31

NIbelheim: A Fantasy

The chill from the West stretched over Rocket Town, and began to take affect across the plains towards Nibelheim. Beyond the fence, I spotted the rooftops of cottages. A morning frost turned into gleaming rooftops under a low sun, thick clouds rolling in to threaten the village of rain or snow.

I blew warm air into my hands before waving off at Cid flying his airship West. The Highwind jumped into the sky, getting smaller as it left a gust of frost and cold to push me back.

"Bye Cid! Bye Vincent" I cried, even though I knew they couldn't hear me.

With his arms crossed, Cloud watched the airship disappear over Mt. Nibel's extensive range, their white peaks almost touching it. The mountain air had become thin and cold since we were last here, winter winds sleeking through the barren highlands to sink towards the valley and send a bite of frost. I regarded the frost tipped grass waving wildly by the Highwind's departure, their white blades tickling at my boots.

A part of me was nervous for this. Of spending time alone with Cloud. What did he want to do here? What was he planning? Were we going to be in bed for days? Stay the night in the mansion to ghost hunt? Hike through the snow of Mt. Nibel?

Speaking of, a gloved hand showed up, floating over my boot.

"Ready?"

I choked, and looked up to find Cloud smirking nervously, his cheeks pink behind his red scarf. I swallowed and took his hand with trembling fingers.

"Y-Yes."

The gates were left open, and slowly, we walked into the tiny town together, hand in hand. It was nauseating coming back here, strolling next to the water tower. I lingered to gaze up at it, blinking at its poor state under the grey sky, before turning to give Cloud an uneasy look.

"Cloud, I don't feel like I belong here," I admitted, feeling out of place. This was his home, with Tifa. Even after all that we've hurdled, it has been engraved somewhere in my brain to still have traces of belief this was his and her place. I was ruining it by being here. My insecurities again... Why couldn't they just go away?

Cloud stopped to absorb what I've said, his eyes unreadable. He looked up at the water tower, his blue stare softening into a tropical ocean, and licked his lips to warm them.

He then sighed a fog of breath, observed the frost licked cobblestone encased in shadow under his boots, and walked slowly towards me.

"I hope to change that," he sighed, and his grip tightened around my hand.

I flushed, Reeve's teal scarf suddenly feeling too warm around my neck.

"How so?"

Cloud tilted his head over to his old, childhood home and suggested, "Let's go."

He pulled me with him, but I tugged, still stuck in place.

"Um, but wait," I struggled, recalling the last time we tried to go in.

"Doesn't someone live there, still?"

Cloud blinked down at me.

"Not anymore."

I felt lost. Did I miss something? Cloud smiled at my bewildered look, and politely tugged my hand.

"Come on, I'll explain everything."

That time, I let him take me across the square towards the little house. Nervously, I quickly scanned the town, noticing no one was out.

Nibelheim was as quiet as a graveyard. Besides the Inn, no lights escaped from the paneled windows of the other homes, no curtains pushed open to gaze upon us visitors. Nothing but a few cats lurking in the empty alleyways, hiding in empty barrels or garbage cans to stay away from the cold.

I tensed as we grew closer to Cloud's old house.

"Cloud..."

He opened the door like he knew it was unlocked, and stepped inside, letting go of my hand to switch lights on and slung his backpack off his shoulders. I stayed in the doorway, only letting my eyes lurk inside the cozy place; clean, and oddly, empty.

I craned my head towards the kitchen, expecting the old lady to be cowering in the corner of cabinets already, but she wasn't there.

"Wait. What happened to that old lady?"

Cloud dropped his pack on a couch and arrowed towards a brick fireplace furnace. He sighed at its emptiness, nothing but ash left.

"Great. We need to go get some wood," he muttered. Did he not hear me?

I took one step in, and shrieked, "Oh my gods, did you kill that old lady and stole your house back?!" I was ready to bolt outside, one hand still on the doorframe.

"I mean, I know that you kill, but not innocent, old ladies!" I was going a hundred miles an hour, sweating.

"I don't know how comfortable I feel about-!"

"It was Shinra!" Cloud suddenly shouted over his shoulder.

I stood rigid, gawking at his outburst.

He took a deep breath, calming himself, and tried again, crossing his arms.

"Reeve told me everything," he began, looking around at his home with a solemn expression. His eyes became especially dewy when he looked down at his old twin bed, seeing a ghost child of himself sleeping in it.

"After the fire, Shinra wanted to cover it all up. Sephiroth, the accident, the deaths, all of it. They rebuilt the town exactly as it was, and had actors live in it. It was a whole cover up operation."

It took me half a minute to rethink his words, my mouth left open the whole time.

"Uh..." I heaved a disbelief chuckle, finding the entire idea hilariously foolish, and a waste of money.

"Why would they put up with all the trouble to pretend none of the accident five years ago ever happened?" I asked, and smacked my sides, lost.

Cloud turned his head to gaze at the frames on the walls, black and white photos that weren't of him nor his mother, but strangers. Quietly, he picked them off the wall, one by one, leaving behind nails.

"To prevent the world from ever knowing the Great Sephiroth went mad," he uttered bitterly. A stack of wooden framed photos collected in his hands, and he tucked them into a shelf of pointless books.

I couldn't believe my ears, and stepped further into the loft.

"Wait. You mean, what Sephiroth did to Nibelheim, the survivors that turned into test subjects for Hojo, all of that was just...erased?" I said that last bit through my teeth, neck tense. The idea sounded ridiculous. Who cares if the world knew of Sephiroth's madness? What about justice for those lives he took? The memories he destroyed?

I gripped at my hair.

"That's so stupid!" I exclaimed sharply. Shinra employees were just living here this whole time, pretending everything was fine? They got paid to keep their mouths shut while living a fake life? I wanted to pull my hair out.

"Anyway, with the world ending and Shinra gone, Reeve told me the town cleared out. There was no point to keep up with the show. They all fled, back to their old lives they've neglected," Cloud explained, looking up at the vaulted ceiling. No webs, no dust, pristine as though its previous owner kept the place neat, probably bored out of her mind.

He sighed, shoulders relaxed, and whispered, "It's my house, but these books, the photos, the little things," he gestured around his home. "They aren't mine, obviously."

I stood in the middle of the living room/sleep area, spinning slowly to take in all of Cloud's childhood home, a giant one room with little place to hide away in private. It's no wonder he easily left for the army when he turned into a teenager. No privacy.

The chill lingered, forgetting to close the door. Cloud glided across the room to shut it.

"I want to stay here, to make it feel like home again," he revealed shyly, hand stuck to the door.

He looked at its carved shapes along the edge, branches sketched in it like scratches of drawings along the white wood, and he sighed sheepishly at it.

"They got it wrong." And his small smile held sadness.

"This door is supposed to have a border of flowers," he muttered, displeased, but expected of it.

My face burned, simply watching Cloud venture into the little kitchen to open the fridge, and take note of what was left.

"She was kind enough to leave a decent amount," he mentioned, and went to the cupboards to inspect. Cans, half a loaf of bread, and a bag of potatoes.

"Will this last us a few days?" He asked himself, hands on his hips.

I wondered if Cloud was purposely distracting himself, to brace for what he really intended to do here in Nibelheim with me. Time alone, playing house, sounded nice. I dropped my backpack on a green plaid couch next to Cloud's bag, and took another survey of the home. It was hardly decorated, its walls bare thanks to Cloud taking down the photos. The books were either just props, or maybe the owner actually read them. No television, only a radio on a round coffee table. It was House on the Prairie here.

The bookshelf leered me, hoping to find a photo album, but they were just dusty hardbacks, with titles that left me uninterested. There was a photo standing there on the shelf, but again, it was a stranger. Another prop?

My eyebrows went up.

Not even one photo of his mother. Cloud had nothing to remember her by, the delusions of this town only aiding in forgetting her. No toys nor stuffed animals to cling to and remember those times being a child. Cloud's childhood wiped away by flames. Shinra took away more than just five years of his life...

Very quietly, I tipped the frame photo on its face, the stranger's face too invasive for where my mind wandered to.

"We should go find fire wood before it gets dark," Cloud suggested, interrupting my thoughts with a jolt. I spun to find him watching me, and somehow knew he was possibly afraid that I still wanted to run away. He kept his distance, not wanting to make it feel forced, and he rubbed his hair with a sigh, eyes closed.

"I know this is a lot. I just thought, it was a good way to spend time together, a good place to start making new memories," he struggled, turning his red face away to glare at the empty furnace again.

"If it makes you uncomfortable, I..." he wouldn't stop rubbing the back of his head, anguishing over the rest of the words before releasing them.

I smiled at Cloud tripping over himself.

"We can walk to Rocket Town and stay with Cid and Shera again, just relax-"

He didn't even notice I walked closer until I planted a soft kiss on his cheek, startling him. He sighed and looked at me, taken aback.

I gazed into the concerning glimmer of his stare before sinking my cheek into his scarf, and closed my eyes softly.

"No. This is nice. I want to stay," I assured, and I nestled into him with my hands settled over his chest.

"Let's put more life into this ghost town," I shyly added.

Cloud squeezed me, expelling all his air out with a satisfying sigh.

...

It began to snow.

I looked up at the grey sky, the afternoon turning to evening, and stuck a hand out to catch a few baby flakes.

"Hey, it's starting to snow!" I gasped, seeing my breath easily under an orange glare of a tall streetlamp. Shera's beige wool turtleneck dress kept me warm while Cloud remained in his short-black t-shirt and scarf, his lower half still in SOLDIER attire.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked up.

"Well, that's a good start," he chuckled quietly. Together, we passed the dark homes, grateful to have the town lamps still lit and run by power. The stairs were already dusted by the time we climbed them.

The last lamp of town waited for us at the top, everything behind it in the darkness of the mountain trail. Cloud stopped to observe the cliff behind the dead trees, and his sword upon his back pulsed brighter.

I stepped next to him to collect my breath, my stomach feeling heavy when climbing those stairs took more out of me than I thought.

"This must be what Barret feels like," I joked breathlessly. Cloud didn't catch that, his attention keen on the direction towards his mother's grave. I straightened and bumped into his bare arm purposely to wake him.

"Want to visit her?" I encouraged.

Cloud swallowed, snowflakes clinging to his hair before melting into drops.

"Of course," he breathed, looking down at the snow collecting across the frozen mud. Inside his pockets, his hands opened and closed, and he took a deep breath like he was about to head underwater.

"Let's go pay a visit," he exhaled, and walked ahead, his boots crunching through the thin layer of snow. I followed, feeling the tense aura vibrate off him. Was he uncomfortable? Did he need time alone?

He stopped short and drew in a sharp breath. I bumped into his arm and looked around it to notice what it was that startled him. My lips opened, eyes melting.

"Oh!"

Spread along Cloud's old Buster Sword and the stone with Claudia's name, a group of white and yellow flowers.

"Flowers?" Cloud breathed.

They were covered with snow dust, but they still stood strong, a bunch of them along the grave site as though planted there for a long time.

Goosebumps exploded from my chest to travel into my arms and down my legs, and I blinked before realizing a tear already let loose, laying warmth to my cold cheek.

I smiled helplessly and sniffed, rubbing at my eyes.

"Where flower's bloom, there's hope," I whispered. I blinked, and a tear fell. I had to look up to stop more of them from coming, closing my eyes and sniffling.

A small gust of wind threw my hair forward, its ends feathering along my chin with a few snow kisses.

Cloud blinked rapidly and cleared his throat as he studied his mother's name, his eyes gleaming at the flowers. He then looked at his old sword, still stabbed into the earth with its handle slightly battered from acid rain.

"Aqua," I heard him call to me quietly, and I held my breath, peeling away from the flowers, up to him to study his expression. His cheeks remained red, and he sucked in a deep breath, blinking until he turned away to hide his expression. He rubbed a gloved hand across his eyes.

"The main reason why I wanted to return to Nibelheim, was to bring you here, to visit my mother's grave," he whispered.

I watched his back, the many directions of snowflakes sticking to his sword until they trickled down its glowing blade, a white lantern in the single grave site. This was the only place untouched by Shinra, last of proof for what happened five years ago. Cloud kept looking down at his empty town, determined to bring life to it again, and he sighed, feet dancing back and forth, strangely on edge.

"Remember when I needed to spend time alone, to talk to my mother?" He asked just shy over his shoulder, long blond spikes hiding his face.

I shivered, but not from the snowflakes nor the winds coming down from the slope, but a warmth I couldn't describe. Whatever it was, I felt it emitting off Cloud, and I nodded to his question.

"Yes, I remember," I replied, hands clasped together. That was the day he grew his wings, and I lost my breath from witnessing that transformation.

"Well…I told her I finally found a nice girl. Someone older and taking care of me. I made a promise to her that day. To make you happy. After I defeat Sephiroth, I will do whatever it takes to keep hearing you laugh," he declared, and he kept his hand over his mouth. Traces of his breath slipped through his fingers, released into the air like white smoke.

The world, Nibelheim, the dead trees, all of that faded. Snow sprinkled in like magic from a scene in an old Hollywood screen.

"I..." He sucked in a deep breath.

"I don't have much. I mean, apart from my old home, I don't have any Gil to my name. Rebuilding this place, it's going to take a lot of work, and it won't be a life of luxury...I will have to continue working odd jobs while you take care of..." he swallowed, eyes stuck to the snow as he tried to imagine it.

"Our child."

The way he said it, somehow, he startled himself, and a small gasp escaped. Was he still in disbelief? Was he scared?

Cloud's gauntlet hand curled under the curl of his scarf, and he closed his eyes.

"But who knows, maybe you can start a clinic here and uh..."

I couldn't stop smiling, laughing warmly inside at how Cloud was presenting himself. I wanted to fall back in the snow and cackle up to the sky. He was just laying it out, glamour not to be expected, and he wanted to make sure I knew that. I understood.

It was difficult to stay quiet, fighting the impulse to help him reach the finish line when he struggled.

As though it took all of his courage to do it, Cloud turned slightly around to gaze down at me, and smiled gently, snow fluttering between us like petals of cherry blossoms.

"I love you, Aqua. I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he announced, cheeks sunburned.

A strong pulse stopped my breath. It wasn't like him to be so upfront with his feelings.

"Cloud.." I breathed, turning his name into fog, and it fluttered away with the snow fall.

Cloud darted his eyes nervously, grunting as he rubbed a gauntlet hand around the back of his neck.

"I don't have a ring. I didn't exactly have time to find one. I don't do well with gifts, uh..." He rubbed his face hard.

"God damn it. This isn't working," he groaned into his hands.

By that point, I couldn't hold back. I started laughing softly into my hand, marveled to see Cloud this way, and fell in love with him all over again. He stood there, silent and confused, or maybe petrified, me laughing at him like this was all a joke.

I gripped my belly.

"I'm sorry," I giggled. "I've just never seen you like this," I explained in between more giggles. It wasn't until my cheeks began to hurt that I finally calmed, and smiled up at him. Snow kissed my face, tickling me like soft finger taps. He's only told me he loved me once before, so I took what he recently said like it was precious, holding it close and keeping it safe.

"Your first and only time you told me you loved me, you disappeared into the Lifestream," I mentioned.

"I'm so glad to hear it again and still seeing you standing here!" And I opened my arms out to showcase him.

Cloud's eyes grew, absorbing what I just said. Like he finally understood, he closed his eyes with a smirk and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"That wasn't the first time."

I cocked my head.

"Uh, I think I would remember the first time you told me you loved me," I challenged.

Cloud's smirk grew into a true smile.

"Is that so?"

His eyes caught mine, glinting with a secret. That look made me pause with more heat, left to have him walk closer and whisper his hot breath inside my ear. It was a short story, but when he was done, my mouth dropped.

"What?! Really?!" I exclaimed, dumbstruck. Cloud reeled back, hands up.

"Not my fault you passed out!"

"You jerk! I had no idea!"

"I thought it was obvious when I hugged you naked."

"Oh?!"

I crouched to collect snow, my hands getting colder, and then jumped back to my feet to hurl a snowball at him. Cloud lifted a hand to protect his face, and a large blog of white squished on his black shirt. He laughed.

I collected more snow, and threw another, missing his head. Cloud knelt to gather snow in his large hands and flipped his wrist to throw softly, his snowball hitting my thigh. We started a snowball fight, laughing like kids.

"This isn't what I had in mind when I planned this!" Cloud exclaimed with a smile. He dodged a snowball, causing me to huff with frustration.

Even when parts of me grew cold from the snowballs melting through my clothes, and my hands were cold, numb, and red, I still collected ammunition and threw it at him.

"Yeah?! Well, do you have more to say?" I cried, and threw another. Cloud vanished behind a tree trunk. I looped around it, shocked at his sudden disappearance. There were a dozen or so dead trees, but I didn't think he could hide that easily, tall, dark trunks spread apart spacious enough to easily track movement.

"Cloud?"

I spun a few times, the snowball burning my hand.

"Where-"

Strong arms looped around my shoulders.

"I'm here."

I dropped my snowball and tucked my chin over his laced hands, those two words resonating a blissful familiarity that brought ticklish waves up my spine.

"I know."

Warm breath tickled my hair until it traveled to my ear.

"After our adventure days are behind us, I want more days with you," he shared.

I rubbed hard at my wet eyes.

"Okay," I whimpered, my stomach fluttering. I was so happy, afraid this was all going to be taken away from me, a last wish before the end of the world. The tears wouldn't stop, even after I spun around to bury them in Cloud's cold, wet shirt, and shivered.

"Okay," I said again because I forgot other words existed. I breathed it into his shirt's fabric, and clung to it tightly, hoping Cloud wouldn't disappear.

He let out a pleasing sigh, curling his arms around mine, and buried his face in my icy hair.

"Will you start a new life with me?" He checked, doing all the talking, for once.

I heaved a giggle and a sob, uttering the only word I could choke out of my tight throat.

"Yes," and smiled helplessly.

...

The first time he told me he loved me, was way back.

Unfortunately, I was drunk, assuming it was over between us, and let myself drown out my sorrows with booze under the stars of Cosmo Canyon. I passed out, dreaming of floating somewhere, when it was just Cloud carrying me to bed. He sighed, avoiding the stares of others from the lounge, and wondered if they assumed he was going to take advantage of the situation.

I don't know where Aerith is. I guess I'll just put Aqua in my bed, fine.

He sighed again, struggling to keep ahold when, apparently, I tossed around in his arms, kicking and swinging. Straps fell loose.

Cloud's face burned, and hurried. By the time he flopped me into bed, half my dress fell off, and I sat up disoriented when he walked away.

"Don't go!" I squeaked, reaching towards the doorway, only to flop face down on the blankets and groan.

Cloud stopped at the drape, hesitant.

My shoulders shook. He thought I was laughing at first, shaking his head at my erratic drunk behavior. But moans turned into sobs, and I curled inward, long hair all over the place, and cried into my hands.

I whimpered, "I'm alone," over and over again.

Cloud swallowed, painfully deciding whether to leave or stay, but hearing those words leak out of a broken woman, a woman who had no idea what she was saying, he had to resolve this.

"Aqua," he sighed, stepping in.

His hands floated over my crippled form briefly, afraid to touch, or of temptation, Cloud wasn't certain which. He held his breath as though about to dive in water under floating ice, and pulled me up in bed. I couldn't stop crying, unaware he was there when I tried to sit up multiple times, only to feel nauseous and fall back. Cloud covered his eyes with a hand while pulling the rest of my dress off, glad to have the covers over me.

"Okay, okay. Enough sitting up, for god's sake," he muttered to himself, tugging at the dress until it flapped on the floor. He groaned, eyes up to the ceiling, and tossed the garment onto a hook.

Okay, she's calmed down.

Cloud sat on the bed and rubbed his hands across his face hard, collecting himself.

Still stuck in my own little world, I sobbed next to him. By his waist, he turned, and watched shortly before reaching. His hand brushed back all the mess of my hair to clear my face, and just frowned.

I wish I could just tell her, but it's better this way, right?

"It's okay," he whispered, fingers rubbing tears away from my cheeks. I rolled on my back and shook, gasping up more tears. Cloud rested his forehead on my bare shoulder and closed his eyes.

"You're not alone," he whispered. His hand slipped down my neck, eyes following it.

"You have Aerith..."

He watched his fingers cross my collar bones.

"You have the gang."

More travel, up my shoulder to meet with his forehead, and he shook with a desire to touch more.

"And you have me, remember? I'm here."

Cloud rolled more onto his side, watching me rest into a more relaxed state, as though his words were a lullaby. He got lost for a long time as he waited for me to fall asleep, his eyes latched onto my lips. He licked his and looked away, but temptation was an evil thing, and he felt it pull him back, scanning my neck, my shoulder, the starting curve of a breast.

Cloud craned his head up, my shoulder rubbing across his forehead down his nose, and then his lips. He left them there, and closed his eyes, tasting sand, traces of salt, a hint of soap and body cream.

Just say it.

He did a nervous inhale and pecked my shoulder again.

"I'm here," he repeated, pushing up on the bed. Carefully, Cloud leaned in close, his hair brushing across my skin as his lips inched near my ear.

"I do love you, Aqua."

No response. He blinked, wondering if his words reached. I snored, and he relaxed.

Maybe it's better she doesn't know.

Cloud rolled away and off the bed, scraping away the temptations to lie in it. For the hundredth time, he sighed as he clipped off his armor and pulled away his shirt. He then laid on a long cushioned seat, head resting on his hands, and blinked up at the stone ceiling to get lost in his thoughts.

She loves me.

Cloud's heart boomed, and he released a long sigh of exhilaration, stuck in disbelief.

...

Fresh cut logs burned in the furnace, the cottage finely heated. Everything close to it glared in a soft orange light. My turtleneck dress and Cloud's uniform hung on a rack beside the flames. Dishes laid across a long table that cut between the kitchen and the beds, such as plates of finished toast, and knives with smears of jam and peanut butter. A vase stood, holding half a dozen of yellow and white flowers from Claudia's grave. Their petals dripped old snow on the table, warming up to the glorious heat. There was a jar of jam I knew I had to put away, but I was too comfortable, my body refusing to move. Naked, we laid there across the length of the old, green plaid couch, lost in our thoughts for a while as we absorbed the home's warmth.

I began to drift when Cloud kissed my forehead, nudging me more awake.

"I wanted to ask you something," he mentioned softly.

I pressed deeper into him, watching the distant flames dance orange across his chest. His legs sandwiched one of mine, one strong arm curled around my back to keep me from falling back.

"What is it?" I inquired, and closed my eyes as I kissed his neck.

His fingers rubbed up and down my spine.

"You didn't want children. What…" Cloud swallowed, eyes watching the fire faintly.

"What made you change your mind when you found out you were carrying mine?"

I sucked in a deep breath, and leaned my cheek agains his chest, smooshing my lips. It took me a while to trace my memories all the way back to New York when I found out. Was it three or four pregnancy tests? What thoughts did I have when I made that discovery to be holding Cloud's child in a far away place? What was I thinking when I jumped on a plane and went back home to Iceland?

My mouth felt dry, swallowing and licking my lips, and studied Cloud's pale skin with microscopic vision. Smooth and appearing tanned instead of pearly from the fire's glow. I never told him it was what Aerith wanted. Still uncertain if he should ever know, since it was irrelevant anyway. It would've happened regardless.

"I loved you too much," I put it simply, whispering it. I closed my eyes, savoring his body against mine.

"Terminating the baby would mean I would've lost a part of you as well. I…I didn't want to do that. I was willing to go through the process alone, not expecting to come back. I hope that…" I struggled to lift my eyes to meet his. "…is okay with you."

Like he waited for me to open up and meet him, Cloud gazed intently with a relaxed smile, and pushed his way in to kiss my lips.

"I have everything I've ever wanted," he sighed, and kissed deeper. I got lost in his hold, his lips and this world he's built for us. It felt like a dream, doing what we wanted, playing pretend for a few days. That's all it was, wasn't it? Just pretend, to push the pause button before we step back into reality and face Sephiroth?

I let myself get sucked into it, taking Cloud's wishes and soaking them in until I was stuck in a blissful state, happily lost. Maybe after Meteor, it will be like this, just us, eventually children, and hopefully newcomers to grow the village.

A simple life.

With Cloud, it sounded like a fantasy.

"What about you? What do you want to do before we go back?" He asked.

Before we go back to reality...

His heart pounded against my cheek until I kissed his skin and sighed.

"This," I whispered, smiling with closed eyes.

Cloud rested his chin over my head.

"I want to get you a ring," he whispered.

I shook my head. "I don't care. Perhaps a little after the baby is born, we can worry about that," I guessed. Funny how that thought played out. The idea dissolved when we just didn't care about a proper ring and wedding, too busy with what was actually important to us. Life just happens.

"Besides…" I rolled slightly to lift my right arm up, his old bracer turned orange.

"I have this. Way better than a ring," I beamed. Cloud sighed, shaking his head against mine.

"That doesn't count."

"Yes it does."

I lifted my other hand, and Ilfana's old ring glimmer under the firelight.

"And then, I have this here. From Aerith."

It was like we were already married, the three of us bonded by the precious gift.

Cloud reached, his hand blurring over mine, ticklish.

"She isn't here and yet, she beat me. Not fair," he joked, pulling my hand to his lips to kiss my knuckles.

I smiled at him, which left to more kissing and other close interactions of intimacy, drowning under Cloud when he rolled on top.

"What's the best memory you have of your father?" I asked later. We played a game of asking in-depth questions, tossing them back and forth while we squished together in his twin bed.

Cloud blinked rapidly at the ceiling, hands behind his head.

"Best memory?" He echoed, thinking hard. "If there are even any memories of him," he muttered, squinting as though he had trouble seeing it.

The fire faded, nothing but embers crackling and popping. The night bloomed in darkness outside, hushed by the snow. It came straight down heavily, a silent white storm turned orange behind the streetlamps.

"I don't even remember what he looks like," Cloud began, sighing. "I was maybe two, three? Mom said he left to go hunting. Never came back."

I blinked, expecting more, but Cloud's extended silence soon made it obvious he had nothing to add. I laid on his chest, watching the flowers across the room burn orange by the embers.

"What do you miss most about your world?" He asked me, ready to move on. I couldn't pick just one thing, but decided to blurt the first that came to mind.

"Besides Mum? I would have to say, the music."

"Music? Really?"

"Yes!"

"Like?"

I smiled as I let my fingers drift back and forth across his skin.

"Goodbye Yellow Brick Road," I giggled. Please, dear Gods, don't ask me to sing it. I don't think I could ever reach Elton John's pitch. Funny enough, I thought of Cloud when I retraced that song's words from memory. To follow his dream, he lived the city life with all its illusions, but he's ready to go back to his old home. No more life on the yellow brick road, the path to wonderland and young dreams.

"So many good songs," I sighed, missing others I knew I wouldn't be able to replicate.

"Then just make them here," Cloud suggested.

I heaved a laugh. "Sure! I'll just sing Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole to our baby as lullabies," I joked.

Cloud shook his head, grinning.

"I don't know what you just said, but.." we both shook with suppressed laughter. "...but whatever you sing, it will be great," he finished, holding me rattle against him.

"Okay, okay, can you tell me..."

We got through five questions before sleep took over quickly, the previous events in Midgar exhausting us. I couldn't stop smiling, wondering if this was all just a dream. It felt real, Cloud's warm body against mine. There was no way I could imagine the smallest of details, like how his head rolled slightly towards mine until it leaned against my skull, feeling heavy and yet, I didn't want to budge. I enjoyed his breath blowing on me, still sweetened by jam and peanut butter.

Because Cloud is always cautious, he left his dim sword up against the front door, our alarm for intruders.

Despite all the good feelings, one thing lingered, the thorn in these bushes of roses Cloud has made for us. I expect there to be some, that's life. But this one has been nagging at me, and I wondered if it nagged at him, too.

Jenova.

Neither of us mentioned it. I think we just forgot, lost in the magic of the day.

In the dark, I gripped my belly softly, picturing crazy purple cells sizzling inside an embryo. Will that affect anything? Maybe it won't even matter, and I'm worrying about nothing.

Right on cue, acid and PB&J gurgled up my esophagus. Quickly, I rolled away from Cloud and tipped my head over the bed to take my face into a tin bucket. I felt terrible to shatter the brilliant day with bits like this, my vomit episodes like tossing garbage in a well managed rose garden. A warm hand rubbed my back, telling me I woke up Cloud, but he never complained. Half asleep, he just rubbed to tell me he was there, even when I stopped and flopped back down, relieved it was over.

I groaned at the ceiling, my stomach cramping.

Cloud repositioned, and laid a hand there, almost feeling too heavy.

"How big is it?" He asked, voice a little raspy from sleeping a few hours.

"The baby?"

"Mmm."

I struggled to remember any gynecology, hating the subject in medical school, and hating it still when I gladly avoided the specialty altogether.

"It's probably no bigger than a dime."

"What's a dime?"

I pretended to smack myself for forgetting my world context didn't match with Cloud's occasionally.

"Oh, right. It's likely the size of...an olive. You have olives here, right?" I corrected.

It was too dark to read Cloud's expression, but his hand rubbed along the mound of firm skin. A hand that could hold a hundred pound sword, moved delicately, holding his growing child under his palm.

"Really? So much space for just an olive," he mumbled, tired.

I wasn't about to tell him all the physiology of developing a brand-new human, knowing he was falling back asleep.

"Cloud?" I rolled onto my side to face him. He detected my tone and grumbled, "Oh no..." He braced for it with a hand over his eyes.

"Have you ever thought of being a father, before all of this?"

Cloud rolled, his face sinking into our shared pillow because his bed was too small for two side by side.

"I thought we were done," he muffled inside its stuffed case of feathers, and his back pressed against me.

I clamped my lips together and leaned my forehead into the back of his neck.

"We are. Never mind." I dropped the question quickly, and tried to go to sleep. Was Cloud just too tired? Or did he dodge the question deliberately? I tried not to let it bother me, and closed my eyes.

Cloud fell asleep quickly, either that or he stayed quiet, scanning the dark room while he felt regret for shooting down such a question. Maybe he was unaware how much it actually bothered him, his instant reply that of defense.

...

"I thought about it, on and off, but mostly as something to worry about later," Cloud told me the next morning. It must've been on his mind because it was the first thing he said when he rolled out of bed to join me in the kitchen.

I was in the middle of washing last night's dishes, wearing warm red flannel pajamas. It felt like Christmas morning, waking up to snow and frost decorating the glass windows, the smell of it sneaking in through the chimney and house's secret cracks.

Unaffected to the cold, Cloud stood shirtless, leaning one hand on the stone counter and the other on his hip. He stared at the floor, dark stones glossed over to repel splashes of soapy water that dripped down my arms.

I looked over my shoulder at him, one eyebrow up.

"What?" I was lost at first.

Cloud swallowed and tried again.

"Your question. You asked me if I thought about being a father before...before it was possible," he clarified.

"Oh!" I sucked in a quick breath and quickly retreated to the sink pumped with mild, warm water. Bubbles spread across my hands while I focused on a clump of hard jam on a plate. I used my nail to scape it.

"That's kind of you to go back to it and answer. I didn't know it bothered you," I mentioned.

"Trying to get into SOLDIER, I just didn't really care. It was a sacrifice many of the boys were glad to make. They talked of being able to sleep with many people without having to worry about kids. Of course, since I didn't get in, it didn't actually matter to me. That was one thing easy to divide us, SOLDIER and the rest of the military. They could sleep with as many people as they wanted. Lower men had to be careful, no Mako for protection."

I tried not to smile too hard, picturing SOLDIER boys as high school jocks, and the rest of the lower ranks, like Cloud, a bunch of dweebs unable to get laid.

A giggle slipped free.

"Like varsity jocks versus nerds," I joked.

Cloud rubbed his spiky mess of hair, confused.

"That made no sense to me," he groaned. I giggled again as I shook my head.

"Nothing."

I smiled, and settled a rinse plate on a metal rack beside the sink.

"Anyway, I forgot about it until..." Cloud grunted, the memory hitting his stomach.

"Shinra. He just flat out said it like… Like it was just a small side effect, letting you all know so easily like that."

I dried my hands on a dish towel, watching Cloud carefully as he glared at Shinra's ghost in the kitchen.

"How did you feel when he said it to you like that?" I asked.

Cloud took a deep breath, his bare chest rising. Mako flames danced in his eyes.

"Insulted."

"So, then, you cared?" I edged.

Cloud's cheeks burned.

"Not like that. It just never occurred to me until that point. Since, I thought about being a father on and off, in the back of my mind, but as something to worry about later. I had doubts I would ever be in a position to even consider an apology speech to my future wife why we can't have children, but the fear was there."

He seemed to be struggling to explain it clearly, but I understood.

Not desiring the fatherhood, by itself, but the fear of having THE talk with a significant other about why he can't be a biological father. A piece of anxiety floating around SOLDIER and those poisoned with Mako for the rest of their lives. Sleeping around and having multiple partners could be a joyride for a while for those kinds of men, but what if they eventually meet someone they are serious about? What then? Perhaps the fooling around is meant to shut out that anxiety temporarily.

"I get it," I noted, smiling, and Cloud relaxed.

"Good," he grunted, and cleared his throat, clearly done with that topic.

"No apology speech needed," I teased, and smiled at icicles floating just over the window in front of the sink. As I did, I held my little stomach, wondering if my moments of delight transferred easily into that space to give my little olive a dose.

Cloud held his breath, face still red.

"Well, it's my fault-"

There was a knock on the door. I instantly gasped, eyeing Cloud uneasily across the tiny kitchen.

"I thought there was no one else here?" I asked. He blinked at me, puzzled, and then turned to glare at the door.

"There shouldn't be," he muttered, and walked slowly towards it to take his sword in one hand, ready to strike. His other hand gripped the iron knob, and twisted it. Upon opening the door, bluish white light poured in, coating Cloud in it. I hid behind him and spotted an elderly woman gasp. Her large eyes latched onto Cloud's muscular chest immediately.

"Oh my! Um!" Her face blossomed into pink before the white wonderland behind her, huffing clouds into our home. She clung to a wicker basket into her bosom, lips sucked into her mouth.

"S-Sorry!" She quickly looked up, smiling widely to add more wrinkles to her dark face.

"Hi! Um, sorry to intrude." She stuck out her shaky hand inside a mitten.

"I'm Martha. I live here with my husband. I thought we were the only ones left, but then I saw you two, and wondered if you will be staying until Meteor?"

She found enough courage to smile at us, her cheeks still red.

Cloud froze, his sword stuck in his hand, while still registering a harmless stranger was at our door, not a monster. I walked around him to take poor Martha's hand before her arm got too tired.

"Hi! I'm Aqua, and this is Cloud. Nice to meet you!" I rang.

"You work for Shinra?" Cloud fired, still tense.

Martha laughed.

"Hardly. We moved here five years ago for work, yes, expecting nothing of it, but fell in love with the place. Our temporary life became...well.." she shrugged and laughed some more. "Our life!"

"You like it here?" I asked.

Martha beamed.

"We love it. It's empty, but we can't seem to leave. This is our home."

She then gasped at her basket, forgetting she was holding it, and shoved it forward into my face.

"Here! I made fresh, hot biscuits. A welcome gift. Even when we all die soon, it doesn't mean we shouldn't still be civilized, you know?"

I took the basket carefully and smiled at the fine floral cloth over the mound of biscuits underneath. I could smell their doughy buttery goodness through the gaps.

"Thank you!"

Cloud stood stuck, looking lost in the interaction, and muttered, "Thanks."

Martha blushed upon inspecting him again.

"Oh course. Please come by anytime. We're over there!" She pointed to a large one floor cottage attached to the inn.

"That house. My husband manages the Inn. You'd be surprised at how many travelers popped up since Meteor. People quittin jobs and backpackin. Goodbye demands of life. Hello adventure!"

I enjoyed Martha's energy, and slightly sulked when she left.

As she did, she whispered to no one, "Wow," and fanned herself, giggling like a little girl.

I heaved a laugh through my nose as I shut the door, the bright morning gone.

"I think she enjoyed that," I chuckled.

"Enjoyed what?" Cloud asked, blinking down at me.

I bit my lower lip, but quickly reverted to giggling, shaking my head at him.

"At the idea of…having neighbors!" I smiled wide. Cloud glowered at me as he set his sword back on the door.

"I can read your bullshit easily, I hope you know that," he mused, eyeing me. I pretended to be drawn to the biscuits, sniffing through the cloth.

"Mmmm, these smell good. Would you look at that? Breakfast!"

A little time later, the fire was going, and we sat down to enjoy Martha's biscuits with jam and butter.

"How about we go out for a walk on the trail?" I suggested.

"A walk?" Cloud asked, like the idea of simply walking without a place in mind nor monsters to fight sounded ridiculous.

I giggled at his pained expression.

"Yes, a walk. W-A-L-K. You know, two feet touching the ground-"

"Why?"

"To get fresh air."

"Ugh."

"Okay, you can stay here. I'll just take a stroll-"

"I'll go," Cloud finalized, leaning back in his chair. He looked away, cheeks burning. That's been happening more lately, many new discoveries happening around our little world to leave one abashed. Seeing Cloud go through it was one of the other little details I appreciated about him, and I quietly took a mental snapshot.

…

Brown fuzzy boots, Shera's black turtleneck dress, Reeve's scarf, and bracer over my long sleeve arm, I skipped across the town's square. At first, it laid almost perfect, except for Martha's footprints leading all the way back towards the Inn. I guess if I forgot where she lived, I could just follow her trail.

The snow stopped, the air thin and cold but warm enough to cause icicles to drip along the edges of rooftops. The water tower stood there, thickly covered in four or more inches of white.

"Wow! Does it get like this every winter?" I rang, eyes sparkling over Nibelheim. It turned into a quaint, snowy, mountain village.

Cloud slipped his hands in his pockets, and quietly observed the empty square. He quickly disappeared, eyes distant, and there was a longing expression on his face without him realizing it.

I stopped, huffing fog, and asked, "What's the matter?"

Cloud shook his head to get out of his thoughts, and lifted one side of his mouth.

"It just looks like something is missing," he speculated. I pretended to be him, wondering where my thoughts would be as I inspected the plump white world around us, the water tower especially tempting to climb and turn into a fort. The sudden image of children laughing and throwing snowballs came to mind.

"Kids," I giggled. No children to enjoy the glamour of this day, the snow left untouched, beautiful for a time before it were to melt.

Cloud smiled softly and nodded once.

"Yeah. It snowed only a few times out of the year, so we had to climb Mt. Nibel to get to it. Days like this were rare, and always never left to waste. It's strange to see no one here enjoying this," he shared. I began to walk towards the stairs, trying not to look up at the demands of all the steps.

"You did many snowball fights? Or made snowmen? Or maybe you were a snow angel type?" I guessed, perking up at him. He tucked his lips into his scarf, eyes downcast.

"More like, stayed inside and watched the other kids do all the fun type."

I took a deep breath to absorb his answer, the silence to aid in me picturing little Cloud standing there in his home, hands on the window and watching children having fun without him. Was Tifa a part of that group?

We climbed the steps slowly.

"They didn't let you play with them?" I guessed. After diving in Cloud's memories, I've learned that he was bullied.

Cloud nodded once.

"Yeah. Every time I came to play outside, Tifa and the boys would all scatter, hiding from me. They thought it was a game, I guess. But then I would go back inside, and they'd come out, play again."

He sighed, rubbing his skull hard.

"God, I hated that."

I took his hand and squeezed. This led him to look down at me steadily, his dark red scarf almost turning him into Vincent when his nose hid behind it.

"You hated Nibelheim," I began, trying to understand his logic to ever even thought of coming back to a place with mostly terrible memories.

"Why did you want to come back?"

We stopped, Cloud one step above me, and he looked down, eyes softening after they've been hard at reflecting his childhood.

"I didn't want to hate it anymore," he answered easily. He squeezed my hand, looked down at it, and added, "You help with that."

I blinked up at him, exalted.

"I'm not doing anything special," I chirped. Just being here with him.

I could tell Cloud smiled behind his scarf, his eyes lifting from it.

"You're doing plenty, you goof."

He took a step, taking me along, and we continued the climb.

A few minutes later, along the pristine trail of thick snow, I fumbled towards the broken gates of the old Shinra Mansion to have a look. Covered in white, it didn't look as frightening, just neglected. The weeds were hidden under a thick layer, dead trees draped heavily while holding icicles on the bottom of extensive branches. So much of the place stood cracked and open, it appeared to be almost a part of nature. Windows left broken or lost altogether. The doors open to let the cold sink inside, drawing in a deeper chill to the bones of Nibelheim's past.

I curled my hands around the icy cast iron bars, and frowned as I stared through them.

"So much has happened here. To you and to Vincent," I whispered, the cold biting my tongue. I could've sworn a gust blew at my face from the inside of the house, like it was breathing.

Cloud stepped towards the gates, and stopped to inspect the property. He breathed hard when he lifted his lips from his scarf, taking more of the cold to his face when it seemed to heat with anxiety. His hand shook when it became a fist at his side.

"I want to go inside," he suddenly announced, eyes blinking with uncertainty. He was shocked at himself for even considering it.

I let go of the fence as I watched him.

"What do you hope to find?" I picked, wondering where Cloud's thoughts went.

He nodded before looking at me.

"Answers," he simplified. And then, he asked, "Will you come with me?"

I walked up to him to take his fist in my hand. He was still trembling.

"Of course," I whispered, trekking lightly. He took a deep breath, and walked towards the entrance. I followed closely, keeping a hold of his hand.

It was much colder down the damp spiral stairs, stepping into the basement. It felt like the descend to hell, the steps appearing nonstop as Cloud and I stepped deeper and deeper through the earth, until the ice smell had been replaced with earth and rot.

We stayed quiet the whole time, until we stopped a few feet from the metal door.

The entrance into the lab.

Cloud laid his eyes on it, and already reached for the latch.

I held my breath. When he opened the door, I exhaled, blowing away dust and old Mako particles.

There shouldn't be any threats, no Sephiroth nor Hojo to worry about. And yet, I tensed, the air already feeling like Hojo's creepy hands when a chill curled around my shoulders.

I held on to Cloud's arm and squeezed.

"What do you think you will find?" I asked, rubbing my forehead into his shoulder.

Cloud took one step inside, and held still, taking his time.

"I just want to know if I'll find anything on Zack," he answered, more specific.

There was a jolt there in my chest.

Zack.

The one caught with Cloud from Hojo and his team. Zack, the persona Cloud claimed as his own.

Zack, Aerith's love.

And the key to Cloud's escape from his nightmare.

We walked further in and stopped to scan the neglected lab. Still the same as it were, apart from pieces of our last encounter, like the fragments of Sephirth's Mythril bracer, Cloud's bat and drops of old blood. The scattered tanks stood empty, frozen ghosts of a dark era.

There was poor light. Only old fluorescent lights hummed in a faint, sickly yellow over the room, left on from the pumps of Mako.

I let go of Cloud just to curl my hands over my heart.

This is where he kissed me for the first time, a little sprinkle of delight to a bowl of horror. Memories of Cloud charging towards Sephiroth bravely, brought in warmth in the middle of the chilly lab. That was also the first time he could control his strength from the Mako, charged at a whole new level. We met Vincent here. So many mixed memories, turning the lab into a place of bizarre emotions. I was lost in it, unaware Cloud had already walked up to a tank, and focused specifically on the scratched message inside it. He squinted at it, and rubbed a finger to feel its many layers of scratches just to make the letters.

I watched him, knowing now that was Zack's tank.

"Zack wrote that for you, didn't he?" I guessed quietly.

Cloud's exhales became shaky.

"Yes. He did," he whispered. His hand stayed there on that glass, over those words, as he tried to absorb them through his fingers to better see it when it happened.

"Zack, he..." Cloud's lower lip trembled, his eyes widening at the two tanks like they were once cradles from his nursery.

"He..."

He suddenly sucked in a breath so fast, it startled me.

"Cloud?"

His hand dropped to his side, eyes widen when he locked them on the floor.

I neared him and took his arm. It was hot and slippery of sweat.

"Cloud, what is it?"

Cloud wrinkled his forehead as he began to pant. His skin paled and turned clammy.

"I..."

He dropped his head into his hands, eyes frozen to the blood stains between his boots.

"I..."

His eyes expanded more. Those drops of old blood could've been a whisper of a memory, and he finally heard it.

"I'm starting to remember," he trembled.

I stepped back when he straightened, and then he reached for my hand. His eyes opened for me, face sprinkled of sweat.

"Have a look."

I was already in Cloud's eyes before he had to ask, feeling them pull me in with his permission. My mouth dropped, barely able to take in a breath before going right into the ocean of green.

The real world shriveled away. Like diving without taking a mouthful of air, I panicked, Cloud's hand turning into wisps of green energy to tug me deeper when all I wanted was to kick up to the surface to inhale. Deeper I fell, feeling isolated in the abyss of Cloud's mind. Knots curled in my throat like pebbles, the itch to cough them up when I began to choke.

"Wait!" I gasped, falling. I reached up to nothingness, anticipating to land hard in a lonely place without a guide.

To my relief, a familiar gloved hand appeared from the shadows above, and took hold of mine firmly.

55