(Note: This was written before Helluva Boss episode 7)
Stepping out of the portal Alastor let him use, Max takes in his surroundings before looking at the building in front of him,noticing how it strangely had horns on it, but he wasn't gonna question the architecture. The address matches up with the commercial, now the problem is finding the right floor. Going up several flights of stairs, of course the elevator was out of order, he soon comes across a door with "I.M.P Headquarters" written on it in red. Deciding to take it at its word, he knocks on the door.
"Hello? Is this place open?…..I got money!" He says in hopes to attract the attention of whoever owns the room but gets no answer. He tries the doorknob and finds it's unlocked. Taking a chance, he opens the door and steps inside. He finds the space to be a little messier than he expected, a big whiteboard with many crude drawings and writing, a kitchen area, and a receptionist desk occupied by a canine looking demon who was wearing some earbuds as she scrolls on her phone.
"Hmm, how to approach this?" He looks at the distracted hellhound, trying to think of a way to politely interrupt her. "Excuse me ma'am!" Still no reaction, he's guessing her music or whatever she's listening to is quite loud. "Please! I need the help of your business!" Still nothing. He rubs his chin before taking out his phone, noticing the Bluetooth works.
Getting an idea, he turns it on and puts his phone near hers. Almost immediately, he can see her get annoyed as her phone is bombarded with notifications about what she can do with Bluetooth and many other functions with another phone. She growls in anger before finally taking out her earbuds and looking at Max. "What dipshit!?…wait a minute, do I know you from somewhere?"
"Yeah uh, you might recognize me from the whole Hazbin Hotel thing, first semi redeemed demon? Not sure if Imp City gets that news."
"No that's not it." She sniffs the air a bit. "Do you know any dead people who'd likely wanna kill you in revenge? I feel like I had to track you down at some point."
"Well, there is this one guy…wait a minute hunt me down? I'm pretty sure we've never met. I was…killed by the police." He remembers the lie he told on the talk show, the hellhound looking skeptical.
"I could have sworn…" She trails off as a symbol in a circle appears in the air near them before opening up into a portal revealing the three imps who were in the commercial.
"I gotta say Moxxie, you've definitely not been as much of a pussy as before! You didn't even hesitate before killing that fucker in front of his children!" Blitzo praised with a smack to Moxxie's back.
"Oof! To be fair sir, that guy already killed his wife who was our client and was planning to kill his kids, he already kind of proved he was less than a human."
"You know, we kill humans so often, I kinda wonder what it'd be like to just talk to one? You know, besides that brat we accidentally kidnapped then killed that one time." Millie pondered out loud.
"Well you three are in luck, because I have something we need to discuss." Max interrupts before remembering his lie. "Well, more like half a human, still gotta get further redeemed."
"Oh yeah, forget to mention. Got a new customer here." Loona says lazily, giving small glances to Max as she still can't shake the familiar scent of him.
"Oh so you're that goody two shoes walking around? I thought redemption was all about that hippie peace and love shit, why are you here? Is buying an assassination part of your 9 step program?" Blitzo mocks as Max's eye twitches a bit before he takes a breath.
"Hmm, here I was with all this money hoping to spend it here." Max pulls out a wad of cash and fans himself with it, Blitzo's jaw dropping at the amount he sees. "Well it looks like my money isn't wanted here. Best I get going then." He turns to walk away only for the tall imp to suddenly rush in front of him.
"N-now let's not be hasty! It was unprofessional of me, I blame Moxxie."
"Wha- hey!"
"Now I'm not one to judge on who purchases our services, business is business! Now, who do you want us to kill and how brutally would you like it? Bringing back any leftover pieces costs extra."
"Here's the thing, I need your expertise and likely your book and connections in order to hunt down a different sort of prey." Max explains slowly to grab their attention.
"Uh, dear customer, if you're gonna ask us to hunt down some endangered species then I'm afraid-" Moxxie is cut off by Blitzo
"IT COSTS DOUBLE!" Blitzo quickly said.
"…I don't know about endangered species, but it's certainly a dangerous species. Assuming the bastards that took Lucifer can't drag him to heaven, then the only options are hell and Earth. I'm willing to pay triple, to hunt down the angels who have kidnapped Lucifer Magne."
"….are you FUCKING INSANE! You want us to go up against angels!? Not just that, angels strong enough to kidnap the lord of hell?! It's insanity, it's suicide! It's-"
"We'll do it!" Blitzo cuts off Moxxie again, who looks close to bursting a blood vessel as Millie hurried to calm her husband down.
"Really? Just like that?" Max asks in surprise.
"You kidding? Not everyday we get a payday like this!"
"Excellent! I'll pay you every last cent the second we get Lucifer to safety. Now the question is how to find him, how do you normally find your targets?"
"That's thanks to my precious little sweetheart here, the best daughter in the world!" Blitzo praises in a cutesy voice much to the embarrassment of the hellhound.
"Oh my god! You are so annoying!" She shoved him away before dusting herself off. "Look, I can try but there's no guarantee. I'm used to getting humans, not demons."
"Technically a fallen angel but I see your point." He runs his chin before snapping his fingers. "I have something that may have some of his scent on it. Now instead of freaking you all out with the reveal, I'll just say here and now, it's a gun. The safety is on." He explains as he very slowly pulls out the gun by the barrel of it.
"Thank you for your kind warning! Would have been bad if we thought you were gonna try to hurt us so in retaliation we paint the walls with your blood!" Millie thanked in a sweet voice despite the scary image she painted.
"Uh, no problem." He hands the gun to Loona who looks it over before taking in the scent.
"…say da- I mean Blitzo, have we ever killed this guy?" She points at Max, Blitzo looking him over.
"…nope! Can't say I recognize him! To be fair, all humans look the same to me!"
"That's racist….then again I'm in hell. Surprised I haven't heard anyone use some slurs yet." Max comments as Loona looks him over one more time before sighing and sniffing the gun again, trying to ignore the familiar scent it has of Max.
"Yeah, I got his scent…he definitely isn't in hell anymore, but it's hard to say where."
"Ah don't worry Loonie, you got the scent, we can just use the book and get to his general location!" Blitzo tries to use the book and chalk drawing, but suddenly the chalk lines all melt in place. "…that's never happened before." The lines now glow a strange blue with a gold glow in the gaps.
"I think the best option is to duck and cover!" Max yells out as he jumps over Loona's receptionist desk and hides behind it, pulling her down with him. Quickly the imps toss over their nearby table and hide behind it as well. The chalk drawing glows brighter before it erupts into holy flames and explodes outward.
Once the ringing in his ears stopped, Max slowly peeled over the desk and saw a huge scorch mark where the drawing used to be. "Everyone okay?" Max asks out loud as the imps slowly get up behind cover.
"We're fine! Wish I could say the same about our office." Moxxie answers as he doesn't notice a bit of fire in his hair, just for Millie to lick her fingers then snuff the flame out.
Max nods head head only to hear a growl next to him and looks at Loona. "…I'll let it go this time, but touch me again, and I'll rip your throat out and let the others use your corpse for target practice."
"Okay okay, I promise not to touch you. Glad you told me now though, that's some extra incentive not to see if you like being pet." Max jokes lightly before hopping over the desk.
"That's a good way to lose your hand!" Loona threatens before following behind him.
"Well that's great, looks like we can't get to them because angels are cheaters! Great, no Lucifer, no payday!" Blitzo huffs in anger.
"Well, there is another option. If I remember correctly, Alastor said that book of yours comes from a goetia demon? Maybe they know a way to strengthen the portal and allow us to bypass whatever the angels did."
"Wait, go to Stolas? Oh for fuck's sake, I don't wanna go over!…don't want him thinking I like him or something." Blitzo grumbles with a barely noticeable blush on his face, remembering their passionate nights and what follows after their rescue from that strange human base.
"Uh, is there anything I should know?" Max asked to no one in particular before Loona rolled her eyes,
"Blitzo fucks the guy in order to keep the book." She explains.
"It was one time!…okay maybe I had to do it again as thanks for him rescuing us that one time. I'm not gonna go for thirds!"
"Look it can't have been that bad. If the angels get away with this, who's to say they'll stop with the sinners, who's to say the other levels of hell aren't in danger too. From the looks of it, you got two choices, either let the angels win and die, or fuck this Stolas dude and save Lucifer?" Max explains, Blitzo rubbing his chin like it's a tough choice. "…did I forget to mention that you're being paid?"
"…"
"Is there any chance we can look over our options again?" Blitzo asks as they are now in front of the home of Stolas the Goetia demon.
"BLITZO!" The four yell at him.
"ALRIGHT ALREADY!" He yells back before knocking on the door. Soon enough an avian demon opens the door, however they look more like a teenager than a high class demon with mastery of magic.
"Ugh, don't tell me, dad called you again? My mom is still here and if she sees you-"
"No no no, look this isn't a booty call. Yes we came for your dad, yes I realized that was poor wording on my part, but we need his help with this." Blitzo presents the spellbook.
"Oh is that all?" She raises an eyebrow but looks around before sighing. "Okay follow me." She leads them all inside, giving a little nod to Loona then a curious glance at Max. "…Nah, none of my business." She mutters before escorting them to her father's room, being careful not to let them touch anything or alert her mother.
Once inside Max could see another bird like demon loosely dressed in a robe. He felt his body warm up again as he felt a presence with this goetia demon similar to how he feels around overlords. However that wrath was smothered with confusion as he saw the room had rose petals and scented candles.
"Oh Blitzy~ I could feel the spellbook has acted up, and I'd love to help you but I think I'll be needing something in return.~" He finally turns around, his robe lightly slipping down one of his shoulders, only to freeze as he sees it's not just him and his favorite imp alone. "Octavia, look away!"
"Too late. Great, now I need to bleach my eyes." The daughter sighs out while her hands are covering her eyes.
"Ugh, I knew he was DTFy, but I wasn't expecting this." Loona comments as she looks away with one hand up to try and block the view.
After that awkward moment that everyone agreed to never speak of again, Stolas was now properly dressed with his top hat and surcoat. He would have looked quite regal were it not for the previous sight of him.
"I still see it when I close my eyes." Moxxie mumbles as he rubs his eyes. Octavia left them to discuss business and to distract her mother.
"Ahem, so, what brings you all here?" An embarrassed Stolas asks.
"Like you said," Max starts as he presents the book. "There was an issue with the book. We attempted to search for Lucifer, but we believe the angels holding him hostage thwarted our efforts."
"I see…well this should be simple enough. The portal was stopped from opening, but the location is still logged within the grimoire. If we search through its past uses, I'm sure we'll find your previous destination." With practiced ease, Stolas opens the book and flips through the pages, soon enough the written words glow an eerie violet color before suddenly a beam of light fires out of the book and up above the group before expanding into a projector like screen.
"Wait, the book has been recording us!?" Blitzo asks in shock.
"Well of course! How else do you think I make sure you aren't misusing it?" Stolas answered with a cheeky smile. Soon the magic screen shows several scenes of the imps and hellhound going through many assassination missions.
"Damn, you four killed a lot of humans." Max commented, wincing after seeing one get decapitated.
"What can I say, we do good work." Blitzo says with pride in his voice.
"We're coming upon the more recent uses now." Stolas warns. Then a scene appears and Max's eyes widen in complete shock.
"W-wait wait wait! That's my house!" The human shouts, startling everyone.
"That's your place?" Moxxie asks, confused.
"Yes! What the fuck? Stolas can you see the date of when this happened?"
"Of course, it's right here." The owl demon taps on the book and the date is revealed on the screen.
"T-that's the day I came to hell! But, none of you saw me, and I never saw any of you. What happened?!"
"Well, I suggest we watch closely." Stolas answered as everyone watched the screen. The portal opened revealing I.M.P jumping out and waking toward the house.
"How did we miss each other? I should have been there looking for my mail…"
"Wait…let me see if I can…" Stolas waves his hands, and right on the opposite side of the portal was an oblivious Max just basking in the warm sunlight before turning around with his eyes closed, just to step into the portal. Everyone was stunned to see the human just casually walk in, unknowing what that one misstep caused.
"Ooooh now I remember! Yeah we were paid by this asshole who said you killed him and that you were a huge cockblock! We were supposed to hunt you down but couldn't find you." Blitzo snapped his fingers as he remembered.
"So that's why you smelled familiar! I knew it!" Loona says before looking at a stunned Max.
"You mean to tell me that the reason I'm in hell is because you ended up making a portal right behind me and I stepped into it just as you were getting out on the other side, and you were paid to kill me by the same bastard who killed my best friend?"
"Yep! Gotta say in a cosmic sort of way this is pretty fun-" Blitzo is cut off as he's hit with a chair Max threw at him, knocked flat on his back as the human now angrily stomps towards the imp. "WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!" Blitzo repeats as he crawls backwards with a hand out to try and have Max stop.
Minutes later…
"Whoa!…Whoa!" Blitzo is still repeating, up on his feet now with both hands out at Max who was tapping his feet and had his arms crossed.
More minutes later.
"Aaaaand…whoa. Look I'm sure you're beyond pissed being taken away from your home, but it's not like killing me is gonna solve your problems."
"Your whole business is built around killing people who pissed others off!" Max refutes with an angry face fixated on the imp.
"…well you're not wrong."
Max sighs before looking away. "I wasn't planning on killing you anyways. Yes I'm furious, but if it wasn't for I.M.P, I'd never meet the people I made friends with today." He has a soft smile on his face as he remembers those at the hotel. "So what ever happened to the douche who paid you guys to kill me?"
"Yeah the thing is, his check bounced." Loona explains. "Apparently the dick head got his hands on these fake checks and was using them to try and get what he wanted. Once we found out his money was no good we went back home. We were planning to castrate him but then learned he tried getting handsy with that overlord Velvet and now is one of her new puppet toys."
"Is that so? Shame, I was hoping to tear him apart again. Maybe after saving all of hell I can ask her for a turn with her new toy." His eyes flashed red for a second as a sadistic grin appeared on his face before just as quickly vanishing.
"Wait a minute, I thought you said you were a demon on the path to redemption." Millie said before letting out a dramatic gasp. "You lied on the internet and on TV! How could I ever trust the media ever again?"
"Shame on you human, shame on you!" Blitzo adds.
"Oh fuck off, if I went around saying I was human, I'd likely be hunted down by overlords!" Max explained.
"He's not wrong, besides we have bigger things to worry about." Stolas cuts in as the book finally reaches the latest portal opening. Everyone looks to the screen and it reveals Lucifer Magne, his hair disheveled and suit dirtied.
"There he is! Now we just gotta hop in, and get paid!" Blitzo cheers only for Moxxie to tap his shoulder.
"Uh, look again sir." The screen pulls back and reveals Lucifer is in a cell, guarded by two Exorcists, there off putting LED screens making the many demons flinch at the sight. The screen further pulls out showing a massive complex filled with many dangerous and heavily armed with a large variety of weaponry from sharp swords to heavy machine guns. One last zoom out reveals the complex is in the middle of a vast desolate desert, not a single sign of life in thousands of miles.
"…..fffffffFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCK THAT!" Blitzo breaks the silence, visible frustration on his face. "Here I was hoping I'd finally get an easy job with great pay. But noooo, now we have an army of exterminators."
"I knew it, this was a suicide mission." Moxxie sighs.
"Well we can't just give up now!" Millie tried to encourage but her own worry betrayed the confidence in her voice.
"Well…we don't necessarily have to fight them." Max says, catching everyone's attention. "I mean, this book started by showing us Lucifer, why can't we open the portal in his cell, grab him, and pull him through the portal?"
"That would be because of the large amounts of holy magic guarding his cell. I have enough power to travel to the ends of the galaxy and watch stars die in complete safety, but alone I don't have nearly enough power to bypass their wards." Stolas sadly explained, rubbing his chin as he looked through the book.
"What if your power was multiplied though?" Max asks as he looks over his own arm.
"Oh please, to do that I'd need human's…" His eyes widened as he just remembered who he was talking to.
"I don't know if this helps, but would my blood be more beneficial since I'm a virgin?" Max shyly asked.
"Pfft, virgin…great now it's not as funny since you already admitted to it." Loona huffs while Max just gives a cheeky smile.
"And proud of it!" Max chuckles before returning his attention to Stolas.
"Hmm, you have blood on your hands but it shouldn't hinder your purity too much."
"Alrighty then, how do we do this?"
"Allow me." Stolas gently takes Max's hand, Max doing his best to stay calm as he feels his wrath rise up again due to their close proximity. "Interesting, you have even more power than I would have guessed."
"Lucifer said I was very in touch with my sin of wrath…"
"That may be the key to your very survival, young human." Stolas said ominously before grabbing a feathered quill and lightly stabbing the point into Max's index finger.
"Gah!" He grits his teeth as he sees blood spill from the puncture wound only for the quill to absorb it, the feather turning from white to crimson.
"Aaaand done!" He pulls away the quill and Max's wound quickly closes up without even leaving a scar. "Now all of you make sure you're prepared. Once you rescue Lucifer, I highly doubt the angels will sit there waiting, you will likely be hunted down…"
Max turns to the team of I.M.P and sighs. "Look, if you four don't wanna go through with this, I completely understand. It's a very dangerous job, one where you could all easily lose your lives. I'm already very grateful for your help so far, I could never ask you to go even further and paint such a large target on your backs."
The four look at each other before Blitzo walks up. "If you think we're about to jump ship not even halfway through this job, you've got another thing coming. I'm getting that money one way or another. Besides, maybe ol Lucifer will decide to owe us a favor, imagine the possibilities!"
The other three nod, ready for whatever happens next. Max smiles at the strange group of assassins before looking at Stolas. "We're ready."