Chapter 6:The Fire Burns On

The orange arms flipped the suit and trilby hat-clad King Louie onto the wing of the seaplane. Fozzie loudly remarked, "There's a motherfucking monkey on the wing! There's a motherfucking monkey on the wing!" Louie, in a very surreal way, almost like he was a cartoon orangutan, and not a real one, pulled a tommy gun from mid air. His voice was loud and hard, so that they could hear it over the roar of the air outside of the plane. "I'll give you motherfuckers till' the count of ten to get the Hell out!, one...two......TEN!!!"," by now everyone had ducked down inside of the plane. Louie opened fire, and the plane's motor caught on fire. "That'll teach you motherfuckers to mess with Sher Khan."

It was about this time that Louie spit out the twenty-two dollars in change he had been chewing on, because as we all know, he's one badass motherfucker. Suddenly a window of the side of the plane was shattered. Baloo hopped onto the wing, with an RPG, and in what was probably a bigger mistake than letting a small boy come into contact with a rabies infeseted bear, blew off his own wing.

PJ said, in that ever so famous line of his, "C'mon max, let's get the fuck out of here." And they held hands and jumped using the only parachutes. Baloo stood on the stump of the wing. He was satisfied. He took a dump in his pants, to signify his feelings. He let the RPG drop off the wing. Suddenly, Louis appeared behind him , his neck was being tightly grabbed by the "damn" monkey. A stuggle began. After 2 days straight, Baloo managed to throw off Louie, by doing this he lost his balance, and plummeted to his death along with Louie, he once again shit on the way down.

Fozzie and Charlie stared off into the sky for along time, amazed at how long a plane with no motor and one wing had remained in the air. That's when it nose-dived. They were heading straight into the Atlantic Ocean. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!

.................15 minutes later.............

Fozzie and Charlie woke up around the same time. "What the hell happened...?," moaned Fozzie in a daze "I feel like I've been in Mexico all over again.." Charlie and Louis had survived, but only barely. In a sick way, identical to the time Baloo and his love-slave Mowgli had drifted downstream, they had been saved, by Baloo's rotting corpse. It had carried them inland! But, they were in the Gulf of Mexico, and south of the border.

They walked up to the fence. Fozzie looked down and said, "Charlie..there's something I need to tell you." "Yeah?" "I'm from Mexico." "So?" I'm not supposed to be in America. I'm an illegal alien."

They walked up into border control. This wasn't the first time Charlie would have to sneak "goods" into a country. Charlie took a deap breath, and with a sharp frill, shoved Fozzie into his anus. He walked up to the Guard who said "Well, Mr., you aren't carrying any heavy loads tonight?" "No, sir." "Can you empty you bowels please?" "WHAT?!" "I said, can you empty you bags please." Charlie opened up Fozzie's satchel. The guard spotted an Ak-47, a switch blade, a socom pistol, a bow, a mace, a tazer, and 24 pounds of Marijuana. "Move along,sir." "Thanks," said Charlie. Charlie walked up to the final gate. "Sir, what will you be doing in America?" "Camping." "And how long will you be crapping, excuse me, camping?" "Two days, give or take a redbook."

Charlie clenched, and slowly Fozzie's screams became clearer. "IT'S MOTHERFUCKING NASTY IN THERE!" "Yeah, I know, but more importantly, we've got to find a ride, and soon."

There it was, with the swiftness of man, and muppet, they hopped onto the back of a truck, filled with illegal immigrants. Things went peacefully up untill midstate Virginia. Charlie's cell phone rang. A mysterious voice on the other end, did not give him time to speak. "Muhahah, if the truck goes under 14 miles per hour, it will explode!!!!!!!" The sound of struggled laughter could be heard. "Ok," said Charlie and Fozzie as the hopped off the back of the truck. The truck pulled up to a red light, and exploded. The sterotypical mexican screams could be heard for miles. What horror.

"I need you motherfuckers to pull a job for me! I need you to steal the.....Articles of CONFEDERATION!!"

Expected pause.

"There, might be a...treasure map...on...well, I'VE GOT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FRIEND HERE, MAN!"

Charlie heard Jesse scream. "NOOO!!! LEAVE HER ALONE!!!, "Charlie screamed. "No."

"Now, fellas, I've arranged a little ride for you to D.C., you'll pull the job, and meet me at a dropoff point in South Jersey."

Fozzie let out a nervous laugh, "Fuck no, I ain't going back there!"

"You have to, now, the ride is approximatly 20 feet in front of you.," the voice said. "I'll see you then, Mr. Bond. SHIT 7 OUT!"

Charlie and Fozzie approached what appeared to be the Oscar Meyer Weiner-mobile. It was time to take down the man, at the source.

Meanwhile, at the prison...

Louis lay back in his cot, his body still aching from the physical punishment he'd recieved from Winslow no less then 2 days ago, and was startled as Kangaroo Jack collapsed on the floor. Louis screamed out "NOOO!!!! FUCKIN' WINSLOW, MOTHERFUCKER, WHY!?!?!??!!!?"

Back to Charlie & Fozzie...

Fozzie and Charlie, both had coon' masks on as they snuck into the compound. They snuck down the hall and reached their target.

"Wait a second!, this isn't the motherfucking Articles of Confederation.., this is the Declaration of Independance," screamed Fozzie. "How are we supposed to get the map!?"

"You aren't," said an approaching security guard with the name tag 'Griff'.

"Let's run!" Fozzie grabbed the hoverboard he had found in Lincoln's bedroom and they were off.

To Be Continued In: Kangaroo Jack 2, Chapter 7