Summary: As Luke packs for his trip with April, he thinks about his relationship with Lorelai and finds something that makes him remember why she's the only one for him. Luke's POV. No spoilers. One-shot.
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls belongs to ASP, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions, the WB and probably other people but not me.
Lorelai On My Mind
This is ridiculous. Here I am at 11 at night, awake and packing. As unusual as it is for me to be up at this hour, it's even more unusual for me to be packing. I never go anywhere. In the past ten years I can think of exactly 5 times that I've left Stars Hallow for longer than a day. Number 1 was quite a number of years ago, about eight I think, when my Uncle Louie moved to Florida and made me drive the moving truck down there and move stuff in while he sat on the porch drinking . Number 2 was the day after Jess and Rory got in that car crash when I left town to clear my head. Number 3 was almost three years ago when I took my girlfriend at the time, Nicole, on a cruise and we ended up drunk and married and part of one of the most idiotic situations I've gotten myself in. Number 4 was a year after that when Liz and her stupid husband got in an accident and I had to go run Liz's booth at the Renaissance Fair for some of the longest weeks of my life. Number 5 was a few months ago when Lorelai and I spent a pre-Valentine's Day weekend on Martha's Vineyard. So as you can see, I never leave town.
In fact, all I had to pack in was an old duffle bag, which Lorelai made fun of. I could have cared less what the bag looked like but she just kept going on and on about how it was shabby that I figured I might as well get a new one just to shut her up. But she was right of course, Lorelai always is. If I didn't get a new bag, it probably would have ended up ripping just as I was leaving so that Lorelai could tease me and say 'I told you so'. Man she can drive a sane man crazy, but that's one of the reasons I love her.
But here I am digging through the closet, searching for all the things on the list that Lorelai wrote out. She said if she didn't make a list I would end up forgetting something important like underwear or extra socks. I didn't even know you needed extra socks for a math trip. Of course Lorelai put things on the list I am entirely sure that I don't need because when she packs for a trip, she packs like she's going to be away for a month. However, if I leave a single thing off the list, it will inevitably be the one thing I need leaving me to again have to remind myself that Lorelai's always right. She has this way about her. I don't get it. She does the craziest things that most people would never do and they always turn out to be ingenious. For instance, one time before we got together Lorelai went shopping to buy my ex-girlfriend, Rachel, a gift for her birthday because I'm really dumb about these things. So she went to the mall on her day off of work and bought this great present as well as hundreds of dollars of clothes for me, on my credit card of course. The clothes she bought included dress pants, a suit, a suit jacket and a few sweaters, all of which I normally wouldn't be caught dead in. However, you wouldn't believe the number of times those clothes have come into use, including my first date with Lorelai.
Now I'm grinning. I'm sitting on the floor outside my closet, looking at a mile long list of packing items and grinning. What's worse is that I have to get up at 5 am to be ready to go. Therefore by the time I get to bed, which at this rate is going to be about 1 in the morning, I'll get very few hours of sleep. And it won't be good sleep because Lorelai begged me not to make her wake up at 5 am so I told her I would sleep here and she could sleep at her house. Which sucks, because I can't sleep well anymore when she's not here next to me, where I can hold her close to me and know that I'm the only person in the world with the ability to touch her soft skin and kiss her warm lips. So I'll end up tired and crabby on the bus and April will be trying to pretend she doesn't know me. I'm surprised she pretends she knows me at all, I really don't think I'm that good of a father. I didn't have much experience, except Rory. I mean, I was the one who was there for Rory when she had the chicken pox and Christopher, her real father, was too busy. But that's just being concerned, or something. I'm trying my hardest to be a good dad to April and I guess since she keeps coming back and she seems to smile while she's here, I'm doing all right.
I reach into the closet to pull out my boots. Why I'm going to need boots on a math trip, who knows, but there must be a reason. Anyways, my hand touches a box. I can't remember exactly why this box is in my closet until I pull it out. Ah, now I remember. I open the box and run my fingers over the yellow leather of the boots. These weren't supposed to be here. I can't recall why I never actually gave them to Lorelai. Maybe I forgot. These boots are so funny looking even though I know deep down they'll look great on Lorelai, anything would look great on her, a tarp would look great on her.
Lorelai seemed to really want these boots the day I ordered them, so what was it that stopped me from giving them to her? Ah, now I remember. The day I ordered them was the day before we went to Lorelai's parents's vow renewal. I know, insanity, but Lorelai's parents aren't what I would call normal. I was on the phone with the people from the boating catalog trying to buy things so I could finish my dad's boat. Then Lorelai walked in the diner and looked at the catalog. In another one of her insane moments she found these fisherman's boots and decided they would look cute and begged me to buy them. She even made these cute little gestures like she was making out with the boots in order to convince me, and I have to admit her gestures definitely did the trick. They came in that Tuesday. However by that time, Saturday's vow renewal had passed and we had broken up, commencing the longest month of my life. When I got the boots, I couldn't stand to look at them because all they reminded me of was Lorelai. How she would look good in them. How she looked cute when she begged me to get them. How she made me feel when she smiled at me and thanked me for buying them, like I was the only man in the world for her. Like she loved me. So I took them upstairs to the apartment and shoved them in the back of the closet, so far back that by the time we got back together I had forgotten about them.
I should give her these boots. I should give her them and remind her that she is the only woman in the world for me. The past few months have really strained our relationship. I'll admit, it was stupid for me to keep April a secret from her for two months. I'm not even sure why I did it anymore. I decided on Thanksgiving that I wanted a relationship with April but Lorelai just seemed so happy that night with Rory finally back home and her friends around her that I didn't want to spoil it. I didn't want to hurt her. I love her smile, her beautiful smile, and every time she's sad she makes that face, that pouty sad face that makes my heart clench. I didn't want to be the one to cause her to make that face.
After the holidays, I finally got ahold of Anna and told her I wanted a relationship with April. I wanted to wait until I was sure this was going to happen before bothering to tell Lorelai. I mean, why upset her if nothing's really going to happen in that area, right? Then everything started happening. Lorelai set our entire wedding up in one day. When I went over that night to tell her about April, she came down the stairs in that wedding dress. And she looked so… amazing. Absolutely beautiful. She took my breath away. My mind got foggy. I couldn't speak. I couldn't think. I couldn't remember why I had gone over there with a purpose. Because Lorelai was in front of me in that dress and telling me how excited she was to spend the rest of her life with me. And all I could think was that I am going to spend the rest of my life with this woman, loving her like she should be loved.
The day that Lorelai found out about April only made things worse. I can still see the look on her face. The way her eyes got glassy with tears. When we walked outside and I tried to explain, I couldn't say the right things. She kept looking at me with that face, the one that makes my heart clench. The face that made me fear I had ruined everything. All I wanted to do was take her in my arms and hold her and tell her that I was stupid and I love her and not telling her about April was crazy. And that night when Lorelai told me she was okay with it, I couldn't forget the face she had made. All I could think was that she was pretending, she was just trying to be okay with it. So when she suggested that we postpone the marriage all I could think was that she hadn't gotten over it and needed some real time to think things over before she pledged to spend the rest of her life with a guy who kept these secrets from her. I do want to marry her, how many ways can I say it? I love her. She's the only woman I've ever let in, the only woman who has truly loved me for me. Why would I let her go?
So it came as a surprise to me when we went away for Valentine's Day that she didn't think I wanted to get married anymore. I knew I had to pull out the big guns and I promised her we would, I reminded her that I loved her and I listened when she asked me to tell her I love her more often. I don't know how she could ever have doubted that I loved her or that I wanted to marry her. I mean, yes, I had agreed to postpone the wedding but I really wanted things to be right with April before we got married. Things were just starting with April, I thought it would be weird to say 'oh I'm your dad, oh yeah and this crazy lady you've never met is going to be your stepmom and oh will you be in our wedding'. Odd, ya know? I think things are finally good with April, we've finally adjusted into a good rhythm, a good relationship. I should tell Lorelai this. I should tell her that I want to start planning the wedding. I should finally introduce Lorelai to April. I think it's finally the right time that I won't scare the girl away.
I get up off the floor, brushing off my clothes and I pick up the box with the boots in them. I know what I need to do. And it has to be now. I can't leave on this trip with April without doing this. I can't leave without Lorelai knowing. I can't be without her for a week knowing that she's back at home not knowing that she's the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Grabbing my coat, I run down the stairs and out of the diner, barely remembering to lock it on my way.
Opening Lorelai's door, which as usual is unlocked because she feels some amazing amount of safety in this world, and I run up the stairs to our bedroom. Lorelai's lying on her side of the bed, in her usual passed out position, hugging a pillow to her chest. I walk over to her side of the bed, sitting down on the edge, looking down at her. Again, just the peaceful look on her face is so incredible that my head becomes mush. The box of boots in my hand falling into my lap brings me back to consciousness. Gently I reach out, rubbing her shoulder, touching that soft pale skin. She moans in response, slowly rolling over on her back and opening her eyes slightly.
"Luke?" she mumbles softly as if she's not sure it's me. I know I need to wait a moment so that she can clear her sleepy head, so I just smile down at her. "I thought you were staying at your apartment tonight so you could leave and not wake me up in the morning."
"I was at my apartment, packing," I tell her. She rubs her head, still trying to wake up.
"I'm glad you're here," she says grinning. "I know I said I hate waking up early but I'd rather do that than spend the last night before your trip apart." I can't help but smile as my heart leaps in my chest. This woman of mine.
"I brought you something," I tell her, picking up the box. Lorelai's eyes light up, which is surprising seeing as she was dead asleep not more than a minute ago.
"For me?" she coos in that voice that sounds like magic. She sits up, leaning her back against the headboard as I lay the box in her lap. Lorelai gives me a curious look before turning her attentions to open the box. "My boots!" she exclaims, reaching her long fingers out to stroke the yellow leather.
"Yeah, I found them when I was searching for some of those ridiculous things you told me to pack," I tease her.
"You'll thank me when they come in handy," she replies, giving me that knowing look. And she knows I will. And she knows I'll have to tell her that she was right. And I know she likes being told that.
"I had stuffed the box at the back of the closet because we were broken up when they came in and I didn't want to look at them because they reminded me of you," I tell her. She smiles softly, knowing that I really did miss her when we were apart.
"Well I'm glad you found them now. I'll have a week to come up with the perfect sexy outfit to wear with them before you get back so that I can show you how much I appreciate you," she responds, arching her eyebrow seductively. My heart does a flip in my chest.
"Actually I used them as an excuse to come over here," I say.
"Luke, you didn't need an excuse to come over here," she replies.
"Okay, an excuse to wake you up, because normally you would kill me for doing that," I tell her. Lorelai smiles, wrinkling her nose.
"Why did you want to wake me up?" she asks, her smile disappearing as she watches me, making me nervous.
"I had something I wanted to tell you. I needed to tell you now. Before I left on a week long trip away from you," I say.
"Okay…" she says softly, waiting, her eyes searching.
"I love you Lorelai. I wanted to come over here and make sure you knew that I love you. I wanted to make sure you knew that you're the only woman in the world for me, you're the only one I want to be with. I want to get married. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, showing you how much I love you," I tell her. Lorelai's mouth has dropped open and her eyes have filled with tears as I talk, in a way that I almost think she's mad at me.
"Oh Luke…" she whispers in a gentle loving tone and I know that she's not mad. I know that her tears are joy and happiness.
"Things are good with April, Lorelai. I'm finally at the point where I can say that. I can finally say that we've got a secure relationship. So I wanted to tell you that it's time. I want you to meet her. I want to introduce you to her as my fiancé. I want her to meet her future stepmother. And I want us to go ahead and plan our wedding," I say. She's looking at me in that way that I'm not sure for a moment what she's thinking. Has she changed her mind? She's still wearing the ring, but maybe it's just because she's forgotten? Maybe she's not ready to get married anymore.
"Luke," she whispers. The sound of my name rolling off of her tongue makes my heart skip a beat. A smile slowly forms on her lips. "I'm glad you woke me up to tell me that. I'm glad you didn't wait." And I know, this is it. It's settled. Knowing my moment, I lean in and kiss her softly. She reaches her hand behind my head, pulling my lips closer to hers. As I pull back to catch my breath for just a moment I hear her whisper, "Luke, I love you."
Hey all, I hope you liked it. I've never written from Luke's point of view before so it was a little hard, you know, not being male and all and wanting him not to sound too feminine. That's why I'm really looking forward to your reviews so please review!