Little Lotte- standing in the rain... completely my own idea. looks over to Erik for support, who just shakes his head and sighs. Any way, glad to see your not il any more, Love Ya!

Chapter 32

Erik carried me over to the bed, laying me down upon the soft sheets, before sitting down himself.

"You look absolutely angelic tonight." He whispered into my ear, removing the veil from my hair.

"Mrs. Destler." He kissed the side of my neck, running his hand down my body, letting it rest upon my stomach. I turned my face,to look him in the eyes.

"Mrs. Destler." I repeated, pulling of his mask, kissing his cheek.

"Mrs. Erik Destler" I kissed him again, before turning back, resting my head on his chest. Ayesha jumped up onto the bed, meowing furiously for our neglectful behaviour. Taking pity on our selfish Little One, I picked her up in my arms, cradling her like a child, as I will be in the months to come.

"Did you miss us Little One?" I kissed the top of her small head, before placing her down in my lap.

"What was it?" Erik spoke out of no where, his gaze focused on nothing.

"What?" I questioned, not understanding what he was taking about, contemplating if I had missed something.

"What did she give you?" I pushed Ayesha off of my lap, and turned to face him, confusion still hung on my face.

"Who?"

"Roxanne." His voice turned tense, as those eyes of his buried into me, searching my soul for an answer.

"Nothing My Love." I tried to look innocent, But he looked right through me.

What could I tell him? I can't tell him the truth.

"What?" Anger started to fill his voice, my heart aches for him to know the truth, but he can't know. If he knew...

"Nothing you need to worry about Erik. Let us just enjoy tonight." The tension in his face fled, but was replaced by a fearful look. He took my hands into his, forcing my attention to his wide, pleading eyes.

"Please, Mon Ange. What is wrong? You must tell me. Is there something wrong with the child?" The look upon his face broke my heart, I can't keep this from him. I know it will shatter his, but I can't with hold the information any longer, I keep a secret from my Erik, not one of this importance.

"Oh Erik, Please." I moaned, trying to stop myself. "Don't ask, you shouldn't know. Please." The last word came out as more of a whimper. Seeing the look of anguish on my face, he gathered me in his arms, gently rocking my back and forth.

"Mon Ange." He pulled my hair away from my face, looking at me almost like a puppy, silently pleading of me to tell him.

"But it will hurt you." I whimpered, burring my face into my hands.

"I could never do that to you."

"Mon Ange, please." He pleaded, kissing the top of my head.

I sighed, knowing I can't keep this up any longer. I can't look into those eyes and lie.

"Its is some remedy, to..." I couldn't find the words to finish, I didn't want to find the words.

"To what?" Erik wouldn't give up. Not because he is selfish, but for his concern for my wellbeing.

"To keep me from... from..."

Please let him drop the subject, please let him stop now.

"From what?"

"From Dieing." Erik pulled back sharply, fear and bewilderment hung to his face.

"Dieing?" His voice cracked from his fear, softly I nodded my head slightly, before hanging it in shame.

"Dieing? Mon Ange, why? How?" He took me back into his arms, pressing me into him tightly, as if he feared I would leave him right now.

"In childbirth."

"But...Why? Mon Ange?" He paused for a moment, before continuing in a hushed, hurt voice.

"How could I have done this to you..." A single tear of guilt slid down his cheek, falling into my hair.

"I'm so sorry Mon Ange." He whimpered.

"Stop!" I practically screamed, causing Erik to jump back in surprise. In frustration I dug my fingers deep into my scalp, ripping at my golden locks.

I found myself getting off the bed, throwing my cloak on, and making my way to the door.

"This has nothing to do with you Erik, I promise you that. Please, just let me think." He tried to approach me, but I raised my hands to stop him.

"Please, Erik." I turned away from him, leaving our home as fast as my feet could take me. luckily Erik didn't try to peruse, and let me have what I wanted.

As I have done so many time before, I found myself standing in front of that tree, and once again, I sunk to my knees before it.

"Damn you!" I screamed up into the darkening sky. I couldn't keep the tears way, as memories flooded my mind.

"Little One!" My father called from our little home. My little four year old self ran to his loving voice, bouncing with joy.

"Yes papa?" I skipped into our sitting room, finding him sitting in his armchair, the portrait of mother sitting upon his lap. Tears streamed down his face, as I climbed up into his lap, not understanding what could bring him to such a state.

"I have betrayed her." He whimpered, looking down at me.

"Daddy?" I rested my head against him, looking down to the unfamiliar women.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm getting married, Little One." He stroked my blond curls softly.

"You know mademoiselle Genivere, Little Murtagh's mother, she is to be my wife."

"I like her, and scout." I smiled happily, thinking of my only friend.

"I know you do, But you don't have to call her mother." He looked down at the picture of his dead wife.

"She will always be your mother."

The world around me returned to present day, as the sky seemed to weep with me, letting down a blanket of cool rain drops.

"You were not my mother." I hissed out at the sky, not caring if my dress was getting wet, or if the hem collected mud from the ground.

"How could you have been? When you left! Dear dead mother, I shall not be like you! I shall not be as selfish as you were! To leave my child to be raised by another! She was my real mother, the one who loved me! Who raised me! I refuse to be like you! I won't leave him! I swear on my beloved father's grave I shall not be you. He may have given me your name, But I refuse to be you, I refuse to follow in your footsteps, but rather, follow those of my true mothers." I stepped back, a triumphant smile upon my face.

"I will not be like you."

"Ace!" A voice called from behind me. I turned to find Murtagh rushing over to me, trying to keep the hood of his cloak up, but failing.

"What are you doing out here?" He stared at me, not comprehending how I could care less if the rain drenched my hair.

I looked back at the sky, my smile still upon my face, the fear of the months to come fled with each drop to fall onto that triumphant look.

"Erik is going insane with worry." He took a hold of my shoulders, trying to coax me into leaving. Not wanting to hurt my Erik further, I followed Murtagh back to the carriage.

"What were you doing out in the rain?" He asked, as we made our way back to the Opera House.

"Finding peace."