10

Mideel: A Broken Mind

The air was warm and humid, most of the island in jungle. It reminded me of vacant parts of Hawaii, palm trees swaying under a dark, cloudy sky. It was late afternoon, and it smelt of rain had just passed, though more wasn't far off. The soil squished under my feet, and I was instantly glad to have borrowed a pair of sneakers from Yuffie, knowing how deep I sank into the moist earth.

But I was stuck with my dress. I lunged it along with annoyance, left to carrying most of it in my arms as I followed behind Cid. All of us trekked through a two-way dirt road, passing old cars, dirt bikes and walkers. The sun was going down, time for the fishermen to head back to their boat houses along the bays outside of town, many of them lunging empty nets over their dark backs.

Others skittered with carts, most of them with their heads down. A few children gawked at my dress.

"Why are you wearing that?" A little girl with dark skin and black hair bravely asked.

I stopped and smiled down at her, hands sliding over my skirt to fall to her level.

"Because I was going to get married," I replied.

The little girl flashed me crooked teeth when she asked, "Did you run away?"

I nodded proudly.

"Yep. I ran away. I'm a runaway bride, now," I joked, and showed her Yuffie's sneakers. Suddenly, I thought of that Julia Roberts movie and I wanted to smack myself.

The little girl giggled as she eyeballed my lace over the skirt. Without a care, I took a chunk of lace, ripped it off the skirt, and handed it to her.

"Here, you can have some if you want," I offered. It wasn't much, but the lace was so soft, a costly piece of material, and the little girl's brown eyes lit up.

"Wow!" She took it carefully in her little hands, and then hugged it tight.

She looked up at me with thanks in her eyes.

"Papa can use this to catch bait!"

And she scampered off, leaving me perplexed. Well, I suppose that's one way to use the cloth.

I felt Tifa stand next to me, her eyes following the little girl trying to catch up to her papa down the path. She smiled as she chirped, "Well, I think you just made her day."

We exchanged an equal look of gratefulness and I shrugged.

"Hey, the more of this dress I can give away, the lighter it will feel," I joked, and bundled it up in my arms again.

"I'm sorry I have no spare clothes to lend you," Tifa worried, walking with me.

Street lamps buzzed on, the road lit in an almost chemical yellow. Tips of vines and trees stuck out along the edge of the road, noises of critters echoing from the dark jungle surrounding us.

"It's fine. I can just buy a new outfit," I easily dismissed.

"As long as you don't mind the stares," Tifa fretted, her head turning to a group of older women eyeballing my dress.

"Want to change before seeing him? It..." Tifa paused, crossing her arms under her breasts as she pressed her lips together.

"It may be best."

Before I could say anything, Yuffie jumped in from out of nowhere, wrapping an arm around my neck and cried towards Tifa, "Hell no! Keep it on! That way, when Cloud wakes up and sees her in it and gets the scoop, he'll go straight to kicking Rufus's ass!"

I smiled crookedly at Yuffie while trying not to let her choke me.

"You would like that drama, wouldn't you?" I sighed.

Yuffie chuckled next to my ear.

"You know it. And Aerith would be just as excited, cheering Cloud on. It's my job now to fish up all the scoop and bring some excitement to the group!" Yuffie bragged.

I rolled my eyes along with Tifa. True, Aerith would be itching for some drama, always asking for the latest gossip between me and Cloud or whatever craziness I crashed into. I miss telling her things. If she were here, I would be talking to her about my awful time with Rufus, the tension between me and Scarlet, what happened to Isaac, everything. A way to process the events and start fresh again.

Now I had it all locked up inside, leaving anxiety too easy to ignore. Not allowed to drink alcohol to quiet the voices nor shut down my apprehension, I feared of how I would function for a while.

No Cloud to confine to, no Aerith to share my secrets with.

Yuffie's arm slipped away, her attention already elsewhere, and she fell into chatter with Tifa.

I frowned, looking away from the two younger women.

I couldn't share my troubles with them. Yes, they were my friends, but... It just didn't feel the same. My eyes searched for Red, his flaming tail easy to spot as he hid himself along the edge of the shadowy forest. I could try with Red, he was understanding and patient, but he was more of a teacher, not a gossiper. Barret marched next to the red creature, keeping quiet.

Definitely not Barret, for many reasons.

Cid was in the lead, smoking and keeping to himself while jabbing his javelin into the mud like a staff.

No, I couldn't confine in Cid. It would be too awkward and too intimate of discussions I needed to let out. I turned around, finding Vincent behind us. His eyes caught mine and he quickly looked away, uncomfortable with the eye contact.

Vincent could barely look anyone in the eye. How could I share secrets with him?

I sighed and twisted around, spotting more light pollution ahead.

It began to sprinkle, but it was warm, and the air was thick and hot, so I welcomed the tiny droplets, looking up to black clouds. Without the rain, I would have sweated a pond under this dress.

"We're almost there," Cid announced flatly.

I kept quiet, feeling my short hair cling to my cheeks as it collected rain. My dress grew heavier as I tried to save most of it under my arms, and I groaned, afraid of looking like a horrid mess. Ideally, I would've changed, fixed my face up, and glided into the clinic in something elegant, smiling like a fairy and tapping a wand on Cloud's head to make him into a real boy again.

No, wait, that's Pinocchio.

I closed my eyes tight, pushing the ridiculous fantasy out of my head.

Cloud is real. Despite being assembled by Hojo's hands, he's real. There was no need for sparkling wands and magic fairy dust.

For the next several minutes, I was stuck daydreaming, each fantasy similar in respects to waking up Cloud from a long sleep. The idea of me dressed up as a royal prince, ready to kiss Cloud from his spell, scattered, when the road led us into a small town.

Mideel itself was the main attraction of the island, its dwelling hidden behind tall wooden plank walls to keep the monsters out. Luckily, there weren't any on the road, many Shinra guards out on duty, or it was just too populated of a main road to leer in any creature.

The gates were still open, the traffic quite heavy as all of us slipped through. Many eyes wandered to my dress, voices speculating of what my story was. The news of Junon being attacked by Weapon seemed to have already reached the remote town, many loiterers tense as rumors spread.

Many structures made of tropical timber appeared fragile or a little crooked when I analyzed the laid-back habitat. Scattered palm trees and hand-made signs pointing to the direction of different "Hot Spring Spots" around the town. Dogs scampered through alleyways, tired folk folding down markets for the day. A small convenient store sat atop a hilly corner, its red neon signs flickering a "24 HR" behind a foggy window.

The misty rain came in as fat drops now, and Cid stopped as he cleared his throat, turning around. We all huddled together near the center of town, a simple fountain gurgling glowing green water near us. I was mostly nervous and jumpy as I wondered which wooden building held Cloud inside.

Cid's cigarette sizzled out from the rain, and he grumbled as he flicked it on the dirt road.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'd prefer not to go in the clinic unless it's good news. I'm heading to the bar if you all need me," he announced, already walking away as his jean jacket darkened from the wet.

He eyed Tifa as he asked her, "What about you, Tifa?"

She ducked her eyes, shaking her head with guilt.

"No. I... I want to be really close by, just in case. You go on without me," she encouraged.

Cid nodded, and sighed.

"Suit yourself, and..." He turned to me, trying not to make a face at how drenched I've become. Instead, he crossed his arms and whispered, "Aqua, good luck." He walked on in a hurry, as though just being near the clinic spooked him.

"I'll join you," Vincent muttered, walking next to Cid.

Yuffie fretted, her eyes bouncing all over the town.

"Oh, I'll join, too!" She caved, and ran to catch up with Cid and Vincent.

I randomly asked Tifa, "Is there a drinking age here?"

Tifa lifted a dark eyebrow.

"A drinking what?"

I shook my head. "Never mind."

Red and Barret remained. Reeve stayed on the airship to settle himself and keep intel on Rufus.

"Well, I'll go with you two. I want to be there just in case he wakes up," Barret struggled, rubbing the back of his shaven head nervously.

Red nodded his wet, furry head.

"Me too. I will wait with you in the lobby."

"So then, it's settled," Tifa tried, forcing a smile. But as we progressed again, following her, I noticed how she glanced towards the bar where half the group wandered into. I was certain she desperately wanted a drink, but she cared so much about Cloud, she was willing to fight with herself, just in case she had a slight chance of seeing his eyes open for her. A sharp jab struck my chest, leaving my fingers there, rubbing away at the wet lace and scratching between my breasts until there were pink lines across my skin. Carefully, when I knew there were no eyes on me, I rested my hand on my belly until it soothed me.

The clinic easily stood out from the group of shacks and huts. With solid steel walls painted white, mixed with secure wood work and a polished wood fence around the building, the establishment appeared newer than the other buildings. A small sign sat along a dirt path leading up to the clinic, simply labeled "Medical."

Palm trees surrounded the small building, no windows inside, just a sliding glass door to walk through. When we stepped on a mat, the door whooshed open, an air-conditioned breeze blowing our faces.

Tifa, Barret and Red slowly walked in, but I stood over the mat, hesitating to step inside. I looked beyond the entrance, finding tile floor, chairs and fluorescent lights waiting for me. There was a glimpse of a front desk before the foggy glass door closed, and I just stood there like a dazed idiot. My heart couldn't stop ramming against my rib cage, no matter how hard I pressed my hands to it.

I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths, and threw my fingers through my hair. It was so nice to just push it all back easily now, barely a fuss as it easily slicked back into place behind my ears.

Suddenly, the door whooshed open, and Tifa poked her head out. She looked at me solemnly, not even asking because she already knew, or even expected me to behave this way. Instead of bickering or throwing words of encouragement at me, she simply stuck out her wet, gloved hand.

"It's okay. I was scared, too. I…still am," Tifa whispered.

I looked at her, the rain intensifying over us. Tifa's bangs clung to her forehead like tiny black tree roots, her red eyes dim. Have her eyes always been like that? I didn't notice until now, how hollow Tifa appeared, how empty she must've felt. She let the rain fall on her hand, not a care if it became drenched, globs of water dripping off her leather glove.

Seeing her hand, something suddenly struck me. Behind my eyes, flashes of Cloud's hand appeared, many times, to help me up, to guide me, to hold, it used to always be there.

I thought I was lost without him, seeking only his hand in the dark void. But...

I teared up when they lifted to Tifa's depressing face.

Cloud isn't my only savior.

I nodded, and took Tifa's hand. She gently pulled me out of the rain, and we walked inside a tiny, bright lobby. Mud tracked across the once, perfect floor, a yellow wet sign already in place of where most of it collected.

Barret sat in one of the four plastic chairs in the lobby, sighing as he tapped his fingers over his green pants.

"I'll be here," he informed.

Red stepped beside Barret's muddy boots, and shook himself to whisk away all the rain, water splattering on the walls of old posters of medical events. He yawned and curled on the floor.

"Best of luck," he told me before sinking his face in between his muddy paws.

A cheap TV set was suspended up in a moggy corner, Shinra news throwing images of Junon behind a reporter. Thankfully, it was on mute, and I looked away just before Heidegger was given an interview.

A nurse in a white dress smiled at Tifa from behind the counter.

"Welcome back," she greeted to Tifa. Her dull eyes moved to me, and they grew.

"Oh, who is this?" She blinked and fixed her glasses.

I made a sheepish smile.

"Oh you know, one of those things where you get married out of the blue in a small town, and would you know it, I forgot to bring an umbrella," I put sarcastically. No one smiled, not even a snort. I sighed, and tried again.

"I came to try to wake up the groom," I teased.

Barret broke into a coughing fit, choking on his own saliva when he inhaled sharply. Red chuckled quietly to himself, amused. Tifa's cheeks flared red while the nurse jerked back so quick, her glasses jumped off one ear, crooked.

"Wha!"

"She's kidding," Tifa quickly settled, trying to smile as politely as possible. But when she slammed her hands on the counter, cracks appeared under them, and she smiled wider.

"Sorry. I'll pay for that," she fretted, dragging her hands back to her sides.

The nurse fixed her glasses as she cleared her throat. Her eyes narrowed over the new cracks, but fumed silently. Instead of fussing over it, she told Tifa, "Just go on in. Dr. Joel is with another patient, so he's not available at the moment. Nothing's changed since you left, anyway."

Nothing has changed.

A deep, dark pit began to swallow up my stomach, and I cradled it, afraid it would disappear as I gasped to a sudden cramp. Tifa walked herself pass the counter and through a door. Quietly, I followed closely behind her. I made one last glance over my shoulder, finding Red's yellow eyes on me with a look of worry. Barret also stared, his hard look a bit distant, frowning.

I thought throwing a smile would cheer them up, but I knew better. I knew what would bring smiles to their faces.

I turned around and closed the door behind me.

Tifa and I walked into a tiny hallway with smells of soap and alcohol. There were distant footsteps from another room. Tifa led me towards the end of the hall, and stopped short of a window showing nothing but darkness and a few long leaf bushes.

She stood in front of door "1" and dropped her eyes, hands shaking as they went for the cheap, metal knob, but then she stopped short.

"I...I can't."

She dropped her hands, and turned her head to me, though kept her eyes on nothing when she said, "You go in alone. I think it's better that way. Just..." she sucked in a long and deep breath through her nose, eyes closed for a moment to pause.

She opened them and actually tried to look at me, but with that absent look, a broken soul behind that beautiful face. She was in her own dark pit, barely scraping by with one foot in this world and the other inside hers.

"I'll be with Barret. Just please," she took my hands with hers.

"Please, do whatever you can to bring him back. Use your doctor skills from your world, your devotion, love, whatever you can find," she begged. No tears this time, probably none left.

I gave Tifa a stern look, even though inside, I didn't know what the hell I was going to do. I knew nothing of Mako poisoning. How could I help?

"I'll see what I can do," was all I could say before Tifa slipped her hands away, and she darted off, leaving me alone in the hallway with haste.

I stood behind the door, and laid a hand to it, my heart thumping so hard, I could hardly take a breath.

Cloud was just behind this door. What will he look like? How bad was his condition? What was he hooked up to? What are his medications?

These questions popped up like they used to just before I were to see any patient. It was a strange sensation, standing behind a door to a medical room, similar to how I used to do it back at home, a million years ago.

I laid a hand on the door knob, took in a deep breath, and turned it. Very slowly, I pushed the door open.

The first I noticed was the sounds of quiet beeping. Second, was the Mako smell.

My eyes took the room inch by inch as the door opened wider, revealing a strip of faint, white light emitting off a hard plastic wall.

It was a small room, not leaving much to be observed before I focused on a monitor. It beeped gently, showing a slow but steady heart rhythm, forty beats per a minute. There were other numbers, my only guess was that there was a blood pressure reading 110/70, normal, and a temperature of 98.4 degrees Fahrenheit. Oxygen level, 98%, on room air.

The door creaked as I pushed it more, my body trembling when I knew the bed would be next.

Eyes moistened as I saw edges of a thin, white blanket, and followed it, leading to lumps, until, finally, I looked at him.

I froze, holding my breath. My lower lip shook, my eyes suddenly feeling so heavy. My hands came together at my chest where it banged with a stab wound so great, I thought Sephiroth was right behind me, sliding his Masamune through it.

After a swallow, I finally remembered to inhale, and sniffed instead, licking my dry lips.

"Cloud," I cracked. As soon as I said his name, tears escaped.

He laid in a twin hospital bed, stuck in a teal gown, body stiff under a single blanket. Wires escaped from under his gown. There was a probe stuck to his white hand, his forearm exposed and stiff at his side like a hardened white, tree branch.

An IV sat in his other arm, dripping white fluids from a large bag hanging on a pole to the other side of the bed.

What hurt the most, was seeing his eyes. Dim blue slits stared blankly up at a ceiling, his blond, spiky hair slumped over a too thin of pillow. His mouth left open, lips moving, but standing too far away, I couldn't hear the words. Without taking my wet eyes off Cloud, I dragged the rest of my damp dress in, and closed the door silently behind me.

I took a moment to stand there, absorbing it all inside this tiny room. The lighting was barely enough, a flicker of an extra night light to the other wall to barely cast a pale glow to Cloud's disabled form.

My hands lifted, fingers curled as though there was something to grasp, but I only gripped the too cold of air coming in from the vents.

My cheeks were drenched, letting the tears fall before I took a step closer.

"Cloud," I choked, suddenly breathing in so fast, I couldn't stop wheezing. I turned my back to him, just to hide my broken face into a hand, and gave myself a moment to cry silently. My shoulders shook, eyes tight shut into my wet palm, gasping until I told myself that was enough.

I straighten, staring off to a wall, and forced myself to take a few deep breaths.

Finally, I turned to look at him again, pressing my lips together as I stepped closer.

I took a glance at the IV bag, seeing nothing interesting except some creamy fluid I didn't recognize, probably nutrition. There was a blood pressure cuff strapped to one of Cloud's upper arms, easily hidden under the blanket. With my hands, I swiped away at the tears, but they kept rolling down my cheeks, and I gave up, sitting on the edge closest to Cloud's shoulder while I observed his face.

He didn't seem to notice me entering. Something about that ceiling, he was fixated on it, but I knew he wasn't really seeing it. His lips moved, and I leaned an ear in, trying to have a listen to his ghostly words.

"….Oh dream maker… You heartbreaker..."

I gasped, sitting up, and blinked as he continued, to my disbelief, singing very softly to himself with a distant, coarse voice.

I steadied my breathing, listening again.

"Wherever you're going... I'm going your way...Two drifters...Off to see the world…there's such…a lot...of...World to see..."

I sank my eyes into my hands.

Cloud was singing "Moon River."

I almost broke, feeling like glass as cracks began to appear through out my body. So fragile, I knew I would break soon if I didn't pull myself together.

I gripped Cloud's cold face, his breath leaking Mako, and I stared straight into his blank eyes.

"Cloud! Wake up! You're in Mideel! You're in the hospital because of Mako poisoning. You've been stuck like this for fifteen days! Wake up, please!" I announced, trying to get through to him in case he woke up delirious.

My thumbs rubbed across his cold cheeks, his eyes not tracking, not even looking at me at all. Even when I centered into their vision, I gravely knew, he wasn't seeing me.

I tried again, shaking his shoulders this time.

"Cloud! You're stuck in a coma!" I shouted.

Nothing.

HIs lips moved, but when I had a listen, he was still muttering the words to "Moon River." For a long time, I did this method as I would my brain-damaged patients, stuck in their comatose states when the sedatives and paralytics had been turned off, and they still wouldn't wake up.

My tears landed on his colorless cheeks, and through clenched teeth, I cried, "God damn it, Cloud!"

I kissed him hard, his lips cold, and brought the taste of Mako into my mouth. Who knew if it was a terrible idea to draw Mako fumes into my breath, but I didn't care.

I pulled back just to shout, "Wake up!" My voice cracked.

My lips fell on his again, and in between pecks, I begged, "Wake up!"

Nothing. Cloud remained as a broken record player, singing through his cold, dry lips. Not a blink. Not a cough, nor movement besides his lips.

I was kissing a cold vegetable.

My fragile state shattered. I tried to stay strong, but I couldn't do it anymore. I buried my face into his chest, wetting his gown with hot tears, hands gripping it tight.

"Please, Cloud," I sobbed, curling tight against his rigid form. My wet head of white hair rubbed into Cloud's shoulder, soaking it with dark, wet spots on his gown, and I stayed like that for hours.

During that time, I spoke as though he was awake, just resting under me, listening as I shared all of my secrets to him in the dim lit room.

I told Cloud all that has happened. About New York and how empty I felt in the big city. I told him about seeing Mum again after ten years, and how she took care of me for a while.

"Aerith brought me back, but she couldn't guide me in the Lifestream," I mentioned, my fingers rubbing aimlessly across his gown.

I sniffed, my eyes sticky, face hot and blotchy from all the crying, but I kept going. Everything that I holed up inside, came pouring out. I told Cloud about freeing our friends from execution, in exchange for me as Rufus's prisoner. As difficult as it was, I spoke of Isaac, and how he saved me from Scarlet before he died. Reeve was in there, and how he helped me when he could. And then, there were the uncomfortable parts, like how Rufus treated me, how close he was to taking complete advantage of me.

I crumbled, feeling guilty even when I never wanted Rufus to touch me.

"I was so terrified," I shared. It was terrible to pour so much information onto Cloud, but I hadn't confined to anyone in such a long time, not since Aerith died. Sure, I told Mum a few things, but I kept most of what I've felt, locked inside. If Cloud could listen, I would be both embarrassed and relieved. If he couldn't, then there was no worry. Either way, my insides were almost empty and clean again, nothing left unsaid except the pregnancy. Of all things too afraid to tell him, it was that his child was growing inside me.

I couldn't tell him yet. There was this fear it would do nothing, and then it would only just sink me further into this terrible place I was stuck in.

How dare the Planet have me see Cloud again, and yet, unable to be with him. What a rotten joke. If the whispers hadn't vanished from Cloud's presence, I'm sure they would all be laughing at me, mocking at my pathetic state.

"I'm so sorry I told you all of that, but I had no one to talk to. No one," I gasped, my eyes traveling up to the barren ceiling. There was hope that I could find whatever it was Cloud was looking at, but I saw nothing but water stains from too much rain.

No windows, but the rain patted loudly over the roof, coming in like a stampede over our heads, that it even drowned out the beeping of his monitor.

I curled tighter, tensing as I closed my eyes, kissing his neck while holding on to his gown.

"What do I do? I don't know what to do. Meteor will fall soon, and the only thing I can think of, is using Aerith's white Materia to summon Holy. But I'm scared, Cloud. I prefer not to die, not when..." I couldn't finish, not ready to tell him that I didn't want to die when I had another life to take care of.

Shuddering, I sank further into him, and prayed over and over again for Cloud to wake up.

"You idiot. You took my place in the Lifestream, and for what? I'm so lost. Aerith is gone. Meteor is growing. You're stuck in this fucking bed. What did you expect me to do? Why did you have to do that?"

I thought of the stages of grief, how I instantly landed on the stage of depression, and quickly jumped into anger.

"Please, just tell me what to do," I prayed. I was shifting into the bargaining stage, wondering if there was anyway to have Cloud back, even just for a moment to hear him call my name. To see his eyes glow, or even just a curl of his hand with mine, any sign that he knew that I was here with him.

For another long stretch of time, I listened to the rain pounding the tin metal roof, and Cloud's breathing. My ear rested against him, feeling his chest rise nice and slow, lifting my head slightly by its force, and then it would sink, lowing my head again. His lungs sounded clear against my ear. His numbers seemed normal, except his heart was running too slow, but that could be normal for Cloud. The Mako that infested him was in his mind, his brain possibly too fried.

Where are you, Cloud? Are you trapped in a dark place? Are you dreaming?

No one came to bother us, even when I thought they would after it's been a long time. I glanced up at a simple clock, reading its hands to tell me it was a little after eleven in the evening.

I sighed, and tried to uncoil my stiffness, struggling to sit up. My arms felt stuck in place when I tried straightening them out, my back sore.

My eyes tracked Cloud's placid hand, and I took hold of it, his fingers cold.

I was still amazed at how large his hand was, holding it with both of mine, like I was holding a bowl. Just a large, bare hand, with strong, long fingers, skin smooth from religiously wearing gloves whenever he held his sword's handle.

His fingers curled naturally, even when I gripped his hand like a handshake, wondering if he would return the grip. But my shoulders dropped, sighing over Cloud's lack of motion.

My hands began to tremble when I took his hand across his body, slowly pulling it towards my stomach.

I closed my eyes, pretending to be just lying together, waking up from a night of sleep or perhaps falling into bed, ready to sleep for the night. Denial.

Cloud's hand could almost grip my whole belly if he tried, and I sucked in a deep breath, struggling to say what I wanted to say.

I blinked up at the ceiling, not wishing to see his blank stare when I whispered in a scratchy voice, "You know what's crazy? Out of all of this bullshit..." I swallowed, my eyelids flickering from tears pooling over them until they streamed down my head, tickling the sides of my skull.

"And I don't know how exactly, but, despite everything that's happened..." I guided his hand over the tiny bump under my dress, not even noticeable to anyone's eye, not unless someone took a hand and felt the firmness of it.

"It seems I've become..." I paused, afraid to say it.

I shut my eyes from the ceiling, and finished heavily, "Pregnant."

With a heavy swallow, I steadily looked up again, and found a drop of rain slowly collecting just over the head of the bed.

"I still don't know what to think, like I'm still trying to accept it. And even if I do, what's more troubling, is knowing that the world may end soon. Your child may not even get a chance to open its eyes and see the light. Am I carrying hope, or regret?" I whispered it all, leaving Cloud's hand there, his fingers remaining still.

I neared my ear to his mouth, unable to hear him through the thundering rain.

Carefully, I pulled myself closer, until my head leveled with his, and hovered my ear over his lips.

Nothing.

But that was the startling part. He stopped singing.

I gasped, afraid Cloud has taken his last breath, and I've missed it, or maybe he was waking up. Gravity slid his hand off me as I rolled to almost lay on top of him, and I gripped his face again.

Looking into his eyes, mine melted into them when I noticed how wet his were. Still locked on the ceiling, but they watered, and he inhaled a shaky breath, as though trying to cry but couldn't. It was as terrible as "Locked In Syndrome" a conscious soul locked inside solid walls of flesh, unable to move, speak, or sometimes even see.

I let out a sigh against his lips, feeling heavy as I wondered if a part of him was still conscious, able to hear every word I said.

"Oh, Cloud, I'm so sorry," I whispered. Softly, with my eyes closed, I kissed his lips.

When I stared at him again, watching his tears pool until they overflowed, streaming down his narrow face to his pillow, I whispered, "I have only one other thing to try."

I rubbed his tears away with my thumbs, and carefully, propped above his body, taking deep breaths.

Someday, if he lets you, Search him. You may be surprised at what you find.

Aerith's far off suggestion has never left me.

My last resort, there was no other choice.

I hovered my head over Cloud's and tried looking into his eyes, as vacant as a dried up Mako well. For another chance, I tried to see if he could latch his stare onto me, but with a toss of my head, they didn't follow.

"Okay," I whispered to myself, trying to relax.

Again, I touched my forehead against Cloud's, and looked deeply into his eyes, discovering them to carry more sea green around his pupils, with fragments of Mako pooling around inside his blue irises like tiny pockets of overflowing pools.

What if he wouldn't let me in? What if nothing happens?

But my anxieties dissolved when I felt it.

The world around me began to darken.

"Cloud, I'm so sorry to do this," I whispered, and I was suddenly warped into a world of sea green and blue. To describe the experience, I thought I may have shrunk into a tiny speck of dust, and flew straight through Cloud's eyes and into his soul, a world I wasn't certain I was ready to step inside just yet.

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