Okay this story should be good I think, a little moody but still. I hope you like it. Warning! Depressed Harry!
Disclaimer: It's not mine! Walks off and sulks
A Shadow Of A Hope.
Chapter 1. The Joy of Going Back To School.
Harry sat on the train heading for Hogwarts, Hermione and Ron were sitting opposite him bickering as usual, and Harry just sat there and sighed looking out the window as the rain fell sheet after sheet it thrummed on the roof of the train and the lamps overhead swayed rhythmically.
Harry was abut to start his fifth year at Hogwarts, but events from his forth still lingered in is mind making himself solemn and withdrawn. He still blamed himself for Cedric's death no matter how many people told him otherwise. He just had to be noble "Lets take the cup together" stupid, stupid damn his Gryffindor nobleness he should never have listened.
It was then that he noticed the silence and he turned to his two friends who were starring at him worry on there faces and again came the predictable question.
"You okay Harry?" Ron asked not taking his eyes off Harry.
"I'm fine really just tiered so can you stop asking me" He said it a little too harsh but didn't care to apologise.
"We're only worried about you." Hermione added.
Harry continued to look out of the window.
He knew they meant well but they hadn't seen Cedric die there, they hadn't had to face a fully formed Voldemort, oh they believed he was back but they hadn't experienced it, they didn't have the scars caused by the dark Lord, first his scar that made him famous and now the one on his arm the one reminding him that he had helped bring about Voldemort's second coming. Not to mention all of the emotional scares that would also be with him for the rest of his life and with Voldemort back, Harry's life expectancy was not looking good.
There was still silence, Harry let out a sigh and decided he should say some thing to put them to rest.
"So do you think me being able to call a patronus would get me extra marks in the OWLS?" At this Hermione perked.
"Well I would think so it is past NEWT levels so I don't see why not." She stated mater-o- factiy.
"Yeah your bound to ace DADA your just a natural" Ron grinned glad they were talking to each other again.
They continued to talk about the year to come and it helped Harry get his mind off the previous.
By the time they were tucking into the welcoming feast Harry was near to his old self, the noise was loud and the new first years seemed to be settling in well, by the time there dragged themselves up to the Gryffindor tower and to there dorm full of food and tiered they made short work of getting into their pyjamas, and falling into bed with a quick "G'night Ron" Harry was fast asleep and for the first time in a long while it was undisturbed by nightmares.
When Harry finally woke up he felt fully refreshed and rested the first night of unbroken sleep in weeks, he put it down to being back at Hogwarts.
He pulled on his school robes and mad his way down the spiral staircase to find Ron and Hermione waiting for him, he smiled and they both smiled back looking happy.
"Good to see your happier than yesterday." Ron commented.
Hermione simply smiled.
They made there way down to breakfast and sat in their usual place and Harry had some toast while Ron dug into bacon and eggs.
They got there timetabled handed to them by the head boy.
While looking it over, the only bad thing happened to be that they still had potions and care of magical creatures, with the Slytherin, but the dreaded potions wasn't till Friday.
First they had transfiguration then charms and then ending the day with care of magical creatures.
To start off in transfiguration Harry Ron and Hermione sat at the back of the classroom the opposite side of the Ravenclaw's.
Professor McGonagall started with a speech informing them how important this year would be with the up coming OWLS, and all in the class groaned at the amount of work they would be given, they began by practicing transforming chicken eggs into chickens, no easy feat.
The lesson ended and Harry managed to get the egg to have a chicken's body but the egg remained as its head. As usual Hermione was the only one to make the full transfiguration.
As they made there way to charms they talked and even laughed like nothing was wrong, But Harry's smile never was as happy as it could be, a shadow still hung over him.
"So what do you recon, think the new DADA teacher will be hear by the end of the week?" Ron asked as they started the work set.
"I don't know but Dumbledore said that they were coming, so they should be punctual about it." Hermione said while summoning fire with her wand.
"Well done Miss Granger, five points to Gryffindor." Came the squeaky praise of Flitwick.
Hermione beamed, and Ron rolled his eyes as he just managed to get a couple of sparks.
Harry laughed at the look on Ron's face when Hermione started to change the shape of her flame.
With a smile on his face he continued there earlier conversation.
"So what do you think the new DADA professor will be like?"
Ron looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Well knowing Dumbledore it could be anyone" Hermione stated
"Or anything" Ron added.
Harry smiled "I hope he brings back Lupin"
"Yeah that would be good, and I'm sure a lot of people would appreciate his return well most of the three tolerable houses anyway" Hermione said smugly.
Both boys smiled at that.
It was good to be almost back to normal, Harry realised he had to much time to think when he was alone at the Dursley's, too much time but now he had all this work to concentrate on.
The next week passed as normally as you could at Hogwarts and Harry had no bad dreams, not of Voldemort not of Cedric, nothing. He was on cloud nine, but he felt guilty as he began to forget about what had happened in the cemetery, how he started to forget Cedric, he had to remember it was the only way, he felt it to be his obligation, he was the only one there at his death who gave a damn. He promised himself he would never forget; maybe that was what made the dreams come back.
Cedric was lying on the floor next to him his eyes open yet dead, a look of shock on his face, it made him want to cry then the laughing started and he turned and saw him; Voldemort, he was there in all his glory happy with what he had done.
Harry felt his chest swell with hatred and he was moving closer to Voldemort when he raised his wand then the anger was changed to something much worse; pain.
Red hot knives stabbing him all over, molten lava flowing through his veins, and through the pain he could hear the diabolical laughter but louder than that was screaming his screaming.
He was suddenly sitting up in his bed breathing heavily, Ron was in front of him griping his shoulders and Dean, Seamus and Neville were also there looking slightly scared.
"Wh..What.." He asked in a strained voice, strained from screaming, it hit him like a tone of bricks, they'd all been woken by his screams.
"Harry what happened you were screaming." Ron's voice sounded higher than usual.
Harry looked around at the boys in his dorm.
"Sorry it was just….I had….sorry.." He hung his head.
How could things get worse, oh he knew the questions that would ensue he hadn't even told Ron and Hermione what had happened in the grave yard he couldn't.
The boys stood there for a moment more then Ron ushered them away.
"Harry?" Ron began but Harry stopped him "Ron. Not now it was nothing, just forget it."
"It bloody well wasn't nothing, you were screaming your head off I thought you were dieing." Ron looked him in the eye, and Harry faltered.
"It was about last year wasn't it?" Ron almost looked angry.
Harry didn't answer he just sat there not looking at Ron he couldn't do it.
"Cant you see we're worried for you, maybe if you just talked about it.."
"What talk about how Cedric died there one minuet, gone the next, nothing I could do, just stand there dumbly as Voldemort gave his order." Ron flinched it only made Harry angrier. "Kill the spare. That's what he said and I could do nothing I didn't even try, is that what you wanted to hear! Huh!" Harry was looking at Ron now he was so mad and Ron looked sad and confused.
"Harry I didn't…." He began.
"Save it." Harry snapped. "It won't bring him back will it." Harry turned away trying to hide the tears that stung his eyes.
The pressure on his bed lifted as Ron got up silently.
Harry was still angry it was still dark out so it was too early to get up, he looked over to Ron's bed to find all the drapes drawn hiding him from view, Harry felt a pang of guilt but it didn't last, anger took over again, he sat there for as long as he could fuming till he dare risk it. He got up and dressed and then grabbed his invisibility cloak and stormed out of the dorm down the spiral stair case across the common room, out of the portrait hole, he flung the cloak over himself and he began to walk.
He had nowhere in mind he just walked, thinking about all the bad things that had happened to him in his life, he looked out of one of the windows it looked cold outside, it might snow early, but there was a peace about the dark grounds of Hogwarts.
He began to walk again down stairs along corridors until he found himself in the entrance hall the door in front of him; he walked up to them and promptly exited.
He stood on the stone steps and just looked at the night sky the stars in there thousands he could get lost in them, and there the full moon shining over head glowing above the tree tops making the seen before him look so surreal.
He began walking again towards the first place he could remember seeing the one who he held so much hate towards, across the lawns, no light was on in Hagrid's hut as he passed, through the line of trees deeper and deeper following the path he had taken so many years before with Draco and Fang searching for the unicorn, further and further, and there it was in sight the clearing where he had first seen his arch enemy, he scoffed at the idea, it almost sounded like fiction when you put it like that, but it was all to real he didn't know why he went looking for the memory he was just drawn like a moth to the flame.
He stopped in the middle of the clearing just in front of him was the spot where the unicorn was killed, he was surprised to see that the earth still held a silver hue to it where the blood was spilled.
He pulled off his cloak and sat thinking about what Firenze had said to him that night.
"When you have slain some thing so pure….. you will have but a half life, a cursed life….."
He wondered what the centaur was doing now, he had saved his life so long ago, against his peoples code, they read the stars and it was fated for him to die that night, but he didn't, he was saved again by someone else, he was always being saved, by his parents, Firenze, Dumbledore, Fawkes, Sirius, even Cedric, he felt so selfish, they risked there lives for his, gave there lives for him, and he could do nothing to help them, not his parents not Cedric, not Sirius.
He hung his head and let out a sob, he was useless.
Then a small voice in his head spoke up.
You saved Ginny, and you gave Sirius a reason to be happy, you saved Ron and Hermione, you helped, you helped, you forget your human, they forget your human.
He knew there was truth to the words but he was too raped up in emotion to care.
He continued to sob until a howl ripped through the air, he snapped out of it suddenly remembering where he was, a shiver ran down his spine and his blood ran cold. He reached to his pocket to find nothing. He hadn't picked up his wand!
He froze as he heard growling just behind him, his breath caught in his throat. He began to turn slowly and he came face to snout with a huge wolf, its fangs bared and its demented yellow eyes peering at him hungrily, far too big to be a wolf, the light of the full moon glistened on its sharp white teeth, no wolf, werewolf.
He took a step back instinctively and it pounced, it was just a blur to him jaws spread ready to rip out his throat.
His Quidditch skills kicking in and he dodged just in time the wolf hit the ground hard it yelped then got up and pounced again, but Harry was already running he knew he would never out run it but he ran anyway.
Then he felt it pound into his back they toppled to the floor rolling away then the teeth sunk in, clearly not third time lucky, he felt as the teeth sunk into his shoulder the pain only toped by the curse Voldemort inflicted.
All he could feel was white hot pain coursing through his body. As they continued to tumble the wolf was throne off of him and he scrambled to his knees, he could feel the hot life blood gushing from his right shoulder, he grit his teeth part of him knew what this meant, but only basic thought made sense, his survival instinct, now only running on adrenalin, and fear.
The wolf seemed to smirk at him, blood covering its jaws; his blood. It through its head back and howled triumphantly at the moon, then it turned its sights on him again ready to finish the job.
Part of him said; Yes, please let it end let the pain and hurt end, mom, dad I'm coming.
But the other was whispering; No not yet I'm not ready I can't just leave they need me.
The first voice won.
He closed his eyes to wait for the end his only hope was that it was quick and a painless as possible.
There was a rush of air past his head and a thud from in front of him.
He waited and waited but it didn't come, he opened an eye to see the wolf wining and stumbling away from him into the trees, a wooden shaft sticking out of it back.
He heard hoof falls and looked behind him to see a tall chestnut centaur with blond hair coming towards him bow in hand, a concerned look of his face.
Harry slumped to a sitting position and raised a shaky hand to his right shoulder when he pulled it away he looked at the crimson now staining his hand dumbly his brain refusing to accept what had just happened.
The hooves stopped next to him and he looked up slowly his head was starting to spin.
"Why…Why didn't you let me die?" He asked sadly.
Firenze frowned.
"Is that why you came hear Harry Potter, to die?"
He hung his head why did he come hear, to remember, to forget, to be forgotten, he couldn't do it anymore.
"…Not anymore I can't…do it…I want to forget…leave me." He shivered and grit his teeth as the bite throbbed on his shoulder, he breathed in shakily.
"Do you know what this means Harry Potter?" Firenze asked ignoring Harry's request.
"Aren't you listening I….don't want to go on I can't… 'ny more….it all hurt, hurts too m... much…" He sobbed.
"You need help this is not a time to be giving up no matter what befalls you, you are their hope Harry Potter." Firenze pressed.
"No…they can…f…find anoth… another Harry…Pott…Potter…." And with that is eyes rolled up into his head and it all went black, and he welcomed oblivion.
Dumbledore had been up quite late there was always so much paper work to be done at the beginning of the term, and with the order having to be re-established and hoping Remus could make it finally hopefully by the end of the week, if he healed up well enough, but with no doubt he would with Sirius to help him.
He finally put his quill down and stood from his desk he walked over to his window and looked over the grounds of the school he loved so dearly.
The landscape was illuminated by the rays of the moon; it was then that a figure caught his eye a four legged figure, a centaur?
It looked like it was carrying something; his blood ran cold, not a student, please not a student.
He swept out of the room and faster than a man of his age would be expected to go, he soon found himself at the entrance doors of the school, with little effort and a bit of magic he opened the doors before him when he did the centaur who he recognised to be Firenze came up the steps to meet him, the bundle in his arms was held close to his chest and his face was grave.
"Professor Dumbledore" The centaur greeted sounding stressed.
Dumbledore's eyes were fixed on the bundle in Firenze's arms.
Firenze followed his gaze and revealed his burden. All light and happiness disappeared from his eyes, along with the customary twinkle, his gaze turning to cold blue garnet.
In his arms lay a pail boy with untidy black hair his glasses were cracked, his right shoulder was oozing blood at an alarming rate, his breathing was shaky and irregular.
Dumbledore looked into the centaurs eyes.
"Please could you carry him upstairs" His voice cold and unemotional.
The centaur nodded and followed the old professor up the stairs to the medical wing.
Okay chapter one done I hope you liked it, I think I made Harry a little too depressed oh well. Chapter two is pretty much done but I want a little feed back on this one so review.
HP Story Recommendation: 'Of Western Stars' by neutral
A wonderful story a 'Sirius saves Harry at 5 story' its so original and brilliant it carries on with many more story's of Harry's life with Sirius, The Hogwarts year written by Fyre also cool check them out.
Next time: Realization and passing out: Harry has to come to terms with what has happened, Sirius comes to Hogwarts with Remus and finds out the truth, and there's some passing out hence the chapter title.
P.S. Anyone reading 'To Be Free' It will be continued soon, promise.