Author's note- Okay, I've got some bad news. I start my new job tomorrow, so it might take me a little longer to write new chapters. It all just depends on how my schedule works out. I am going to keep updating though.
As always, thanks to all the reviewers. I love you guys. I want to send another a big thanks to PrettyBoyFrontmanLove who is always quick to catch my mistakes.
Mark
"Mom wait!" I call out as I follow her down the stairs. She doesn't reply, just keeps going down until we finally make it out onto the sidewalk. "It's not what you think," I try to explain as I touch her shoulder. She turns around, looks me straight in the eyes, and asks,
"So I didn't just walk in on you kissing your roommate?"
"Okay, so it's exactly what you think. Mom, I didn't want you to find out this way."
"As far as I know, you didn't want me to find out at all."
"It wasn't like that. I was just afraid of what would happen. Because of…you know, what happened with dad."
"I'm not your father, Mark," she replies sadly, "I may not be entirely comfortable with this, but I'm not going to turn you away. You're old enough to make your own decisions."
"I'm sorry. I really didn't want it to happen like this," I say as I reach out and hug her.
"I know honey," she replies as she finally hugs me back, "Listen, if you're happy, then I'm happy. You're my son, and I love you no matter what."
"Come on, let's go back inside," I offer as I lead her back towards the door. "And you can tell me why you came out here in the first place." A dark shadow immediately crosses her face and she frowns. This doesn't look good. I wonder what's wrong?
"Hi Mrs. Cohen," Roger says sheepishly as we enter the loft. He searches my face nervously and I give him a little smile to show that everything's okay.
"Nice to see you again Roger," she replies evenly before making her way over to the couch.
"Um…about what happened…" Roger tries to explain before my mom cuts him off.
"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Mark. As long as he's happy, then I don't care whom he wants to be with. Now, I would really appreciate it if we could drop the subject."
"No problem. So, um…I'm going to go and see if Jim needs any help at work. That way you and your mom can talk alone," he says before grabbing his stuff. I know this must be uncomfortable for him. Roger's never been good at dealing with parents.
"I'll uh…see you later," I reply lamely as he walks out the door. Usually I kiss him before he leaves, but I don't think that would be appropriate. I guess now it's time to hear what the big deal is.
"Mark, I think you should sit down before I tell you why I came," Mom says as she points to the chair near her. I do as she says, and try and steel myself for whatever she's about to say.
"A few months ago, I wasn't feeling very well. I thought it was just the flu, but after a week I went to the doctor's office. Honey, the cancer is back." I sit there just staring at her, unable to process the words. "It's begun to spread, but I've decided that I'm done with the chemo and radiation. The doctors say I should have a few good months left," she continues as I try and understand. My god, my mother's going to die.
"You were doing so well though. You were in remission for almost three years. It's not fair," I argue.
"Life's not fair Mark, you know that just as much as I do. I've been thinking this over for a while, and I'm sticking by my decision." This isn't right. This wasn't how things were supposed to be.
I can't believe this is happening again. About four years ago my mom asked me to go back to Scarsdale and visit. I didn't want to see my father, so I went on the condition that I wouldn't have to face him. While I was there, mom sat me down and explained that her doctor had found a lump in her breast. She had cancer. She wanted me to come home because she was about to have surgery to remove the tumor. She talked about how the odds were in her favor and how she had the best doctors, but I was still worried. But then she came out of surgery fine. She was in remission and everything was going pretty well. Until now, that is.
"Are you sure there's nothing you can do?"
"Mark, I know this is hard for you, but I need you to understand. I don't want to spend my final days tired and sick from the chemo. I've lived a long life, raised two beautiful children and that's all I've ever wanted. My time is coming and I've accepted that." I don't know how she can just sit there and talk like this.
"You're just giving up? What about Cindy and me? What are we supposed to do?"
"I love you and your sister, but you guys are going to have to accept my decision. Although I hate having to leave you two behind, I know this is what I want." I can feel the tears gathering behind my eyes, but I refuse to cry in front of her right now. I need to be strong.
"I love you mom," I say simply as I hug her tightly. I can't believe she's just letting herself die.
"I love you too Mark, more than you'll ever know." We sit like this for a few minutes before she pulls back and dries her eyes.
"Enough with all this talk of death. What's done is done," she tells me as she stands up and looks me over, "But you, my dear, are much too thin. I think I should treat you to lunch. Who knows the last time you had a decent meal?"
"I'm fine Mom, I'm not hungry."
"Mark Cohen, I refuse to argue with you about this. Now, where do you and your friends go to eat?"
"The Life Café, but mom, shouldn't we talk some more?"
"Talking about it won't change a thing. Right now, I want to take my son out. Is that okay?"
"Okay, let's go." I finally stand up and open the door, where we're met with Roger's confused face.
"Um… Jim didn't need me just yet, so I thought I'd just come back for my guitar," Roger explains.
"We were just going out to lunch, would you like to join us?" Mom asks with a smile.
"I don't think…" Roger attempts to say.
"I insist. You and Mark are too thin."
"I guess I could eat…thank you for inviting me," Roger replies uncomfortably.
"I guess we should get going," I say, trying to get out of the awkward situation.
"And now I can get to know my son's…boyfriend," she adds as we begin our descent down the stairs. This is such a bad idea.
Roger
"So Mrs. Cohen, Mark said you used to enroll him in dance classes," I start as I try and break the tension. We've been at the Life for almost ten minutes, and barely anyone's spoken.
"Yes, Mark was a great dancer. A great tango dancer at least. He never seemed too interested in the other classes," she answers kindly, somehow making me even more nervous. Maybe it's the fact that I've never been good at meeting the parents. I usually tend to screw things up.
"That's because all the other classes were boring. The tango seemed exciting," Mark replies as he sips his tea, "At least it was until I was paired with Nanette."
"Nanette?" I ask, interested.
"She was this girl who had a crush on Mark. He was 14 and she was 16. It was all very scandalous," Mark's mom answers.
"It was horrible, she was all over me during lessons and I couldn't wait to get out," he remembers with a shudder.
"It doesn't sound that bad," I say as I nudge his shoulder.
"You have no idea, I was horrified," he says as he nudges me right back. We make small talk for a few more minutes before Mark excuses himself from the table.
"So Roger, tell me about yourself," Mrs. Cohen says the moment we're alone.
"What would you like to know?" I guess I should have seen this coming.
"What are your intentions with my son?" I swear it's always the same question.
"I guess I just intend to love him."
"So you aren't going to get restless and move onto something better?" Is she crazy?
"Ma'am, you can't do better than Mark. I'm just waiting for him to realize he can do better."
"I think you're good for him, Roger. I haven't seen him this happy in a long time. You make him happy and that makes me happy."
"Does this mean you're okay with us being together?"
"It means I'm glad Mark finally found the right person to love." I'm about to reply before Mark finally comes back to the table.
"So, what did you two talk about?" he asks as he slides in next to me.
"I was just telling Roger that I would mail him some baby pictures of you. You were such an adorable child. I wonder what happened."
"Mom!"
"I'm just playing with you, honey. You're still adorable. Right, Roger?" I look over at her questioningly and she smiles warmly.
"Absolutely," I reply. I think I've finally met a parent I can like.
I excuse myself after lunch and head back to the lot to work on a few songs. I figure Mark and his mom needed some time alone. After about three hours they're still not back, so I leave a post-it for Mark and head off to work. Now, bartending is not what I expected to do with my life, but at least it pays the bills. I just wish I could convince Mark to leave Buzzline. He's miserable there and he's barely worked on his movie since he started working. Maybe I can try and convince him to let me support him for a change. He's very stubborn, though, he refuses to put himself before others. He would starve to death before letting any of us go without food. But enough about that right now. I just want to get through my shift and go home. I want to go home to Mark.
My shift finally ends at one o'clock, so I tiredly drag myself home. Mark had to go to work today too, so I'm not surprised to find him passed out on the couch when I open the door. I debate for a few minutes about whether or not I should wake him up, but remembering just how uncomfortable the couch is, I decide that it would be better if he was in his own bed. Or mine. I'm not picky.
"Mark," I whisper in his ear as I gently shake him, "Come on and get up."
"Rog?" he asks sleepily as he squints his eyes to see through the darkness.
"Yeah it's me," I reply as I run my hand through his messy hair.
"I wanted to stay up and wait for you but I couldn't stay awake," he says sleepily as he begins to sit up.
"It's okay. Come on, let's go to bed." I'm pretty sure he's about to fall asleep on me soon so I let him lean against me as we walk towards his room. I deposit him on the bed and then pause in the doorway on my way out.
"Um...Roger?" Mark asks quietly.
"Yeah."
"Stay with me?"
"I thought you'd never ask," I reply as I slip under the covers next to him. I'll admit it, I sleep better when I'm with him.
"The cancer's back," he says suddenly as I turn to face him. Now that we're close I can see the fear in his eyes. I'm confused for a second until I remember his mom's visit.
"It's going to be okay, I'm sure she'll beat it," I try and reassure him.
"She's not fighting it anymore. She's just going to let herself die." His voice becomes shaky towards the end of the sentence and I put my arms around him.
"I'm sorry Mark." I don't know what I'm supposed to say. What do you do in this kind of situation?
"I don't want to watch my mom die. I can't just sit back and watch her get sicker and sicker until she fades away. It's not fair." He's crying now, so I pull him closer and stroke his hair.
"I know it's not fair, but you can't just wish it away. Right now all you can do is love her."
"It's hard, Roger. It's hard to just sit around knowing there's nothing I can do. I want to help her but I can't do anything."
"I know it's hard, but there is something you can do. You can make the most of your time together. You can love her and let her know that no matter what happens she'll always be in your heart. That's what she needs from you right now. She needs you to be there for her."
"I wish things were different," he says simply as he looks sadly into my eyes. It's at this moment that I realize the similarities between his mother and I. Sooner or later I'm going to leave him too. I'm going to die and he's going to be left alone.
"I love you Mark. I love you and I'm so sorry. If I could I would make everything go away."
"Just be with me. Right here, right now. I just need you."
"I'll always be here for you, Mark. I don't want to leave you." But I'll have to. I'll have to leave him behind eventually. He lays his head against my chest with a sigh and all I want to do is kiss him, but I can't bring myself to. All I can think about now is the fact that I'm going to hurt him. There's a disease running through my veins that will kill me and leave him alone. I don't want to leave him alone.