Failure
Days till impact: 12
It was a restless day after the launch, all of us waiting desperately for the evening to arrive already.
Yuffie kicked her feet up, her stomach lying on a bean bag, and she yawned.
"I'm bored. Can't we like, I don't know, fly this airship somewhere to get a better view? Like Cosmo Canyon, or, I don't know, my hometown?"
"Yuffie, where are you from?" I chimed, lying back on a bean bag chair as well, looking up at the high ceiling while the daylight kept the bridge lit.
The airship was quiet when no one was working its engines. It settled on "back up mode", like parking an RV somewhere to allow us to use it for shelter and run low power electricity like a microwave, plumbing and a hot shower.
Yuffie rolled onto her back and threw her red Odin Materia up in the air. Right when it fell back, about to hit her face, she would catch it, and then just throw it up in the air again.
"Wutai," she grumbled.
"Where is this?" I asked.
"It's like, really close from here. Across the sea from Rocket Town," she groaned.
"Do you miss your home? Want to visit before we fight Sephiroth?" I pried, sensing the girl's grumpiness unfolding.
"Maybe," Yuffie pouted. The red Materia smacked in her hand, and she thought to herself with a "hmmm".
"Aqua, don't feed Yuffie your curiosity. She'll manipulate you to pry more out of her to get attention," Vincent warned. Yuffie growled and threw her Materia right at him. He didn't even open his eyes nor move apart from his golden claw, and the Materia smacked right into it before it were to hit his face.
"Nice try," Vincent grunted.
Yuffie jumped out of her bean bag chair.
"Hey, give it back! It's mine!" She leaped into the air to try to snatch it from Vincent', but he kept it out of her reach, amusing himself.
"Nope, it's mine now," he teased.
"I'm going to kick you in the balls!" Yuffie screamed.
"Go for it."
"Do you even have any!?"
Reeve covered his ears, siting close to me in a normal lounge chair to his liking.
"Please, Yuffie. When you scream, it's like glass breaks," he whined.
I giggled, and kicked my legs out, hair hanging towards the floor while I looked at Reeve upside down.
"Reeve, can I ask you something?"
"Hmm? Sure."
I laid my hands on my stomach, settling it while lying in such a position, stretching out my legs.
"What is Large Materia?"
Reeve cleared his throat, fidgeted with his red tie, and looked at me, his eyes guarded.
"Where did you hear this?"
"I heard the rocket is carrying one. And I know Scarlet was in charge of the project, but what is it? Is it an energy source? A giant stone? What?"
Reeve sucked in a deep breath.
"Uh, yeah, well, about that," he struggled, loosening his tie until he slipped it off. He let it curl on a table.
"That goes to the topic of Rufus's other project. You see, he took over after Scarlet, um, died, yeah."
He took a break to sip his coffee, trying to tune out Yuffie's shrieks and Vincent's threats to hide her Materia.
"It will be like a little treasure hunt. Close your eyes, count to ten, and then go find it," Vincent suggested in his glum voice, making him sound entirely sarcastic.
"No way! You'll just chuck it outside or bury it in a pile of Chocobo poo," Yuffie squirmed.
"Dude, do it!" Barret chimed in, slouching over the railing behind the skylight to bask in the noon sun. His dark skin glowed, brown eyes sparkling into gold under the warmth, soaking in the light he may not have had a chance to living under Midgar's city plates.
Reeve rubbed his temples.
"Large Materia is actually called Huge Materia," he corrected.
I puffed my cheeks. "Same thing," I grumbled.
"Anyway," Reeve continued, his travel mug in one hand.
"It's like regular Materia, though it's been harvested inside the core of Mako reactors for a long time, a large stone with massive amounts of energy condensed into it. Just picture a regular Materia, but much larger, and in a more natural crystal shape. Scarlet told me once, they hold 330 times more power than any regular Materia. Can you imagine the intensity of that power?" He seemed excited, eyes sparkling at the wonders of such stones. As for me, I shivered, terrified to ever get my hands on such powerful Materia.
330 times more powerful?
I could only imagine what I could do with such magic, which most definitely would drain all of my life if I ever even tried to use it.
"How many of them are there? And what does Rufus plan to do with them?" I quizzed.
The color drained from Reeve's face, and he set his mug down a little too clumsily.
"Ah, that. Well, there are a few Huge Materia. One is in the rocket as we speak, to aid in destroying Meteor. The other three, well, are tucked away in Junon in the lab for the time being. One more is being harvested at the underwater reactor. When Rufus has all four of them, well…" he coughed, and stood up suddenly.
"You know what? Let's talk about this later when all of us are here, huh? Where's Cloud, by the way?"
Reeve was hiding something. I squinted at him and decided to give him the slip, too fatigue to dig more out of him.
"Leave Cloud be," I pressed, gazing at the skylight. "He's resting."
I lied. He was really having a talk with Tifa, to tell her the truth about his past. My stomach twisted severely, half of it anxiety, the other half from cramping inside my occupied uterus. A part of me wanted to sneak to the ship's deck to have a listen, even if they needed the privacy. I trusted Cloud, but I had no idea how Tifa would handle the truth.
In Nibelheim, five years ago, Cloud was there all along, the hero she had wished for. What would she say when she finds out her hero grew up, fell in love with another woman and is having a child? I rammed my hands over my face, groaning with dread while flutter kicking my legs.
"What is it?" Reeve asked, watching me squirm with anxieties of my own.
I sighed, sitting up normally, and tucked my hair behind my ears.
"Nothing," I gasped, but then I felt a sickness coming in at the back of my neck, swirling in from my stomach.
"I'll be right back!" I squeaked, hopping out of my seat and running across the bridge into the dim hall.
A few minutes later, after clearing my head and my stomach, I groaned coming out of the bathroom. I rubbed my hands across my face, feeling strangely cold and clammy.
A gust of a cold breeze became my life savior, coming from a door slid open ajar from the steps below. I grew eager, wondering if Cloud and Tifa were talking behind that door. I hesitated, hovering just over the metal stairs. If Aerith was with me, she would pull me down instantly and told me to hush, hungry with interest.
I swallowed, hands cupping my belly.
Aerith.
Her ghostly hands would grab mine, pulling me with her while a big, fat grin laid on her beautiful face. My eyes stung, lost in the moment of remembering my other person, and then I was stabbed from my insides, selfishly pretending she was with me.
Her hand took mine, whispering to me to hush as we took to the steps as quietly as possible, her boots treading lightly.
As we neared the door, voices grew. We stayed closely behind it, and I edged my ear to its thin gap until fresh air tickled it, listening.
"What?" Tifa gasped.
"I was the Shinra infantryman all along. You see, the reason you thought I wasn't there at Nibelheim five years ago, was because I was hiding as a low life Shinra guard. I wasn't the SOLDIER on that mission. Of course, you already knew that bit," Cloud explained in a flat voice.
"So, you lied, then?" Tifa scolded. I imagined her eyes red, squinting up at Cloud with her arms crossed under her breasts.
"I didn't mean to," Cloud pleaded. "I've listened to so many of Zack's stories on our trips, and I wanted his experiences to be mine. I took his stories, his ideas, and made it into what I wanted to become until I actually believed it."
Tifa said nothing.
I pushed my head a little, one eye into the door's gap. The cool air was inviting, blowing back my hair as I carefully watched Tifa snatch the railing with her fists, eyes down at them. Her back was to me, the wind throwing her long hair to one side. Cloud faced her, looking disappointed and blue eyes dark as he watched how his old childhood friend fumed silently.
"Tifa, please try to understand, I wasn't proud for not ever making it in SOLDIER. I felt it would be better not to come back home as a disappointment."
"So you lied to me. To all of us," she bellowed from the depths of her throat, unable to look at him.
Cloud pressed his lips together.
"You can be upset, I don't blame you for that. I just thought you should know."
"Why couldn't you have just shown your face anyway? I would've been so happy to see you, SOLDIER or not," Tifa whispered, her voice dropping. Her anger dissolved into disenchantment, and she sighed long and hard.
"Things would've been different," she added, sounded defeated.
She didn't explain what her last comment meant, but I knew what she was saying.
Maybe they would've ended up together.
I reeled my face back to take a deep breath just like Tifa, closing my eyes to suppress the shattered look that cracked across Cloud's face. Ghost Aerith covered her mouth, trying not to gasp at what she was hearing next to me.
"Tifa, it's no good to dwell on what we cannot change," Cloud advised.
"I know."
"I did come for you. I kept my promise."
"I know!" She smacked her hands on the rail. I returned my eyes back to the gap, finding Tifa throwing her outraged red eyes up at Cloud.
"So what? You weren't in SOLDIER and yet, you show up to Midgar, dressed like one and fighting like one. You even had Zack's sword. How the hell did that happen? What happened to Zack?"
Cloud grunted, and he pressed his fingers to the side of his skull, grimacing.
"I….I can't remember that last bit. Shinra found me at Mt. Nibel's reactor. I became a part of Hojo's experiment to make a Sephiroth clone, along with the other bodies found. Zack too. That's when I went through heavy doses of Mako poisoning. But I don't remember how we escaped, or what happened to Zack."
Tifa's eyes softened.
"You were an experiment to Hojo, then? So, for five years, after Nibelheim?" She couldn't believe it, a gloved hand to her lips when she figured it out.
"That's why…"
Cloud nodded.
"I remember, you told me once that Aqua asked you what happened after Nibelheim, and it bothered you. So, that's why."
Cloud crossed his arms and looked out at the green field emptying. Residents began to return to their broken town, ready to rebuild it with optimism.
"I didn't remember at first. Five years, a total blank. But eventually, I got most of my memories back."
"When?" Tifa asked, her head turned to analyze Cloud's calming expression.
"Just yesterday," Cloud breathed, eyes closed briefly as he said that.
"How did that happen?" Tifa pried, digging for more.
Cloud opened his eyes slightly, lowering them.
"Does it matter?"
"Yes."
Cloud sighed, his shoulders dropping.
"Aqua helped me. It's because of her, I was able to remember," he replied softly, looking up to the afternoon sky. Meteor's growth brought in a red tint, a light sunset for every hour of the day.
Tifa fluttered her eyes down to her hands.
"I see." She seemed to be shrinking.
"Tifa."
Cloud's tone grew more severe, the serious man frowning up at Meteor. Tifa perked at him, awaiting what he had to say with a swallow down her long throat.
"I know it has been difficult between you two. I feel partially to blame, not saying this to you sooner. So, here it goes."
He looked at her with an intense gaze, his face hard.
"I loved you once, a long time ago. I wanted nothing more than to save you that day when we fell off that bridge as kids. Ever since, I wanted to be that hero you wanted, thinking it would clear away my guilt for having you get hurt. I was afraid you thought I didn't exist, or even resented me for that. That's why I wanted to be in SOLDIER. For you."
Tifa's eyes glowed, but she surpassed her excitement as Cloud continued, awaiting to hear the difficult part.
"Unfortunately, I didn't get in, and the guilt just grew. I was afraid to be a huge disappointment, hiding from you when I reached Nibelheim. I'm sorry. You waited for me, and yet, I couldn't even show my face."
Cloud lowered his head a little, shaking it.
"What can a low life Shinra gunman do to keep such a promise, to protect the girl of his dreams?"
He looked up to the sky, at Meteor again, or maybe to the heavens, silently praying for an answer from up there.
"Even in Midgar, I was just trying to show you that I was fine, pretending everything was okay when I felt lost, confused, and stuck in an illusion. I wanted to leave, afraid you would catch on."
Cloud leaned his arms over the rail, hands clasped together, and the winds touched his hair, causing his spikes to wave.
"Cloud…" Tifa sighed.
"I'm not done," he argued.
Tifa pressed her lips together when she heard how crucial his tone was.
"Maybe it was the stress, the pressure, or even just Midgar. I didn't want to be there, but I didn't know where else to go either. But then..." Cloud paused, his eyes fluttering more open, and they seemed to sparkle up at the red and blue sky.
His face softened, and he dropped his gaze, lost in a memory that hinted a smile.
"I met Aqua, and, well, for the first time, someone actually needed me. I can't explain it but, it made me feel, I don't know, important, like I mattered. I never realized how much I wanted that until recently. What's even more startling, is how much I've needed her, too. It's strange, I wanted her close as I tried to figure it all out."
He straightened, and his eyes radiated when he turned them slowly towards Tifa.
"I love her, Tifa."
I was suddenly transported back to my last, deep conversation with Isaac, and how I've felt when I told him how much I loved Cloud, even when it was difficult to admit that to him after so much history together. What Cloud was going through with Tifa, I did similarly with Isaac, to dispel emotional tension.
Tifa was Isaac, probably wondering if Cloud could ever return her feelings again.
Perhaps he will always have a special place for Tifa just as I do for Isaac, and I suddenly didn't feel anxious anymore.
"I know," Tifa whispered.
"You did nothing wrong," Cloud reminded her.
"Yeah, I know," she replied, stuck in a loop of similar responses. She sniffed, rubbing her eyes.
"I knew all along," she gurgled, trying to smile.
"Ever since you brought her into my bar, I knew," she breathed. Her smile wiggled, trying very hard to keep it there, but it was no use. Tifa closed her eyes and rubbed them again.
"But the funny thing was, neither of you did, yet," she finished, opening her wet eyes up at Cloud, the man she loved for so long.
"Tifa, it makes me happy to know you were just trying to look out for me, because you cared, because you-"
"Because I loved you, too," she finished for him in a cracked whisper.
Cloud nodded, holding her small shoulders.
"I still care about you. Please know that."
Tifa nodded, unable to look at him in the eye anymore, and she pressed her lips together.
"Yeah," she choked.
Her shaky hand landed on top of Cloud's at her shoulder, and she gave him a brave face, forcing her smile.
"Thank you, Cloud," was all she could really say, and that may have been enough, but so much of what was left, stayed in her eyes. Tifa fought with herself, to not fall into his arms and sob, possibly feeling much too delicate. It wasn't going to make her feel better in the end. She knew being held by Cloud wouldn't be the same way he held me, a truth she finally had to admit.
That was my time to retreat, knowing that the two close friends came to a conclusion to their internal drama. I stole a glance to ghost Aerith, but my imagination quivered, leaving nothing but an emptiness next to me. Trying not to sigh, quietly, I walked up the stairs.
—
I fell into a long nap on one of the couches in the lounge. It was a place to relax, to eat and socialize, though everyone seemed to circulate on the bridge. It was fine by me, the room tranquil by its emptiness.
Quietly, I laid there, taking up the whole length of the couch with a cotton blanket over my lap.
All the noise happened inside my head. It was difficult to tell if the voices were a dream, or if they were there before the dream. My head vibrated with them as I dreamt of Sephiroth, or more like, a vision of him.
Like before, I saw him, encased in a cocoon of crystal. His crystal extended out, like tree roots, wedged through the depths of the Planet, and into the Lifestream, sucking it dry.
Screams of agony, fear, and pain spread through the stream like a disease.
Jenova.
She did this.
She gave the idea to Sephiroth, manipulating him, turning him into her puppet.
Her closed lip chuckle haunted the Planet like a howling wind, a storm coming. Red eyes glowed, no pupils, nothing but emptiness. Jenova, a blue alien with feminine curves along her beautiful body, a body she purposely made attractive and human-like, to easily twist the minds of men when she was discovered on this Planet.
Her long, elegant arms extended out, turning into tentacles around Sephiroth's safe crystal, protecting him from all who tried to oppose her plan.
"Yes, my son. As you wait for Armageddon, suck the Lifestream dry. Take them all," she hissed, her long, white hair waving madly.
I tossed in my sleep, Jenova's bright, red eyes growing ever closer, taking up a part of my vision as though she could see me.
Her full, white lips lifted.
"If you interfere, I will go after your home, too, along with your child," she warned in a luscious voice.
More blue tentacles appeared and aimed their sharp points.
Without warning, they shot like arrows.
"Wake up!" She screamed in a monstrous wail, no longer attractive. Her eyes slanted, mouth open, fangs, and a dark blue tongue exposed.
Tentacles penetrated my body, like a dozen swords at once, and all I could do was gasp, my life already gone in a blink. I closed my eyes.
"Wake up!"
My eyes bursted open, sitting up so abruptly with a sharp inhale, I almost bumped heads with TIfa.
She gasped, stepping back to give me space as I let out a broken wail from the top of my lungs.
The blanket slipped off, exposing me, covered in sweat under the turtleneck dress. I stared blankly at my shaky hands, stuck between the lounge and Jenova's warning.
Soft hands gripped my shoulders.
"Aqua, it's okay. You were having a bad dream," Tifa whispered. I struggled to follow her voice, until I was finally able to latch onto her warm amber eyes.
I took deep breaths to relax my fidgety heart, paying attention to Tifa's soft smile as a distraction from the nightmare. It may have taken me a minute, the forced breaths slowing down until they came naturally, hands rubbing away the sweat dripping from my face.
Wearing her gloves, Tifa assisted, pushing back my hair and sighing, her breath warm on my cheeks.
"You're still having bad dreams?"
I nodded, laying a warm hand on my forehead.
"I get a break sometimes, but not this time, I'm afraid," I mentioned lightly, trying to descale it as unimportant.
What was she doing here anyway?
I blinked at her.
"What? Did I talk in my sleep? Was I interrupting your relaxing?" I asked, fearful of muttering my fears out loud.
Tifa shook her head and sat on the couch, her bum next to my hips, and hands relaxed on her knees. She sighed again, eyes slightly closed as she looked at nothing.
"No. I wanted to come and tell you it's almost time. The rocket should hit Meteor soon," she shared quietly. Her head seemed to be filling with more words, lips pressed together as thoughts arranged carefully.
I sat up, back against the couch's arm rest, and let out a sigh of relief, afraid that I had gushing holes all along my abdomen and chest. I caught sight of the low, plain ceiling, pipes hissing quietly at me as I fell back into Jenova's tentacles piercing my body, harming my child.
"Aqua, I never thanked you," Tifa told me quietly. Her voice pulled me back into the Airship, and I gave her a puzzled look, finding the woman melancholy behind such a fragile smile.
"For what?"
I've felt to have been a thorn on her side, damaging her life by unintentionally taking away the man that she loved. What could she possibly ever thank me for?
Tifa fiddled her hands along the string from her grey hoodie, having them twist over her breasts.
"For saving my life."
Oh. Tifa's darkest moment.
I swallowed, lifting my hands up.
"You don't need to thank me for that," I replied uneasily. After Cloud had a talk with Tifa, I wondered if it put her in a reflective mood, her thoughts warping her back in time to the moments where she could find some trace of forgiving me for the pain I've caused her.
"Yes, I do," she confessed, her eyes hard on mine.
"I was scared. I thought I've lost everything." She bit her lip. "Cloud meant everything to me."
My heart quickened again, uncertain of what to say, so I stayed silent. Tifa rose, sighing as she did, and her hands flapped lightly on the side of her thighs.
"I guess, after Meteor, perhaps I will open a new bar after all. In Costa Del Sol, I think." She seemed to be talking to herself now, forcing her dark thoughts to turn optimistic.
I pulled my legs in and sat on the couch like normal, bare feet planted on the cool floor.
"And see Johnny?" I dug, remembering Tifa's charming, red-haired friend with the six-pack abs.
Tifa let out a noise between a giggle and a sigh, tucking her loose hair behind her ear.
"Yeah. I think so," she muttered shyly. She smiled to herself, a curled fist to her heart.
"I will always love Cloud, but..." she looked over her shoulder and down at me.
"Well, don't expect him to open doors or hold shopping bags for you," she hinted, and winked.
I smiled up at Tifa and collected myself, standing. Carefully, I wrapped my arms around her, feeling how much she still trembled behind that smile of hers.
"After Meteor, a new chapter will be waiting for you," I reminded her, hands up her small back.
I could feel her swallow when her neck pressed over my shoulder, and her breathing shook.
"Yeah, you're right."
We squeezed, chins under each other's shoulders. I couldn't decide who felt smaller, me or her.
"Let's go and watch the rocket blow the shit out of Meteor," Tifa chimed. We giggled, pulling back.
It was that moment when I felt the pull to tell her that I was pregnant, hoping that she would still giggle with me and in the near future. I just wanted to be sure that this wasn't just a blink of peace before another war begins between the two of us.
But before I could.
"Hey, it's almost time," we heard.
Tifa and I turned our heads, finding Cloud leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed, blue eyes cautious.
"If you two take too long, you're going to miss it," he added, unfolding his arms.
Tifa and I blushed, looking away and giggling some more for some odd reason.
"Right," Tifa uttered.
"My bad," I chimed.
"What are you two talking about anyway?" Cloud asked, one hand on his hip. I followed Tifa out the lounge.
"You," I revealed in a teasing tone just as I passed him, grinning.
Cloud sighed behind me.
"That's what I'm afraid of."
We all gathered outside, back on the plains. There were a few onlookers, but the majority of the citizens returned to their town, to watch from the streets.
The day turned into twilight, the sun almost finishing its descend behind Rocket Town and into the sea. The sky darkened, its high edge full of blurs of purple and berry blue. Meteor stayed up there, unaware it was about to be imperiled by a heavy rocket.
"I'm nervous," Tifa fretted to Vincent, her elbows together.
Vincent considered her, the cold winds blowing his cloak away from him.
"Me too," he admitted.
Without permission, Yuffie clung to his golden claw with her arms, making him scowl.
"Whoa, this is intense. Hold me," she begged with exaggeration. Vincent rolled his eyes just as Tifa took his other arm.
"Me too," she fretted.
I tried not to laugh when I got a good look of confusion on Vincent's face, never often in the center of attention.
"Dude, is it just me, or does Vincent carry a chick magnet?" Barret jabbed at Cloud.
Cloud shrugged, viewing Vincent clung by two women like it was nothing to gawk over. Unless Barret was secretly hinting he missed physical connection with a woman. Any connection for that matter.
Cloud crossed his arms and turned his concerned eyes to Barret.
"What is it Barret?"
The big man sighed, muscular arms hanging at his sides.
"Just wish I was with Marlene, is all. I miss her," he shared.
Red curled by his monstrous boots.
"Barret, you should go see her soon, before we fight Sephiroth," the creature advised.
Their conversation dwindled when I walked over to Reeve sitting in the grass, waiting quietly in his own company with a thick black wool coat over his suit.
"Reeve, how do we know if Cid and Shera successfully take the escape pod?"
I asked him, wondering if he knew or if there was to be a broadcast.
But Reeve frowned up at me, and his hands gripped the long grass blades.
"We don't," he confessed, looking away from my pained look.
"We just hope that they do," he finalized, trying to keep me positive.
I sat beside him, knees curled, and bumped my shoulders against his. The winds grew, trying to cut through the wool, but they chilled my hands and cheeks instead, the only parts of me visible. My cheeks probably flushed from the early winter winds, and I struggled to ask Reeve something personal, anything to stop worrying about Cid and Shera.
"Reeve, what will you after Meteor?"
"Huh?" He blinked at me, taking no notice to how he held some grass inside his fists.
I tried to smile, and looked up at Meteor, waiting.
"I try and ask everybody that. To remind them of why they are doing this, fighting to save the Planet. So, I just wanted to know, what are your thoughts? Has it ever occurred to you what you want to do? Do you still want to build Neo Midgar?"
Reeve looked away, his white face slowly turning pink, unless the cold air made him flush.
He released the grass from his hands, spilling it like green rain. Some fell on his leather shoes, now worn and dirty when not stuck treading in a clean office.
"That idea is gone," he muttered in a low voice, telling himself more than to me. The realization made his eyes appear heavy, and he sighed, chest shrinking away.
"I wish that I could change Shinra, to convince Rufus to change his father's traditional ways, and be there for the people. I mean, like, really," he turned his determined brown eyes to me. "For the people, not for money or power. To give them a sense security and order without spreading fear and lies."
I smiled at him, hugging my knees closer.
"Maybe you should be the next President," I suggested.
Reeve shook his head.
"It doesn't work that way. After Rufus, one of his children will take his place, that is, if he ever settles down-oh." Reeve ducked his head, just realizing how close the President was to that goal, or at least, almost to the next step, when I made a sour face.
"Sorry. I mean, never mind." He sighed, brushing away the grass from his shoes to try to keep them somewhat neat. In the process, dry mud clung to the backs of his fingers.
I shook my head. "It's nothing to-"
A bright light eclipsed the sky, and I jumped to my feet.
"It's happening," Reeve gasped, standing next to me.
The bright light spread across the sky, like a mighty explosion was occurring up there. It was so bright, everything outside, possibly two-thirds of the Planet, glimmered in a sheet of pure white for a few seconds.
I closed my eyes behind a hand.
I've never seen anything so bright before, terrifying me. Presently, from space, the rocket plunged its way into Meteor, cutting through rock, metal and unknown elements until it shattered. The explosion obliterated the rocket, melting its metal skin, all the way into its core, and shattered the surface of Meteor by causing it to blast like an exploding star.
I rammed a free hand over my anxious heart, awaiting the brightness to dim behind my eyelids.
At this moment, the world panicked, the flash covering the sky too difficult to ignore. You would have to be deep in a cave to escape such brightness; otherwise, it seemed to penetrate every crevice, corner and barricaded room with its mighty presence, as though a God appeared and began to urge everyone to step outside.
People around the world crowded on the streets, awaiting the outcome. What would be left to the sky after the bright light disappeared?
Fingers pointed up, eyes wide with fear.
It faded, and I exhaled my held breath, opening my eyes.
Upon looking up at the sky, I swallowed another breath, and just held it. My throat thickened, eyes burning.
"No," Reeve whimpered.
"What?!" Barret cried.
Red dropped his eyes into the grass, ears sinking into his head.
Yuffie landed on her knees, eyes frozen wide.
"No way..." she whispered, lost in disbelief.
Tifa buried her eyes in her hands. "It's can't be," she gasped.
Vincent grunted, already looking away, having enough of the show.
Cloud said nothing, just glaring up at the sky with immense hatred, his fists curled at his side.
Meteor stayed put.
It appeared a bit scattered, a glowing red and yellow mass with bits of an outer shell of more red around it, collecting the pieces back together to congregate once more. A small red sun with an outer ring of large scattered rocks.
My chin shook, unable to look away from the broken sky.
"We failed," I breathed.
All of Cid's and Shera's determination, the hard work, and sacrifices. All of that hope...
My eyes stung.
It did nothing.
I smacked a hand over my lips to hide how it let out a silent cry, and rested the other on my small belly, instantly thinking of a future that will likely not exist for this child. My fingers touched against the wool, feeling the belly's firmness underneath that, and my vision grew blurry.
"It was all for nothing," I muffled, trying to contain myself.
I steered towards Cloud and crashed into his arms.
"It was all for nothing!" I wailed, gripping to his chest.
Cloud enveloped me in his arms, staying silent. What could he say? There was nothing to say that would uplift any of our spirits, nothing to shield the harsh truth that Meteor was unstoppable.
A fragment memory of Aerith in prayer under a beam of light, flashed behind my eyes.
The White Materia.
"We have no choice," I muttered into Cloud's shirt, pushing away slightly to rub my eyes.
"We have to go to the Ancient City and find the White Materia," I demanded, not a care of the others overheard. The winds picked up, as though a storm was approaching, or maybe it was remnants of the blast finally taking effect, stirring the weather into something more horrific.
Cloud grabbed my shoulders and shook his head.
"No. We'll find another way. No more sacrifices," he declared, Mako lighting up his eyes.
I tried to shove him, but he was as sturdy as stone.
"It's me or the whole damn world! I think that's a simple decision!" I wailed.
Stares from the group lingered, taking notice.
Cloud glared at me, holding his tongue. He knew I was just upset, and I had every right to be. Deciding to do what Aerith planned all along was a bold and irrational choice, made by emotion rather than plan, but I couldn't think of any other way. The distant idea laid in the back of my mind for the duration of my stay in Junon, and even after. Every day since coming back to this world, I never forgot.
The tall grass flickered violently, strong gusts of winds trying to shove anyone off their feet. I stumbled a step, almost falling forward, but with a grunt, Cloud held my shoulders, keeping me steady.
"If I don't, then we'll all just die anyway! Why is that so-," I broke, ducking my head to hide the tears.
"Why is that so hard to accept?" I whimpered, quietly sobbing. Cloud pulled me into his arms, and he sighed, taking notice to the winds heightening. Dark bulges of a storm quickly emerged, as though the Planet refused to see its doom, and decided to curtain it away with dark clouds to forget for a time.
Cloud frowned deeper.
"We fight Sephiroth," he muttered.
"We fight him, and hope that is enough. If not, then..." he grunted, holding me tighter until he trembled.
"Then..." he lifted his head, eying the others for help.
Barret put a hand on his right shoulder, and tried to smile.
"Then we did all we could, man," he finished in a strained voice.
"No, we don't think like that! We wait for Cid, and go fight Sephiroth! That may dispel Meteor, and-and that's it! Happy ending for us!" Yuffie cried, forcing her smile with her hands up in the air.
"When does Cid come back?" Tifa asked, trying to stay calm.
"If the escape pod worked, then he should be back here by tomorrow morning," Reeve muttered.
Red eyed Reeve intensely. "If?"
Reeve sighed, slumping towards the grass.
"There's no way to know if he's made it out until Shrina reach the site tomorrow. We don't have any way of contacting him."
"Great, Reeve. What a way to add more bad news," Yuffie grumbled as she stood up, and glared at him over her crossed arms.
Cloud sighed.
"Let's return to the airship. I think I've had enough," he muttered, squeezing me hard.
It began to rain. Cloud's arms protected me from most of the incoming drops, but a few snuck through, wetting my fingers.
I could feel how afraid he was, listening to his heart beating fast under my ear. His fingers tickled my back nervously, his shaky breath in my hair. I got lost in the dark of Cloud's shirt, pressing my forehead against it, and closed my eyes, wishing that his arms were enough to protect me from Meteor.
I don't think anyone could sleep tonight.
The sleep rooms reminded me of those tiny rooms in hospitals where I used to have to squeeze in a few hours of sleep during on-call shifts. Just five plain rooms holding three bunk beds, nothing fancy. The Highwind was like a flying hostel. Before we stole the airship, I wondered where Rufus was planning to rest, unable to picture a man like him to sleep in such conditions.
Upon inspecting the lounge, I found Barret sitting there on the couch, thinking to himself. His droopy eyes clung to a flatscreen that blared the News about the failure of Shinra No. 26.
I joined for a minute, blinking at the screen with him to see a dark woman telling us how disappointed the world became today.
The scene shifted. Already, President Rufus was at a conference with his people, cameras flashing him and microphones shoved into his elegant face.
"We failed. That's all there is to it. Time for the next plan," he confirmed, his icy blue eyes at the audience. I swallowed, stepping away.
"He doesn't give up, does he?" Barret asked. I wasn't certain whether he was asking me or to himself. As I walked out, I muttered, "No, he doesn't."
On the bridge, Red sulked by the skylight, the flame on his tail too dim to be considered warm. Through the window, I saw only night, but could easily hear the rough winds slamming rain against the glass. Thunder rumbled far away, the Airship's metal walls thick and sturdy. Red may be finding solitude being close to the storm, his restful face towards the scene. I left him alone to dream of thunderstorms.
In one sleeping room, Tifa claimed a bottom bunk, Yuffie on the top, and they shared a bottle of hard liquor together under a soft ceiling lamp.
"What to join us, Aqua?! Come on, it will be funz," Yuffie gurgled when I opened the door to find them already drunk.
I hovered in the doorway, taking note of Yuffie's face all red as she held a bottle, already half empty. Tifa laid back on her bunk and sighed.
"Man, we need to get laid, girl. Let's go back to Costa Del Sol, just youz and mez," she slurred up to Yuffie.
I think they already forgot about me, and I gladly closed the door to give the two women their own private party. I didn't blame them one bit. It must be nice to let the liquor swirl in your head, taking over your brain cells to help you forget for a night. Just like outside, the green plains covered by a heavy storm to forget Meteor, we had our own ways of doing the same. We grow storms inside ourselves as we try to repress, even for just a bit.
As though to remind me, a distant rumble seemed to tremble the airship, and I winced to it, wishing to have earplugs or headphones to wear off the storm's cries.
"Heavy storm, isn't it?" Reeve commented as he passed me.
A quick thought came to mind, and I halt him abruptly, startling him when my hands gripped his sleeves.
"Reeve, go in that room," I whispered, pointing to the door I just closed.
Maybe he will get lucky.
Of course, he didn't quite follow, rubbing his hand under his growing black beard.
"Uh, why?"
"Just do it, and thank me later," I whispered, and patted his back as I walked pass him.
He seemed stuck, unable to decide whether to open the door or just walk on, standing there in his thoughts. Behind me, I heard him slide it open, and there were squeals from Tifa and Yuffie shattering the quiet hallway. I stole a glance over my shoulder to find someone take a hold of Reeve's tie, and pull him inside as he yelped. The door closed, muffling the sounds of giggles behind it.
Dear Gods, I hope there won't be regrets by tomorrow. I rolled my eyes and moved on.
I checked another sleeping room, sliding the door open.
"Do you mind?"
I stiffened, finding Vincent peeling out of his leather layers. He stood in the middle of the room, revealing his bare chest as milky grey in the faint light that I brought in from the hall. He was busy stripping the rest of his armor from his legs, but stopped when I barged in.
"Oh Gods, I'm sorry Vincent. Go ahead, change in the dark," I gasped, ready to close the door.
"Aqua..."
I poked my head through the crack, barely seeing Vincent in the shadows. He stood tall, turning to me, careless if he was almost naked. With quick inspection, I found his shoulders were wider than I thought, always hidden under leather and wool. Following that, his chest narrowed, bare skin that seemed too perfect for Vincent's history, not a scar on him.
"You should tell them," he reminded me, talking about the baby.
I tried not to stare at his golden claw, an oddity piece that seemed to be the only inhuman body part about him, unless his groin was another matter, the second to last to be revealed.
Before I could lose focus, I replied assertively, "After we pick up Cid."
I couldn't tell whether he heard me or not, watching him inspect his golden claw, a reminder of his tortures under Hojo's hands. Was that where his thoughts went? He seemed so far away all of a sudden.
"Vincent, did you hear me?" I reached.
For once, he appeared lost, and vaguely lifted his eyes to meet with mine. They shimmered like rubies under a spotlight.
"Yes, sorry," he growled, closing his eyes while shoving a fist over his forehead. His skin gleamed in sweat, grunting to internal pains I couldn't understand.
I opened the door just a bit wider, more light leaking inside.
"Are you hurt?" I stepped closer.
"No, stay away. Let me be alone, please," Vincent begged, covering his eyes from the light.
"Vincent, you need to go hunt or whatever it is that you do to keep sane," I muttered, a bit uncomfortable, but knew of his inner battles of living as a man and a beast.
Vincent squinted to the light.
"Close the fucking door," he hissed.
I was afraid if I did that, he would latch on to me and suck blood from my neck.
Instead, I asked, "What can I do to help? Do you need a steak? A goat? A cave?"
I tried to joke to lift the heaviness in the room, but Vincent seemed unaffected.
"Nothing!" he growled, clearly struggling to relax. "I just need to sleep through this, and I will be better by morning."
His tone darkened, forcing me to step back into the light.
"I'm sorry to intrude," I muttered, feeling guilty for seeing him in a vulnerable state. I turned to leave, ready to step through the door, but metal fingers grabbed my wrist tight, and abruptly, I was yanked back inside.
Through my lips came a sharp cry, the pull startling me.
Vincent moved so fast, I barely inhaled a gasp when he slid the door to shove the light outside, and pulled me to him. I couldn't see, but felt his grip on my shoulders, and my back banged against a wall suddenly, making me cry out.
Gold claws dug into my shoulder, close to piercing through the wool and skin. His other hand gripped my chin between his thumb and finger, as though inspecting me with night vision.
"Vincent, I'm sorry. I'll leave," I gasped, barely breathing as I endured a glare from his frightful red eyes. In the dark, I could barely see, but his eyes floated there like two dim red lights, terrifying me. My heart hammered against my chest, unsure if I should scream or give Vincent the benefit of a doubt.
He clenched his teeth, leaning his face in, long hair brushing across my cheeks. His chest pressed firmly against mine, locking me into the wall, and he growled from the back of his throat like a grizzly.
I tensed, awaiting something painful to happen, unable to see where his lips went untilI they touched my neck. Urgently, I tried to withdraw, squirming under his hold.
"Vincent, you're not yourself. Please don't make me call for help," I pleaded.
"I just want one drop," he trembled, breath hot against my skin.
I began to wheeze, feeling how Vincent's firm hold reminded me of Rufus. My numbing hands pressed into his clammy chest.
"Vincent, stop!" I cried, louder.
"Just let me have a small amount, and I will be able to relax," he shook, kissing heavily along my neck until it came between pleasurable and painful.
His tongue and lips were cold, colder than Rufus's, and I shook my head while trying to shove him away. Sharp teeth gnawed on my neck, pressing firmly into skin.
Out of nowhere, light splashed into the room, and before I knew it, Hardedge's massive blade hovered over Vincent's neck, ready to cut his head clean off.
"Let. Her. Go."
Cloud's voice rattled with rage, Mako light outlining his body with his eyes aglow.
Vincent froze, only allowing himself to swallow. When he pulled back, his red eyes widened, seeing me as though for the first time tonight, and he blinked, startled at what was unfolding in font of him.
"I…." he gasped, jaw fallen, the rest of his words lost.
His hands released, and I ducked under his arms to get away, aiming for the door.
I stopped short, turning around to find Cloud still as a statue, his blade never wavering from Vincent's jugular artery.
"Cloud, I don't think Vincent meant to-"
"Get out. This is between me and Vincent now," Cloud scolded. When he glared at me, his eyes were frightening.
Quickly, I left, retreating into an empty sleep room just next door, and rammed my ear up against the wall. There was the fear of hearing skin being cut, a cry, or a body falling to the ground. To my relief, there were only voices coming through the thin wall.
"Go ahead. Just kill me," Vincent mused, not sounding impressed.
"Vincent, we have a problem." Cloud sounded collected though restraint, holding himself back from already ending Vincent's life.
"It seems you are attracted to Aqua. I know you've been for quite some time."
Vincent grunted.
"Drawn sounds more polite. I admit, I've wanted her blood for a while."
"What the fuck is wrong with Yuffie's blood? Eat her, for fucks sake," Cloud roared.
Vincent chuckled.
"My instincts want what it is I'm drawn to, forgive me. If you want to kill me, then do so, or else, make sure I'm never alone with her in the dark. Having her near while I'm in the shadows unsettles me."
"Good to know. I'll keep that in mind."
Footsteps reached the end of the room.
"If it happens again, I won't hesitate to kill you. Now, get some sleep, Vincent, you look like shit," Cloud hissed, and I heard a door slide shut with a loud slam. It boomed across the walls, trembling up to my ear until I had enough sense to withdraw. Shaken, I coiled on a bunk, shivering as my legs tucked underneath me.
Footsteps marched, and I gasped again, spotting Cloud walking in and sliding the door behind him with left over bitterness. The last I saw, was his glowing, tired eyes glued to the floor, appearing lost in a troubling dream.
The room became dark, just a faint light from under the door.
Barely, I took note of Cloud's boots, seeing them cut through the thin light as he kicked them off.
The rest of him laid hidden in the dark, reminding me of facing his corrupted self in the shadows.
"Cloud, thank you," I whispered to the dark, strangely feeling alone when I couldn't see him but heard how he breathed, the sounds of fabric pulling away, belts unbuckling, and armor clanked carelessly somewhere.
He grunted some, and then, just more footsteps.
I became startled when bare hands suddenly touched my arms, even if gently, and then wet lips connecting with mine. In the dark, it could be anyone, but I knew it was Cloud, his unique lips familiar, his mouth a distinct taste, and the way he pulled my shoulders into him firmly.
I grew nervous, afraid of his hands wandering too far, his hunger possible to trigger another panic attack. But instead, he pulled his lips away, breathing heavily, and simply dropped his kisses to my chin to follow the line of my jaw.
"Aqua, I have a favor to ask you," Cloud breathed, still standing over me. It seemed what happened only a minute ago was distant to him, his mind already elsewhere, moving on.
My hands reached, feeling his bare chest, his skin hard and warm. Barely, if I carefully let my fingertips explore, I could just make out where his scars were, the engraved rough lines across his skin.
"What do you need?" I whispered, shivering to his breath on my ear.
"Please, let me just hold you," he shuddered, hands tugging down my high collar to kiss along the lower parts of my neck. Where Vincent almost had me.
Gods, Cloud's lips were warm, tenderizing me under them easily.
"I just want to feel you against me," he finalized, holding me tight.
My whole body shook as I slowly pulled back a long sleeve from my arm, the bracer there, tugging on the wool with its sharp corners. Cloud helped, pulling my other sleeve off. Breathing carefully, I slid the turtleneck dress over my head, and let it fall to the floor. I sat there on the bunk bed, feeling Cloud's hands hesitate to move, shaking, as though he held back a great desperation to roughly handle me.
I tried to hide my breasts from his touch, sore and sensitive, and his hands brushed over my arms, taking my wrists.
"Lie back," Cloud asked against my shoulder.
I trembled, reminding myself that the way he touched me was different from Rufus. Cloud's hands were gentle, encouraging my arms to spread on the squeaky bed when I fell back.
He slid next to me instead of on top, underwear still on, and just sighed, a hand following the curve of my hip to my leg.
I laid on my back, trying to face him but still unable to see in the dark, only feeling his breath on my lips before pressing them there.
Alone in the dark room, Cloud and I embraced, heavily kissing on and off, hands carefully touching, lips wandering and whispering tiny secrets.
Cloud pecked my shoulder as his fingers rubbed down my arm and onto my hips. Meanwhile, I explored his neck, kissing it lightly. If he moaned at a particular spot, I sucked there, finding it thrilling to hear him rumble against my skin.
It was challenging to settle down, taking a short break just holding each other, lying side by side.
I could feel his eyes looking at me, making me blurt, "Cloud, can you see in the dark?"
I could hear him practically smirk.
"When I'm charged with the Mako, it helps me see farther away, and yes, in the dark as well. But not now" he replied. His hand cupped my breast, carefully holding a nipple between his fingers.
I tried not to squirm, and threw at him another question, though heavier.
"Are you scared?"
I've always wanted to know if the serious, stone-faced, fighter was ever frightened. He always seemed put together, his bursts of negative emotion often of rage, not of anxiety nor fear.
Cloud was quiet, rubbing the balls of his fingers across my nipple until I shivered, trying to pull away from the sensitive touch. I heard him sigh, fingers trailing down my sternum and further still, just to stop along my belly's swell. I let him be in his thoughts for a long time, all the while feeling the warmths of his hand settling on my skin, fingers teasing along the hem of my underwear.
Finally, long after I rested on a pillow and Cloud propped on his elbow, he replied in a cracked whisper, "Yes."
My eyes opened, though I could barely see him, only a part of his silhouette against the faint light. I tried looking into his eyes anyway, feeling them bore into mine. I stayed silent, pressing into him until our bodies melted, with limbs tangled. Cloud's head sank next to mine, the pillow flattened out more, and he sighed long and fractured.
A hand tickled my cheek, fingers playing with loose hair.
"I don't want anyone to make any more sacrifices," he whispered delicately.
"It's what led us to lose Aerith, and how we almost lost each other."
I pressed my lips together, agreeing and yet, feeling trapped.
When I was quiet for too long, Cloud asked, "Do you hear her sometimes? See her? You two are connected, aren't you?"
I looked up to the dark roof of the top bunk, a blackness roaming over us like a wave of doom about to crush me.
After a heavy swallow, I shook my head.
"No. Not really," I tried, my throat thickening. Cloud's hand settled under my neck, helping him feel how my chest began to shudder when I was fighting the tears.
"I just pretend she's there, just to help me get through this. I heard her maybe once, and that was it. I don't know why it's so distant between us."
I pressed a cold hand to my forehead, helping me try to stay calm when I thought I would cripple.
Cloud curled his fingers up along my jaw, and pulled my face towards his.
Gently, he pecked my lips and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."
I sniffed, rubbing my burning eyes.
"I just wish Aerith was here."
"I know."
Our foreheads pressed together, the both of us taking deep breaths to settle our anxious minds and busy hearts.
"I'm here," Cloud reminded, as though hushing me to sleep. His hands told me so, clinging to my arms or along my back. His mess of hair told me he was here, jamming into my hair like branches covered in pine needles. His warm body against mine, his breath whisking into my mouth before a kiss, giving me clarity that he wasn't going anywhere.
"Aqua," he whispered. In between dream and awake, it sounded faint, blurry in my subconscious.
"Hmm?" I barely muttered, falling asleep. Being with Cloud as I slept, I thought I could stay in that state for days, wishing that perhaps, Meteor will fall as I sleep, unable to feel its impact nor the chaos briefly before that. Then, maybe, I may just stay asleep.
A soft whisper hummed into my ear.
"I want you to come with me, to visit my mother's grave."
"Hm hm," I moaned, not quite grasping his words, but took comfort at how they tickled me, and I smiled against our pillow.
Sleep came easy being next to him.
55