14
Return to Rocket Town:
Unresolved Suffering
Cid and Shera threw a party in their big backyard. What once nested the Tiny Bronco, laid nothing but green grass now, enough space to mingle and relax. R&B music blasted from a portable stereo sitting in the grass. A table laid out bottles of booze and snacks. Fire crackled inside a large Mako barrel in the middle of the yard, bright yellow flames with bits of green tips trying to lick up to the vibrant sky.
Rocket Town held little light pollution, so looking up, beyond the string of lights, I thought I could see distant galaxies. The night's entertainment splattered sparkles of gems and clusters of speckling silver and gold dust, all caught frozen in a sky made up of dark colors, like blues, purple and simply black.
Among the stars, glowed the lantern that was Meteor.
It lingered up there. Without Junon's smog nor lights, I could see it so clearly for the first time. A bright and round, ruby glistering in the dark sky, as though its many angles reflected sunbeams from a sun I couldn't see. It almost looked too beautiful to be considered a threat to the Planet. Spots of white and yellow glistened between the glimmering red, as though melted gold slipped through its cracks.
I squinted up at it, and raised my hand, ready to snatch it from the heavens. If only it were that easy, just take it in my hand, and boom, the world saved. Meteor stretched my thumb and index finger widely, the size of a tennis ball in my vision when I pretended to hold it. No matter how many times I pretended to squish it, my fingers would just slip through, Meteor like a ghost, almost unreal.
"Catching Meteor instead of sun rays now?"
I blew out a tiny gasp at Cloud, surprised that he was watching me when I thought he was busy socializing with the others. He appeared at my side, as though slipping in from the shadows, and caught my wide gaze with a smirk.
A quick flash of that day, me pretending to catch sun rays in front of Tifa's bar, smiling and seeing a hint of Cloud brightening when he tried to do the same. Oh, how I've missed that day, my first evening in Midgar. It was full of anxiety, but also something else, too. Something that grew and became what is still growing, under my hand as it settled on my stomach.
I blushed, thinking that I was alone with my abstract way of thinking, and looked back up to the stars. Meteor seemed to shove its weight around, easily blurring the surrounding stars with its size and miniature sun status. Everyone seemed to prefer to pretend it wasn't up there, drinking their anxieties away tonight.
It was a night to celebrate Cloud being alive and awake, and to Cid launching his rocket tomorrow.
"I was hoping it would be that easy," I joked, brave enough to stare up at Meteor, even though it still made my heart jump. Eventually, I would be desensitized at some point, right?
Cloud scoffed gently, looking up at Meteor with me, difficult to not notice with its growing size.
With one hand, he raised it high, an eye squinted up at Meteor as his fingers curled, as though he was trying to crush it in his gauntlet. He grunted, disappointed to only be squeezing the thin, cool air, and dropped his hand with a sigh.
"I feel like I should be doing something now. Not just standing here and doing nothing," Cloud grumbled. I noticed that even at a party, he still held his sword on his back, always ready for an attack. I wondered what it must be like to have that kind of mind-set. Was it like anxiety, prepared for battle even when it seemed less likely to occur? I gazed at its handle, a glimmer of the blade over his shoulder reflecting the flames from the fire.
I blinked, taking in what Cloud just said, and replied quietly, "We ARE doing something. Tomorrow, we launch the Rocket. Doesn't that count?"
"No," he quickly answered, his eyes dropping steadily to the fire pit. "I want to fight Sephiroth already, end his life." He left it at that, lost in his thoughts of revenge.
Tifa swayed her hips around the fire, her dance partner a bottle of rice wine. Her dark hair flared wildly like the flames next to her, a bright smile to her face with cheeks red from the alcohol. Yuffie joined, working her dance moves like she did at the dance club at Gold Saucer. I suppressed a giggle when I saw her do the Fire Hydrant I've shown her.
Barret gulped down a beer in three swallows, and threw the bottle in the Mako bin of fire with a loud smash. The flames grew temporarily, trying to reach the others, but quickly withdrew.
Red jumped up and down, his nose towards outer space, to let out a howl.
Cid was shaking his hips to the music's beat, trying to compete with Yuffie, though it was a lost cause. He was coughing most of the time, trying to smoke and dance at the same time. Reeve was having a quiet conversation with Shera near the collection of alcohol. Vincent was nowhere to be found. There were a couple of Cid's men, the engineers going on the launch tomorrow. They chatted in their group, drinking and sharing jokes, laughing.
Cloud and I watched everyone having a good time, like we were the only audience to a show we weren't certain how to participate in. It was clear, Cloud had much on his mind. He still had many questions to shove in my direction, but I knew he was taking his time, perhaps afraid to overwhelm me. One day at a time, I hope. Even after telling my story in the Airship, it seemed he had even more to ask, but kept it all to himself, disgruntled when the others threw much simpler questions at me.
"Is there a lot of crime in New York?" Tifa had asked.
"Where do the poor folk live?" Barret wanted to know.
"Are there monsters?" Red brought in.
"Are there any Materia?" Yuffie shrieked. I loved the look on her face when I told her there was no such thing as magic stones in my world. Never in my thirty years have I seen someone display a huge amount of disappointment like Yuffie did.
"Did Rufus keep you in a dungeon the whole time?" Cid asked, more interested in my stay at Junon. He still couldn't grasp that I was from another world, but he didn't seem to think too much about it either.
I preferred not to talk too much about Junon, shrinking to his question and all the others related to my stay with Rufus, just wanting to forget.
"Hey Kid! Great story you told!" Cid bellowed, shattering my train of thought.
He walked over with a glass of alcohol in his hand. His tanned face held red cheeks, puffing away like a steam engine, and laid a strong hand on my shoulder.
"I still don't get it, but this New York place sounds crowded and brilliant. How do we get there?" Cid asked, his face a little too close. I could smell the bourbon and smoke from his breath, and I recoiled just a hair away.
"You can't, I think," I answered sorely, unclear.
Cid peeled his hand off and threw it up towards the Rocket, a tall shadow against the starry sky.
"Even if we made another one of these, and flew it through space, we won't be able to get there?" He asked.
I shook my head.
"No, Cid. It's too far away," I sighed, looking up at the stars. A long time ago, I wondered if one of those stars was my world. But even so, it was still too far away. Knowing that I was never going to go back again, it almost felt freeing. Mum came to my thoughts often, but I tried not to dwell on the matter.
I've made my choice.
"Cid, settle down," Shera scoffed as she slipped next to him.
"Aqua, here, have something to drink," she encouraged, trying to hand me a brown bottle of ale, but I lifted my hands up to stop her.
"No, thank you. I'm not a fan of beer," I politely declined. Shera blinked at me, as though declining a beer was maddening. She drank it instead, and Cid shoved the rest of his bourbon in my hands without question.
"Here. This will relax you. You always look worried," he cackled.
Cloud snatched the glass from my hands quietly, keeping it for himself, and took a sip for me.
Cid glared at Cloud, the end of his cigarette burning bright.
"Let her chill, man!"
"Uh, Cid, thank you for the party. You and Shera are very kind to offer us a place to settle for the night," I shoved, trying to distract Cid. The pilot fell for it, grinning at me while he looped a hairy arm around Shera's little neck. She wobbled, almost tipping over as he cackled, "You bet! Stay as long as you like. House sit for us while we're gone, that is, if it's still standing! Ha!"
Shera shrugged her small shoulders, blushing at Cid's enthusiasm.
"You can tell he's excited," she muttered. Cid's fingers curled around her arm, squeezing her closer to him, which only made her cheeks grow more red.
"How are you feeling about this?" I asked.
Shera smiled sheepishly at me, tucking her loose hair behind her ears.
"Uh, well, it's nice to have everybody here. I don't mind being the host."
"No, I mean the launch," I corrected.
Shera fixed her glasses, blinking to reset her answer.
"Oh yes! Um, nervous, excited, anxious. It's hard to eat." She pointed to the beer in her hand.
"This is my second beer, and that's it. I don't want to wake up hung over on the most important day of our lives. Unlike Cid here!" She glared right at Cid, whom only seemed to be smiling like a drunk in love. He rubbed his cheek against hers and gushed out loud, "Man, I love this woman! She puts up with so much of my shit. How did I ever get so lucky?!"
"Yes, how did you ever get so lucky, indeed," I muttered, wondering the same thing.
"Come on, Cid. Let's get you some more wa-!
Shera gasped when Cid pulled her away, taking her close to the fire to tango together when a slow song played.
I smiled, watching how much Shera was blushing as her body rubbed against Cid's, her curves easily visible under her orange turtleneck dress. Their bodies glowed gently by the fire, hands, and arms together, Cid gazing down at Shera with admiration in his eyes.
I tried picturing what it would be like to dance with Cloud, and quickly dispersed the idea because it either seemed too abstract for his personality or just plain awkward.
"Aqua," Cloud was ready to ask another important question, guilt on his face for always being the serious one or to be the one to add heaviness in the air. He swirled the drink in his hand and took another sip to help loosen himself.
He closed his eyes, taking a generous swallow of Cid's bourbon, and let out a long exhale to fight the burn in the back of his throat.
"When you told your story to the others, you didn't mention Isaac," he began. I waited to see where this was going, watching Cloud carefully while I hardened my outer shell. He swallowed, and turned his head to look down at me with caution.
"During my coma, you told me he died. Is that true?"
I tried to read him, but he kept his eyes supervised, showing only blue with hints of Mako. Quickly, I looked away as I swallowed. There was the sudden thirst for alcohol, as I tried not to get distracted by the large collection of drinks across the yard, standing on that table like glistering gems. Instead, I looked to the stars, wondering if Issac could be watching us.
If Cloud was right about Aerith, then Isaac hasn't returned to the Planet as well. Where is he? In the Lifestream, just waiting? Floating?
My eyes stung, tickling along my nose until I sniffed, and I licked my lips, dropping my face to glare down at Yuffie's sneakers covering my feet.
"Yes. Isaac is dead," I whispered sharply. Just saying it wasn't enough. Somehow, I still haven't fully come to terms with it, left to withdraw the entire time. Besides Reeve, I spoke to no one else about it, shoving the process of the truth deep somewhere while hoping it stayed there.
That's why, when Cloud tried to bring it up, I was already shutting down. My hands curled into fists at my sides.
"Are you confident? I mean, there's been close calls. He may come back," Cloud tried. What was he getting at? Why was he being falsely optimistic? Was it to settle my nerves as I pictured the look on Rufus's face when he shut Isaac down?
I clenched my teeth.
The cold, autumn wind grew aggressive, blowing back our hair, knocking over empty cups. The fire in the barrel waved in one direction. The trees rattled their red and brown leaves fiercely, thousands of them being picked at from branches and twirling in the air until the trees were naked.
"No. He's dead this time," I put it firmly, and left it at that. I began to feel hot, my heart rate increasing.
Isaac is gone.
My sighs turned into gasps, the Planet's energy coiling up my legs and into my arms.
"Aqua," Cloud stood right in front of me, taking my face with his gloved hand, and made me look into his sullen eyes. Fallen leaves whipped between our eyes, but we were unaffected, frozen in our own little world.
"Not here," he whispered, his eyebrows furrowed up when he saw how distraught I must've looked, my powers trying to take control. No one else noticed, the possibility of me unleashing a wave of green madness over the town almost too real. Suddenly, I was afraid, feeling trapped when I thought it was necessary to rebury these remorse feelings once more, or else suffer the consequences.
"Why do you ask? Are you glad he's gone?" I threw at Cloud too bitterly, unintentional. Obviously, he was hitting a sensitive area, and he knew that as his eyelids lowered.
"No, that's not it," he answered flatly. He said no more, the rest of his words in the way that he stared into my eyes, a mixed message of warning, understanding, and a bit of misery in the Mako bath.
Too busy searching his eyes, I relaxed enough to simmer away the magic. Soon, the winds died down, leaves landing in the grass, and the night relaxed once more. I still carried my fists, and Cloud took notice of them, his eyes glowing brighter from his own dark feelings.
"I have more to ask, but I will wait. That's enough for the evening," he assured me, and he rubbed a hand across his face to hide the uneasiness he carried there, or maybe he felt sorry for asking me heavy questions.
"Cloud!"
Out of nowhere, Tifa jumped in and grabbed his arm.
"Come on, let me make you a drink! I bet you miss my cocktails!"
Her eyes were big, cheeks red, and she suddenly tugged him towards the table of booze. She winked at me, and I rolled my eyes while trying to maintain a smile.
Let them catch up.
"Uh, sure. Okay," Cloud muttered. He quickly turned his head to give me a search for help, but I just smiled at him as I waved.
"Have fun!" I chirped, and he frowned, not expecting that kind of response.
With Cloud left distracted, and everyone busy getting drunk, I ducked away quietly, climbing over the low fence and skittering off.
I needed alone time to sort my troubled thoughts. The remorse was still there, easily filling my head as I thought of Isaac while wandering through the empty streets of Rocket Town. It was late, only a few wanderers out. Tall lamps lit the grey stone streets. Laughter, excitement, and chatter spilled outside from many cottages. It seems there were many parties happening around the excited town, the launch tomorrow a massive deal. With this town's existence entirely thanks to that rocket, I wasn't surprised at all the commotion at the tavern and private homes.
I tried to look up at the rocket's remarkable structure, but it was hidden away from the street lamps. Just a massive shadow in the young forest behind the town, with the stars sparkling behind it. My body heated again, thoughts of Isaac resurfacing much too quickly, causing me to look down at my glowing green fists. The winds picked up once more, my short hair whipping my cheek harshly. Quickly, I ran towards the forest, and stopped short before being completely swallowed by darkness.
Eagerly, I let energy saturate my arms until they glowed. The fast pace of my heart built up heat in my chest, dispersing into my arms and legs until I was glowing.
Without much thought, I raised my hands up to the stars, and let out a cry as I expelled all that I wanted to release. A column of green light slipped through my skin, lifting my dress and hair, taking the heat, the frustration, the anger, all that I was feeling about Isaac's death, slipping through me into a powerful beam until it escaped.
Briefly, the forest and edge of the rocket glimmered in a soft green, but then the light vanished, shot up into space like a messenger.
The magic faded, depleted, and it became dark again. Exhaustion hit me fast, causing me to fall on my hands in the long grass. I was suddenly cold, shivering but still furious, pounding my fist into the ground instead of wrapping my arms around myself to warm up.
Maybe Isaac is still alive. I haven't heard him nor felt him like I have with Aerith. Why? Did that mean he was alive? Or lost in the Lifestream? Or he could just be avoiding me, refusing to visit when he felt replaced by Cloud.
"Isaac, if you haven't returned to the Planet, then where are you?" I asked the winds. The only response was more howls, the trees trembling their bare branches and the fluttering of grass.
I reeled back, sitting on my knees in the grass, and wrapped my arms around myself. Still, I simmered, furious, but too exhausted. It didn't matter. Through the tears and clenched teeth, I struggled to stand up, more heat collecting in my hands until they brightened. Lit with magic once more, I cried out "Where are you," as I unleashed another ball of magic up to the sky. It traveled through the dark, pushing back the trees until their branches sizzled away, and up it went, a green comet going into space.
I huffed, drained of magic, and crumbled. I rested my cheek in the grass, feeling how the thin blades tickled and brushed around my arms and legs. It was cold but quiet, peaceful. I could almost sleep here, but I wasn't alone.
"I think the same thing," I heard.
It sounded like Vincent.
I turned my head, finding him stepping in, his cloak slapping the back of his legs.
Vincent looked down at me, his eyes glowing like Meteor, but there wasn't a hunger behind such a gaze. I saw a quiet desperation, even lost.
"When I think of Lucrecia, I often wonder if she's returned to the Planet. And if so, would I know of it? Would I find any trace of her in the trees or the winds? If I ask her something, speaking to the sky, will she reply? Is it just a breeze, or is it her trying to answer me?"
Vincent sighed, pulling away of his cloak, and dropping it over my shoulders.
I was instantly warm, the thin wool blocking the cold air.
"There's still a bit of romantic in me, after all. I frequently find myself searching for her in the beams of sun cutting through the clouds, or when there's a sudden gust of wind to a calm day," Vincent shared. His glowing eyes became lost to the dark forest ahead of us, and beyond that, out to the fields and the calming sea.
With struggle, I rose, clutching to Vincent's warm cloak, and waited for him to say more. He seemed stuck in a melancholic daze, just as lost as I was about losing someone.
"You'd think, after being asleep all these years, with all my thoughts telling me that she's dead, over and over, that I would finally accept it. But also, as I slept through all that time, in between the nightmares, I've also dreamt. My only blissful moments were dreams of her, giving me the illusion that she's still reachable."
He looked down to his gold claw, and frowned at it, displeased with its savage display.
Quietly, he dropped it at his side, the glow of Meteor setting in to show me Vincent in his leather armor with a trace of red light. His straight, black hair glimmered in a streak of red, and he slowly dropped his glowing eyes to me.
"If you feel upset about losing someone precious to you, then be upset. Release all that pent-up force, or else it will eat at you. Do what you need to feel whole or even just to be satisfied for the night. If you have more energy to throw, do it now."
I lifted a weak smile at Vincent, thankful for his efforts to make me feel better, even if in a gloomy way. The Vincent way.
"Thanks but, just those two attempts drained me. I'm tired," I replied weakly. My legs shook, as though my body was too much to keep up. I leaned against a thin tree trunk and collected a few breaths.
"You must miss her so much," I whispered, clutching to Vincent's cloak tighter. I could smell his scent in it, though it was difficult to describe what his scent reminded me of. I had thoughts of lying in bed in a cool, damp place, dust and mold collecting in the corners of an old room while feeling alone, sleeping and waiting for something that may never come.
Vincent closed his eyes.
"I do. Especially when I hear your voice," he replied wistfully.
In response, I rammed a hand over my lips. "Oh, sorry," I muffled.
Vincent chuckled lightly. It was strange to see all of his face visible, his chin sharp and lower lip full. His face was extraordinarily pale, reminding me of a perfect antique glass doll.
When he spoke, I saw a trace of his fangs behind his pale pink lips.
"Don't be sorry. It's beautiful."
I frowned, letting my hand drop weakly.
"So my voice reminds you of your dead girlfriend? That doesn't sound too pleasing to me," I muttered.
Vincent sighed, crossing his arms as though he was cold without his cloak, but he didn't even look at it, keeping his eyes to the woods. He kept quiet, leaving me to ask him a question.
"Why weren't you at the party?"
"Do I have to be?" he grunted.
"Sure. With the time we have left, it's best to spend it together while we still can, before it's too late," I encouraged.
Vincent shrugged.
"I died a long time ago. With Meteor, I will finally get to fall into an internal sleep and never wake up again. What's wrong with that?"
I shuddered, turning my head away from Vincent's gloomy fog.
"Vincent, you can be grim sometimes," I grumbled.
Vincent suddenly chuckled lightly, a gold finger up to his lips to try to hide his little smile.
"You like my company," he whispered, charmed by my comment.
I closed my eyes, the tree trunk feeling soft. My legs were giving out, tired with little sleep. I haven't slept well since waking Cloud from his coma, and that was only an hour of rest. Since almost marrying Rufus, I haven't gotten a good night's sleep, plus the magic I unleashed to simmer down my frustration, only added weight to the heaviness of sleep.
"I do," I said through a yawn. "Even if you are dreary," I added, trying to suppress another yawn.
Footsteps rushed through the grass.
Vincent sighed, turning his head just as Cloud emerged from the field. He had his sword ready, but when he saw us, he grunted, confused.
Blinking back his thoughts, Cloud stated, "I saw magic unleash from over here. What happened?"
I fluttered my eyes open, catching a glimpse of Cloud and Vincent looking at me with concern.
"Just exercising my magic," I groaned, rubbing my forehead against the tree.
Cloud put away his sword.
"At this late of night, and with hardly any rest? You're about to fall over," he grunted.
I was bundled in Vincent's cloak like a blanket, when Cloud scooped me in his arms.
"Vincent, You want your cloak back?" Cloud asked, holding me against him easily. I almost forgot how intimate it felt to be carried by him, the strength of his arms unaltered by my weight. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pushing me into his chest, while his other laced under my legs. I closed my eyes, quickly falling into sleep as the two men held their conversation.
"Nah. She's cold. I'll get it back tomorrow," Vincent replied.
Cloud wasn't ready to leave just yet. He threw at Vincent, "Why were you out here?"
"Someone had to keep an eye on her," Vincent suggested, turning away from Cloud's intense eyes. It wasn't an offense, though Cloud might've taken it as such, his hold tightening around me.
"By the way," Vincent began, ready to add one more thing, and he looked over his shoulder at Cloud with a glowing red eye to his profile.
"If you are ready to take responsibility as a new father, then don't lose sight of her," he seethed. Those words resonated somewhere deep within Vincent, from a dark place he tried not to wander into. He lowered his red eyes, long, black bangs hiding them as he turned slightly, looking into the forest as though he hungered to be in its shadows.
Cloud said nothing, getting a sense Vincent was speaking out not to be a prude, but more from his experiences, secrets, another life he once lived. Don't make the same mistake I've made, is what I heard from Vincent's tone, his voice ringing a longing of something so unreachable, a man lost with only revenge his possible liberation.
The brooding man let himself merge into the darkness behind the trees, leaving Cloud to his thoughts.
I felt his chest rise when he took a deep, quiet breath, standing there for a minute longer, his mind wandering. But the towering shadow that is the rocket, reminded Cloud to wake up, and he looked up at it, blinking to its tall, steady infrastructure. It was no longer crooked, its nose pointed into space, as though just as eager as its residents to sprint towards the finish line.
"Let's go to bed, Aqua," Cloud whispered, peering down at me nested in his arms. I was already half asleep by that point. I took no notice when Cloud settled me into bed, unclear where we were exactly. Just the soft mattress, warm covers, and his arms.
I stirred, partially dreaming of being in Arkranes again, Mum smiling with me as we stood on the tiny beach along the town's bay. We were waiting for the sun to set, its round bottom close to merging with the horizon of calm, dark water. The sky was clear, an ice blue melting into orange and yellow beside the setting sun. My hair has grown, ticking my shoulders like it used it be. My belly has expanded, almost as large as a basketball hiding under my sweater dress. I touched it, as though I could feel a small heart beat underneath my hands.
It made me smile even more, enjoying the sun beams hitting my face and belly, as though its rays could seep through my dress and skin to warm up my incoming child.
Mum's wrinkles grew when she lifted her thin lips to me, her blue eyes sparkling as though she discovered a secret worth sharing.
I was suddenly gawking pass her, something catching my eye across the sandy beach. This dream worked like a movie, as though I was a ghost watching myself in a different time and place, unable to grasp what I was looking at.
Whatever it was, it made my eyes grow.
What was there?
Orange sun rays penetrated my eyes, forcing a hand to lift to get a better view, but the dream was already fading. The sunset made everything turn into gold, blinding me easily until I woke up.
How do I even describe what it was like waking up as I did? After being chained to Rufus's room for too long, with its air heavy with anxiety and resentment, I thought I was still dreaming when I awoke to the sounds of birds. No voices of the Planet, just simple as songbirds chirping outside somewhere. I heard them before I blinked my eyes open, instantly squinting to a bright morning sun hitting through a window, encasing the room with such remarkable brightness. From a bright sunset in the dream, I awoke to its earlier lighting, as though the sun followed me.
Opening my eyes wider as I adjusted to the light, I got a glimpse of lips, and then closed eyes next to me.
I fluttered my eyelids, taking in more, until I realized Cloud was asleep next to me. He was curled on his side, head resting deeply into a heavy pillow while a hand hid under it, his restful face right next to mine. I've never woken up to him like this before, my heart pounding until I thought the bed vibrated from its forceful pulses.
Lashes rested against Cloud's creamy skin, soft lips closed as he breathed slow and steady through his nose. The spikes of his hair seemed softer, merging into more spiky masses, and messier than usual. Half naked, he laid with the covers just over his legs, as though he savored the cold air that leaked through the window. The air brought in a distant icy smell, as though snowy peaks weren't far off.
I stayed awake quietly for as long as my body would let me, watching Cloud sleep without even so much as breathing to not disturb him.
Morning sickness caught up quickly, as though it knew I was awake, ready to add misery to my brilliant morning. I felt terrible to spoil the moment, but I had to wiggle out of bed. Still in my floral dress, I left the room in a rush, praying that Cloud stayed asleep as I slipped away into the hall.
One episode of vomiting later, I wobbled down the hall, recognizing it to be Cid's house. I dragged my feet towards the kitchen, but stopped short to already find someone awake.
I stiffened, stopping in the entryway to find Cid sitting at the table, sipping a cup of coffee while reading a newspaper. He must've felt my presence because he looked up, his short blond hair a bit messy, and he nodded his head.
"Mornin," he greeted, bright blue eyes falling back to the paper.
I rested a hand on my belly, still feeling fatigue and ready to throw up again.
One glance at a ticking wooden clock, and I mentioned, "You're up early."
"Yeah. Too excited to really sleep, plus I need to pack. There's coffee if you want some," Cid grunted, turning his head to the kitchen where a stainless-steel French press of coffee sat.
I shuffled my way into the kitchen to fetch myself a glass of water. A cup of coffee did sound lovely.
I winced from my tender breasts, secretly massaging them over the counter with my back facing Cid. They were growing, nipples becoming more sensitive. I sighed tiredly, finishing my glass of water and pouring a mug of coffee for myself.
"So, how long have you been pregnant?" I suddenly heard from Cid. I was so shocked by his question shattering the placidity of this morning, I overflowed my mug, coffee spilling onto the counter.
"Wha-Oh! Excuse me?" I asked, pretending to feel insulted, as though he told me that I was gaining weight. Quickly, my hands scrambled with a wash rug, wiping up the mess.
Cid chuckled lightly to himself, shaking his head.
"I'm not a dumb ass. I may be a dude, but I know physiology. Shera talks about it sometimes, though I know we aren't at that point yet. Surprised that you two kids are, though."
I spun around, clutching a mug of hot coffee to my chest, while I pondered whether to tell Cid the truth or not.
"Cid, I'm not a kid," I muttered, giving in and sitting at the table next to him.
I took a sip of fresh, black coffee, strong and hot.
"Well, Cloud sure still is. You expect him to be a decent father?"
I shrugged my shoulders, looking away as a thin curtain of shame covered my face.
"It wasn't planned," I whispered, not looking at him.
"Ah," Cid grunted, and he set his mug down. He folded his paper on the table, and gave me a steady look. No cigarette this morning, I was shocked. Instead, Cid was cleanly shaved, dark circles under his eyes but behind them, they carried excitement. He was ready to fly his rocket a long time ago.
"Well, I have to say, I give him credit for going with it. That's brave of him. Having a kid is gonna be a lot harder than fightin monsters, I'll tell you that," Cid preached.
I eyed him and took another sip of coffee.
"Do you want to be a father someday?"
Cid shrugged.
"Sure, why the hell not? Someone's gotta carry on my legacy. I ain't gonna have my pa's dreams stop here with me. I want them to carry on, from my kid, to my kid's kid, and so on. The chain of life," he replied, arms spread out in the air proudly as though to showcase his home like it was an heirloom.
I sparkled. "Cid, you'll make a great parent."
"Shut up," he muttered, but he smiled anyway, blushing.
"Morning," Shera's voice chirped. She wobbled her sleepiness in, long hair a mess, dressed in long plaid pajamas and fluffy pink slippers.
"Morning Shera," I chimed, stunned at how ghostly the engineer appeared. She groaned like a zombie, half her eyes still closed, mouth hanging open as she shuffled her way towards the kitchen.
"Morning honey cakes," Cid rang, his eyes sparkling up at Shera as she passed him. She rubbed a hand over his shoulder before turning into the kitchen.
She poured a cup of coffee when Cid carried his voice into the kitchen.
"Hey Shera. We were right. Aqua's pregnant."
"What?!" Shera smacked down her mug, spinning around to throw me diamonds in her eyes.
"Really?!" Suddenly, she was as bright as a new day, zombie Shera gone.
I tried not to jump out of my chair from her burst of transformation.
"Was it that obvious?" I asked, a bit embarrassed for apparently hiding it so poorly.
Shera giggled, rushing to the table to set her cup down, and gave me a big hug.
"Oh, Hun. Your breasts have gotten bigger. You refuse to drink alcohol, disappear to throw up and rest your hands on your belly. Yes, it was obvious. Oh my Planet, I'm so happy for you!" She squealed, squeezing me into her hold. Her breasts were as big as Tifa's, smooshing my face, and I groaned, hardly breathing.
"Th-Thanks. But it was supposed to be a secret," I struggled. Shera released and sat between me and Cid. Her eyes grew at me, blinking with puzzlement.
"Really? Whatever for? This is huge news. Who's the father?"
"Shera, who do you think? It's Cloud's," Cid grumbled.
Her eyes grew even bigger, and she almost dropped her mug.
"What? But I thought, I mean, what about Rufus? Uh, wait, I don't-" She seemed lost for a moment, dropping her eyes to her lap.
"I know Cid and the others rescued you from the President. I thought with you two together-"
"Definitely not," I quickly interrupt to correct her line of thought. "I would never let Rufus touch me." I closed my eyes, suddenly resting them into my hands, elbows on the table.
Cid and Shera were quiet, possibly wondering whether they should ask more or not, but it was a sensitive place, uncertain if they should even trek there.
"Well," Shera began, sounding uneasy as she forced her tone to shine through my dampen mood.
"Forgive me for being confused. The wedding threw me off a bit, though it was interrupted. I guess you were forced into that role then, huh? Cid filled me in a little."
I nodded, though not saying anything, my desire on the subject lacking. It was difficult to pretend that what happened between me and Rufus didn't exist. There were times when flashes of his touch and smoldering eyes would appear from just a small trigger. The mention of his name, the sight of a Shinra gunman, or even just being next to Reeve, brought back haunting video clips of the times Rufus hurt me or made me feel helpless. It all felt like a nightmare, one that everyone was aware of, so I guess it was real after all.
"I'm sorry. I'll stop asking," Shera fretted when she saw the look on my face after my hands fell.
I pushed my chair back, getting ready to retreat.
"That's all right. I'm going back to bed for a bit," I trembled, taking my cup of coffee with me.
Cid and Shera shared a distressing look, left torn, as they watched me disappear into the hallway.
Cloud seemed to still be asleep, his position unchanged when I quietly closed the door behind me. I exhaled a shaky breath, forcing the images of Rufus out of my head, and with shaky legs, climbed back into bed.
Carefully, I observed Cloud as he shifted slightly on his side of the mattress. As soon as I slipped next to him, he brought an arm around my waist, pushing me closer to him until his bare chest pressed into my dress.
Something beautiful added to the bright day when his eyes opened, showing me soft blue, and they shifted towards mine silently.
Briefly, we just looked into each other's eyes, lost in the blissful morning, though I could tell, Cloud saw a hidden pain buried deeply in my face. His hand stroke up and down my back as he juggled his thoughts.
Before he were to ask me anything, I started with something simple as "Good morning," in a whisper, and stretched out a smile.
Cloud tried to smile, but he wasn't one to force it, instead, he barely lifted the corners of his lips, studying me.
"Morning," he whispered back, his hand wandering up to my cheek to brush back my short hair.
Something was being deeply calculated, I could see it in his eyes, when they already glowed. Cloud appeared troubled, but he didn't say what exactly. Instead, he lowered his eyelids as he unexpectedly brushed his lips against mine. It started off gentle, just his warm lips and soft hand cupping my cheek. But then he wandered, surprising quickly, his kisses falling down my neck.
His hot breath grew across my collar bones, hands lightly pressing my shoulders to push me down onto my back. Without warning, Cloud climbed on top of me and my heart quickened. Suddenly, my hands were growing numb, startling me to be feeling such a sensation when I had hoped to be more excited than anxious.
As Cloud kissed my shoulders, his hands wandered across my dress, fingers slipping under its skirt.
I began to wheeze, vivid images of Rufus touching me. That's when I realized, he poisoned me. Not with a serum, but with the trauma he left in me, the awful encounters of being close to rape still too real, that I didn't know how much it disturbed me until now. I was not in the room with Cloud anymore, but trapped under Rufus's rough body. His hands made their way up my inner thighs, making me quake like I was cold. Like instinct, I grabbed at his hands as I gasped, "Stop!"
From memory waking up my muscles, I tried to wiggle free, escaping the bed with a desperate attempt.
Cloud reached, shaky arms around my shoulders.
"Aqua, it's okay. I'm sorry."
I snapped back into the room with Cloud, tears falling down my cheeks as he held me tight. He pulled me to sit up with him, his hands gripping strongly to the back of my dress. His body shook, breath hot across my back as though he was holding himself back from exploding with rage.
"What did Rufus do to you? Tell me everything," Cloud demanded, his voice dark.
I shook my head, tears smudging into his bare shoulder.
"No," I wheezed, feeling ashamed. "I don't want to ever want to go back to those memories again. Please don't make me," I begged.
Cloud grunted, holding me all the tighter.
"He'll pay for what he's done," he muttered, stirring like a quiet storm.
Growing unstable, Cloud quickly let go, climbing out of bed with aggression. Habitually, he grabbed his sword from a corner, and marched out of the room. Left on the bed, alone, I grew startled at Cloud's sudden exit. What was he going to do? What was he planning?
I jumped out of bed.
"Cloud, wait! Where are you going?"
I stumbled out the door and ran down the hallway.
"Cid, I need you to take me to Midgar. Now."
From the table, Cid and Shera lifted their wide eyes at Cloud like he was delusional.
At the same time he smacked his mug on the table, Cid cried out, "What?!"
"I need you or your crew to take me to Midgar, now" Cloud repeated through his teeth.
"Cloud, what's going on? Why this all of a sudden?" I asked, hovering in the hall's archway. I don't think he heard me.
Cid rose, shoving his chair back so hard while his hands slammed the table. Shera hissed behind her teeth, steadying her coffee cup and newspaper from tumbling on her lap.
"Are you out of your fucking mind? What the hell, man? I have a rocket to launch in four hours. Hell no! I'm not going to fly you to Midgar. And my crew works the rocket, too, I need them!"
Cloud marched right in front of Cid, sword ready in one hand.
"I'm not asking," he threatened. I took that as my cue to rush in and take his free arm.
"Cloud, please, stop! What's going on? Talk to me," I begged, panicking at his unexpected reaction.
He turned his head sharply to give me a look at how bright the Mako fused in his eyes.
"I'm going to Midgar to kill Rufus, that's what's going on," he growled. Mako flares blazed from his shoulders, turning his face and hair almost a tint bluish green.
"Oh my," Shera gasped, a hand to her heart as she watched the furious man leak the corruption of Mako from his body.
Cloud turned his rage to Cid and hissed, "And if you won't take me there, then I will take the airship myself."
Barefoot and shirtless, he was heading towards the door, taking his Hardedge sword with him.
Just in time, Cid blocked the doorway, his big hands up.
"Cloud, it isn't like you to be so fucking hot-headed. Think about this," the pilot tried.
But Cloud had none of it, trying to shove him aside. Cid gripped Cloud's shoulders tight, having difficulty trying to tame the Mako beast.
"Let me go. I won't hesitate to hurt you!" Cloud cried, trying to throw Cid down. Cid struggled, pushing the younger fighter away from the door, but it seemed to only aggravate him.
"Let go! I'll kill him! I'll kill Rufus, even if it's the last thing I do!" Cloud shouted, lifting his sword. He was drunk with a violent frenzy, his judgment clouded by the tunnel vision to kill Rufus and nothing else. I've seen this when we were at Don Corneo's mansion, Cloud unable to contain himself, and ended the slum lord's life without a second thought.
"Let me go or I'll-"
Cid threw a vertical punch straight into Cloud's cheek.
Shera and I huddled together, and we both gasped, hearing how Cid's curled fist might've cracked a few facial bones.
Cloud's face tilted up to the ceiling, his Mako eyes wide and gusts of Mako energy bursting from his body, escaping instead of coiling with a prepared attack.
He stumbled back only a step, slamming a hand to his red cheek with his sword shaking in his other hand.
"Just stop for a god-damn minute! Do you even know what the fuck you're saying?!" Cid shouted, hands on the hips of his high-waist faded jeans.
"Even if you could fly the airship yourself, what good will it do if you leave now and go to Midgar by yourself?! Huh? You'll fucking die!"
"Who cares?!" Cloud snapped.
"Think about our mission to stop Sephiroth. The Planet cares. I care! Fuck, Cloud, what about Aqua and your unborn child? Don't you think they matter?!" Cid scolded.
Cloud dropped his jaw, ready to shout back, but he grunted instead, clenching his teeth. He fluttered his eyes to me, and I hid from them, burying my moist eyes behind Shera. He hissed back a furious growl, and looked away, huffing as his bare chest rose and dropped too quickly.
His glowing eyes glared up at Cid.
"So, you know?"
"We ain't stupid. Shera and I just figured it out," Cid muttered, crossing his thick arms across his loose white shirt.
Cloud took deep breaths, his fist shaking around his sword's handle. He ducked his head, spiky hair pointed at Cid's chest, and he rattled, "Even so. I…I can't stand Rufus getting away after what he's done." He rubbed his barehand across his face, dismissal over the mark on his cheek and around his eye, and just sighed.
The Mako sank away, leaving Cloud no longer glowing, his eyes quiet when he pulled his face back from his hand, and dropped them to the floor with disappointment.
"I'm sorry. You're right, Cid. I don't know what came over me," he muttered.
Cid let out a long sigh of relief.
"Don't worry, you'll get your chance. Just be patient, and more importantly, think about how Aqua must feel right now," he reminded.
More embarrassed than afraid, I hid behind Shera, hugging her long arm tight as I heard Cloud sigh once more. I could feel his stare, making me press my lips together.
"I'm sorry. I...I need air. Here."
Cloud handed Cid his sword, its wide edge resting on the wood floor. As soon as Cid took hold of its handle, he cried out, trying his damndest to prevent the mighty sword from tipping over.
"Holy fuck! This is heavy!"
Cloud didn't smile as he watched Cid struggle to lay the sword down on the floor. I peered over Shera's shoulder, catching a glimpse of Cloud's troubling eyes before he turned away and went through the door to get some cold, fresh air.
As soon as the door closed, I released a comforting sigh, hand to my pounding heart.
Shera hugged me.
"Oh my, he's scary when he's mad," she commented, her tone carrying both fear and amusement.
"Yeah, no shit," Cid grumbled as he stepped over Cloud's sword carefully, trying not to cut into his leather slippers.
"Just a kid still, that's all. No father figure, no discipline, I'm not surprised," he added, coming back to the table. Cid positioned his chair, sat in it, and rested his elbows on the table, sighing into his hands.
"Damn," he sighed, shivering. I think Cid was really frightened, facing Cloud like that. He kept a straight face so well, that even I was fooled, not believing that the older man was at all intimidated. But here he was, loosening his nerves after holding them in when he thought he was going to get seriously hurt.
"Cid, I'm sorry," I whispered, letting go of Shera.
Cid lifted his furious eyes at me.
"No! Don't ever apologize over the stupid shit Cloud does. It's his own damn fault. Understand?" He jabbed a finger at me, and I nodded.
"Yeah," I muttered, shivering in my summer dress.
Shera settled warm hands on my cold shoulders.
"Do you have warm clothes to wear?"
I shook my head.
"Just a few pieces from Mideel, but it's too cold here," I replied.
Shera smiled at me.
"I have a few outfits I can give you, just sitting in my closet. Come with me," she invited.
"Thank you. Both of you," I mentioned, feeling grateful for this couple's hospitality. Cid seemed less agitated towards Shera on this visit, though it could only be because he knew he was going to accomplish his Rocket dream after all. Or maybe he just missed her after being away for so long. It could be a combination of the two.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Cid grumbled, opening his newspaper. On the front page of Shinra News, a black and white image of the rocket with headlines "Shinra Rocket Launch Today," with big black letters, glared at me.
Back in the guest room, I tried on a few of Shera's sweater dresses and garments.
I stood there in front of a tall mirror, naked, and took note of how much my body has changed since the last time I looked at myself completely.
My breasts grew, continuously sore and with the nipples darkening. My soft rolls of my belly had been replaced by a firm, growing swell, a small girth to marvel at. To actually see it happening, made me feel less insane than I thought I was, my hands rubbing over it. My belly felt warm and firm, a protective cocoon for a baby. I marveled at such a miracle, still a little perplexed that I was going through with it when I thought I was going to be the last woman on earth to do so.
This is what Aerith wanted.
It felt meaningful what I was holding in my body, the key to the Ancients, hope for a fresh start to the magical race.
Alone in my room, shivering from the cold, I wrapped my arms around myself, when I heard the Planet whisper to me.
The whispers spun around my head, slithering through the air like trails of spirits telling me the turmoil that Sephiroth planted in the Lifestream. There were so many, I could only pick up the bits of what they were telling me.
We can't return to the Planet.
Its dying faster.
Meteor will fall.
But not here...
That last bit puzzled me. Not here? What did that mean?
I tried to resist the urge to cover my ears, knowing that never worked. Instead, I tightened my arms around myself, hiding my breasts, and looked around the room. It was aggravating to not see them but to only hear them, trying not to feel schizophrenic in a room of voices.
"What do you mean, not here?" I asked them. Of course, they didn't reply. The Planet only sends messages, but doesn't respond unless I return to the Ancient City altar.
Nothing but more voices.
I closed my eyes, trying to listen to them all while not feeling overwhelmed. The room sounded crowded, darkening as my green magic swelled in my body.
They were scared, uncertain where they were to go, trapped as darkness grew in the Lifestream, sucking it dry. Not reactors, but Sephiroth's hunger, equivalent to thousands of reactors. His hunger grew and grew, eating up the Lifestream into his physical body as it laid somewhere in a deep crater.
I could see it, his form sleeping someplace deep and glowing green, like an embryo snugged inside the body of the Planet.
Suddenly, they all just vanished.
The room brightened again, the images and voices all gone. I didn't know why until I felt warm hands rub across my hips, his chest pressed against my back.
"How are you feeling?" Cloud asked, his eyes closed softly as he brushed his cheek across the side of my head. I flushed when I felt his warm hands rested on top of my belly, cradling it.
The heat of his chest triggered a hunger I wanted to give in to, but the idea of anything more than being held seemed too provoking. I swallowed down that hunger, trembling to it, and opened my eyes to shyly see Cloud smiling gently in the mirror.
"Better, now that you're here," I replied quietly, heat flaring on my face.
His lips pressed softly on my shoulder.
"The voices were bothering you again?" He asked.
I nodded, keeping my breasts hidden behind my folded arms. I was relieved that he knew, unless he was watching me for a minute before making himself known. I didn't ask.
"How are you?" I tried, a bit apprehensive when I thought of how he stepped out abruptly to clear his head.
Cloud's hands rubbed lightly, tickling across my belly button.
"I'll be all right. I'm still troubled, but I need to be patient," he replied. The heat of his chest grew, a flame of passion or rage growing inside him, I couldn't tell which.
My hands met with his.
"Cloud, I just want you to know," I began, swallowing. "He never got a chance to fully..." To fully what? I was unable to find the proper word. How could someone not completely penetrate you and yet, still leave you feeling raw and violated?
"It doesn't matter," Cloud replied, his voice hardening. He withdrew his hands, feeling them rub up my back until they took hold of my shoulders. They guided me to spin around and look up at him, taking in his fierce gaze.
"One touch, one kiss, how he made you feel..." Cloud gripped my cheeks, and he rested his forehead against mine, his eyes closed as he trembled.
"Even if he only laid a fucking finger on you, it doesn't matter," he clarified.
After a long, shaky sigh, he added, "I'll make sure Rufus gets what he deserves."
"Cloud," I should be flattered, but killing Rufus wasn't going to help how I felt. Having him gone wouldn't pull away the invisible fingerprints that he left on my body, nor the horrible memories.
Gently, I cupped Cloud's cheeks, giving him a pleading look. The mark from Cid's punch glared at me, half his face bruising just under his eye, but he didn't seem to care.
"Don't do anything reckless, okay? Just stay with me, please?" I saw that look, a look of determination to kill, but it flashed away quickly, replaced by something tender. But I knew he was going to hold his inner rage for later, a buried secret until I forget. When Cloud planned to unleash it, I wanted to ask, but I also wanted to trust him.
He lowered, falling to one knee, and pressed his lips across my belly.
"Don't worry," he whispered, hands following his lips.
As he rose, he planted a kiss on one breast, and heightened until he greeted me with his lips on mine.
"I'll stay with you," he whispered, handing me a loving gaze that would be too difficult for anyone to feel misled.
Cloud pulled me into his arms, and he sighed longingly, craning his head over my shoulder. He may have looked at himself in the mirror, a flash of doubt or regret in those eyes of his that troubled him enough to look away guiltily.
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