CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM -- EVENING
There are children singing NOEL on stage. The audience is silent and full of parents, grandparents, and bored siblings. Many parents hold video cameras. Some sleep. The camera pans down an isle past parents up to a row near the front and stops at JIMMY and SASHA. SASHA watches the concert eagerly, while JIMMY slouches in his chair and appears bored, but keeps his eyes on the stage. JESS appears, pushing past the other people in the row to get to JIMMY and SASHA. He is holding a bouquet of flowers. As he sits down, SASHA turns towards him with and ugly look, and JIMMY does not bother to acknowledge him.
JESS: (whispering) Did I miss anything?
JIMMY: (turning towards JESS) Where the hell did you come from?
JESS: (pointing upward) Chimney?
JIMMY rolls his eyes and focuses his attention back towards the stage. JESS leans towards SASHA.
JESS (CON'T): (whispering) Where is she?
SASHA calms her expression and leans towards JESS.
SASHA: (whispering and pointing) Over there. Second row.
JESS: (smiles) Ah. I see her. Did I miss her solo?
SASHA: Not yet, any minute now.
The camera shows a wide shot of the children. The song end and the audience claps. JESS cheers loudly along with SASHA and JIMMY. The accompanist begins to play ANGELS WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH.
SASHA (CON'T): (whispering, to JESS) This is it.
CHORUS: (singing) Angels we have heard on high...
The camera shows a medium shot of LILY.
LILY: (singing) Sweetly singing o'er the plains.
CHORUS: (singing) And the mountains in reply...
LILY: (singing) Echoing their joyous strains.
JESS smiles as he watches.
CHORUS (O.S.): (singing) Gloria...
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY -- A SHORT WHILE LATER
LILY is putting on her jacket and looking around. There are children and parents everywhere. Suddenly her eyes widen with excitement.
LILY: Jess!
She runs towards JESS and into his arms. He crouches down and hugs her.
JESS: Hey you. You were great.
LILY: I thought you weren't coming.
JESS: Told you I'd be here.
They smile at each other. JESS stands up.
JESS: I got something for ya'.
LILY: (excitedly) What is it?
JESS strokes his chin and looks around.
JESS: Huh. Looks like I forgot it.
LILY: No!
JESS: Hmm. Let's see.
He reaches behind her back and pulls out the bouquet of flowers he was holding earlier and hands them to her. Her face lights up. She looks behind her back.
LILY: How'd you do that?
JESS smiles. JIMMY and SASHA walk towards them. LILY runs over towards them.
LILY (CON'T): Mom, look what Jess gave me!
SASHA: I saw. Sweetie you were great.
LILY: (beaming) Thanks.
JIMMY wanders over towards JESS.
JIMMY: How long?
JESS: How long what?
JIMMY: How long are you staying? A week? Two?
JESS: Don't go out of your way to make me feel at home.
JIMMY: You were supposed to be here two days ago. What happened?
JESS: I got tied up.
JIMMY: Tied up? Jess this concert meant the world to this girl, and you mean to tell me you got tied up?
JESS: I got here, okay? Can we talk about this later, it's her night, let's not spoil it.
JIMMY gives JESS a stern look, then nods. They walk over towards LILY and SASHA. They all begin to leave the building. There is a vending machine next to the door.
LILY: (to SASHA) Can I get a soda?
SASHA: (digging in her pockets) I'll see if I have any quarters...
JESS reaches behind LILY'S ear and pulls out two quarters and hands them to her. She smiles and inserts them into the machine.
CUT TO:
INT. SASHA AND JIMMY'S HOUSE -- LATER THAT EVENING
JESS and LILY sit at the kitchen table. JESS is doing card tricks while LILY watches in awe. SASHA and JIMMY sit in the next room over watching television.
JESS: (holding up a card) Is this your card?
LILY: Of course. Show me how to do it.
JESS: (shuffling the cards) Can't.
LILY: Why not?
JESS: Magician's secret.
LILY: Show me how to pull a coin out of my ear. Or make it disappear in my hand!
JESS shakes his head.
LILY (CON'T): Please Jess. I won't tell anyone.
JESS: (smiling) Promise you won't tell anyone?
LILY: (excitedly) Promise!
JESS: Okay...You take your hand...
He rolls up his sleeve and extends his hand in front of her and begins to explain the trick.
CUT TO:
INT. UPSTAIRS SASHA AND JIMMY'S HOUSE -- LATER
It is late and everyone is getting ready for bed. JESS saunters down the hallway in sweatpants towards the bathroom. SASHA comes out of the bathroom.
SASHA: All yours.
JESS: Thanks.
SASHA begins to walk away.
JESS (CON'T): Hey, Sasha?
SASHA: (turning around) Yeah?
JESS: Do you know why my car isn't outside? Did you put it in the garage?
JIMMY walks down the hall and stops next to SASHA.
SASHA: (to JIMMY) What'd you do with his car?
JIMMY: What?
SASHA: Jess wants to know where his car is.
JIMMY: (confused) You got it shipped to Connecticut.
JESS: No, I didn't. I was gonna drive it back.
JIMMY: Well some guy came yesterday and took it.
JESS: (angry) Some guy!
JIMMY: He had a truck or a fork lift or something.
JESS: Did he have a sleigh and eight tiny reindeer too?
JIMMY: He was green and he had a dog named Max. I don't know, I didn't ask him any questions! I thought you sent it over!
JESS: Like I have the money for that.
JIMMY: Maybe Liz had someone come to get it.
JESS shakes his head in disbelief at the remark and smirks to himself.
SASHA: Maybe his girlfriend paid for it.
JIMMY: (to JESS, with disbelief) You have a girlfriend?
JESS: (giving SASHA a look) I do not have a girlfriend.
LILY comes running down the hallway in pajamas.
LILY: Mommy can I sleep in Jess's room?
SASHA looks down at LILY and then up at JESS.
SASHA: Honey I think Jess had a long flight, and a long day, and could use some quiet time.
LILY pouts and looks up at JESS.
LILY: (disappointed) Okay.
JESS: No, it's fine with me.
He bends over and picks LILY up.
JESS: (to LILY) Ready for bed?
LILY: (smiling) Yes.
JIMMY: (to JESS) I'll call some places tomorrow and see if I can find out what happened to your car, okay?
JESS: (walking away) Can't wait.
CUT TO:
INT. JESS'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER
JESS and LILY sit on the bed. JESS is showing her a small photo album.
LILY (CON'T): Who's that?
JESS: That's Luke...my uncle. And this is his diner, where I sling hash.
LILY: What's sling hash?
JESS: (laughing) It means I work there.
LILY: I thought you were an author.
JESS: I am. I just help him out. Speaking of which...
JESS leans over the side of the bed and grabs his bag. He opens it up and pulls out a copy of Literati. He hands it to LILY.
LILY: Your book!
JESS: Merry Christmas.
LILY: I thought you said I was too young to read it.
JESS: You are.
LILY: (flipping through it) Then why are you giving it to me? I'm gonna read it.
JESS: You can read it under one condition.
LILY: What's that?
JESS: If you have any questions about anything you read in there, you will ask Jimmy, not your mother.
LILY: (shrugging) Okay.
LILY puts the book down and draws her attention back to the photo album.
LILY: Who's that?
The camera shows a shot from behind them to reveal that the picture is of RORY.
JESS: (smiling) That's the most beautiful girl in the world.
LILY: She looks like a princess. What's her name?
JESS: Rory.
LILY: You like her. I can tell.
JESS: You could say that.
JESS looks at his watch.
JESS (CON'T): I think it's time for bed.
LILY: Is that why you're going back to Connecticut?
JESS does not respond. He closes the photo album and starts clearing off the bed.
LILY (CON'T): I know it is. Whether you say yes or no, I know that's why.
JESS looks at LILY and kisses her forehead.
CUT TO:
INT. LORELAI'S KITCHEN -- DAY
LORELAI is sorting through a box of Christmas lights and ornaments. RORY walks in through the back door.
LORELAI: (happily) You're just in time! Luke is about to decorate the house, and I can't decide if I want rainbow colored lights or all white.
She holds a string of each up for RORY to see.
RORY: I don't know, all white?
LORELAI: Why?
RORY: Because they're less tacky- hey, why is Luke decorating the house again?
LORELAI: Because we're entering the decorating contest.
RORY: The decorating contest?
LORELAI: Taylor got bored.
RORY: Right. So I suppose Kirk is entering?
LORELAI: Oh yeah. He and Lulu are going all out- Santa Claus, elves, eight tiny reindeer- and that's just on the roof.
RORY: Wow, their first Christmas decorating contest together. How sweet.
LORELAI: It's everyone's first decorating contest.
RORY: Maybe next year they'll take you down at the dance marathon!
LORELAI: So how's Lane?
RORY: (sitting down) Driving me crazy. She made me watch Yo MTV Raps all night.
LORELAI: Uh, sweetie, Yo MTV Raps was on when I was a kid. I don't think they show that anymore.
RORY: Well we watched something with hip hop music and guys running around in baggy pants and people pimping out their rides.
LORELAI: Since when does Lane have an interest in hip hop music?
RORY: Since she saw Hustle and Flow.
LORELAI: And she felt bad that it's so hard out there for a pimp?
RORY: (getting up to go look in the fridge) She should feel bad for making me listen to that crap all night. When's the last time you went shopping?
LORELAI: (smirks) You've been living away from home WAY too long.
RORY finds a can of soda, closes the fridge and sits down at the table.
LORELAI (CON'T): So how long do you think Lane's urban kick will last?
RORY: I'm not sure. I guess it wasn't that bad- I even learned something.
LORELAI: How to get to 50 Cent's house?
RORY: That I too, can get Dipset. I just have to get my lips wet.
LORELAI: (with fake enthusiasm) Who would've thought?
A distant "HO HO HO" can be heard in the background.
LORELAI: Did you hear something?
There is a banging at the front door.
JESS (O.S.): Ho ho ho!
LORELAI: Santa?
RORY: Why is Santa at the front door?
LORELAI: (worried) Did you forget to clean the chimney?
RORY: Uh-oh.
They look at each other and run to the front door.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
RORY and LORELAI run towards the front door. RORY opens it. JESS dressed as SANTA CLAUS stands in the doorway.
JESS: Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas! Rory I hear you've been a very good girl this year.
RORY: (smiling) Jess!
RORY jumps into JESS'S arms and kisses him. He pulls down his Santa beard and lifts her up as she wraps her arms and legs around him. They make out passionately. LORELAI watches uncomfortably.
LORELAI: Hey Jess.
They continue to kiss.
LORELAI (CON'T): How was California?
They continue to kiss, ignoring her.
LORELAI (CON'T): (uncomfortably) Heard you were going to a Christmas concert of some sort...sounds like fun.
They continue to kiss. Lorelai clears her throat. They continue to kiss even more intensely.
LORELAI (CON'T): Heard there's a new bookstore opening up in town.
RORY and JESS pull apart instantly. JESS puts her down.
RORY: (excitedly) Where?
LORELAI: (shaking her head) You guys are perfect for each other. So Jess, what's with the Halloween costume?
JESS: Got a job. Got one for Rory, too. Except I'll be getting paid and she'll be getting community service hours.
LORELAI: Dressing up like Santa Claus and scaring people?
JESS: Taking pictures at the mall.
RORY: You got me a job as Santa Claus?
JESS: (smiling) I got you a job as Mrs. Claus.
He reaches in a bag on the floor and pulls out a small, skimpy red dress with white fur trimming. RORY'S eyes go wide.
RORY: I'm not wearing that.
LORELAI: That's not Mrs. Claus, that's Eartha Kitt.
JESS: Oh come on. You've got like two weeks to finish your community service. How many more hours do you need?
RORY sighs.
RORY: Twenty.
JESS: It's perfect.
RORY looks at the dress in dismay. JESS shakes it around excitedly. RORY frowns.
JESS (CON'T): You get to wear tights with it.
RORY hesitantly takes the dress and holds it against herself.
JESS (CON'T): Come on Rory, do it for the kids.
LORELAI: Yeah Jerry, do it for the kids.
RORY gives her a dirty look. JESS smirks.
LORELAI (CON'T): Sorry. Just trying to be supportive.
RORY sighs.
RORY: You sure I can get legit community service hours for this?
JESS: Santa's helpers are all volunteer positions.
RORY: And what exactly do I have to do in this...(holding it up) thing?
JESS: Sit the kids down on my lap and make sure they don't pull my beard off.
RORY looks at LORELAI for her opinion.
LORELAI: Just think, you'd get to listen to all those kids tell Jess about how books are overrated and they'd rather have toys and DVDs and plastic surgery for Christmas.
JESS smiles at LORELAI, then looks back at RORY.
RORY: (hesitantly) Fine. But only because it's for a good cause! And I'm not wearing this thing in public, I'm changing when I get to the mall.
JESS smiles and kisses her.
LORELAI: Oh boy. Hey guys, before you start doing that again...
RORY and JESS stop and look at LORELAI.
LORELAI (CON'T): I was just wondering...Jess...see, Luke is going to decorate the house later...Stars Hollow Decorating Contest...something Taylor thought up...anyway, so I was wondering, you know how Luke isn't very fond of Christmas or decorating contests or any type of contest really...he's gonna be in a bad mood stringing up all those lights, and I'm sure he could use a hand. So maybe you could...
JESS: Sure.
LORELAI: (surprised) Really?
JESS: Yeah. What time?
LORELAI: (in shock) Uh, Luke's coming over around six.
JESS: Okay.
LORELAI: (stunned) Well...okay. Thanks.
JESS nods.
LORELAI (CON'T): Well I'm gonna go back in the kitchen and finish gathering all the lights and decorations.
RORY and JESS smile at LORELAI as she walks into the kitchen.
RORY: So...
JESS: So...
RORY: Where were we?
JESS smiles, cups RORY'S face in his hands, and kisses her. She wraps her arms around him and they fall onto the couch.
CUT TO:
EXT. LORELAI'S HOUSE -- LATER
LUKE and JESS stand outside. JESS has changed into normal clothes. A large Santa, two smaller Santas, a sleigh, reindeer, elves, candy canes, and lights all lie on the porch. LORELAI stands on the porch explaining to LUKE and JESS where she wants everything to go.
LORELAI: And the lights go all the way around the house, line every window, line the doorway...and I don't really care where else you put them but make sure you use them all. Just make sure it looks better than Kirk's house.
JESS: (to LUKE) What's Kirk's house look like?
LUKE: Babes In Toyland.
JESS: We're screwed.
LUKE: Yep.
LORELAI: Okay any questions?
JESS: Where does the big Santa go?
LORELAI: On the porch. The medium sized one goes in the yard, and the small one goes on the roof.
LUKE: Or we could just have Jess go up there in his costume.
LORELAI: You know, I thought of that, but then we'd have to bring food and water up the ladder for him every day. Way too much effort.
LUKE and JESS look at each other, scared at how serious LORELAI sounded.
LORELAI (CON'T): Okay, well, you two boys have fun.
LORELAI goes inside the house.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
LORELAI walks in the front door. RORY is lying on the couch reading A CHRISTMAS CAROL. LORELAI sits down next to her.
LORELAI: Hey Mrs. Claus.
RORY: (without looking up from her book) Hey.
LORELAI: So.
RORY: (reading) So.
LORELAI: What's up?
RORY: (reading) Reading.
LORELAI: I see. Trying to get in the spirit for your job?
RORY: (looking up) Don't even talk about that. The thought of being in that outfit in front of the whole mall- I can't believe Jess guilt tripped me with "it's for the kids."
LORELAI: He just wants to see you in a skimpy outfit and call you his wife.
RORY: (looking back down at the book) I know.
LORELAI: So...have you heard from Logan lately?
RORY: Nope.
LORELAI: Oh. Well you know my mother's party...
RORY: He's going to be there?
LORELAI: Yeah...sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was just hoping you'd talk to him yourself and...
RORY: And...
LORELAI: And tell him that he doesn't have to come.
RORY: You're kidding, right?
LORELAI: No.
RORY: Grandma and Grandpa have practically planned our wedding. It's on Martha's Vineyard, the bridesmaids are wearing blue...
LORELAI: The thought of you even being engaged to that jerk makes me nauseous.
RORY: Well, to Grandma and Grandpa, that's the perfect life for me. That's their way of making sure I don't turn out like you.
LORELAI: Instead you'll turn out like Nicole Kidman.
RORY gives her a funny look.
LORELAI (CON'T): Stepford Wives, not Eyes Wide Shut.
RORY: They do have great sex in the middle of the afternoon.
LORELAI: So when are you gonna tell him?
RORY: Tell him what?
LORELAI: That you're seeing Jess.
RORY: I'm not seeing Jess.
LORELAI: Oh, really. So the jumping on top of him and making out, is that some kind of traditional North Pole greeting? Because in America, only lovers do that. People who are seeing each other.
RORY: We're just having fun. No strings attached.
LORELAI: No strings attached.
RORY: No strings attached.
LORELAI: What is it with you and no strings attached relationships? Is it all about sex? I didn't raise you to be like this…
RORY: No, it's not like that at all. Not with Jess anyway.
LORELAI: And Jess is okay with you being with Logan?
RORY: We're not exclusive. We're not boyfriend-girlfriend, hence the no strings attached part. So yes, he's okay with me seeing Logan or anyone else.
LORELAI: So who's he seeing?
RORY: What?
LORELAI: I mean, if you guys are seeing other people, and you're seeing Logan, then who else is Jess seeing?
RORY looks uncomfortable. There is a pause.
RORY: (quietly) I don't know. I mean, I haven't asked him if he's seeing other people...I'm sure he isn't, he's too busy to be seeing other people, working at the diner and going back and forth to California...Have you seen him with other people?
LORELAI: (shaking her head quickly) No...Rory I think you're missing my point here...
RORY puts her book down and sits up. LORELAI turns to face her.
LORELAI (CON'T): Let's talk friend-to-friend for a minute. Not mother and daughter.
RORY nods.
LORELAI (CON'T): Now I know that this was a long time ago...and we hated Jess back then...but when he told you he loved you and drove away...do you think he meant it?
There is a pause. RORY looks away.
RORY: (sighing heavily) That's not the only time he said it.
LORELAI: (stunned) Oh. When else?
There is a long pause.
RORY: The night we had sex.
LORELAI looks slightly uncomfortable at the mention of this.
RORY (CON'T): Still friend-to-friend?
LORELAI: (trying to cover her discomfort) Still friend-to-friend. Did he say it before, during, or after?
RORY: (slowly) Before, during, and after.
LORELAI: (lightheartedly) Wow. He really loves you.
RORY smiles.
RORY: I hope so.
LORELAI: Honey, you gotta choose one of them.
RORY: I know.
LORELAI: You're gonna break his heart if you keep going like this. And although Jess may not be my favorite person in the world, he doesn't deserve that.
RORY: (quietly) I know.
LORELAI: You have a knack for falling in love with two people at the same time.
RORY smirks.
LORELAI (CON'T): The funny thing is...Jess is always one of them. Think about that.
LORELAI gets up off the couch and heads towards the kitchen. RORY sighs and stares at the floor.