13
Moment of Truth
Cloud allowed himself to stand among the group, declining a seat. It was easy for me to notice how his weak legs trembled, but he remained stubborn, allowing only his hands to stabilize him when he planted them on the long table.
We all gathered in the Airship's conference room, built specifically for Rufus's meetings during flight. I could find every detail of this room a part of the President's touch: The digital map taking up one wall behind Cloud, the city of Midgar aligned right in the middle like it was the center of the Planet. The cushioned seat at the end of the table, like it was prepared for a king, a chair Cloud refused to sit in. The thick, grey carpet under our feet, reminding me too much of Rufus's room. The thin plastic walls, painted red to hide the pipes. No windows, just more maps, an empty bulletin board, and a large TV screen. Grey, white and red seemed to follow that man wherever he went, the only colors existent to him. I shivered, suddenly feeling too cold. A ceiling fan blew in a breeze to the dry air, pushing away the distant smells of engines, Mako, and, thankfully, Cid's burning cigarettes. But my arms had goosebumps, the fan adding to the chill that surrounded me.
Mideel had limited clothing. It was either tacky tourist clothes, or loose clothing to fight the jungle's humidity.
Shivering, I couldn't sit still in my seat while wearing my new mint green dress with white flowers speckled across its body. The slit skirt gave room for my legs to twist and fidget under the table, while the heart-shaped bodice held my growing breasts firmly. Yuffie's sneakers were too comfortable to give up, tapping at the rug under all of us.
Everyone seemed to be on edge, all curious as to what Cloud had to say after being in a coma for over two weeks.
Tifa bit her lower lip, her fists clutching to her skirt under the table. Red settled himself on the floor by Barret's feet, his tail flicking and eyes wide with anticipation. Barret chewed at his nails on his real hand, oblivious to the new habit he's developed since Meteor. Yuffie fidgeted in her chair, spinning it back and forth on its screw with a light squeak. Vincent grumbled over Yuffie's childish manner, sitting regrettably next to her. She bumped a sneaker against his chair, and he simmered silently. Reeve took a seat next to me, and he looked down at his hands on his lap, afraid to make eye contact with anyone, though I caught his eyes when he turned to me. His cheeks burned, and he quickly dropped his face. Like a kid with a crush, or still just very introverted after living as a Shinra shut-in for so long, I couldn't tell which.
Cid sucked on his cigarette, his arms crossed as he sat back, tapping his foot lightly like a ticking clock.
Cloud finally moved, lifting his head, and his eyes surveyed all of us at the table with him. His shoulders sagged as he sighed, the revived man ready to say something.
"I'm sorry, you guys. I don't even know what to say or where to start" he began, shaking his spiky head. It seemed like old times, back to his SOLDIER attire, though I wondered where he got it from since he was never in SOLDIER to begin with. I still pondered about the small details, such as what happened to the one called "Zack" and how Cloud ever reached Midgar from his horrid experience.
The one bracer that remained, stayed on his left arm. I found myself studying it, only to grow the pang feeling of missing mine when it saved my life from Sephiroth's sword.
With no bracer, I felt defenseless and almost empty. Nothing of Cloud with me.
A sudden thought tickled my spine when my stomach cramped slightly, throwing me into a nauseous state. Well, not nothing. My body reminded me of a part of Cloud I was carrying after all, and I swallowed, bearing down on the urge to retreat and puke. I gargled down my water bottle instead, taking large gulps until I finished it much too quickly, something to settle the heat in the bottom of my throat.
I pulled the empty bottle back with huffs, taking deep breaths to relax. Little did I know, Cloud stopped talking, just to study me. In fact, everyone was watching my exacerbated behavior. Is it nervousness? Anxiety? What could be going through their heads as they all watched me? I struggled to sit still and maintain a proper state of being, when all I wanted to do was throw my head over a toilet and embrace its porcelain body.
"Still not used to the airship, huh?" Yuffie asked.
Sweat collected at my forehead, and I used the back of my hand to wipe it back.
"Yeah," I breathed, nodding to her across the table.
"Aqua's got some serious air sickness," Yuffie clarified to everyone. There were some nods of understanding, a couple of mutters of going through the same struggle in the beginning.
Cid seemed confused, muttering a "what?" through the banter.
Vincent said nothing, keeping his eyes closed. Cloud, too, was quiet. I avoided his deep stare, not of suspicion, but of questions flooding his eyes, the troubled desperate to find answers. He had to push all that aside, to get the main focus out of the way, and he grunted, darting his Mako eyes away when he sensed I was uncomfortable being under his sharp vision.
"I really don't know what to say to all of you," he repeated, keeping us on track.
"Cloud, you don't need to say anything, we're just glad you're back," Red chirped, and warmth passed along the room, the tension gone.
Cloud smirked. "Thanks, Red." His eyes began to turn more blue, the Mako glow sinking back to make room for a sparkle of a new person.
"I can't thank you all enough. I feel terrible for the time you all spent looking for me." His pure blue eyes landed on mine, and his cheeks grew more color.
"And for waking me up."
"How did you do it?!" Barret cried from the other end of the table, his bewildered eyes up to my startled stare. I threw him a smile, fingers fiddling together at my skirt.
"Uh, well, you know, time. Time, and probably just a coincidence, too," I shared, my face hot.
"It's love," Yuffie gushed, hands clasped against her cheek as she rolled her eyes and made loud kissing sounds.
Someone kicked her under the table, and she yapped, "Ouch! Hey, who did that?! Reeve?!" And she threw her sharp eyes across the table at him. Reeve gasped, falling back in his chair.
"What?! I didn't do it!" He cried, his hands pressed against his suit.
Yuffie smacked a hand down on the table, rattling it hard as pens and water bottles trembled.
"Liar!"
Little did she know, it was me who kicked her. I pretended to be distracted by Cloud's face when he dropped it into his main hand, sighing hard while hiding his crimson cheeks.
"Anyway, I'm back now, and we all know Meteor was my fault," Cloud said, speaking over Yuffie and Reeve arguing until they grew quiet.
Tifa relaxed her arms across the table. "Don't say that, Cloud. We knew Sephiroth influenced you," she reminded him. But Cloud shook his head, and replied strongly, "No. It's still my fault, and I need to fix it. If you are all still willing to join me, I want to stop Meteor."
Cid slapped his hands on the table.
"Of course, we intend to help," he puffed his words in a cloud of smoke.
Barret slammed his cyborg fist on the table, and cracks crawled from under it.
"Hell yeah! Does that mean we keep fighting for the Planet?"
Cloud nodded.
"Yes. And for Aerith, too," he added. When he said her name, the two of us shared a look, and I tried to smile, wondering if Aerith was watching us. The voices of the Planet have been dim since Cloud's return, his close presence keeping them gentle. I took the peacefulness as a gift, barely hearing the Planet, just a small vibration in the background, nothing more.
Cid sighed another puff of smoke, and he shared a guilty look across the table.
"Well, I guess there's no hiding it from y'all any longer. Good timing, too, with Cloud awake and all," he began, unable to contain his excitement behind a sheet of shame when his blue eyes landed on Cloud.
"Rufus has been planning this rocket plan for a few weeks now, and well, it launches tomorrow. All hope is going into it, ya know?" The pilot shared, trying to decipher all of our looks. Some of us held hope, but the few, like me and Cloud, held pity.
Cid relaxed his large arms across the table, hands open.
"I know we don't like the guy, but the world is going to watch this launch. Everyone is depending on it. If this thing hits meteor, and destroys it, we don't have to do anything," he reasoned.
Reeve raised a hand to speak, even though it wasn't necessary.
"Cid, if I may so share, the identity of the pilot has been held a secret until this morning. Does everyone know?"
Cid closed his eyes and smirked to himself.
"Well, don't just jump the gun, you Shinra turd," he smirked.
All of us anticipated what was coming, reeling in as Cid jabbed a thumb up to his puffed chest.
"Yep, you're looking at him. I'm going to fly that rocket to Meteor," he announced.
All of us gawked, "What?!"
"Cid, no way! I thought you hated Shinra!" Yuffie cried, jumping up on the table just to glower down at him. The ceiling fan grazed over her black hair.
"Don't stand on the table, Yuffie, for fuck's sake," Barret grumbled.
"When were you planning to tell us?" Tifa asked.
I watched Cloud's reaction, and all he did was cross his arms, but his eyes were steady, the Mako keeping hidden: Calm and collected. I suppose I should do the same, but one thing bothered me about this, and I waited for the commotion to calm before I said anything.
Cid held his hands up to gesture at all the complaints to settle down.
"Hey, Hey! Settle the fuck down! Why do you think I kept this a god-damn secret? I didn't want y'all to hear it from anyone besides me. Yeah, I hate Shinra! I do! But that won't stop me from flying my rocket. Rufus is going to use it to hurl at Meteor tomorrow, and I'll make sure it does."
The protests and questions simmered, and Yuffie fell back into her chair with a loud smack of her rear falling into it. Her skinny legs crossed over the table, and she yawned, "Fine, then. I'm not going with you. I'll die first before being blown up in space."
That was my queue, politely raising a hand up while I surveyed Cid. I held back dread when I asked, "Cid, I don't get it. Even after you guys have been labeled as terrorists, Rufus is still letting you fly the rocket?"
"I smell a trap," Barret chimed.
"Same," Tifa agreed.
Cid leaned back, his hands behind his head. He blew smoke up to the short ceiling, the fan cutting away at it, and he flickered his bright blue eyes to me. Something cold came with that look, not towards me but of the matter to trust Rufus or not. It was a foolish risk, but Cid loved his rocket too much. Perhaps this would be the only time he was willing to step in as the fool.
"Yeah. Reeve got word from Shinra this morning, since he is kinda our middle man here," he gestured a big, hairy hand to Reeve.
"And it sounds like they want me to fly it. I won't back down from that," he put it simply. There was caution, of course, and I'm certain Cid carried the possibility of danger in the back of his mind.
"Will Rufus be there?" I had to ask, my eyes darting from Cid to Reeve, back and forth until I was dizzy as the fear began to sink in. What if he was going to be in Rocket Town? What if I was taken away again? Unconsciously, my pressed at my temples, already falling into a potential nightmare, the sight of the table disappearing. I was suddenly back in Rufus's bedroom, locked in as I stood in the middle of it, trapped with no company apart from Meteor behind the tall windows.
I was gasping by the time a hand landed on my back firmly, and I was back in the conference room. Despite my loose, soft straps, my shoulders and neck felt too hot and sticky.
"It's okay. You're safe with us now," Cloud reminded me, standing close. I was embarrassed, pressing my hands into my eye sockets until I saw blurs of white shapes. Another hand touched my arm, and then I heard Reeve reply calmly, "He won't be there. He's in Midgar presently."
"Oh, thank gods," I sighed.
"But what about Shinra?" Cloud asked, laying another supporting hand on my shoulder. His grip was reassuring, giving me the feeling that I was safe, and I began to unwind.
"Well, they will be around, of course. I can't say how they will react to all of us supporting Cid, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be there," Reeve replied, shrugging his shoulders.
"As long as I'm not going in the rocket," Barret blurted.
"No way!" Yuffie spat.
"I don't think they will allow that anyway," Tifa chuckled, amused that anyone bothered to protest. I would hope Shinra only let in trained personnel at that point. I definitely didn't want to be in a rocket without the proper training.
"Cid, once you launch into space, how will you get back?" Red asked, his chin resting on the table. Tifa ruffled his furry head, and he closed his eyes with pleasure.
Cid cackled, "The rocket has an escape pod. Right before it crashes into Meteor, I will escape, along with Shera. She's coming too, and my crew, of course."
He relaxed in his seat, and let out a long sigh.
"Rufus put a lot of money into this, finally. I can't say I like him for what he's done, and..." Cid threw me a sorry look, and pulled it away before it flashed up at Cloud behind me. I wondered what kind of look Cloud carried because Cid turned his head away sharply, as though he was offended by it.
"And I hate his guts, but I admit, I'm happy to being able to fly it. I'm sorry, guys. I was going to tell ya'll eventually, but I couldn't figure out when. I thought now, with Cloud here, it was perfect."
I had a hand to my heart this whole time, hoping that Rufus's plan will work. But each time his name was brought up, I could feel Cloud's grip tighten, until he had to withdraw. He returned to the end of the table, carrying a fist at his side.
"When do you need to be there?" Cloud asked. He seemed to ask this question carefully, to make sure it didn't come off spatting out like pent-up anger. He was trying very hard to bury a growing frustration, keeping it steady for the time being.
Cid took his cigarette away from his lips, and flicked its ashes into his empty coffee mug. I made a face, hoping he wasn't going to refill that mug until he cleaned it.
The pilot cleared his throat, and replied, "I'm hoping to be in Rocket town by tonight. I want..." he ducked his head, cheeks growing pink.
"I hope y'all don't mind, but, I miss it there. It's been a while. I want to be there the night before I go up into space. Ya'll welcome to stay at my house, of course, or free at the Inn after I speak with the owner. Whatever the fuck you want."
"Yeah! I miss the market!" Yuffie cheered.
"You miss the Materia shop owner," Vincent muttered.
Yuffie tapped his stiff shoulder with her finger, hard.
"You miss drinking in the tavern with Tifa."
"What now?" Tifa blinked her curious eyes across Yuffie to Vincent, only to see him bury his face deeper into his collar.
"I will kill you in your sleep tonight. You've been warned, child," Vincent growled, boiling under his red cloak. I heaved a chuckle as I watched Yuffie cringe from Vincent's threat. Never get a threat from Vincent.
Barret sat at the other end of the table, and I could hear his mechanical fingers tap loudly, metal against wood. He was lost in his thoughts, making me wonder if he was thinking about his home, missing Midgar, or his precious daughter, Marlene.
Red, too, fell into his own daydreaming, and it seemed everyone took a second to think about their homes. Their lives before Sephiroth.
"If this plan works, we still need to fight Sephiroth," Cloud muttered, reminding all of us that there was more than one problem to figure out.
Barret stopped drumming his fingers.
"But how?! That bastard has himself protected behind a barrier. Nothing can get through it!"
Cloud turned his serious gaze over to Reeve. The ex-Shinra employee swallowed, getting a sense of what it's like to be stared at with Mako. Cloud's buried fury was leaking, and it showed first in his eyes.
Reeve's fingers played with his phone as he stammered, "W-Well. Rufus has another plan for that as well. The Rocket Project takes the highest priority, but, he has another project about the shield. Let's leave it for now, after tomorrow. K-Kay?" His anxious eyes tossed over the table, falling to everyone.
"I want to know now! How the hell will Rufus destroy that barrier?" Barret cried, his impatient eyes on Reeve.
"Barret, relax," Tifa encouraged, trying not to mirror his frustration.
I laid a gentle hand on Reeve when he grew tense, unable to speak.
"Don't worry, Reeve. We'll hear it from you when you're ready," I assured him. His pale face turn red, and he looked away again, shoving his phone over his lap.
"Yes, of course!" He bowed politely towards me.
I rolled my eyes.
"Stop that. We're friends, not coworkers," I reminded him.
"Oh! S-sorry!"
"Fine, then. After the Rocket Launch, and Cid comes back, we return to this room and talk about Rufus's plan and us stopping Sephiroth," Cloud interrupted. He crossed his arms again, and he let out a sigh as his legs trembled.
"As of now, we'll fly towards Rocket Town. Stay the night, and be there when Cid launches."
He turned his burning Mako eyes towards Cid, and swallowed, as though still struggling to hold his inner fury.
"Cid, after launch, how long until the Rocket makes contract with Meteor?"
Cid drew in a deep inhale, his eyes lost in the ceiling while he savored the chemicals of his cigarette.
"Gee, we calculated eight fucking hours. It's not too far away. That fucking thing is just sitting closely up there, growing and growing like some greedy bitch."
I pressed my lips together, trying not to laugh at Cid's choice of words, but Yuffie giggled for me anyway.
"Cloud?" Tifa threw our leader a puzzled look, her amber eyes large.
I could see how little she's changed since I've seen her child form, the same hair, the large, amber eyes, her white skin and heart-shaped face. It felt invasive, knowing that I've seen memories of her in them, Cloud's memories, but they were important parts to Tifa's life. I was a stranger, with wide eyes peering over the fence into Tifa's past with little consideration of how she may feel about it.
I swallowed just as she asked, "Will stopping Sephiroth stop Meteor?"
Cloud shook his head, and gave Tifa a soft look.
"I wish I knew. It should, but if he's already cast the spell, then Meteor may still fall. I don't know, Tifa."
"Wait, wait, wait! Just wait a god-damn minute!" Barret cried, hands up.
"Are you sayin, if the rocket plan doesn't work, then we're screwed?!" He shrieked.
Nervous eyes watched Cloud tap his foot. He flickered his eyes to me in a blink, and they skittered away just as fast. Was he thinking about Aerith's White Materia? About what I could still do?
But Cloud replied, "Possibly. I don't know, Barret. I just hope that stopping Sephiroth will, somehow, put a stop to his Meteor spell, if the rocket does fail. There's no other option at this point."
He wanted to avoid bringing it up. Should I say something? I fidget in my seat, desperate to tell them my plan, but also afraid to do so. I had to consider, this was for the whole world. My home now.
"If worse comes to worst," I started, ready to speak.
Cloud's eyes fell towards me, and they hardened.
"Aqua."
His tone told me to stop, but I've already started. I closed my eyes for a second, pretending not to have observed how tense he grew, standing close to me.
I was ready to share my idea, one that's been engraved in my brain since Aerith died. Unfortunately, as luck would have it, I grew nauseous again, the wave more intense than the last one. It came so sudden, I was barely a word in.
"If we-!"
I smacked a hand over my lips, the acid and water trying to come up. Quickly, I jumped to my feet and ran out of the room, avoiding all the stares. There was not a second to waste, not even to get a glimpse of how they all reacted to my unexpected escape. I could picture Cloud burning my back with his glowing eyes, suspicion or a suppressed rage pushing the Mako around his pupils.
The last I heard, was Yuffie sighing, "Wow, she gets airsick bad."
And Cid followed up with a grunt of, "We aren't even flyin. Ya know that, right?"
Ten seconds later, I was vomiting inside a metal toilet, the small bathroom smelling like stale soap. With legs around the cold toilet, hands gripping the seat, I coughed out what was left.
Lightly, I sobbed over how pathetic I was.
One hand slipped over my belly, the other with an arm cradling the toilet. I never wanted to come out of the bathroom again. Cloud will want to talk, I will try to avoid him, and it will because a vicious cycle, until he gives up or until I am too trapped to run away. Carrying this weight alone made me feel heavy. I could've gotten an abortion in New York, could've lifted the burden not just for me, but for Cloud as well. I didn't consider what he would think, how he would feel, or how he would react. At the time, there was little hope to return to this world, and when opportunity presented itself, Aerith giving me her hand, I took it without thought.
I rubbed my forehead over the toilet seat, ill thought of how filthy it could be, and shuddered a sigh.
I could tell Cloud just about anything, almost. But carrying this pregnancy by myself, if that didn't make anyone feel lonely, then nothing did. I sniffed, not wanting to get up, but afraid someone would knock to check in, intruding my moment of solitude. I used the sink to pull myself up, and ran the water until it was scolding hot. With cheap soap and hot, filtered water, I scrubbed my face and hands, wiping away the tears, the filth, and feelings aside. But no matter how hard I scrubbed, how red my hands became, or how clean my face was, it couldn't wash away the foreboding, sticking to me like permanent marker.
No one was in the hall. I took liberty of its emptiness and went straight for the airship deck to get fresh air. Luckily, I was alone.
The gang could still be in a meeting. I didn't bother going back, still too nauseous to chance it, and wobbled up the rails to drape my arms over it, chin resting on my hands. We weren't flying, but there was still a nice breeze. Warm, moist, sea air blew my hair back, cradling my cheeks gently. I imagined Aerith holding my face in her hands, her eyelids lowered as she smiled softly. I closed my eyes, pretending she was the wind, her soft hands smoothing around my neck, my arms and ruffling my dress skirt until it fluttered up like a cape, my legs free.
Lightly, I smiled, silently thanking her for the comforting touch.
With Mideel's jungle behind us, I was blessed to look out at the sea, the Airship parked like a ship docked on the beach. Waves crashed a few feet below, the water clear and crystal blue. The morning bloom had dispersed by noonish, left along the edges of the sea as a grey layer, and revealed a wide, baby-blue sky with the sun high overhead.
Beautiful, right Aqua?
I pretended Aerith was standing right next to me, her hands behind her back. Her pink dress lifted along with mine by the winds, her smile like a thousand suns as a bright yellow light cast a glow to it. She would squeeze right next to me, our shoulders bumped, and her hands would be up to her cheeks, squishing them. Her sigh over the beauty of the sea would be like hearing a chorus of angels, lifting my heavy heart.
Why are you sulking? She would ask me this.
I sighed, feeling a bit insane to be imagining us having a conversation. Where was the real Aerith? Trapped in the lifestream? Unable to return to the Planet, where do they all go? Where was Isaac in that mess?
"I miss you," I whispered, not looking to the space of where she stood. It was easier to keep my eyes on the ocean.
What else?
She didn't seem interested in talking about her absence. I frowned, suddenly not observing the sea anymore.
"I feel alone. This is my home now, and Cloud is awake, but…" I didn't know how to follow up with that, the background growing all misty.
But what?
"Cloud can't replace you and Isaac," I grumbled. I wished Isaac would pop out of the sea, walking up the shore and smiling up at me like what he experienced was all nothing to him. He could handle it. He's been through worse.
Of course, he can't replace us.
Aerith giggled those words, like it was silly for me to feel depressed over such a simple fact.
But he can help you, if you let him, she chirped.
"I'm scared. What if he resents me?" I whispered.
For what? For you, carrying his child?
"Without his consent? Yes," I grunted.
Aerith laughed lightly. I thought you knew him better than this.
I blinked, and a few tears fell. Sniffling, I muttered, "I still don't know him at all. After diving into his memories, there's so much I've yet to understand."
If only Aerith could put her hand on my shoulder, or to wrap her small arms around me, pulling her face around my neck to whisper in my ear just so that I could hear her smile.
"He loves you. It's simple as that," she said.
I jolted, actually hearing her voice right behind me. Was it just my imagination again? But no, it couldn't be. I heard her voice, that the back of my spine even trembled to it. As quick as I possibly could, I spun around with a gasp, hopeful of seeing her emerald eyes.
But instead, I found Cloud stiffening, our eyes locked. He tensed, his shoulders lifting as I pressed my lips together, cheeks heating up.
At the same time, he and I struggled, "Hi," as an uneasiness bloomed around us like a spring garden.
"I'm sorry I scared you," Cloud observed, crossing his arms.
The warm winds rattled his blond spikes, like gold chandeliers around his face. He carried a stern look, eyes bright, warning me that he wasn't just here to make a light conversation.
I retreated with a turn of my head, muttering, "You didn't," and sank my chin over my hands as I watched the waves steadily increase.
Cloud kept quiet for a while, not a step nor sigh, that I wondered if he was still even there. He held his presence almost secretively, just like the shadows that hid under the rails and blimp of the airship, barely there. He was still collecting his thoughts, watching my back, and just waiting patiently until he was ready to make himself known.
When his footsteps came, I stiffened, guilt crawling inside my chest like Rufus took a fist and began to squeeze my lungs.
The pregnancy. Rufus touching me.
Disgrace weighed on me like a cloak of chainmail as Cloud settled beside me, elbows resting over the rail. He took in the scenery, but I could tell, he wasn't really paying attention to detail, just looking and losing himself in his mind. He glanced up at meteor, and quickly looked away from it, not in the mood to be reminded of his commitment.
There was so much to still process, to still talk about, but where to start? What to say? I said nothing, letting Cloud steer where he wanted to go. Left to wait under his tense presence, his elbow just inches from touching mine, but still enough space to tell me there was uncertainty, making me only worry that much more.
Even just being this close to him, I wanted to feel his arms, but I fought against the urge, knowing that wasn't going to make me feel better. The guilt will still be there, the tension, the questions. Nothing will progress until Cloud opens his mouth and starts asking. I braced for it, wishing to spin around and run, but I know it would only delay us, hurting us both.
Cloud breathed steadily, as though trying to relax. I heard his fingers squeeze around the rail, seagulls cackling in the distance. He tucked his chin into his chest, clearing his throat.
"Aqua..." he swallowed.
I smashed my cheek over my hands when I turned my head to look at him, surveying how his bright eyes blinked nervously down at his coiled fingers. He bit his lower lip, trembling slightly. The blocked sunlight still made his face lighter, a better place for him than being under blue medical lamps. His blond spikes blew back, revealing the lines of his face, and his single silver stud of an earring glistened on his earlobe. Even when Cloud is bothered he's still beautiful, and I got lost in, like being in the calm before the storm.
I haven't seen him this uncomfortable since our talk in Cosmo Canyon, that awful evening when he told me he couldn't return my feelings at the time. I didn't know it then, that it was just for the best, Cloud thinking about the consequences, even if it meant shoving his feelings inside.
"I really thought you didn't love me," I blurted, a part of me still shaken by that emotional roller coaster.
"What?" Cloud was completely lost, lifting his Mako eyes to read me carefully with a blond brow up.
"Cosmo Canyon. I haven't seen you behave like this around me since Cosmo Canyon, when we had that difficult talk," I explained.
"Oh," Cloud dropped his gaze, guilt in his eyes. "Yeah."
I kept quiet, watching how he frowned as he visited that memory.
"Yeah, that was very difficult. I mean," he looked at me again, blue eyes fresh, and he exhaled, "I thought it was the right thing to do, but..." he licked his lips, turning his head away to distract himself with the clear waters.
"But I was only fooling myself."
He closed his eyes to the breeze, taking it for a moment of comfort.
"I was already in love with you, but there was so much you still didn't know about me. I was afraid you wouldn't like what you would find."
I lifted my lips, still marveled that Cloud could feel insecure, even when he put on a persona of absolute knowing.
"Well, what do you think? Do you..." he sighed, his head slowly lifting just so that his eyes could meet mine. A hint of fear flashed across his face when he asked stressfully, "Still love me?"
We stared deeply, unearthing what was in each other's eyes with careful consideration. Cloud seemed to be restraining himself, his fingers holding the railing so tight, his arms shook. His anxieties were surfacing, surprising me that the stern man really had any.
As time went on, my eyes felt like they glowed, expanding to take more of his in their vision, lifting my head off my hands, and I straightened.
My smile grew a little wider, but it quickly dropped as I thought of what I wanted to tell him for so long.
"I was so upset, wanting to blame you for what happened to Aerith," I began, eyes too heavy, and they sank back to sea.
"But I knew that was just a temporary thought, something for the pain." I licked my lips, the wind drying them.
"Ever since going back to New York, I wanted nothing more than to come back to you," I shared. My fingers mimicked Cloud's, squeezing at the railing's cold and hard metal, and my eyes burned.
"Finding out that you were alive, I could only describe it to you like I was waking up after a long sleep. It's been a difficult journey without you. And then having to go through your memories like that, seeing what you saw, finding the truth of who you really are and what happened to you after Nibelheim."
I looked back at Cloud, finding him still, his eyes damp. He seemed to be bracing for the worst possible answer, his forehead wrinkled.
I smiled again.
"Yes, I still love you," I whispered, dropping my gaze shyly when I got a glimpse of relief from his. I thought back to his memories, his childhood, and added in a hush, "You should really tell Tifa. She deserves to know the truth."
Cloud sighed, "Yeah, I know." He looked out to the sea for answers, the hot sun casting a crystal light into the water.
Silence held in between us, still with anxieties and more questions, but neither of us knew where to start again. Slowly, Cloud's hand slid across the rail, trying to touch mine, our pinkies rubbing together.
It was simple to get lost at the moment when we resurfaced from his troubled soul, filled with relief, the make for a good ending to a love story. But thereafter, pass the bliss of being together, the real trouble that was put aside temporarily, has now risen. Cloud's many questions hung over our heads, but I knew one stuck to his tongue, waiting to come out.
Cloud looked at me, and I bravely met his eyes.
"Aqua, the real reason I came out here is that I wanted to ask you something."
He softened his stare, finally discovering how unintentionally intense it was, and he grunted, his eyes falling. He struggled to ask, his hands opening and closing around the railing. Lightly, his pinky overlapped mine, shyly trying for a connection or possibly making a silent pinky promise. I couldn't stop staring at our pinkies together, desperately trying not to take his hand under mine, not yet. What if he pulled away as soon as he finds out the truth? I blinked at Cloud, shaky at what he wanted to ask. Sweat collected at his brow, and he swallowed many times, before, finally, his lips moved.
"While I was in a coma, I head everything you said," he started, gazing at the sea with me.
So, we've come back to that after all? He wasn't going to let it go, even after I dodged it the first time. Cloud wasn't going to let me back down again, even if I wanted to jump off this airship and plunge into shallow water.
"Is it true what you said? About..." he couldn't say it yet, blinking back to that moment when he might've heard my words penetrate the darkness around him. He went back to how he felt at that time when he tried to make sense of it while his soul was still defragmented.
His eyes softened, inhaling a gasp when he recalled it clearly. Awestruck sparkled in his eyes, the high sun not needed to make them glimmer.
"Are you..." he blinked many times to settle the moisture collecting in his gaze. "...Pregnant?"
Finally, he looked at me, waiting earnestly for my reply. It felt as though a bolt of lighting jolted me to stand up straight. I bit my lower lip, avoiding his gaze, my eyes growing more wet by the second.
I closed them as I cracked, "Yes." A tear escaped.
Cloud's hands slipped off the railing, his legs wobbling. He became trapped in a daze, his hands hesitant on where to go. Over his face to hide his shocked expression, or at his heart where he felt it thump too hard? I feared he was going to fall over, for he struggled back a step, mouth left open to help his deep inhales and exhales.
He watched at how his hands opened before his eyes, burning into their palms to try to find answers to more questions filling his head.
"And..." he swallowed. "It's my fault?" He whispered it dreadfully, as though covered in a cloak as heavy of guilt as mine. Guilty of ever planting a seed of freakishness inside me.
My hands fell from the rail, watching Cloud crumble into himself.
"Cloud," I called to him, but he was slowly losing himself in his toxic thoughts. I had to step towards him and take his face into my hands to get him to focus.
"Cloud, listen to me," I began, finding him again. A sad, little boy laid behind his dark blue eyes, something raw and familiar.
I beamed as I said, "You did nothing wrong. Okay?"
In my hands, he nodded, eyes wet.
My face leaned in closer into his, trying to set my message across, so I wouldn't have to do this again.
"You did nothing wrong," I repeated. "We didn't know this would happen. Okay?"
Cloud nodded again.
"Okay," he shuddered.
His hands gripped mine, as though to help steady himself.
"How? Are you sure it's mine, I mean-" the rest jammed in his throat, uncertain how to say that I've had more encounters than him without sounding too offhand.
I shook my head, grateful he didn't finish.
"I don't know how, but I've been with no one but you. Rufus tried, but, I never gave him what he wanted. Besides, I'm about two months along. It wouldn't count up if I was lying to you," I fretted, afraid Cloud thought I was trapping him into a child who wasn't even his.
"Two months," Cloud whispered, his eyes fell as he let those two words hang in the air, troubled by that length of time. What was he thinking? Was he trying to add it all up, to find an escape?
"It's only been two months?" He asked again, looking at me with tears ready to spill. He was unaware that time in my world worked differently than in his. My time away didn't match up to his, and yet, he made a face as though he thought many more days or months had passed between us. He shook his head to himself, fingers squeezing around my hands.
"Cloud, listen to me. You don't have to do anything, okay?" I explained, each word feeling so heavy, they fell through the deck around just my feet. I thought the floor would break from all the cracks, crumbling underneath me. And then, I would fall, while Cloud stayed safe, watching me descend as he was left to live his life. Further, I plunged into a world I never thought I would enter, motherhood, ready to take full responsibility as I went, even if I had to do it alone.
As I continued to speak, I thought there was a good chance this would be it, when we decide to go different ways in the end. I gasped an inhale, suppressing the tears as good as I could.
"I've lived my life, made my choices. But you, you're still so young," I whimpered.
Cloud's eyes held more light to them.
I pulled back my hands, curling them against my chest to soothe the ache that grew inside it.
"If you want to, if we, I mean, when we stop Sephiroth, and-and Meteor is gone, and," I could hardly finish, each word sounding more raspy, the pain trickling through my eyes and mouth.
"And you want to go live your life, you can do-"
"Stop."
I gasped, feeling Cloud's hands cup my cheeks. His thumbs rubbed away my tears, his look soft. He took one look at my stunned face, and smirked.
Without another word, his lips blurred into mine, and I sucked his breath with a gasp.
It was quick, but enough to settle down my heart as our foreheads pressed together. Cloud closed his eyes and sighed longingly.
"Cloud?" I wanted to hear his thoughts, relief close to reach.
"Don't say another word," he gently asked, and he took a long, deep breath while he grinned.
I sniffled, and had to ask, "Do you still love me?" My wide eyes latched onto his, awaiting his reply. Just hearing it would be enough, and I wouldn't ask again. Bury my uncertainty to rest once and for all.
Cloud looked at me through half closed eyes, and he kissed me again.
I relaxed, my world blurry, and I clutched to the back of his shirt tight.
His hands strengthened their hold, pushing my face further into his, and our hunger returned. It felt exhilarating to feel his lips brush over my chin, and then to the curve of my neck.
They tickled my ear before he whispered, "Yes, I still love you."
A massive wave of relief washed over me, and I couldn't help it, I rammed my face into his chest, and cried quietly, falling into sharp inhales.
Cloud wrapped his arms around my waist, and rested his chin over my head.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for the start of this. You've must've been scared," he warmed.
"I was!" I muffled, my wet eyes shoved into his shirt, feeling the hard chest plate underneath it.
"I was so scared!" I repeated, rattled. "And now Meteor may fall. And there won't be a future for the baby, or the Planet, or anything! I feel so awful!" All of my words hurled into his chest as I felt it expand from his deep breathing.
Cloud squeezed me tighter.
"Oh, Aqua," he breathed, sighing hard.
"We'll find a way," he assured. For a long time, we stayed like that, holding each other until my eyes dried, and the guilt passed. Our anxieties trickled away like scum water spinning down the drain. In the middle of all that, Cloud couldn't help but chuckle. I could feel him shaking his head as his chin brushed over my head back and forth.
"What?" I asked, pulling away to rub the old murkiness from my eyes.
"Nothing. It's just..." Cloud threw his fingers through his hair, stretching his triceps with elbows pointed to the sea.
"At first, I wanted to fight Sephiroth for revenge," he shared, smiling out at the horizon.
I eyed him with speculation.
"And now?"
Cloud relaxed his hands over the railing, and he smiled, a beautiful photo to hold on to.
"Now...," he looked at me, giving me that real smile. "Now I want to do it to protect you. You and…." he looked away, cheeks turning red. "And our baby."
My cheeks matched his.
"You do know that I won't let you fight now, right?" Cloud chimed as he blinked down at me, expecting me to take his demand easily. I sizzled, narrowing my eyes up at him.
"Um, no. I'm still going to fight. I'm not going to stand on the sidelines again as you and the rest of our friends battle. No way."
"Aqua..." his tone told me he disagreed.
I clenched my teeth.
"Cloud..." I matched his tone. There was a spark of joke between us, the both of us aware that this was a light argument that I was going to win over.
"We've been here before," he chuckled, eyes fixed on his left arm where his Mythril bracer settled. His free hand unclamped it.
"Here. I saw it save your life a few times. Maybe it will do it again," Cloud advised.
I gasped, shaking my head as I gawked at the beautiful piece of armor in his hands.
His last one.
"No. I already took one of yours, I can't. And what about your Materia?" I watched how the two green orbs sat in the Mythril sheet, cold and dark, like he hasn't used them in a long time. Cloud pulled them out carefully, and stuffed them in his pocket for later.
"Don't worry about it. Just give me your right arm."
Hesitantly, I obeyed, lifting it high for him. With care, he enclosed the special armlet around my forearm. His hands loitered over it, slipping away until fingers curled under mine. I pressed my lips together, seeing the armor there in my right arm again, delight shaking in my chest.
Since the first day he gave me his other bracer, it seemed we've aged a few years. Here we are again, that same warmth still there as our hands squeezed together. There was just something missing. The winds intensified, shoving me towards Cloud as though Aerith was pushing my back with her hands.
Come on now. Don't make me say it.
Her voice giggled in my head, and I gasped, feeling her close, but couldn't describe how or where exactly. She was with us, that's all that mattered.
My eyes sparkled up at Cloud, discovering he was in the same memory I was in.
"Group hug?" I joked.
Cloud grunted, fighting against his tears, but one escaped, slipping down his cheek.
"Yeah."
Tenderly, we embraced, taking the moment to think of Aerith, feeling her with us. We thought of us, our future, our friends, everything, staying in the hold for a long time.
"Should I tell the others?" I asked Cloud, the two of us walking side by side as we headed back towards the bridge.
Cloud crossed his arms, quiet. He lifted his head, eyes to the tall ceiling of pipes and metal.
"Do you want to?" He asked, blinking back to me.
I shrugged, hands behind my back.
"I don't know. I do, but what's it matter to the others? Is it really that important to share?"
"'Is it really that important to share?'" Cloud mocked, smirking.
I threw him a crooked look.
"What do you think?" I asked, needing some kind of encouragement to either share or not to share.
"Does anyone else know?"
"Only Vincent."
Cloud's eyes widened, almost stopping his step.
"Yeah? How in the world did that slide?"
And then I told Cloud how Vincent was just as perceptive as he was. I couldn't tell whether Cloud was pleased or not, he didn't say.
"Does anyone else know?" he pried, eying me with a light suspicion. I wish he wouldn't give me that look because I just wanted to slow my step and fall far behind him to get away from the high beams of his eyes.
The only other person on this Planet who knew, was Rufus.
I pressed my teeth together nervously and heaved a quick, "No!"
"Your hands tell me otherwise," Cloud observed.
I rammed my busy hands down, slapping my dress.
"Only Vincent knows," I forced, ducking my head. I didn't see how this, in any way, was going to come back and bite me in the ass.
Cloud squinted at me, but he didn't press it any further. He only sighed and muttered, "Fine. And as far as telling the others go, I'll leave that up to you."
When we made it to the bridge, all heads turned.
"All up to me, huh? So, you don't mind if I do it now?" I teased, fluttering my eyelashes innocently.
Cloud scoffed, eyes closed.
"Yeah right. I'd like to see you try," he snickered, not a bit intrigued.
I circled my mouth with my hands, and shouted across the bridge, "Hey, everyone! Guess what?!"
Cloud gasped, cheeks bright red as he gawked at me, looking about ready to run or unleash his sword, he couldn't tell which he wanted to do, panicking. His reaction was enough, and I cackled, mouth pointed to the high ceiling and smacking my hands on my belly gently. He quickly figured it out, and relaxed, all while fuming silently. He glared as he crossed his arms tight.
"What is it?" Yuffie cried from the window, waving her arms up and down.
"I feel better!" I shouted.
Vincent chuckled to himself, intrigued with this, and shook his head at me.
"Sure," he replied.
"Shut up, Vincent. You talk too much," Cloud sassed as he walked by him. Vincent's response was a secret smile.
"Great. Let's get going," Cid grumbled, already on a new cigarette. He messed with the controls, threw orders at his crew, and the airship began to wake up.
"Aqua, Aqua, Aqua!" Yuffie kept calling me, grabbing my attention easily with her energy.
"Yuffie, Yuffie, Yuffie," I threw back, smiling as I met her by the front view window.
Yuffie jumped on a bean bag chair and shouted, "Tell us your story! Tell us about New York! Tell us, tell us, tell us!"
"I love stories," Red purred, coming in to join. I took a knee to rub the back of his neck, and he grinned. Like a polite puppy, he licked my cheek.
I giggled from Red's hot tongue, rubbing away its saliva with my hand.
"Okay. I will tell you. But it's not exactly a happy story," I warned.
"Oh, drama," Yuffie sighed, hugging her legs together with her large eyes growing even larger. She was practically salivating at the mouth.
I rolled my eyes.
"Yuffie, geez," Tifa giggled, noticing the kid hungry for story time. She took a spot by the rail, leaning against it beside Vincent. He stole a glance at her before looking away.
Reeve claimed a bean bag, sitting awkwardly in it with his legs up. It seemed contradicting to wear a business suit while sitting in such a relaxed seat.
"Am I doing this right?" He asked any of us.
"Nope," Cloud answered lamely, refusing to take a bean bag and look as ridiculous. Instead, he sat cross-legged on the hard metal floor by Red.
"Well, I'm taking one!" Barret shouted, stomping his way in, and catapulted into a bean bag. It imploded, a couple of dry beans trickling through its loosen seams.
"Speak loud, too. I want to hear this," Cid ordered, piloting over our heads from his upper level station.
"Okay, okay. I'll tell you all what happened," I began, taking a bean bag for myself. I got sucked into it, trying not to disappear, and struggled for a minute to get comfortable.
"Well, like I said, it's not a happy story. I came back to New York afraid and alone," I shared, hands grasping my skirt tight.
The Highwind's engines hummed gently as it lifted us off earth. For this flight's entertainment, I told everyone about what happened since I stumbled back home, the start of when shit hit the fan, to be brief. Of course, I didn't share about my pregnancy, keeping that secret for now.
Everyone listened, even the crew. All of us circled Red's flaming tail like we were camping, sharing stories around a bonfire.
"I was swimming up to the water's surface, and found myself in the city's upper bay, staring up at the Statue of Liberty," I started.
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