Gil Grissom had left the lab and was about to get in his car to head home. He thought back on hard this night had been. The cases weren't what made it hard, the thought that Sara wasn't there had. Lost in thought, he at first didn't hear Catherine calling to him as she ran up behind him. He turned around and saw she had an envelope in her hand.
"Gil, I wanted to catch you before you left. Here." She said this short of breath as she handed him the envelope. He saw the handwriting on it and recognized it. "When did she leave this?"
"She didn't. I picked it up. But don't read it until you get home. I mean it, only when you have gotten home. Okay?"
"I told you not to interfere…"
"Yeah, well I did, get over it. You'll be glad I did. I'll see you later." She winked and walked off.
Grissom got in his car, laid the envelope on the passenger seat and drove home. He grabbed his stuff and went inside. After he set his jacket and briefcase down, he headed toward the kitchen to make himself some breakfast and carried the letter with him into the kitchen. In the middle of pulling out some items from the fridge, he stopped and considered the envelope on the counter and what it might contain. He opened it and began reading.
Gil,
I know I left you in confusion yesterday and I'm sorry for it. There was so much I wanted to tell you when we talked but I couldn't say what I should've said. It's not something that is easy to talk about. What I am about to tell you is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but you have a right to know.
He put the letter back down. He wasn't sure if he wanted to read this…but he picked it back up and resumed where he left off.
We have never talked about the night we shared together in San Francisco during the Evans' case. But I need to talk about it now, especially before I get back.
I remember the night vividly. It was the most wonderful night of my life and one that I will never forget. You taught me so much about loving and being loved. Sometimes I'm sure it seems that I have forgotten it but it's always there in the back of my mind. We both knew what we were doing and what we wanted.
However, my leave of absence is because of that night. It is absolutely necessary and is not something I am doing frivolously and I'm not looking for another job. I enjoy working with you and the others.
My reason for the leave pertains directly to the night we shared in Frisco.
Grissom put the letter back down again. He stood at the island in his kitchen and started to remember that night in Frisco. He smiled. It had been just what she had said, wonderful. He also remembered when he called her up to come here and how he wondered if she wouldn't come because of regrets from that night. He sighed and looked back at the letter then started reading again.
After you left for Vegas, I called you a couple of months later. You had company, and I could hear them in the background. You said that Catherine and Lindsay were over and that Lindsay was throwing a tantrum. You also said how glad you were that you didn't have kids.
A couple of months… couple months. Grissom started to feel a little lightheaded. He didn't want to be right this time. They hadn't used protection. 'I said I was glad I didn't have kids.' He looked back down at the letter but didn't pick it up. He found his stopping point and started to read again while he leaned on both arms as his hands gripped the island counter.
It was at that point that I lost my courage to tell you why I had called. We just talked awhile and that was it. But, Gil, I find it's harder now to tell you then it was then. Catherine came by to find out what's wrong and I told her. She said I was wrong and that I should tell you, and she's right. I don't want you to find out any other way than from me.
You see, that day I called you four years ago; I had just found out that I was going to become a mother. I was pregnant with your child. I wanted to tell you and share it with you but I feared you would feel obligated or trapped. And after what you said on the phone about Lindsay I couldn't say it. So I made a rash decision to raise the baby on my own.
It's been quite an experience. My pregnancy was pretty rough. I had a hard time with work because I was getting sick a lot. No one guessed though because I didn't start to really show until my seventh month. If it had been sooner they wouldn't have allowed me to keep working and at the time I really need to. Finally, I did have to stop, and so for two months I was on paperwork detail, then when I reached my ninth month, I went on a six-month maternity leave.
Gil, I don't know how you feel about all of this but I want you to know you have a daughter. She's beautiful, and she has curly brown hair and her father's blue eyes. She is wonderful. She's bright and intelligent like her parents and she loves bugs. Her whole room is filled with stuffed toys of bugs.
I really miss her Gil. She has been without me for over a year and a half and although I have visited when I can, especially when I would have two days off, which as you know have been far and few. I feel that she's growing up too fast and won't know me anymore. She's been living with a close friend and now I have made arrangements for her to come to Vegas and live with me again. And so that is the reason why I am taking the leave of absence.
I hope you understand why I have taken these actions. I want you to know her but I also don't want you to feel obligated. I have been pretty good as a single mother so far other than my absence this last year and a half. If you want to be a part of her life I would be more than happy to share.
By the time you have started reading this I will already be on my way. If you want to talk to me about this I will have my cell phone with me but I am planning on being back in town in about two weeks.
Gil, I don't know what else to say except I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything. We made a mutual decision that night but I made the decision to keep her and if you don't want this, or to be a part of her life, then I want you to know I do understand and it won't change how I feel about you. You have always been special to me, more than you realize, and as the father of my baby girl, I will always see you the way you were the night she was conceived.
Love always,
Sara
He just stood there, staring at the letter on the counter. Finally, he walked in a daze over to the phone and dialed.
"Hello."
"Catherine, it's Gil, umm, I need you here. Can you come over?"
"Already here, just open the door."
He walked to the door and opened it. Catherine stood there and tried to read his face but decided it was best not to even try. He let her in and they sat down on the couch. Grissom put his head in his hands. "Gil, are you okay? Do you want something to drink?"
He just shook his head. He finally looked up at her and choked out, "I need to be more careful with the things I say."
"Gil, don't, you didn't know."
"Don't a lot of people say that until they actually have one of their own? Even I know that." He put his head back down in his hands leaning on his knees. "How is it that we can read each other so well on a case but when it comes to… well us, our personal feelings, we get way off base? When did she leave?"
"At six and…"
"Damn, I want to see her and talk to her and not over the phone…"
"…I know who her friend is."
Grissom almost got whiplash as he flipped his head back up. "You do? How?"
"I checked her phone records for the last week. She made several calls to a Shannon Hamilton and I have her address as well. You have a couple of days coming up this weekend, why don't you see how the weather is in San Francisco?" She said the last with a wink.
Grissom looked at Catherine like she had lost her mind. He stood up and started to pace while he ran his hand through his hair. "I can't do that, she didn't say she wanted me there just that I could call…"
"Oh, please! She wants you there. She always wants you there, wherever she is… at all times. Gil, she loves you. And don't tell me you don't feel the same because we can all see it."
"It's that obvious, huh?"
"God yes. Tell you what, why don't you get some rest and deal with the fact that you… are… a…. father; and I'll make you some breakfast for a change."