Chapter six "Doin' It"
"I'm bored" Whined Ariana
"Well what do you want me to do about it?" Sawyer asked
"I don't know… Tell me a story!"
"Once upon a time there was a girl called Ariana she was a whore and screwed every guy in sight. Then she met Sirius who paid her an extra ten dollars everyday to only screw him and they screwed happily ever after. The end." Sawyer read from her Astrology textbook.
"I like that story." Sirius said with a grin.
"You got that from an Astrology textbook?" Ariana asked skeptically.
"Yup. It's written in the stars." Sawyer said.
"I agree, feel up to earning your ten dollars?" Sirius asked.
Ariana pushed him off the couch.
"Ok. Later then." Sirius grinned.
Ariana rolled her eyes "We'll see."
"Any way, break's over," Sawyer declared "Back to studying."
Ariana groaned. "Do we have to?" opening her textbook again.
"Yes, we massacred the comet test, so we are studying these damn constellations."
"You sound like Lily." Ariana muttered.
"Yeah, well you aren't the one with a psycho mother who'd send a howler for dropping a freaking tea cozy."
"Apple doesn't fall far from the tree…" Ariana said under her breath
"What was that?" Sawyer asked with a glare
"Nothing dumpling." Ariana replied with a cheesy smile.
"Damn straight."
After half an hour they migrated upstairs to their dorm because Sirius was making continuous attempts to get his ten dollars worth. But alas, they could not escape their pesky peers.
"So, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation downstairs." Caprice said with a grin towards the two girls.
"Then cut off your ears." Sawyer said without looking up from her book which earned her a glare.
"So have you?" Caprice asked Ariana.
"Have I what?"
"Done your 'ten dollars worth'?" Caprice asked with a smirk.
"I would hope it was worth more than ten dollars." Ariana said raising an eyebrow.
"So you have?"
"Yeah…" she said slowly
Lily who, at the present time on her bed studying like the other two looked dup from her book "You have?"
"Yeah…"
"Wow, wait Sawyer have you?"
Caprice snorted, "Isn't that obvious?" which was answered by an astrology book being launched at her head. She squealed and ducked.
"So have you?" Lily asked again.
"Yes." Sawyer replied still scowling at Caprice.
"And you Caprice?"
"Yes." The blonde said casually, then asked, "Lily you have right?"
"No."
"Really?" Caprice asked with raised eyebrows.
"Yes." Lily said turning slightly red.
"Oh…ok."
There were a few moments of silence as every body turned back to studying.
"So…who was your first?" Lily asked nervously.
"Alec Dempsey." Caprice replied.
"Why do you sound so proud? He's a man whore, it's no great accomplishment." Sawyer said.
"Shut up. If you're so great who was your first?" Caprice demanded.
Sawyer turned red and muttered something and turned back to her notes.
"Oh, so you're shy about it." Caprice said with a hungry gleam in her eye.
"Leave her alone." Ariana sighed.
"What about you who was yours? Sirius right?"
Ariana turned red and said "That's none of your business."
"It wasn't Sirius?" Caprice said in disbelief. "So who was it?"
Ariana exchanged a look with Sawyer and they both started packing up their books in silent agreement to escape to the library.
"Was it Remus?" The blonde asked.
The two girls flew out the door as Caprice listed a bunch of boy's names.
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Later that day Sawyer was in the shower, since she had given up with her Astrology because Brody had come in and started distracting her, when she heard the bathroom door open.
"Hello?" she called out and didn't get a response.
A few moments later she heard footsteps over the shower.
"Hello?" she said nervously to the otherwise silent bathroom
"So was it Brody?" said a voice suddenly slicing through the silence.
Sawyer screamed and dropped her soap in fright. "JESUS BLOODY CHRIST CAPRICE!"
"Well?"
"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Sawyer bellowed throwing soap and shampoo bottles over the top of the shower wall in an attempt to injure her fellow Gryffindor.
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Ariana was sitting in the Library at one of the back tables with Brody studying her notes when she heard someone sit down opposite her. When she looked up she saw Caprice with a large lump on her head, staring intently at her. After a few moments Ariana became uncomfortable.
"Uhh, can I help you?" She asked nervously.
"…Remus?" Caprice asked after a moment of silence.
"No I think you're mistaken, my name is Ariana." She replied slowly. "Ok I'm going to presume Sawyer has attacked you and by the looks of it caused some serious damage. Would you like me to take you to see Madame Pomfrey?"
Caprice didn't respond, she looked like she was doing some intense thinking.
"Do you think she can even comprehend the English language?" Brody asked
"I don't know I think she's finally actually received trauma to the brain."
They looked back at the girl who hadn't taken her eyes off Ariana. Then Caprice slowly pointed to Brody.
"My name is Brody." He said slowly as he got up, "I'm not going to hurt you; I'm just going to take you up to see the nurse."
Caprice looked intently at him and shook her head. "Nah, couldn't be."
"Caprice squeeze my hand if you can hear me." Brody said as he took hold of her hand softly. She looked at him as if he were mental. He put a hand on her shoulder and shook it gently while trying to remember CPR in case she had a fit and collapsed or something "Are you ok?"
She looked back at Ariana and said "He's weird." And with that got up and left.
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Sawyer was once again making an attempt to study in the common room, sitting on a couch by the fire. Now that she was alone, Sirius wouldn't be distracting her in his attempts to seduce Ariana and last she knew Caprice had gone to the library to bug Ariana, so for the most part Sawyer was all set to study. Until two people ran into the common room, one was cackling maniacally and the other was screaming death threats. They ran over to Sawyer and started going around her chair in circles.
"Felix you little rat! I'm going hang you from the north tower by your toes!"
Felix didn't reply he just kept laughing and running, that is, until Sawyer stuck out her foot and he tripped and fell flat on his face.
"CAN NO ONE SEE I'M TRYING TO STUDY?" she shouted
"He pranked the girl's bathroom!" Emilie said angrily.
"The girl's bathroom? Honestly Felix that's so first year." James said gravely shaking his head.
"I am in first year." Felix said
"Yeah James what are you talking about? We pranked the girl's bathroom last week." Sirius said.
"That was you?" Sawyer yelled. She chucked the nearest thing she could reach, which just happened to be Felix's wand because he had just raised it to do something to Emilie. Sirius ducked and the wand hit James between the eyebrows with a small explosion and a yelp as his eyebrows turned into some kind of plant and started to grow rapidly.
"And besides I don't think you ever turned all the soap into frogs and filled all the bathtubs with bologna." Emilie growled ignoring the growth occurring on James' face as the seventh year started running back and forth in confusion and poking it with his own wand which only seemed to make it grow faster.
Remus raised an eyebrow as he lifted his wand to fix his friend's eyebrows. "Bologna?"
Felix just shrugged. "It was all the house elves would give with out being suspicious."
"Four bathtubs worth of bologna isn't suspicious?" Emilie asked incredulously.
Felix just shrugged again and went up to the boy's dorm and Emilie just stormed up to her own dorm.
Sawyer finally gave up with the studying and went and sat with Remus in another group of armchairs.
"No one cares about stars anyway." She sighed
"What are you talking about? Everyone loves those shiny constellations especially Sirius the Dog Star!" Sirius grinned
"Shut up mutt." Sawyer groaned.
"I'm going to kill Felix…" muttered a newly vegetation free faced James, rubbing his forehead.
"Be my guest."
"Hey Sirius care to join me in a murdering rampage?"
"Most definitely, Mate."
Once again the portrait hole opened and in came Caprice and Lily. They saw Sawyer and made their way over to where they were sitting.
"So who was it?" Lily asked.
"No! Not you too?" She groaned.
"So it wasn't Brody, and it wasn't Sirius everyone knows you hate him." Lily said listing a bunch of boys.
"Well actually that could be the reason she hates him so much…" Caprice said thoughtfully.
"What are you talking about? Sawyer loves me!" Sirius said giving her a hug as if that proved it, but received a growl in response so he quickly let go.
"Was it Remus?" Lily asked ignoring Sirius.
"Was I what?" Remus asked confused.
When Sawyer didn't answer Caprice turned to Remus. "So, Remus, do anyone good lately?"
"What?" Remus choked.
"Like Sawyer for instance?"
"What?"
"Nah Remus doesn't swing that way." Sirius said
"Hey! I do swing that way!"
"So did you do Sawyer?"
"Of course he didn't!" Sirius grinned "He's with me"
"Sirius, what are you talking about you know he's with me now!" James argued.
"That's what he tells you." Sirius said gravely as the two of them got up and walked over to the fireplace to see out where they could find Felix.
"Hmm… no I don't think it was him…" Lily muttered to Caprice thoughtfully.
"Well it obviously couldn't be Peter." Caprice said, then seemed rethink that and asked with a look of slight disgust, "It wasn't Peter was it?"
"NO!" Sawyer yelped "you know, not that there's anything wrong with Pete, just I .." Sawyer cleared her throat and turned to a rather shaken looking Remus, "So uh, Remus how go things?"
"Umm…peachy." He said hesitantly.
"Great, yeah, I um, I'm going to migrate to the Library or somewhere else Lily and Caprice free…" Sawyer said moving to get up but was stopped in her seat when James' returned out of nowhere and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"Hello dear heart, pray tell, where can I find your brother the whelp? You're knowledge of his whereabouts would greatly assist the hunt." he said.
"Was it James?" Caprice asked.
"Was what James?" James asked.
Sawyer turned bright red.
Lily and Caprice gasped. "OH MY GOD IT WAS JAMES!"
"What was James?" James asked again, "What did I do?"
"Oh my god I can't believe it!" Caprice answered him.
"What?"
"OH MY GOD!"
"I've got to go water an owlery. I mean go to the Plant I mean… SHUT UP CAPRICE!" Sawyer yelled and stormed out of the Common room.
"Okay now we just have to figure out Ariana…" Lily said thoughtfully.
"Yeah, let's go." Caprice said and the two girls left.
"What just happened?" Sirius asked.
"Uhh, I don't know but why did they asked me who I've done?" Remus said
"I don't know." James shrugged, then remembering Sawyer's behavior he realized what just went on. "Ohhh." He said slowly, and then he suddenly turned red.
Remus looked at him in confusion then a look of realization appeared on his face, "Ohhh."
"Oh what? I don't get it. Moony did someone?" Sirius asked and looked at James' red face. "Wait…OH MY GOD!"
"Glad you're catching up with us Padfoot." Remus said dryly.
"MOONY DID PRONGS!" Sirius yelled falling off his chair.
"WHAT?"
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Sawyer escaped to the library and joined Ariana, Brody and Peter at a back table. She plunked down in a chair and slumped forward resting her head on the desk.
"Something wrong darling?" Ariana said with out looking up from her book.
"They figured it out."
"Figured what out?" Brody asked.
"They figured it out."
"What's it?" Peter asked.
Sawyer rolled her head on one side and said "It."
"Oooh." Ariana said. "That sucks. Wait, did you say they?"
"Yes. Lily's joined Caprice's insane crusade. Now that they know my it, they're going to come after you."
"What should I do?"
"Run. Hide. Leave the country. They stop at nothing."
"Wait a second, what's this it we're talking about?" Peter asked.
"You know…it." Brody said
"Huh?"
"No I suppose you don't know…" Brody sighed.
"If they were shocked about you're it, they're going to freak out about mine."
"What it?" Peter exclaimed earning a warning glare from Madame Pince.
"They're really persistent, I mean you think they'd give up by now but they just keep coming and attacking again and again!" Sawyer said.
"There's nothing wrong with your it. At least your it has a brain; my it didn't have a brain." Brody said
"I'm not ashamed of my it…I just don't want to embarrass my it."
"Well I'm actually pretty impressed, I mean your it is pretty classy, I mean I'd do your it." Brody said.
Sawyer raised an eyebrow, "You'd do Ariana's it?"
"Yeah, her it is way better than yours."
"Hey! Leave my it alone! My it is a complete gentleman!" Sawyer said then added "When it feels like it."
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!" Peter shouted looking confused.
"That's it!" Madame Pince shouted stalking over to the table, "You four get out of my library!"
"What's it!" Peter shouted again in frustration
"What?" Brody asked incredulously, "You didn't even give us a warning!"
This only seemed to infuriate the librarian further "OUT!"
"This is ridiculous!" Sawyer muttered.
"Miss Sawyer, don't back talk me!"
"What?"
"Oh, you think you're such a smarty pants? DETENTION."
"What? I didn't even do anything this time!"
"Now get out of my library!"
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"I can't believe she gave me a detention!" Sawyer whined.
"Well, I can understand it, I mean you are a nuisance." Ariana said.
"Shut up." Sawyer said as she leaned against Brody.
"I think I have a trunk lodged in my ass." Brody said shifting his position.
Since they had been kicked out of the library they had moved outside and were presently sitting under a tree by the lake.
"So what are these it's?" Peter asked
"This is possibly the worst day ever." Sawyer moaned ignoring Peter.
"Well it looks as if it's either going to get considerably worst or incredibly amusing." Brody said indicating the group that was approaching. Sirius, James, Remus, Lily and Caprice were walking down towards them.
"Hey, I thought you guys were in the library." Remus said as he sat down.
"We were." Peter said.
"What happened?" James asked sitting down.
"We got kicked out." Ariana said.
"Why?" Sirius asked as he sat next to Ariana wrapping an arm around her.
"Peter yelled." Brody said.
"Well at least you got off easy." Lily said.
"You say that as if we did something horrible." Sawyer said.
"No, I just mean usually people that yell in there usually get a detention."
"I did." Sawyer growled "Will you two shut up!"
Sirius and James were laughing at her misfortune.
"So Ariana," Caprice smiled "Anything new?"
"No, nothing that important." Ariana replied with a grin. "Anything happen with any of you?"
"We found out that James was Sawyer's first." Lily said proudly
"First what?" Peter asked
"Her first Pony. What do you think Pete." Brody said sarcastically.
There were a few minutes of silence while everyone waited for Peter to figure it out.
"Oooh!" he suddenly said.
"You're so quick Pete, it's a wonder we can keep up with your amazing intellect." Sawyer said dryly.
"Well apparently Moony and Prongs have been at it." Sirius said.
Brody suddenly burst out laughing "Your it's did it together!" he said to no one in particular. Ariana sent him a death glare as discreetly as she could and Sawyer suddenly burst into a fit of giggles while everyone else looked at him strangely.
"OH MY GOD!" Peter suddenly shouted.
"We weren't serious mate." Remus said
"No, but I am!" Sirius said earning a slap upside the head from Ariana.
"ARIANA DID IT WITH REMUS!" Peter yelled in shock.
They all went silent in shock. They looked between Remus and Ariana. Ariana had turned a shade of red brighter than Lily's hair. Remus suddenly saw something interesting in the lake and was staring intensely at it.
"Oh my god…" Caprice said slowly.
"Oh would you look at that, the giant squid just attacked a grindylow." Remus said making a weak attempt at changing the subject.
"I thought I was your first!" Sirius said in confusion.
"Not quite."
"I don't even remember you guys dating!" James asked.
"No they went out in second year, remember?" Peter said.
"You guys did it when you were twelve!" Lily asked with wide eyes.
"Wow, Ariana. You out-slutted Sawyer." Caprice said, "I'm impressed. I didn't think it could be done."
"Shut up! You're just pissed because you didn't lose your virginity until sixth year." Sawyer said throwing a nearby stick at her.
"And we weren't twelve when we did it." Remus broke in, "We dated over the summer before fifth year. That's when we did it…"
"Caprice was a virgin until sixth?" James asked. "I thought she lost it before she even came to Hogwarts." Caprice glared at him.
"Well you can't blame him. I mean I thought the same." Brody said "You did give off the impression that you were…advanced in that area."
"No I didn't!" Caprice defended
"Well the point is it happens to everyone eventually, so we can stop talking about it now." Ariana said
"Hey Sawyer." James said
"Yes James?"
"Tell Lily how great I am in the sack."
"Ew." Peter said frowning "Bad mental images."
"I really don't want to know that either." Lily said.
Sawyer caught Lily's eye and mouthed 'AMAZING.' which earned her a glare from Brody and a grin from James who mouthed to Lily 'Call me.'
"But Brody's a god." She recovered.
"Hey, Ariana, who's better in bed? Me or Remus?" Sirius asked.
"I'm not going to answer that." Ariana said trying to avoid the topic.
"I bet that means me and she just doesn't want to insult Moony." Sirius grinned
"What ever you want to believe…" Remus said.
"Since we're on the topic anyway," Caprice began, "Who your first times?"
"Sawyer." James said with a smile, "Oh, Lily, did I mention to you that I am great in the sack?"
Lily ignored the comment and turned to Remus and asked, "What about you?"
Remus pointed at Ariana.
"I'm flattered Remus, I really am, but I wasn't your first time." Sirius said with a grin
"Not you, moron, Ariana." Remus clarified
"Sirius, what about you? And when ?" Caprice asked
Sirius though for a moment, "Willow Beatle."
"Willow, really?" Brody asked
"Yeah."
"Wow, she's normal so picky…" Brody said
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked
"Nothing."
"When did you and Willow do it?" Lily asked
"Third year."
"Wow, that's so young." Peter said
"What about you Pete?" James asked
"I don't want to say." Peter said blushing
"Aw, is Pete still a virgin?" Sirius cooed
"Sirius, don't be such an asshole, just because you can't keep your pants on…" Ariana began
"Hey, my pants are on…for now…" He grinned at Ariana, who smacked him on the shoulder playfully
"Come on Peter, who was it? It can't be as bad as Sirius?" Sawyer joked
"Hey, I'm amazing; girls faint at the sight of me." Sirius insisted
"Whatever, tell us who it is Peter." Lily said
Peter sighed, "Rita Skeeter."
The group looked horrified. Sawyer said, "Sirius I withdraw my comment, there is someone worse then you after all."
"Thanks." Sirius said
"What about you Lils?" James asked
Before Lily could answer Caprice butted in, "She's still a virgin."
"So, and that's a good thing, she just give herself up to some guy unlike someone else I know, Caprice!" Sawyer added
"Shut up Sawyer." Caprice replied
"Make me!"
"I suppose you're right, it must be difficult to shut that huge mouth of yours."
Sawyer started to get up but Brody pulled her back down and wrapped his arms around her so she couldn't move.
"Chill out you guys, anyway it's getting late; I'm going to dinner." Lily said, getting up from the floor
'Hold on a minute…" Caprice started, "Brody, who was your first?"
Brody's cheeks turned red and replied, "Wow, it is late, lets go have dinner." Then he quickly got up and headed towards the Great Hall.
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Okay so that was a very funny chapter 6. Please read and review.