Chapter 25

What am I going to do? Why did I tell him?

My mind screamed, jolting me from my slumber. Erik once again did not lay beside me, something I have come to expect after something, significant happens.

Why did this happen? How can he love this child so? This child...

I sat up, rubbing my temples, trying to stop the ever going debate over the child. Ayesha jumped up into my lap, upset that her precious Erik had not taken her with him.

"Go away cat." I pushed her off of me irritatingly,

Why must she be such a bother? If this is just a taste of what a child will be like, I would rather be like Marguerite.

I mentally slapped myself for such a comment, how dare I say such things? I would never, Never do such a tasteless, cowedly thing. I was not raised to think such thoughts.

Ayesha once again climbed up into to my lap, demanding my attention as if she was a prima donna. Knowing I would never win against her, I gave in, and stroked her back.

"This is all your fault, Little One. If I had not brought you down here to live, Erik would never have realized how much he wished to care for someone, he wouldn't want this child." She rubbed her head up against my stomach, purring loudly.

"Why must I have a heart full of pity? Why did I bring you in? Why did I let any of this happen?" despite my harsh words, she continued to purr, her tail curled around my leg softly.

She has almost as much charm on me as I have on Erik.

"God, what am I doing?" I practically screamed at myself, picking up Ayesha, and cradling her in my arms, as you would an infant.

"I love you Little One, don't think I don't. I will Love this child, If I ever get a chance to meet it, but I'm frightened Little One. You must see that. Erik doesn't, but you seem to know everything." Her little paws began to snatch at one of my curly locks, trying to nip at it when she caught it.

"I know, I know, I have nothing to worry about, That's what Roxanne said too, but that doesn't stop my mind." She climbed out of my grasp, resting upon my shoulder, and back. She nuzzled at my ear, her tail getting tangled in my massive hair.

"Alright, alright, I get it Little One. I'll stop worrying, Alright?" She purred once again, wrapping her tail protectively around my neck.

I laughed at her taking her up in my arms again, this time letting her playfully swipe at my fingers. Our simple, loving play was inturuputed by a soft knock. I looked up to see Murtagh leaning against the door way, that grin upon his face. He had his hands behind his back, and cane no were in my sight.

"Hello Scout." I motioned for him to join me on the bed. He sat next to me, bringing his arms to the front of his body, revealing a large, white box.

"I have something for you, Ace." He placed the box in front of me. Almost like I child, I took the box into my hands, shaking it gentle, as if to get a hint of what was inside, but it made not a sound.

"What is it?" I asked, removing the lid of the mysterious box.

The sight before me took my breath away. The dress, the heavenly garment Meg and I saw in the store window while we were shopping lay before my eyes. Still in complete shock, I pulled the garment from the box, and laid it against the curves of my body, to see how it would look upon my skin.

"You will look amazing in it." He pulled my hair back, examining the dress, no doubt imagining me in it.

"How... Scout? How could you afford such a regal gift?" I found the words, as I ran my unworthy hands over the precious detailing of the lace.

"I have my money, and besides, traditionally it is the bride's family who pays for the wedding." He said proudly. I rolled my eyes, returning my gaze to the mesmerizing white of the dress.

"What part of my relationship with Erik is traditional?" His grin widened, as a small chuckle escaped his lips.

"Well, there isn't." He paused, eyes returning to the gown, then up into my eyes.

"You like it?"

"I love it!" I practically leaped onto him, wrapping my arms around him tightly, letting him know just how ecstatic I am.

"Thank you. Really scout, your the best brother any girl could ask for."

"And don't forget that Ace." He teased. Ayesha, feeling slightly ignored, demanding his attention in her usual way.

"So, Does she talk back?" He stroked her head.

He overheard? But, no, he couldn't have...

"How much did you hear?" I asked cautiously, no need giving him information he might have missed.

"Well, your voice echoed down the hall, and seeing as I don't walk too fast... I heard enough to get the main idea" My heart sank, my head seemed as if it would have fallen to the ground in shame, if it wasn't attached to my neck.

Must every one know?

"Your scared." His voice lost it's usual light tone, turning serious.

"No, I'm not scared... I am terrified!" I could feel the tears fill my eyes, but I don't care, let Murtagh see my pain, let at least someone understand. He wrapped his arms around me protectively, as Erik does when I need other's strength. I wept into my brother, as I wish I could weep into my Erik, but he must never know, He can't know, I can't let him worry. My body shook with fright, despite Murtagh's attempt to calm me. I need to get this out, I will die if I keep it inside any longer.

"Your mother?" He asked, knowing exactly as my mind works. All I could do was nod my head, but he understood it all. When the majority of the tears subsided, I looked up into my brother, his loving, tender sea blue eyes. He wiped the tears away, his smile returning to his face.

"You never out grew your fears, have you? Your still that shy, tender, frightened little girl I always knew." His smile must be contagious, for one appeared upon my face too.

"How can you know me so well, My Scout? Not even Erik can see that in me."

"Years of practice." He said, taking my hands in his.

"Your entire life, you kept this fear, although knew one saw it. Even as a girl, you refused to play with the baby dolls, said you didn't like them. It took you forever to warm up to our Mother." He leaned over me, kissing my forehead.

"Your not her, you know that. You won't share her fate."

Why must every one lie to me? Everything won't be alright. God isn't kind enough to grant me Heaven, I don't deserve it.

"How do you know that? How can everyone say that?" I whimpered out, burring my head in my hands, digging my nails furiously into my hair.

"Because, I am your brother, and I'm always right." I couldn't help but laugh.

Oh my brother, how your smile can effect someone. Just one look at you brightens the room, lifting even the most sorrowful heart to the heavens.

"Come on, out of bed, I am taking you out. You look like you need fresh air, your so pale." He helped me off the bed, although I don't need it, he was trying to be a gentlemen. He left the room, allowing my time to dress.

After finding the perfect outfit, I examined myself in the mirror.

How long will I be able to get away with wearing these things? How long can I hide it? What about when I can't? What about my dancing?

It hadn't crossed my mind till that every moment about my dancing. I have been too worked up over other fears to worry about that.

My career is over. If I live, there still is such a small chance of returning. If I ever loose the weight from the child, I will be far out of practice, how will I catch up?

No, we are not going to ponder any longer about the future. I am just going to enjoy being with me brother today, no more troubling thought.

You never know, maybe they are right.