The Courier God

by SympathyForTheQuarians

After finding the Death Note in her Tops hotel room, Gabriela Lopez the Courier quickly turns the tables on Mr. House, but decides to keep him as her right-hand man while she conquers the world - and eventually the stars. AU, featuring a less stubborn and more sensible House.

5. Goodbye Legion

Chapter 5 - Goodbye Legion

"Do you incompetents have ANY plans to deal with the profligates that call themselves the Vegas Empire?" Caesar had lost all patience.

"Forgive us, mighty one, but we-"

And then every single soldier in Caesar's Legion died in an instant.

-tcg-

Once the enormity of that had sunk in, the slaves and women immediately started having the wildest party of their lives. They burned the corpses of the soldiers after pissing and shitting on them. Their suspicions about the hypocrisy of Legion soldiers were confirmed when they found large quantities of chems, alcohol, and even marijuana in the tents of the soldiers.

They made good use of them.

-tcg-

"So you actually ran an illicit cannabis business before the apocalypse?"

Mr. House and Gabriela were happily touring Flagstaff as the securitrons restored order. With the restarting of industry, manufacturing new securitrons had been easy and now they were the enforcers of all the Empire.

"Indeed," Mr. House replied, his good mood evident in his tone. "Cannabis had been illegal for centuries, but the appetite for it had never abated. It was odd, really, how a society that so readily embraced Day-Tripper found cannabis so repulsive. But I made good use of the hypocrisy: using my businesses as fronts, I became the greatest drug lord in history!"

"That's so fucking awesome!" Gabriela started laughing.

"In fact, Gabriela, I have a present for you."

Gabriela's eyes widened when the securitron opened a compartment and she saw a joint in a glass cylinder with the words "HOUSE CANNABIS" on it.

"I present to you a perfectly preserved pre-war marijuana cigarette," he said. "I only have a handful, as preserving cannabis perfectly over 200 years is not easy. Not easy at all. But you, Emperor, have earned it."

She grinned the biggest grin of her life - both at his use of her proper title and the enormity of what he was giving her.

"Robert, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me." She quickly grabbed the joint. "Thanks!"

"No, thank you," Mr. House replied warmly. "None of this would have been possible without your vision and ambition."

They walked happily in silence as the securitrons began burying the burned corpses of the Legion soldiers.