R.S.: Hey hey hey again. This is the chapter that's gonna be a really weird one. Kaoru totally changes. And Kenshin just lets out everything about his past.

P.S.: I'm sorry, but I had to change it up a bit to make it fit what came into my mind. Please don't be mad. Oh yeah. And there is some drug reference in this.

It's always that one person

By: Rampaging Sorrow

Chapter Ten: There's something that I don't understand

Why can't I be like you?

PART ONE

Lost... that's all that could describe what Kaoru Kamiya was. She sat down at her desk in her bedroom with a cup of hot chocolate and a gigantic piece of cheesecake. She had her mother's diary on the desk. She had started from the first page, and she couldn't understand what her mother was trying to say in most of the entries. The one that puzzled her the most was the one that she had stopped on.

Dear Luina,

I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I've never felt like this before. Nor have I ever just been so attracted to one thing. I'll start from where it all happened.

I woke up this morning today and I went to school. I had a basketball game after school. In the middle of the game, a girl pushed me and I made the lay-up... only to fall into the bleachers. I got up, but my whole lip was sliced. It was a huge gap. It didn't hurt all that much, but the way it looked, people thought it was painful enough to cry. I tried to get some of it up by licking my lips. When I did... I felt something different. I don't know what happened, but it just felt so... good.

They had taken me to the hospital after we won the game and they stitched my lip up, but I could still taste the blood on my tongue. The taste was so exotic to my mouth and so foreign to my senses. It was driving me nuts. I don't know what's going on. At all. I feel fine, but I can tell that I'm freaking out. Is it because I've been cutting myself lately? Or is it because I've had enough of regular soft drinks?

I cut myself after the game, and I felt so much better after I did. The stress was gone and then I heard my door knock so I put my mouth on it and began to suck. I told them to go away, but they opened it and I pulled down my black sleeve and picked up my cup of red juice. Oh how good the lord is to me. If it wasn't for that juice, I'd be in a psychotic home. But it was my Uncle telling me to come down for dinner. I nodded pretending to sip on my juice.

Once he was gone, I pulled it back up and saw the blood was still falling. I wiped it away and I felt so wild and crazy. I felt like I was turning Goth. I'm not saying that's how they act, but I've heard stories and it really freaked me out. Yet today, it all went out the window. I taped my arm up and made sure it wouldn't turn red, but to no use. They found out that I had cut myself, and that night they tied me down.

Am I turning into something freakish? I mean blood is iron after all.

Kaoru didn't understand what she meant. She had finished it right there. What was her mother trying to say? That she liked iron, or something? It had her so confused. And the entry before it was about her walking somewhere. She didn't know what place her mother was talking about, it had her so confused. It made her feel like she didn't understand her own flesh and blood. And Kaoru Kamiya didn't like that all. Not one bit. Kaoru laid her head down on the desk and pulled her black hair on her other shoulder so she wouldn't get any in the cheesecake. She began to think about the last sentence before she shut her light blue eyes and fell asleep.

Darkness...

One light shone down in one spot...

Statues all around, a weird sanctuary... chills running down her spine

Her light ruby eyes were excited as she walked towards a big pool. The pool being red. She looked around before stripping down. Her bare body got small goose bumps. The area was very dark. She was relaxed before she began taking steps. Her clothes were on the side and placed away neatly. She took slow steps as she was going lower into the water. Somebody was on the other side waiting for her. Light blue-gray eyes, black hair spiked and slightly wet. His smile was one of excitement and lust. As she went lower she looked to the side out the window. As the moon began to go into the eclipse, she took in some air and vanished from sight.

"Your world is my world

Your thoughts rest within my soul

You drive me wild through the night...

Because you open the demonic doors..."

Kaoru opened her eyes and jumped up with a start. Her forehead was wet with sweat. She got up from the desk and she felt her heartbeat. It was beating wildly. She leaned against the wall and she looked up at the sky. The moon was shining brightly... but then she saw something she would have never thought to see. There was a red lining around the moon. Just like in the dream. And it was freaking her the hell out. She sank down to the floor, and she screamed.

Kenshin was whistling as he walked down the street. The clouds were pouring rain. His umbrella was above his head. He was in a cheerful mood today, and nothing was going wrong. The Enishi case had been looked over, and Enishi was back in bars, just as they wanted it. He yawned before rubbing his eye. He was heading towards Kaoru's house to tell her, but then he stopped as he looked in the street. Somebody was lying in the street. The person had tight black jeans and a gray hoodie. Kenshin crossed the street to get a better closer look at the person. The person had raven hair and eyes were shut. Kenshin saw a car speeding towards the person and then he saw the necklace on the person's neck. He instantly knew who it was.

"Kaoru!" he ran into the street with his fast speed and then he made the car stop before it could ever reach her. The car braked hard and he heard the curses.

"Hey what the fuck you punk ass bitch!"

"Why don't you just shut the fuck up! Somebody is lying in the street! You was gonna run her over!" Kenshin didn't mean to talk with some slang, but it just came out.

"Oh well if she die it ain't on my head!" He got back into his car and drove off. Kenshin picked up a rock and threw it right into his back shield. As soon as it broke, he picked her up and he ran off. He just abandoned his umbrella right there.

"Don't(pant)-worry Kaoru! You'll be okay!" Kenshin kept on running until he found his car. It had been parked down the street. He pressed a button and he put Kaoru in his car. He laid his passenger seat back all the way and then he drove off. He kept on checking Kaoru's pulse. It was faint and she wasn't breathing all that much. He was speeding like a wild man and then he turned the corner hard. His car kinda skidded, but he drove off fast and then he arrived at the hospital. He picked her up and then he carried her to the desk. He began to scream out for help. The person sitting there tried to calm him down, but it wasn't working.

"Somebody help me! She's been hurt and I found her in the street! I don't know if she's dead or alive!" that picked up a doctor's attention and Kenshin knew it would. They carried her down the hall and then they put her on a bed. They told Kenshin to step out and he sat down and grabbed a towel that was handed to him. He pulled off his shirt and his pants and he began to change into some pants that they had given him. He was drying his hair and his upper body. Then he pulled out his slightly damp phone from his wet pants pocket and he pulled out his phone. They had led him to a waiting room.

"Do you want anything to drink?"

"Iie."

"Come again?"

"I meant no. I'm sorry." she nodded before she just sat there with him. Kenshin called Shuichi since he couldn't get a hang of Aoshi, so all he could do was get him. Shuichi didn't like to hear him too much, but if he called it must be important.

"Nani desu ka? And it better be important." Kenshin's english went right out the window and all he was speaking was pure japanese. The nurse couldn't understand him at all and then he heard the person go 'I'm on my way.' Kenshin hung up and then he put his head in his hands and he gripped his hair.

"Shimatta." he said to himself.

"Sir are you alright?" Kenshin nodded before he began to freak out.( means japanese.)

"What if she's dead man! Who did this to her? Oh man I am so screwed. Her father's going to kill me!"

"Sir please calm down!" The nurse then went to find somebody who spoke japanese. She found a patient who did so and then she asked him to come and help. He had a broken his leg. The nurse rolled him over.

"Tell him to please calm down Michiri." the patient nodded. Kenshin wasn't listening as she said it calm so she had to say it loud.

"Ochitsuite!(Calm down)" Kenshin looked at her before she asked him if he understood.

"Wakarimasu-ka?(You understand?)"

"H-Hai." She then asked what happened and Kenshin began to explain to her. He was trying to be calm, but he couldn't.

"He said that he found his girlfriend lying in the street freezing cold. He doesn't know what happened. He said he was just walking down the street and then some car drove by as he was crying out for help and then he stopped another person. They had some argument and he broke his back shield and then he ran to his car and he drove here."

"Ask him if he's sure he doesn't want anything." she asked him and Kenshin asked for a big bottle of soda.

"Alright. I'll be right back. Thanks for your help." he rolled her away and Kenshin told her bye. Kenshin then sat there and he finally called Aoshi. Aoshi was with Shuichi and they said they would be there soon. Kenshin then sat there and he began to freak out in his head. He slowly put his head down and he began to think and curse at himself. The doctors had been in there for long and Kenshin's mind was flipping and doing somersaults. He wasn't in the right state of mind. He felt somebody put their hands on him trying to pull him up.

"Te-o-dokete-yo!(Take your hands off!)" he glared at the person. He couldn't see straight. But it was Aoshi. Aoshi then saw his brother come and try to calm him down. But Kenshin wasn't listening. He was apologizing for everything he had ever done. He was hoping for Kaoru to be alright. Aoshi tried to talk to him as he sat down and put his hands over his head. He was screaming and then Shuichi tried.

"Hottoite-kure-yo!(Leave me alone!)" Shuichi didn't want to and he kept on trying.

"Shitsukoi!(Stop it!)" Kenshin cried out before Shuichi threw him into his chair.

"You ain't nothin but a punk."

"Leave him alone Shuichi." Aoshi said. Kenshin began to stop and he was getting mad. Aoshi saw Shuichi raging as he and Kenshin began to blast each other. They were fighting.

"Dame-dayo!" Aoshi told his brother, but Shuichi pushed him aside.

"You just a punk who don't know nothin! You cryin over this! Suck it up man!"

"You don't know a goddamn thing!" Kenshin's eyes were gold now.

"I had to sit here and watch my mother go through this!" Shuichi pushed him and he stumbled back into the table that was in the area. The table broke and Kenshin fell with it. He sat there in pain and he just winced at it.

"I had to watch my mother come here everytime she was sick or she just dropped to the goddamn floor! I watched all that shit happen before MY eyes! Before my eyes I had to watch her lay there and fall and come back to us like nothing happened! This is child's play and you shouldn't be sitting her bitchin' and makin some noise for this! You're nothing but a damn punk!"

"You don't know shit!"

"You're just some tough guy who thinks he's from the hood!"

"Usotsuki!(Liar!)" Kenshin said, but Shuichi kept on going.

"You need to open your eyes boy and look at everything! If you cry for every person who gets found like this, then you're one lost motherfucker. You need to be a fuckin man!"

"I WATCHED HER DIE DAMMIT!" they looked at him as he looked at the floor.

"I watched my mother die! I watched her come to a damn hospital! I've seen it all!" he got up and he looked into his eyes.

"I had to watch her day after day after day after day! I watched her as a little boy with nothing else to hold on to! I sat there by her fucking bed and watched her die! I could feel her soul leaving and as a little boy I thought I could catch it! But it couldn't! I couldn't catch it in time! And she died with her eyes open dammit! I had hugged her and she died holding me! She was telling me to take care of my family and help out my father! And then she died! She died right there! You don't know nothing about me! You never saw some shit like what I've seen! Ever!

I saw my goddamn homeboy be shot in the street! Dead! Never ever got back up! Ever! They shot him and that was it! He was done for! Homeboy had a wife and kids! I was twelve when I saw that! He was like the father that I never had! He brought me up and I watched them shoot him fifteen times! He caught it in his arms, legs, and his chest! He was gone and no matter how much I pushed him in the street, he was dead! His groceries and his toy for his son was just as well shot up and it mixed with his blood on the street. They got him and he was the wrong damn person! But they don't give a fuck over there! As long as they step up to their pride!" he punched the wall.

"Do you know what it's like to be tied up and watch your best friend get raped? They fuckin' drugged us and I sat there in horror and tears as they fucked me up till I couldn't breathe, and then they raped her. Used her like she was some toy. And when I got out I shot all six of them! Shot em' to paralyze em. And now that I look back, I was tryin to do the same shit!" he punched it again.

"I was with that shit! I was with some shit like that! I stood there and watched them look this punk down and fuck him up on the damn sidewalk at midnight! They broke his arm and he and I were never friends again. He looked me like I was a fuckin criminal and they locked my ass up for three months for it! See this!" he put his arm out and then he showed his number.

"I'm branded! They branded me in there and they gave me my goddamn name! And that was how I met Jacob and got into all this shit! I shot five people and I watched four of my home boys be locked up for life. LIFE. They don't even know if Parole is coming. And they wouldn't let me go back. They made up a lie and said it wasn't me while it was me." he sank down into the floor again and he held back his anger and his tears that were ready to flow.

"I'm supposed to be dead." they looked down at him. He looked like he had been hit with something powerful and it had put him down.

"I was supposed to die five years ago when I was thirteen. I'm supposed to be lying in a damn box in the ground. But i'm not, and he lost his damn sight. My cousin gave his sight for me and now he can't even live his life the way he wanted it. He's blind because he took that shit to his eye to save me. So when I see Kaoru like that, how can I not shed my fucking anger? I don't want to lose her. She's the first damn person to accept me for who I am since I've accepted myself. I love Kaoru and I need her. After all the things I've lost… It hurts because I watch it happen and I can't stop it. You might not understand, but Kaoru is my light." Shuichi was disgusted.

"You make me sick." and with that he gave Aoshi his keys and was gone. Kenshin just sat there in his own thoughts and Aoshi soon sat down and pulled Kenshin into a chair.

"Ignore Shuichi. He's just trying to pull somebody down with him."

"Yeah, well he should be happy. He just did."

Dear Luina,

I don't understand why I have these dreams. These dreams are really starting to scare me more than anything. I feel like i'm going to have to do something about it. If I tell somebody, they might think i'm crazy. So I guess i'll tell you since you are the only person I can truly trust.

Me and Shinji have taken our relationship way further than before. I mean we're not just kissing and touching on each other anymore. We're doing other things. Like having sex. I was shocked at myself at first, but the way he makes me feel is so good. It's like a drug and I didn't think I would need it, but now that he's done this to me at least twice, I want it more and more.

I've always been the exotic one, Shinji would tell me. I've done things in the dark that you wouldn't think of me to do. But it's just between me and him, so there's nothing wrong, right? Car, ground, pool, couch, counter, table, chair, it doesn't matter as long as we have fun. I remember that we had broken his bed, and that was when we were exposed. After that, I've been getting threats and I've been fighting a lot. I went back to cutting, because it relieve stress. Shinji tried to tell me that it will be alright, but I'm scared. And these dreams show me dying or getting kidnapped. His parents are really threatening me.

I'm really scared,

Annalise Loire

Kaoru was in the hospital as she was being treated. They had found out that Kaoru was hurting herself and she had passed out in the streets from another drug overdose. Her father was mostly upset, and Kaoru just looked away in shame. Kenshin was upset as well. He didn't like it. So once he had got her alone, he spoke to her. She only answered in small answers and she would apologize constantly. He wasn't getting to her at all. He sighed and he opened his bag as he pulled out her mother's journal. Kaoru took it and thanked him before apologizing. Kenshin cupped her chin and he kissed her bruised lips before putting his book bag on his back and leaving. Kaoru looked at him sadly and then she put her face in her hands and she began to cry.

At school, everybody was worried about Kaoru and shocked at the fact that she was hurting herself. Some of them blamed it on Kenshin, but Kenshin tried to tell them that the other day Kaoru had nothing on her arms or body whatsoever. He sat in class thinking and cursing himself. He then banged his head against his desk. The teacher was frustrated and then Tommy began to do it. She sent them both out. Kenshin hurt his forehead and his headache was big as Tommy gave him some a Tylenol. Kenshin thanked him before they just left school.

Kaoru had snuck out of the hospital with a bag full of stolen things. When they saw her bed was messy and her shoes were gone along with the book, they panicked.

Kaoru was just running. She didn't know where either. It was either from everybody, or from herself. She didn't stop either. She had her mother's book in her hand as she just kept moving fast. She was dirty and she needed a bath. So she had stolen the towel from the hospital and she ran to the closet woods she could find a lake. She jumped over the trees and then she saw it. She heard her cell phone in her book bag and she was gonna pick it up, but she thought otherwise and she hung up.

She stripped by the water and then she jumped in it from a far distance of her things. She began to let the water just take off all the stuff before she held her breath and she went under. This lake was off limits, but Kaoru knew they would never see her. She came up for air before she held her breath again and she put her legs up in the air before she went under. She came out close to the grass and she pulled herself out before she began to dry herself. She had dried off and then she decided to run towards her house. She made it there and saw they were all looking for her. She climbed up a ladder to her room and she snuck inside before she dropped everything from her bag. She began to take different things in her bag and then she got a little knapsack throwing her underwear and her bra in. She grabbed another towel and a wash cloth with some soap before she climbed back down.

"Kaoru!" Kaoru didn't even look. She just began to run. The person chasing her had two other people and they were catching up. Kaoru began to run her top speed and then she went into overdrive. They just stopped as Kaoru jumped over a gate and kept going.

"Dammit." Sanosuke opened his cell phone and pressed one button before calling her father.

"Mr. Kamiya your daughter is a running goddess. The child just hopped a fence without stopping and she's gone. She didn't look back either. We almost caught her and then she just kicked it into overtime. I've never seen her run that fast. I wish her boyfriend was here. He would have caught the little tanuki."

Kaoru caught her breath as she drunk water from a park water fountain. From there, she began to walk. She saw the highway and she knew her cousin lived that way. So she just began to walk amongst the trees. She walked for hours and she saw a gas station. She went inside it before she sunk to the floor. Then she bought some food and something to drink. It went up to twenty dollars because she stacked up. She then went behind the gas station and took a short cut. She kept walking for hours more until she knew it was midnight. She was cold, but that didn't matter. She had a flashlight and she had a gun, so if any animal tried to get her, BAM!

She smirked at the thought before she kept on walking through the woods. It began to rain, and all the animals went for shelter. Kaoru was still sick because her treatment wasn't done, so she found concrete and she threw her things under it before she collapsed from exhaustion. She didn't care because there was nobody around for miles. She looked around before she let out a sigh and fell asleep, her hand on her gun ready to shoot at anytime.

Kenshin was worried as he looked for her. Nobody knew where she was. NOBODY. They all sat in her house tired and angry that they didn't find her.

"You guys, Kaoru isn't around this area… hell Kaoru isn't even in the goddamn city." Shinji saw them all nod.

"The child has run away. Reasons I don't know." They all began to think until they heard Kenshin. Kenshin leaned his head back and he breathed smoke from his mouth.

"She's trying to follow her mother's steps." They looked at him as he held up a picture.

"That's the book. It's her mother's journal. I didn't touch it or read it, but Kaoru has been reading this thing and trying to figure out what her mother has been saying. She's trying to finish something and she's going backwards to each place her mother's been. Mr. Kamiya she's gonna find your old house sooner or later. You lived around here, right?"

"I lived two cities away. But she wouldn't travel that far. That's two days."

"Kaoru is crazy Mr. Kamiya. She's gonna do it even if it kills her." Shinji made a frown like all the others before Kenshin outed his cigarette and offered around.

Kaoru woke up slightly damp and she saw the sunlight beaming down. She smiled before she pulled her things out and she dried off her body as she changed. She put those clothes in the plastic bag from the gas station and then she kept on walking. She then broke out into a run. She was close to her cousin's house as she saw all the grass and the cows. She stopped at a sign that said the city name and she cheered before she caught a bus. She sat down as she pulled out the CD player she had bought. She put the headphones on and she listened to the music playing in her ears as she kept the towel over her head.

Half an hour later, she saw the third stop and she jumped off before she crossed the street. She saw the house far up and she knew it would take hours to just get to the other side. So she began to walk. She was taking the path that was set up. She walked slowly and she took sunflower seeds along the way. She stopped and sat in a big gap. She then pulled out some food before she began to eat. She got up and she walked and finished. She wanted to get there by nightfall. So as she put her CD player away and put everything on her head, she slipped into the water and began to swim across with her things dry and safe as she kept her face under water to see the land coming up, careful not to hit her head.

Kenshin hit his face once more as he stared into the mirror. He was a wreck. Then he sighed and put his face into the sink filled with water. It woke him up. Tommy thought he was trying to kill himself and he pulled him up.

"Suicide is not the answer!"

"I was waking myself up! What the fuck do I look like drowning in a sink!" Tommy burst out laughing and then he pulled the plug as he took Kenshin out the bathroom. Kenshin sat down before he blinked and he looked up out the window. The lighting made his purple eyes bright. He was feeling lonely and then he felt Netalia put her arms around him. He embraced her warmth and snuggled into her before Netalia felt wetness against her shirt.

"It's okay Kenshin. She's alive somewhere. I know some people think Kaoru might be dead. But she's alive somewhere. They'll find her." Kenshin nodded and let out a sigh. Netalia hated to see her brother this way. It made it seem like their mother was alive all over again.

Kaoru was sitting at the table and Kaname and her brothers frowned. This was not acceptable.

"Kaoru, you have been gone for the longest. And you stink." Kaoru got up and went to use the shower. They heard running water and a 'THANK GOD!' and they sighed.

"Kaoru is going to get in trouble." Tyler nodded and then Michael spoke up.

"Just let her sleep here for a while. She needs to clear her head. She's just in some fucked up shit and it's hard." They agreed with him after a long thught before they heard the water stop. Kaoru came down minutes later in some clothes she always left under Tyler's bed. She sat down and began to brush her hair.

"So Kaoru… where have you been sleeping?"

"In the woods." She replied calmly. They weren't too happy, but they let her slide. She then pulled her hair over her shoulder as she just kept on brushing and grooming herself. Then Kaoru just began to tell why she did it. She knew they were going to ask, but she just spoke. And tears came out of her eyes as she was telling this. She was holding it in for so long, but now she needed to cry.

"Come Kaoru." Michael said and she removed her hand from her mouth and she went over. He hugged her and she cried into him as she let all her tears go. Michael just kept holding her.

"I wanna go home, but daddy doesn't love me anymore. The way he looks at me, the way he shakes his head, the way he does what he does now, he must hate me. And Kenshin is starting to hate me too." Michel felt bad for her. They all did. As they just kept telling her it would be arlight, she just kept on crying and nodding. That was all she could do.

Dear Luina,

I neer knew that tears could be so… so true. I know I may sound kinda off. When I say true, I mean that they can tell so much inside your soul. I learned that today when Shinji looked at me. We were at a party and some girl and me got into a fight. I don't know why, but I just started crying. I mean, I won the fight and I beat her ass. Literally. But I just started crying hard. And Shinji looked at me and I guess he figured out why. He then saw I was hiding something. And that night he learned about my scars. My scars from cutting myself. I had stopped a few weeks ago and tonight was gonna be a month. Shinji frowned and he just looked at me with a sad look before pulling me into a hug against the wall. I was kinda happy that he accepted it, but a part of me is scared. REAL scared.

To make it worse, that night we took ectasy. BOTH OF US. We were so high that night, I don't even know how we took it. Our good friend gave us both a sprite to share, and after that we were just as wild as everybody else. I didn't even see straight at one point. It was just so much fun to be there and dancing and just having Shinji talk to me in my ear, dance with me, and do everything for me. Then after that, my mind went blank. But when I woke up, I was in his bed, at his apartment that he had just bought. And I had the worst headache possible. I'm surpised I didn't go to the hospital since I'm not too good with drugs. I just looked into his eyes and he was… looking dead at me. And his tears told me words about how sorry he was that it happened.

I know that telling that didn't really make any sense to you. But I'm just saying that I'm so true to him… and we both cry together… but I'm messing with somebody else.

-Annalise

R.S.: Well… this is something. It's kinda strange, isn't it? Kaoru is going backwards to find out what her mother really was about. And she's going to get hurt.

In the next chapter,

"The things that she's reading in that book are only meant for people with a sane thought."

"So what you're saying, is that Kaoru is going insane?"

"Exactly."

"WHO THE FUCK IS DANIEL!"