand through her red locks, "Well I told Ty, we'd be at Ghiradelli around 4:30.. Did Vikki say anything about Jeff or Chris being there?"

"No, but you could call them…see if they'd be up for meeting us." Trish shrugged, "I would call but, I wanted to take a shower before we left."

Lita rolled her eyes good naturedly, cordless phone now in hand. "As long as I offer to buy them food, I'm sure they'll agree.." Absently she turned to the two visitors, "Umm.. Just make yourselves comfortable I guess."

Trish popped her head out from the bathroom, "We usually go grocery shopping on Sunday, so.. The cupboards and the fridge are kinda bare. But, help yourselves anyway."

"Jeff…Chris, it's Li.." the redhead shook her head at the wall, "I know at least one of you is there, so why don't--"

"Hey." Jeff greeted shortly. "I just got in and Chris is talking to the landlord."

"Ahh.." Lita plopped down on the couch, "How does meeting me, Vikki, Trish, Ty and a friend of his at Ghiradelli Square sound?"

Jeff nodded, though she couldn't see it. "That sounds good…I ran into Vikki at the college and--"

"I know, things have been switched or we just got the information wrong." Lita flicked a glance to the window. "We're planning on heading over there at 4:30.. Trish and I have the honor of keeping Christian and Dawn's cousins entertained."

"Cousins?" Jeff echoed curiously, "What are their names and what're they like?"

The redhead rolled her eyes, "You'll find out when we meet you."

Jeff shook his head, "Alright Li, we'll meet you all down at Ghiradelli around 4:30.. By the fountain right?"

"Unless something happens and it's no longer there," Lita quipped dryly. "Where else do we meet?"

"Just checking, gosh.. Don't go biting my head off."

A short sigh, "I'm sorry.. Just, it's been a long day already…so yeah, we'll meet you two at the fountain around 4:30."

John sent the redhead a questioning look, "How far is this Ghiradelli place from Pier 39?"

"Not far," Lita replied simply. "Its all within walking distance.. Right on the bay." She frowned slightly, "Well technically, Ghiradelli isn't right on the bay, it overlooks the bay."

He nodded, "How long have you lived here?"

She set the phone down, heading to the kitchen while she replied. "I was born in Berkeley, which is across the bay…I lived until after I graduated from high school. And, even though I went to U.C Berkeley, I moved here. Which didn't make much sense but Vikki and Trish needed a room-mate."

"So, I'm guessing Trish is from San Francisco then?"

Lita nodded absently, "Yup.. Vikki's from Oakland, Dawn is also from San Francisco. Our parents all know each other in some way or another, plus we went to Girl Scout camp together."

John threaded a hand through his hair, "This place is…"

"Cramped?" Lita supplied dryly. "Yeah.. But, finding affordable housing in this city is next to impossible."

John chuckled, "I bet.. Boston isn't much better." Idly, he glanced to the other body in the living room. "And you're from where?"

"St. Louis," Randy stated shortly. "And no, I'm not too sure about the housing situation there.. I live with my parents."

"Well, isn't that sweet.." Lita grabbed a bottle of seltzer from the fridge. "Let me guess, you got your job through your father?"

"No actually," Randy rolled his shoulders. "I'm looking for a job, or I will be once I go back to St. Louis. My dad has this insane idea that I should find a job here, with my uncle."

Lita rolled her eyes, "For what it's worth…go back to St. Louis."

John coughed, glancing between Randy and the kitchen. "So uh.. Lita, what did you major in?"

"Social welfare, with a double minor in English and Public Policy." She seated herself near the window. "What did you study?"

"Exercise physiology," he leaned back a touch on the couch. "I'm not exactly sure what I'll do now, but.. I'm figuring it out as I go."

The redhead nodded, "I have a feeling that's what a lot of us end up doing.. I'm not really sure what I'll do either.. I've thought about teaching though."

John nodded, turning his attention to Randy. "So, what did you major in?"

"Earth and Planetary Sciences," the St. Louis resident stated then. "Like the two of you, I'm not really sure what I want to do either."

Lita shrugged, "Well there's Lawrence Hall of Sciences over in Berkeley.. And of course, all of the earthquakes that we get here. There should be something."

Randy regarded her skeptically. "Why are you trying to be nice to me?"

A short lived smile graced her face. "I never said I wasn't capable of being nice.. Far from it. You just chose to be a jerk from the minute we--"

"I hate traffic," Victoria bemoaned as the door opened. "I really hate traffic.. That is one thing I will not miss about living right in the city."

….

Lita introduced her room-mate to the two guests, Victoria excusing herself shortly afterwards so she could change. Trish, meanwhile, was still in the bathroom; the shower long since shut off. Once she had emerged from the bathroom, Lita excused herself from the living room so she could also change. And for her part, Trish directed John and Randy to the fourth and extremely tiny bedroom so they could change.. If they wanted to anyway and not only did Randy want to change, but John also went. Albeit it wasn't his choice, just that his cousin had specifically instructed for him to change before the party. John knew well enough not to question his cousin's request, and as such, found himself wearing a dress shirt and slacks that Dawn herself had picked out. At any rate, the two found themselves alone in the living room, a door opening down the hallway no sooner had they resumed their seats.

"I'm Victoria Varon," the raven haired woman smiled, smoothing down her knee length maroon colored skirt. "A friend of Dawn's, room mate to Trish and Lita."

"John Cena," the shorter of the two offered first. "Dawn's cousin from Boston."

Victoria nodded, tucking back a loose strand of hair. "And you must be Christian's cousin.."

Randy nodded in confirmation, "Randy Orton, Christian's cousin from St. Louis."

"I hate dresses," Lita muttered under her breath, "I really hate dresses.." she scowled at the cherry blossoms imprinted on the pale pink dress. "Vikki, remind me why I'm wearing this.."

Victoria rolled her eyes, "Because Dawn asked you too, that's why. Lighten up Li, it doesn't look that bad."

Lita made a face, "It's pink.. And I hate pink."

"Honestly, Lita, you look fine." Trish commented as she exited her room, the blonde currently sporting a pale yellow sundress. "And no, you don't have time to change and even if you did? Dawn would just make you change when you got to the party."

John smirked from his spot, "I feel your pain, Lita.. Dawn sent this over to Boston, with the sole purpose of me wearing it for the party."

Lita rolled her eyes good naturedly, "I guess I can understand…this is a pretty big deal for her."

"Well duh," Trish shook her head, blonde locks pinned back into a French twist. "It's her engagement party and not only that, but it's a very important--"

"Social event, I know.." Lita finished dryly. "Every party that Dawn has a hand in, is an important social event."

Victoria grabbed her keys, "Well since it's already 4:15, we should probably get going.. Traffic was already pretty tight and you both know how hard it is to find a parking spot."

Trish nodded, grabbing her purse as she spoke. "Yeah, we know.. Traffic was terrible coming back from the airport." She glanced to Victoria, "Are you taking your car or do you want to hitch a ride with me or Li?"

"The backseat of my car is full," Lita mentioned sardonically. "Someone decided to bring the maximum amount of luggage with him."

Randy made a face, "That was my dad's doing…I told you, he has some insane idea about me moving here."

Lita rolled her eyes, "So? That doesn't mean you had to bring all of your earthly possessions with you. Besides which, I thought there was a limit on the amount of luggage you could bring."

"Anyway," Trish glanced between the two. "Vikki? It looks like you're coming with me and John."

The five fell silent then, exiting the apartment shortly after. As planned, Victoria left with John and Trish; Lita trailing not far behind.

"So," Victoria began from her spot, "What's the word on Jeff and Chris?"

Trish shrugged, "No clue actually.. I think Li called them."

The raven haired woman nodded, "I guess we'll find out when we get there then."

"Yeah.." Trish glanced idly to the side, "Tyson and a friend of his will be meeting us there."

"Well that makes sense," Victoria reasoned. "I mean, Ty was invited to the engagement party."

The blonde woman nodded, "Yup… I hope Lillian can make it, but last I knew.. Her dad wasn't doing so well." She glanced back to Victoria, "Did you get into the program?"

Victoria grinned, "Yes I did and I can't tell you how relieved I am.. It means putting off law school for a year, but its an internship at a newer law firm."

Trish nodded, guiding the vehicle to one of the parking garages. "Well it's a great start, I mean.. it gets you some great experience. And who knows, maybe the year off will be good."

Victoria snorted, "After the hellacious year we just had? A year out of the hallowed halls will be a very welcomed escape."

"Don't remind me," Trish groaned, "I'm not as lucky as you…I have to keep going straight on with it. Otherwise, I might lose my spot."

"Well neither of us has it as lucky as Li," Victoria pointed out as Trish parked. "If she wants to pursue it, she can go after a masters.. Or if she just wants to do what she's doing, her bachelors will be fine."

"True," Trish conceded. "Chris is also pretty lucky…he got his bachelors, then he landed that internship with the Chronicle." She paused, preparing to say more when she stopped in her track. "Holy--"

Victoria raised an eyebrow, "What's wrong with you?"

Trish nodded to Lita's car, three parking spots down. "They're talking civilly.. And I could be mistaken, but I think Li is laughing."

"So?"

The blonde rolled her eyes, alarming her car before they met Lita and Randy halfway. "So? Vikki, all those two have done is argue like siblings…and they don't even know each other."

Lita smiled wryly, "Hey Trish…here's someone else who understands the pains of having a younger sibling."

"Ahh…" Trish nodded knowingly, "How many do you have?"

Randy rolled his shoulders, "Two.. A younger brother and a younger sister."

"I have two younger sisters," Trish commented sagely. "They're okay most of the time, but.."

John snorted, the six making their way outside. "Try three younger brothers and one older brother."

Lita whistled low, "Okay.. You win then. I only have a younger brother."

"Hey Li," Victoria sent the redhead a questioning look, "What's the story on Jeff and Chris?"

"They're meeting us, along with Ty and his friend." Lita informed the raven haired woman. "Oh, speaking of those four though…is it okay if I ask them about the house thing?"

Trish shrugged, "Whatever you know? I mean, it's not like we won't have the space."

Victoria also shrugged, "I don't really care…and asking them would be easier than placing advertisements."

"Cool," Lita grinned. "So if all four of them say yes, we have our rooming arrangements taken care of."

Trish nodded, "And then some.. Remember? We weren't planning on using the basement as another room. There's three bedrooms on the first floor, plus three on the second. The pool house has one bedroom and I think there's a bedroom over the garage."

"So, we'll just have a lot of guest rooms.." Lita reasoned with a shrug. "Or we can use them for whatever. It'll just be nice getting out of that stupid apartment."

Victoria nodded, "Agreed. But, if it comes down to it, we can seek out more room-mates."

"There you all are," Jeff greeted once they had reached the fountain. "I was beginning to think you weren't going to show.."

Lita rolled her eyes, "More like you were worried that you'd have to spend your own money on a drink and some food?" She gestured absently to the five behind her. "The taller of the two is Randy and he's Christian's cousin. The shorter of the two is John and he's Dawn's cousin.." The redhead motioned to her side. "This is Jeff Hardy."

Jeff nodded in greeting, thumbing behind him to a blonde man. "This is Chris…and I think I saw your brother wandering around here."

"He'll find us," Trish stated with a smile. "I mean, its not like we're hard to pick out in a crowd."

"Or him, for that matter." Chris grinned good naturedly. "What have you three been up to?"

Victoria rolled her eyes, "Laundry, registering for the internship program, and--"

"Picking up these two from the airport." Trish finished for the raven haired woman. "Plus, we're trying to figure out what we're going to do about our housing situation."

Lita smiled apologetically, "I think I see my brother.. I'll be back, make sure he doesn't wander out of here or something."

While Lita set off to gather her brother and his friend; Trish explained the housing situation to Chris and Jeff. In turn, Chris informed Trish and Victoria about their own housing situation. Their landlord had kindly decided to raise their rent, and since they were barely scraping by as is…they were left with slim options. At least until Trish and Victoria suggested they move in with them. Granted, both Chris and Jeff were wary at first, but…after Lita had joined the argument for moving in, they agreed. More introductions were made when the redhead returned, she introducing her brother to the group while her brother introduced his friend, Dave Batista. Finally, when the introductions had been squared away, the expanded group set off for a little sight seeing on foot.