A/N: Consider this your typical Wednesday episode. Just total and complete random b.s! Oh, and to Miss Jennifer Bransford: you did your best, especially with Crazy Carly (ya definitely scared the living daylights out of Asia and Nicole!) We salute you and wish you all the best. And, folks, be smart, don't be retards –VOTE FOR JOHN O'HURLEY NEXT WEEK! P.S: We SO had the carnival idea first!
"Oh no, not you again!" Courtney said stopping mid step. She scratched her forehead. "Damn! Oops, I mean darn. Bad, Courtney!"
"Relax. It's just a coincidence," Nikolas said walking towards her on, where else, the docks. "We just have the same exact schedules or something."
"Step back! I got mace and a flask filled with vanilla Vodka," Courtney warned … giggling. "Now get over here and kiss me you no neck fool!"
Nikolas ran over and clutched the blonde in his arms. He kissed her, nearly becoming intoxicated himself from all the liquor on her lips.
Courtney pulled back. "I love my husband and you love your wife! We're just friends! Dude, why'd you stop kissing me?"
"You pulled back!"
"Shut up!" Courtney pulled him close, their mouths meeting again. "Wait a minute … this is wrong," she said stopping.
She backed away from him. "I can't believe this." She blinked back a few tears. "Oh my sweet heavens above, Jax is going to kill me."
Nikolas rubbed a hand over his face and sighed deeply. Jason did it all the time and looked rather cool doing it so he decided to give it a shot. "Look, Courtney," he offered. "It was just a kiss."
Courtney looked up at him, confused. An emotion she felt nearly 24/7. "Who said anything about the kiss? I poured the last of the Whiskey in my Cheerios this morning. I'm dead!" She scrunched up nose and began to cry.
"Brother, can you spare a dime?" Lucky asked suddenly walking up to him. He held his hands out in front of his brother who had more money than he could spend on steroids.
"All I have is my plastic on me. Sorry, bro," Nikolas replied, swatting at a bee.
"Like I would borrow money from you anyway!" Lucky shot back. "You're my insanely rich brother who just so happens to be an heir to a huge fortune. I would never ever call you and ask for a little help! I'm too proud for that!"
Nik watched as his brother walked out, pumping his fingerless glove clad fist in the air and screaming, "Say it loud! I'm a Spencer and I'm proud!"
Nikolas thought of something to do. When his pwetty little Emily cried he often had sex with her on that disgusting couch in Wyndemere. When she was sick, he took her to a garden, kissed her and all of these really cool flowers blossomed. When she was being chased around town by Helena he, well, stayed the hell out of the way –that old bitch was crazy.
"Maybe a kiss could help?" Nik suggested.
"You don't have any hard liquor?" Courtney asked frowning. It was 8 in the morning. She needed her fix.
"Sorry."
"Fine," Courtney said as she felt his arms around her waist. He dipped her then planted a big one on her. She pushed him off of her. "Was that a dip? Are you trying to get fresh with me, Mister?"
"Sorry. Having 'Dancing With The Stars' flashbacks. No one can seem to just let it go," Nikolas answered. "We're only supposed to do heavy petting on the docks which is the most secretive place in PC. No one walks by so we can make out like there's no tomorrow then totally blame our spouses for our sudden outburst of passion."
Courtney shrugged. She took a sip from her monogrammed flask and smiled in satisfaction. Sounded good to her.
It had started out as a one-time thing. A fluke poker game at Greystone when a storm had knocked the power out and Sonny and Carly had actually both been there to take care of their kids and for once, there had been no threats against Sonny. Max and Company had been bored out of their minds and it was Leticia who had suggested breaking into Sonny's whiskey collection and playing a game of Texas Hold 'Em. After that night, they played when they could, often neglecting their jobs to do so, but well, Sonny was still alive and Michael and Morgan were too, so no one could really complain. Eventually, word of their late night poker games spread throughout Port Charles and well, within weeks, the Port Charles Hired Help Poker Club was born. Or as they called it, the PC double H PC (forgive them, but they weren't very creative after a few rounds of vodka stolen from the Jax Estate.)
Tonight's game was taking place at the recently abandoned loft, formerly owned by Courtney "I drank my weight in Stoli" Jacks.
"So then I'm like, fine, Emily can take Michael to the park if she wants but I'm not taking a pay cut, hell no!" Leticia slurred as she took a drink from her glass. "Give me three cards."
"You tell 'em!" Viola urged her, knocking back her own drink as she threw her cards down. "I'm out. So then anyways," she leaned over in her chair and rested her head on Stan's shoulder. "As I was saying, ever since Ric and Alexis have been busy with their own drama," she accented the words with hand quotations. "Little Kristina has been talking non-stop! I can't get her to shut up unless Alexis walks in the door, then it's like she forgets how to talk!"
"Two cards," Max said, throwing his own into the pile. "Big Alice, gonna call?"
"Full house," Alice said as she spread her cards out. "Whatcha got Cookie?" she asked, turning to Cook, who sat to her left.
"This game sucks!" Leticia whined, throwing her cards to the floor. "Seriously, just take my money now, really, it'll be easier and less embarrassing!"
"Suck it up Sweetie," Alice said sarcastically as she stacked the poker chips in front of her. "I'm getting another drink, anyone else want anything?" she headed into the kitchen. Before anyone could answer, the front door swung open and a familiar figure stepped over the threshold.
Was it…could it really be…oh my God it was…
"Reggie!" everyone cried out in a cheer. Sure enough, everyone's favorite butler, Reginald was standing right there in the same room as them.
"Hey hey, the gang's all here!" Reginald tossed his jacket over a chair and gave everyone an appraising look. "Leticia, Viola, lookin' good ladies!" He winked at them and turned just as Alice came back into the room. "Big Al!" he grabbed her around the waist in a sweeping motion and kissed her on the mouth.
"Oh please!" Max threw a handful of poker chips at the guy. "You've been gone for like, 8 months and you waltz back in here like you're Sonny Corinthos yourself? What gives?"
"Yeah buddy, what's up?" Stan rolled his eyes. "We were all beginning to think that your cruise was just the Quartermaine's way of saying you were in rehab."
"Nah man, it's cool." Reginald released Alice and grabbed a bottle of beer off of the counter. "So what's going on in good old PC? Have I missed much?"
"The Quartermaines' are missing, well, actually, anyone over the age of 30 seems to be missing," Cook said with a shrug. "Summer's coming to an end though and I'm sure everyone will be back in time for fall sweeps. They damn well better be back for Thanksgiving, it's the only time I get any credit."
"Sam McCall is starting a dance studio," Viola offered as her news. "I think it's crap, but I hear if you bring her a gun, she'll teach you to tango."
"Crazy," Reginald said with a shake of his head. He ruffled Max's hair. "How about you Max? Anything new with you? Anything new with the ladies?" The last part of his statement was met with hoots and hollers around the table. "What? What did I miss?"
"Max and Leticia are the new It couple in Port Charles," Stan said, chucking his own poker chips at Max. "Except it's still a big secret and nobody knows."
"No way!" Reginald smirked as he looked at the blushing couple. "Well isn't that fun?"
"Disgusting, is what it is," Viola chimed in. "It's like they're trying to take out Luke and Laura's popularity, although half the people don't even know who they are anymore."
"Oh shush!" Leticia said, sticking her tongue out at Viola. "Just because you're in love with Jason Morg-" Her sentence was caught off as Viola lunged at her and the two nannies fell to the floor.
"Nothing hotter than two drunk chicks fighting," Stan said as he sipped his beer.
"It's good to be back," Reginald agreed, clinking bottles with Max.
Lucky stopped in front of Kelly's and took a deep breath. He nodded his head. He had to do this for Liz and baby Caleb. No, wait, baby Carl … or was it Chauncey? No! Cameron. He was doing this for Liz and baby Cameron.
He rushed in, shoving open the doors. "Everybody freeze! This is a stick up!"
"Man, I can see your face …" yelled Mike who was the only one in the lonely old restaurant that everyone seemed to have abandoned.
Lucky raised a hand to his cheek. Indeed, he had forgotten one small item.
"Damn!" He turned and ran back out, sliding on a black mask. "Sonny and Jason never have to do this!" he muttered.
"Alright. Everybody, I mean, you … freeze!"
"Okay, son. You got me," replied Mike, beginning to open the cash register. He knew the routine. "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
"Shut, Mike and hand over the money!" He reached into his pocket a pulled out a gun. "Gimme everything in the cash register! Yeah, that's right. All of it! Liz needs a facial and Chris, I mean, Cameron needs some new building blocks!"
Mike did as he was told, secretly wishing that his daughter would run in and kick some serious ass. Too bad she was just busted for a DUI and confined to her house –and the docks, of course.
"Here you go," Mike said, handing over the money.
Lucky snatched it up, counted then threw it back at him. "Fifteen bucks? That's it?"
"Slow week," Mike shrugged. "No one comes in anymore. The new hot spot is the hospital waiting area."
"Damn you!" the Cowboy himself screamed, shaking his fist at the old man. He banged his hand on the counter. "What am I supposed to do?"
"Go rob someone else? Jason, perhaps? I still got it out for that guy for signing those damn divorce papers and kicking my baby girl out."
"Nah," Lucky said. "Been there, done that. The man has no memory but he definitely remembers how to give someone a serious beat down." He rubbed his lower back. "Still sorta reeling from that."
"You didn't fight back?"
"Hell no! This is Jason Morgan, not Jasper Jacks!" he screamed. "I gotta get some cash, my man."
"No, you need to quit worrying about Courtney and Jax's marriage and actually go to work so you can make some money. And, don't ever call me 'your man' again."
"You're right. I'm sorry about that," Lucky said.
"That's it, pal," Mike said, gently punching Lucky across the jaw. "Now go and make your mother proud!"
Carly hummed to herself as she walked around town. She tapped the pool stick against the pavement in time with her humming as she window-shopped. She paused as she caught her reflection in the Wyndham's window display.
"Maybe I should go blonde," she mused quietly, raising a hand to her dark hair and studying her reflection. It had been just over four months since her last makeover, she was about due for another.
"Yes," she decided. "Blonde hair, maybe curly…oooh, contacts!" her eyes lit up excitedly and she didn't care if anyone saw her talking to herself, people did it on soap operas all the time, why couldn't she? "Blue contacts! Oh no one will recognize me, but I bet I'll be hot!" She smiled once again at her reflection and continued happily on her way down the street.
"Hmm." Her brow furrowed as she came to the cross-section. She wasn't sure which way she should take to get home again. She could take the docks, as was the Port Charles way, but she would run into Nikolas and Courtney there and well, she hadn't talked to Courtney in months and therefore wasn't supposed to know about the affair or have any opinion on it so that would just be awkward. Seeing no other chance, she merely turned around and headed for the alleys. Why not, she asked herself. If the docks were safe, surely the dark alleys were too.
"Damn bees!" she muttered to herself as she swatted three away. She didn't understand it, Michael had gotten stung by one the other day and now here there were more? Definitely not cool.
"What the?" Carly stopped walking as bright green lettering on the side of Kelly's caught her eye. "Carson sucks? Who did this?" She whipped her head around looking for the culprit but seeing no one. "Oh I am so sick of seeing this around town, don't people realize that Carson was the reason Port Charles became so damn popular in the last few years?" As she spoke she dug around in her purse for something she had learned to carry with her as often as she did the pool stick. Oh, and the baseball bat in her trunk, for when she interrupted a mob meeting, but anyways, where was it…
"Hah!" She shook the bottle of spray paint vigorously before blacking out the word Carson on the wall. "Reeson sucks," she said, as she spelled out the word in a pink scrawl. "Pretty!" She said satisfactorily as she admired her work.
To the untrained eye, it would appear that Carly was indeed crazy, and that may be true, but now, as she skipped away, with her pool stick and her spray paint tucked under her arm, reciting an entire monologue to herself about ridding the town of Reeson, you couldn't really be sure. Maybe she was truly crazy, or maybe, she was just really really focused.
Either way, she had a feeling come November; nobody would know what was going on with her anyways.
Luke voiceover: Stay tune for scenes from the next Port –aw, screw this. (gets up and walks away)
GH Promo Guy: He may not remember who he is, but she'll be damned if he forgets …
Jason (to Sam who's "crying"): Who are you?
Sam: I'm your girlfriend! I love you! You love me! You're all I have! I'm all you have!
GH Promo Guy: She's also got the perfect cure …
Sam (wrapped around Jason's leg): We eat Chinese food for breakfast, lunch and dinner!
Jason: I'm sor-
Sam: No! You love me! Please love me? You need me! You're my mealtick-, you're the love of my life!
GH Promo Guy: Only time will tell the fate of their future. ABC Daytime, just … sucks
Maxie voiceover: Like, oh … my ...gawd! On the next Port Charles: The, like, Real General Hospital. You so better watch, loser!
Aww. You thought you were going to get previews? Well we thought we were gonna get a Journey reunion and SkyLo sex! Ah, damn those rewrites ...