Why I am Locked Up in a Looney Bin
Chapter 4: Spring Break, Dun Dun Dunnnnn!
Howdy! This is your absolute best pally, Kelsey! I am here with a brand spanking new chapter, just for y'all. This chapter is based on a real life experience with the infamous Colleen, up at Banks Lake, Washington (state). Of course, I didn't have the cast of Avatar up there with me just then…
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My mother was in absolutely no condition to drive, so I grabbed the keys out of her shaking hands and started the car. This seemed to snap her out of her frightening reverie.
"No way, young lady. You are not driving home."
"But mo-om, I passed driver's ed with flying colors!" I complained, putting on a puppy face. My mom can never resist the puppy dog pout. "I don't even know how Colleen passed her driving test, and you know I'm a much better driver than she is!"
Finally she gave in. Now all I had to do was convince Sokka, Katara and Aang to get in the "death trap on wheels", as Sokka put it. Zuko also looked incredibly wary as Colleen shut the car door on him and went around to the driver's side.
I easily convinced Aang and Katara in by explaining that Momo was safely in my backpack and that I was driving the way back. Sokka seemed to doubt my driving skills though.
"How can I be positive that someone my own age can drive one of these things?" he asked. It was actually a pretty good question.
"I have taken and successfully passed driver's ed on my first try," I explained. "Besides, driving is a breeze!" Damn it, I always say things like that when bad things happen. Good thing mom drove home with Amber, otherwise I would have gotten grounded for sure. The police officer didn't seem to believe that I had TV characters in the backseat of my car and that a flying lemur had buzzed my head, causing me to floor the gas pedal. Hey, at least I didn't kill anyone this time. Wait, did I say that? I meant, I didn't kill anyone.
"I am so not trusting you ever again," Sokka said as he shakily climbed out of the car.
"Aw, come on, we didn't even go as fast as we did on the way there," I said, locking the car and going inside the house.
Obviously Colleen hadn't heard us drive up, because as I opened the door, I received a hefty whack on the head with a frying pan.
"Oh, look at all the pretty canaries," I said, and passed out.
When I woke up, there were about 6 Colleens, Sokkas, Kataras and Aangs. "No, not the birdies! Anything but the birdies!" I said, sitting up and rubbing my aching head.
"Are you ok?" Colleen asked, handing me an ice pack. I promptly dropped the dripping towel on my shirt.
"Perfect. Now I have to go change my shirt. And don't drink the pink stuff!" They stared at me, of course, like I had another head. "Stop staring at me that way! Gawd!" I screeched, standing up and wobbling up the stairs.
"We should call a doctor," Katara said, picking up the ice.
"For who?" my mom asked, walking through the door. "Kelsey, you need to start packing!"
"What for?" I said. Now I was still slightly off in the head, so I can't remember exactly what happened, but I recall falling down the stairs in nothing on top but a bra. Thankfully my mother was not in the front hall, so she didn't see the whole ordeal. Unfortunately, there were three guys that were standing in the front hall.
Katara quickly slapped a hand over Aang's eyes, and Sokka turned very red indeed. Zuko's ears began to smoke as he quickly looked away, and Colleen rushed forward and dragged my comatose form up the stairs.
I woke up when my head rammed against the top step. She finished pulling me into my room, and I sat up on the floor, grabbing a rumpled shirt off the floor and savagely jerking it over my poor, aching head. "My life is absolute crap," I said, groaning and sinking my face into my sheepskin rug.
"And it's about to get even more crappy," Colleen said, sitting down next to me. "Your mom reminded me that we're leaving for Banks Lake tomorrow, remember?"
"Aaaaaahhhh! Fuck," I moaned, cradling my face in my hands. My dear friend pulled a suitcase out of my walk-in and began neatly packing it with clothing. "Now I suggest you go down there and explain to your mother why you have two black eyes and a huge lump on your forehead."
"What!" I shrieked, scrambling up and dashing to the nearest mirror. "I do not have a lump on my forehead, or black eyes!"
"Gotcha."
I rush-tackled Colleen and pinned her to the floor, taking my hair spray and coating her hair with several layers of it. As a result, her long, dirty blonde hair was sticking up in funny angles.
We finally stalked downstairs with our hair dampened to counteract the hair spray. Katara was busy slapping Sokka, who had a very peculiar look on his face. It was a mixture of complete and total shock, and utter joy.
"Somebody get the boy off of the fairy dust," I said, brandishing the frying pan, which had a head-shaped dent in the bottom. "Zuko, get over yourself. Eventually you are going to see girls in bras, and I just helped you along the road of teenage life."
The exiled 16 year-old still had steam pouring out of his ears, and his face was cherry red.
"Colleen, I suggest you take Zuko home and give him some Tylenol, he appears to have a fever. As for me, I need to go onto a 12 step program on how to get over complete and utter humiliation. And don't even think about staring at me like I have another head," I said, shaking a warning finger at Colleen, who's eyes were widening in the hated stare. "Sokka, Aang, you guys are sleeping in the guest room. It's straight ahead up the stairs. Katara, you'll be in my room. If there are any questions I shall punish you for all eternity by siccing my evil, mutant dust bunnies on you."
In the morning, when we had finally succeeded in dragging Sokka out of his bed ("It's too comfortable!"), I made toast for us, and poured out tall glasses of orange juice. My mom lent me her credit card so that I could get some clothes for Sokka, Katara and Aang. A very foolish thing of her to do, really. After I had spent an inexorable amount of money on clothes for me and Sokka, Katara and Aang, I drove home and began to pack.
Finally we were ready to set off. Amber was driving her car there, and my parents drove their station wagon (ugh!). I drove the gang, including Colleen and Zuko, in our hybrid SUV. "Last call for bathroom break!" I said, starting the motor, and we were off, heading straight into a vacation full of tubing, radioactive socks, and all around chaos!
Well, there it is. Your chapter, a la mode. If I sound really flat and un Kelsey-like, it's because I am seriously pissed off. Amber wrote a fanfic called "I Think We're in- AAHHH!", and if you have read it, you know what I'm talking about. Well, someone called Oogieboogeyman() flamed her fic, BIG TIME! I'll just say that it was horrible, not to mention they not only dissed Amber, they dissed me and Colleen! If you want to read the evil flame, go to and click on Wall of Shame.