CUT TO:
EXT. LORELAI'S HOUSE -- A SHORT WHILE LATER
JESS stands on the roof arranging decorations. LUKE is up on a ladder stringing lights.
LUKE: Would you hold this for a minute?
JESS walks over towards LUKE, kneels down and holds the string of lights in place. LUKE begins to climb down the ladder.
LUKE (CON'T): So you came back early. Rory must have been happy.
JESS: Where's my car?
LUKE: What?
JESS: Where's my car?
LUKE: How should I know? I thought you were driving back.
JESS: Oh, give me a break.
LUKE stops climbing down the ladder and looks up to face JESS.
LUKE: I'm serious, I didn't take your car.
JESS: Whatever.
LUKE: You think I drove to California, to a place I've never been to, went to Jimmy's house, got in your car and drove away?
JESS: No, I think you had my car shipped to Connecticut, stuck it in a garage somewhere, and you're gonna tell me where it is right now.
LUKE: Why the hell would I do that?
JESS: How should I know? Do I have to hold this all day?
LUKE: No...
LUKE climbs down the ladder and moves it over a few inches to the side. He climbs back up, takes the lights from JESS, and begins stringing them.
JESS: You saw Shane, didn't you?
LUKE: If I did, does that automatically mean I stole your car?
JESS: Yes.
LUKE: She may have stopped by the diner.
JESS: Great. She have her kid with her?
LUKE: Jess...
JESS: Did you make him a bowl of Frosted Flakes, sit him down, tell him what a deadbeat his twenty-one year old father is?
LUKE: She came alone. She wanted to talk to you.
JESS: How long do I have?
LUKE: What do you mean?
JESS: How long do I have before Rory finds out? Because I'm betting that you told Lorelai because you're sleeping with her now so you tell her everything.
LUKE: Jess...
JESS: And Lorelai tells Rory everything, so how long do I have before Rory finds out and my life is over?
LUKE: (frustrated) Jess...
JESS: A week? A day? Can you at least find out not if, but when Lorelai plans to tell Rory?
LUKE: She's not gonna tell her.
JESS: Please.
LUKE: She's not gonna tell her because there's nothing to tell. Have you even entertained the possibility that you aren't the only guy Shane slept with when she was in high school?
JESS is silent. He continues to decorate the roof.
LUKE (CON'T): She's giving you a chance to talk to Shane for yourself and figure out what's going on. No one's jumping to conclusions here.
JESS: If I agree to talk to her, will you tell me where my car is?
LUKE: I didn't take your car.
JESS: Then who did, Santa Claus?
LUKE: Maybe your mom thought it would be a nice idea to ship it for you for your Christmas present.
JESS: (sarcastically) How thoughtful.
LUKE: I'll call her tomorrow and ask her.
JESS: Then we'll hold hands and skip afterwards.
LUKE smiles. He climbs down the ladder and walks towards the porch to get more decorations. He hears a loud thud.
LUKE: Jess?
LUKE runs back out onto the lawn to see that JESS has fallen down on the roof.
LUKE (CON'T): Are you okay?
JESS: (embarrassed, getting up) I'm fine. There's ice up here.
JESS stands up and brushes himself off. The side of his forehead is bleeding near his scalp.
LUKE: Aw, jeez, you're bleeding. Come on down, we'll get you cleaned up.
LUKE pushes the ladder towards JESS.
JESS: (grabbing the ladder): I got it.
CUT TO:
INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER
JESS walks in the front door. His forehead is still bleeding. LORELAI walks into the living room.
LORELAI: Oh my God.
JESS: (angrily) I'm fine.
LORELAI: (concerned) Did you and Rory get into another fight?
JESS gives her a dirty look as he pushes past her and walks into the kitchen. LORELAI tries to hold back a laugh as she follows him.
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN -- MOMENTS LATER
JESS is sitting at the kitchen table. LORELAI sits next to him, dabbing the wound with a cotton ball and some alcohol. There is a box of band-aids and other first aid supplies on the table.
JESS: (flinching) Ow!
LORELAI: Big baby.
LORELAI puts down the cotton ball and reaches for the box of band-aids. She puts a large one over the cut. RORY walks into the kitchen wearing pajamas. She gasps when she sees JESS.
RORY: What happened?
She takes JESS'S face in her hands and turns him to face her.
JESS: I slipped on the roof.
RORY: You poor thing! Does it hurt?
JESS: Not much.
LORELAI: I'm gonna go outside and see how Luke is doing with the decorations.
CUT TO:
EXT. LORELAI'S HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER
LUKE and LORELAI stand outside looking at the house. There are decorations and lights everywhere. Everything is lit up. The lights are playing Joy To The World in beeping sounds as they blink. LORELAI stares at the house in awe.
LORELAI: (smiling) Wow. It's beautiful.
LUKE smiles at LORELAI. They kiss.
LORELAI (CON'T): We're gonna kick Kirk's ass.
CUT TO:
INT. LORELAI'S KITCHEN -- THE NEXT DAY
LORELAI is making coffee. She is dressed for work. RORY stumbles out of her bedroom groggily. She is wearing a long sleeved camouflage shirt and black sweat pants. She sits down at the kitchen table.
RORY: (groggily) Coffee.
LORELAI: You betcha.
She carries the coffee pot and two cups to the table.
LORELAI (CON"T): (pouring RORY a cup of coffee) That's an interesting look.
RORY: What? (she looks down at her clothes) Oh. It's-
LORELAI: Let me guess. The Jess Mariano Collection. Very popular this fall. I think I saw Heidi Klum wearing a leather jacket and a big black watch on this month's cover of Vogue.
RORY: I ran out of clothes. I only have like, two outfits here. The rest are at Grandma's.
LORELAI: Well, maybe today would be a good day to go and pack your stuff.
RORY: I guess so. I didn't really have any plans.
LORELAI: What time does your community service start?
RORY: (smiling smugly) Seven. I suppose Jess and I could take Luke's truck and go get everything today.
LORELAI: (uneasily) Uh, Jess and you?
RORY: Yeah.
LORELAI: Why does Jess have to go?
RORY: Because I can't carry all those boxes myself.
LORELAI: What about Lane?
RORY: You think Lane can carry heavy boxes better than Jess?
LORELAI makes a face and sips her coffee.
LORELAI: I suppose you're right. Moving is sort of a man's job. How about Lane's boyfriend?
RORY rolls her eyes.
LORELAI (CON'T): It's just the idea of my mother seeing you and Jess together alone inside her house...Well, actually, it's kind of amusing.
RORY: We won't be alone inside her house. We'll be inside the pool house.
LORELAI: (sipping her coffee) All right. Well, I've gotta run. Have fun today. Give my mother my warmest regards.
LORELAI stands up and gets her jacket. She puts on her jacket, grabs her purse, and leaves.
LORELAI (CON'T): (O.S.) (yelling) Rory!
CUT TO:
EXT. LORELAI'S HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER
RORY and LORELAI stand outside in front of the house. There is a Mercedes Benz and a Rolls Royce parked in the driveway. Both have large bows on them. RORY and LORELAI stare at the cars, horrified.
LORELAI: (quietly) Jess really outdid himself this year.
RORY: (worried) I don't think they're from Jess.
CUT TO:
INT. POOL HOUSE -- AFTERNOON
RORY and JESS are packing RORY'S things up at the pool house. There are boxes everywhere. The place is empty except for furniture and the walls are bare. JESS tapes up a box. RORY stands and sighs, exhausted.
RORY: I think that's everything.
JESS: Do you really wear all these clothes?
RORY: Yeah.
JESS: Some of them are just so...
RORY: So...
JESS: (looking for the words) So...not you.
RORY: Of course they're me, they're my clothes.
JESS: (pointing to an open box with clothes sticking out of it) That jacket looks like it came out of your grandmother's closet.
RORY: Since when have you looked in my grandmother's closet?
JESS: What happened to...polos and jeans? The way you used to dress in high school.
RORY: I still wear polos and jeans.
JESS: When?
RORY: All the time.
JESS: I didn't see a single polo in your closet.
They walk around looking for anything they forgot to pack. They walk into RORY's bedroom. It is empty except for the bed and some furniture. JESS gestures towards the bed.
JESS (CON'T): Should we take the bedsheets?
RORY: Nah, they're my Grandma's. Not really my taste anyway.
JESS: Not unless you've aged about ninety years.
RORY and JESS smile at each other.
JESS (CON'T): (sitting on the bed) So. Bet you did a lot of interesting things on this bed.
RORY: I think we should start putting everything in the truck.
JESS: How many times?
RORY: What?
JESS: How many times on this bed in this spot right here where I'm sitting?
RORY: Jess, I don't wanna get into this.
JESS: Come on, how many times?
RORY: Does it matter?
JESS: Ten? Twenty?
RORY: Why are you doing this Jess?
JESS: I just wanna know.
RORY: How many times did you sleep with Shane?
JESS: (angry) What?
RORY: If you wanna know how many times I slept with Logan-
JESS: (angry) Why would you bring that up?
RORY: (with a pause) I...I don't know.
JESS: What made you think of that?
RORY looks around nervously.
JESS (CON'T): That's ancient history! (looking to the side) I haven't even seen her in years!
RORY: (quietly, looking down) I know.
JESS: Are you accusing me of something?
RORY: No!
JESS: Did someone tell you something?
RORY: No, no one told me anything...Jess I'm sorry, it just slipped out...We're fighting, I hate this.
JESS: (quietly) Me too.
RORY sits on JESS'S lap. He wraps his arm around her. She leans her head down towards his. They rub foreheads and noses. She leans in and they kiss softly. The kiss becomes more intense. JESS wraps his other arm around RORY. She wraps her arms around him. He lies down onto the bed, pulling her on top of him. They continue to kiss passionately. They stop to catch their breath. RORY lies on top of JESS with her face about an inch away from his. They both breathe heavily.
RORY: This beats fighting.
JESS: (smiling) Make love, not war.
JESS starts kissing her neck.
RORY: Jess, not here.
JESS: (continuing to kiss her neck) Why not?
RORY: Because.
JESS: Because...? Come on Rory.
JESS kisses RORY hard and tangles his fingers in her hair. She hesitates and then kisses him back. She presses her body against his and kicks her shoes off.
CUT TO:
EXT. POOL HOUSE -- MEANWHILE
EMILY knocks at the door to the pool house. She is holding a small box. There is no response. She opens the door.
CUT TO:
INT. POOL HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
EMILY: Rory?
She looks around the room.
EMILY (CON'T): (loudly) I just came to bring you some things you left in the main house...Rory are you here?
She walks around looking for RORY.
EMILY (CON'T): You know, I'm not angry with you for moving out...I think it's good for you to go live with your mother.
EMILY looks around, frustrated.
EMILY (CON'T): Rory would you come out here please?
EMILY waits a moment for a response. She hears giggling in the distance. She puts the box down and walks towards RORY'S room.
CUT TO:
INT. POOL HOUSE BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS
RORY is on top of JESS. They are still kissing. She takes off his shirt. They kiss more. EMILY opens the door and gasps.
CUT TO:
INT. MALL CENTER -- LATER THAT DAY
The mall is decorated with Christmas decorations everywhere and a large Christmas tree in the center. Many children and parents are waiting in line in a roped off area. Jingle Bells plays in the background. JESS, dressed as Santa Claus, sits in a big green chair as a child sits on his lap and begins to tell him what he wants for Christmas. A girl dressed as an elf takes their picture and helps him off his lap. RORY, dressed as Mrs. Claus, stands off to the side and appears to be on break. She holds her cell phone to her ear.
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERASATION:
CUT TO:
INT. DRAGONFLY INN -- CONTINUOUS
LORELAI stands behind the desk sorting through papers and holding the phone to her ear.
LORELAI: (into the phone) So let me get this straight. My mother walked in on you and Jess making out on the bed.
RORY: Yep.
LORELAI: Wow. For some reason instead of scolding you for making out with Jess on the bed, all I can think about is how upset my mother's face must have looked.
RORY: She turned fifteen different shades of red.
LORELAI: From embarrassment?
RORY: From anger. Jess, on the other hand, was embarrassed.
LORELAI: Please tell me he had clothes on.
RORY: He had pants on...sort of.
LORELAI: And you, were you clothed?
RORY: Yes, I was clothed.
LORELAI: So how bad could it have been?
RORY: What?
LORELAI: I mean, if you guys both had clothes on, most of them anyway, it couldn't have been that bad right? It wasn't like she walked in on Taylor Rain and Lloyd Banks on the set of Groupie Love.
RORY: How do you know about Taylor Rain and Lloyd Banks?
LORELAI: I saw Lane.
RORY: It was more like something from The Bedford Diaries.
LORELAI: That's bad.
RORY: Yeah, it was pretty bad.
LORELAI: Is it just me or does the guy on that show look just like Jess?
RORY: (smiling) It's his twin. I thought I was crazy.
LORELAI: (smiling) So what did my mom say?
RORY: You mean, how loud did she scream?
LORELAI: I mean what did she scream?
RORY: I don't know...how much I've disappointed her, how I'm going to end up pregnant...
LORELAI: Gee, that sounds familiar.
RORY sees LOGAN in the distance standing in line with two small children.
RORY: I gotta go. Bye.
END PHONE CONVERSATION
CUT TO:
INT. MALL CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
RORY walks over towards LOGAN. He smiles as she approaches.
LOGAN: (happily) Ace.
RORY: (nervously) Hi.
LOGAN: How are you?
RORY: I'm okay.
LOGAN: (gesturing towards the children) These are my cousins Phil and Jackie. So, what are you doing here?
RORY: Finishing up my community service.
LOGAN: Ah. Well, at least the outfit's cute.
RORY: (looking down) Yeah. It's fun. Except for when they try to beat up Santa, then I have to pull them off, then some of them try to beat up me...
LOGAN: Kids are rough these days.
RORY: Yeah, they are.
She looks around nervously.
LOGAN: So...we should talk.
RORY: Yeah, we should.
LOGAN: Preferably when there's not screaming kids everywhere and you're wearing a much less distracting outfit.
RORY: The cars, Logan...
LOGAN: I thought you could use a new set of wheels.
RORY: You shouldn't have.
LOGAN: It's Christmas.
RORY: I know, but...
LOGAN: What's on your neck?
RORY: What? Where?
LOGAN pushes her hair back to reveal a dark hickey on RORY'S neck. LOGAN pulls a compact mirror out of his pocket to show RORY. RORY'S expression is blank as she stares into the mirror.
RORY: (with tears welling up in her eyes) I can explain...
LOGAN: Can't wait to hear it. Who is he?
RORY: No one. There's no one, I just...
LOGAN is next in line. The elf girl leads the children to Santa. LOGAN watches them get on his lap. His eyes squint and his face turns into an angry expression.
JESS: (to the children, in a deep voice) And what do you two want for Christmas this year?
LOGAN: (to RORY) Is that Luke's nephew?
RORY looks down with tears in her eyes. She sniffles.
RORY: (quietly) Yes.
LOGAN: I should have known.
RORY: Logan, I can explain!
LOGAN: (yelling) Explain what? That you cheated on me with your cousin?
RORY is silent. She crosses her arms and stares at the floor.
LOGAN (CON'T): (yelling) Don't lie to me Rory. What's on your neck, tell me it's not from him.
RORY: (crying, quietly) It's from him.
LOGAN: (angrily) I can't believe this. I gave up everything for you. Do you know how many girls would kill to be in your position? Do you know how many girls would kill to be with me? I could have any girl at Yale I want and I chose you.
RORY: (crying) I'm sorry.
There is a pause. LOGAN runs his fingers through his hair.
LOGAN: What are you supposed to be anyway, Santa's Little Mistress?
RORY: (looking away, sniffling) I'm Mrs. Claus.
He turns to look at JESS and the children. They are getting off his lap.
JESS: (loudly, in a deep voice) Ho ho ho!
LOGAN: Your husband's calling you.
LOGAN storms away. RORY crosses her arms and looks away. Tears stream down her cheeks.