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The Lifestream

So warm.

Underwater, I was taken by its gentle current, with glowing green arms wrapped around my body tenderly. Deeper and deeper I dove, a slow descend, until the water disappeared, and I was inside a green world of light. Such a spectacular place to be, being swept away by the Lifestream, a highway of spirits and all of its energy dispersed freely, expansive into every little space as far as I could see.

Strange as it was to be surrounded by the voices of the dead, their spirit energy flowing through me as wisps or sparkles like scattered school fish, I felt alone. If Aerith had truly pulled me in, then she must've faded, leaving the gravity of the stream to pull me along. I felt to be just a single dot in a wide open, sparkling green ocean, not a part of it but not rejected either.

I was flowing downward head first steadily, on my back to look up, watching greens and aqua tones swirl and slither above like long stretches of translucent curtains, millions of them.

It was a world of its own, the Lifestream.

A world between worlds.

I looked up to my hand, its pale skin glowing green, my long sleeves gone. All off my clothes disappeared, repelled by the stream, leaving me naked and pale, ready to be swallowed up when it was time. Slowly, I knew, I was becoming a part of it, my hands glowing in a pale green glimmer, followed by my arms. My hair scattered, falling all over my hands and swirling around my face like I was still in water, tapping little feather touches to my back and shoulders.

I closed my eyes, strangely feeling at peace. Maybe I wasn't going back to Gaia, but perhaps, to stay here forever.

This is as far as I can help you.

My eyes snapped open, and I turned my head around, trying to find her through my long strands of floating silver hair.

"Aerith?" I pondered aloud, trying to spot her in the lonely green all around me. But I couldn't see her,

"Aerith, where are you?"

But after a while, I heard nothing but the voices of the stream, like a gentle choir of laughter and conversations all spread out. If I wanted to, I could probably reach for a wisp or curtain and fall into memories of those of the fallen. But I kept my hands to myself, wrapped around my breasts, and suddenly wanted to know where I was going.

"Aerith, I..." Again, I tried searching for her in the green, picturing her pink bow or long hazelnut hair easy to spot. But as I slowly spun around in the current, I couldn't find her.

I closed my eyes tight, and curled up into a little ball, giving in to the flow.

"Don't leave me," I whimpered, tears pulling away from dropped eyelids, and they danced around me, floating green crystals.

Goosebumps crawled across my skin as I wept in this lonely place, slowly becoming a part of it, beating as one. Was this what it was like to settle as an embryo, snugged safely inside a mother's womb? But in the midst of being inside the Planet's womb, I brought my hands up to my face, and sobbed quietly, more tears flowing free.

"I can't go on without you," I confessed, my voice echoing among the many voices.

Oh Aqua.

I sucked in a gasp as warm arms wrapped around mine from behind, a flowing heat spreading over my shoulders, feeling her smile.

I will always be by your side.

I gripped to her hands and bowed my chin into my chest, holding on tight.

"I can't do this without you. I don't know how to do this. Please let me stay with you. Let me stay here."

Her head rested on top of mine, and I wished strongly to turn around, just to see her. You would rather stay here?

I nodded.

"I didn't mean to leave you alone like that. I didn't know."

Aerith held me tighter against her as she shushed me in a motherly fashion.

I know.

She budded the back of my head with her forehead, and I heard her smiling when she replied,You need to stay alive. Stop Sephiroth. Save the Planet so that you may give birth to your new child growing inside you. Cloud would want that.

Cloud.

I opened my eyes, pretending he was there, wondering where he was and how he was managing without me and Aerith. And to think, I was willing to let go, and let the Lifestream take me so that I may join Aerith in the Promise Land.

Be strong, Aqua. You came at a dark time, but don't worry. We love you.

Her warmth dissolved as soon as I turned around, and she was gone, frightened to be seen like a spirit meant to be unnoticed. I felt alone again as I stared at the emptiness behind me, left to float solo.

I called to her many times, but to no reply.

My body cured tightly into itself, and I buried my face over my bent knees, curling in my legs in as I rolled along, letting the stream take me anywhere.

I could hear the Planet's heartbeat, how its pulse sent waves of passion and joy across its expansive stream, the ripples curling around my naked body but unable to grasp it, to enjoy it.

How long was I going to be here? Will I just float like this forever? Am I dead?

I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting nothing more than to be with Aerith.

"Where you go, I go," I whispered, and left it at that, hearing it fade like a dream, left to be forgotten.

Cloud.

Did he need me? How could I help him? By bringing a child into his chaotic, unbalanced life? Was that what he really required? Who am I to come back, and claim that he needed to take responsibility? What could I possibly do for him besides bringing dreadful news that he was the father to my child? No, I couldn't do that to him. It's not his fault.

He couldn't save me.

He couldn't fight against Sephiroth's wishes.

As my thoughts spiraled in a dark place, I wept harder, knit picking why I thought I couldn't help the enigma ex-SOLDIER, the one who promised to keep me safe. To protect me.

To Protect Aerith...

"Cloud, why?" I cried quietly, pressing my eye sockets harder against my knees.

"Why couldn't you keep your promise? You were supposed to protect us."

Many tears followed, like glistering fairies clinging to my despair, staying close.

How could I ever forgive the man I love?

I grieved so hard, my cries broke through the Lifestream, traveling like dark waves of heart-broken pain, spreading farther and farther to the ends of everything the spirit energy touched. I clung to my legs so tight, I wanted to turn into a little ball and disappear forever.

For minutes. Hours. Maybe days. Who knows? Time seemed irrelevant here. I was simply drifting as a curled naked body, drenched in a bubble of sorrow while weeping.

I should've stayed home. I never thought this through, and quickly realized how terrified I was, unsure as to what will happen to me now.

Cloud's name slipped through my lips as I grieved, feeling lost and alone in a place where I didn't belong. How could I yearn for someone and feel compelled to do so at the same time? I wanted him to hold me again, to hear him apologize, to bring Aerith back, to make all the miracles happen.

It was such wishful thinking.

I stayed in my little bubble, the weeping coming and going.

Where do I go from here? How do I get out?

"I'm alone," I muttered to no one, lips against the skin of my knees.

Is this what is as like to drift into space? Like an astronaut without a ship, I floated to nowhere, wondering if I waited long enough, the Planet would accept me already.

But then, I heard it. It came as clear as day, a voice that I easily detected among a sea of them, and my pulse quickened.

"You're not alone."

My eyes popped open, letting go of more tears as I pulled my head back just a little, in disbelief, silver hair around me as my shield.

All of my body suddenly tingled warmly when I felt them, warm, bare hands brushed against my arms towards my back, pulling me in. I lifted my wide eyes, and with shock, gawked into a familiar Mako blue gaze, his body closing in around me like white angel wings.

He smiled down at me, gazing with admiration, light blond hair fluttering its spikes around his pale face.

"I'm here. You don't need to worry anymore," Cloud whispered, holding me against him as my head fell into the space between his neck and shoulder.

For a moment, I was in disbelief, thinking that I was really, truly dead, and the Planet has gifted me one last minute of bliss before being swept into its eternity.

But it felt like him. His warmth, the way his arms held me, how his hands rested against my skin. I, then, couldn't stop crying. More little green diamonds leaked, fluttering around our heads.

"Is this real? How? How are you here?!" I choked. My arms finally unfurled, and held on to Cloud as tight as I could, hands clinging to the skin on his back.

Cloud held me tight, turning his face into my hair, breathing his warm words down my ear.

"I heard you calling to me," he replied softly, eyes closed.

We floated like that. Drifting together in a tight embrace, my face wedged into his neck, crying so hard.

"I hate you!" I wailed, and yet, I held on to him all the tighter, and the bottom of my belly fluttered alive with a tiny butterfly kick.

I hated him and loved him so much. Cloud sighed into my hair, his fingers curled tighter, digging into my bare back some more.

"That's okay. I can live with that," he assured, detecting the tenderness in his voice.

My naked body united with Cloud's, feeling his body practically inhale me.

"Can we go home now?" I asked, my lips against his neck. I felt Cloud open his eyes, his chin resting on my head as he stared out at the green abyss ahead of him. He was quiet, and I couldn't see his expression, but his voice suddenly sounded strained when he replied, "Of course. Let's take you home."

He looked up into the green heavens, as though he knew where to go, when suddenly, we began to ascend. When I looked up with him, all I could see was under his chin.

"Aqua," Cloud started, his face up to the great beyond of the Lifestream, his blond hair falling straight down. His hands began to tremble along my back.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect the both of you. I broke my promise."

Tears began to pass my head, when I discovered they were falling from Cloud's eyes, turning into tiny orbs of rain falling pass me.

"And I'm sorry I've been so complicated. I've really messed everything up. I thought you were gone for good, and that's when I lost it."

I watched him swallow, his prominent Adam's apple against my forehead.

"So please, let me do this for you. To say that, I'm sorry. I don't care if I have no memories. It doesn't matter if Hojo made me a Sephiroth clone, or that my body is filled with Jenova cells. Even if I'm not the real Cloud, Tifa grew up with all along..." He shuddered, keeping his face hidden by staying captivated to what laid above us, though all I could see was more Lifestream.

More tears fell, tickling down my cheeks like soft fingertips.

"What's important to me, all along, is keeping you alive."

"Cloud..." I had no words to tell him how stunning I felt, seeing his invisible white wings lifting us back to earth.

Above us, a bright light grew.

The green world began to fade, and I squinted up to the upcoming light.

Cloud squeezed me so tight, more of his tears floating around us, trying to keep up, but they stayed behind, falling back into the Lifestream where they belonged.

"It's all up to you now. Please take care of everyone for me. And...watch over Tifa."

I was puzzled by Cloud's choice of words, until I began to feel petrified. Something was terribly wrong.

"Cloud, what are you saying?" I trembled, silently begging him to look down at me instead of showing his face to the bright heavens.

He then whispered words I've never heard him say before, and I couldn't breathe. I never thought I would ever hear them, and my body burst into warm light, every cell heated by the magic feeling that Cloud could give me, but also a crashing wave of fear behind it.

"I love you."

I gasped, and everything brightened.

As though something pulled him down, Cloud fell behind, the last of him his hand as it slipped across my arm and passing my fingers.

With dread, I watched him sink, his soft smile up at me as he fell further behind.

"Wait!" I cried, reaching for him, but I kept rising, even when I wanted to stop.

"Cloud?!" I cried.

He faded into the green ocean, his eyes closed, the last to see of him his hand reaching back to me, fingers grasping nothing.

"Cloud, where are you going?!"

The Lifestream's foggy depths consumed all of him until he vanished.

"Cloud!" I screeched bloody murder.

I screamed so hard, my throat ached.

Everything turned white.

Those were Cloud's last words to me.

I love you.

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