Why I am Locked Up in a Looney Bin
Chapter 5: I Hate My Life…
Hello all of my fabbity fab peeps! It is I, the great Kelsey, here to appease your many (and really quite intimidating) reviews. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, and so on and so forth. Ok, this chapter is based on a trip that I took to Banks Lake with Colleen. I am sorry you guys thought the last chapter was a little confusing, but I was just using that chapter as a connecter for chapter 3 and 5. Right now I am making no sense whatsoever, so I am going to shut up now.
Disclaimer- why do the people on have to be so mean as to make us say that we don't own the best TV show ever… still babbling, shutting up now.
Monkaybrains127- I can totally relate. I just got back from a friend's sleepover birthday party. We went to Fright Fest at Wild Waves, and ate so much junk food that Colleen got sick! (I hope she doesn't kill me for saying that…)
Kira-kira neko- glad you like my story. Don't worry, I will try and put Zuko in some more.
Zukosfire22- I am getting seriously wigged out here. First your virtual pet monkey currently named Paul threw FAT FREE yogurt at me (very scary) and now he is throwing diet vanilla Pepsi at me! What's with the low fat stuff?
Romancejunkie- glad you like it!
Sulana Jay- thankies!
Lensgirlfriend- I'm glad you like the chapter, but don't slap Sokka, that's mean! There, there Sokka, it will be all right… why are you staring at me like I have another head? Don't you know I hate that!
Benlego13- you WILL be in this chapter! I wrote it on the back of my hand!
After people are done intimidating me with monkeys and staring at me like I have another head, I can get back to the story!
"I told you that we were supposed to turn left there!" Amber said all frustrated-like.
"Sod off," I growled, glaring at the map like it had just mortally insulted me.
"Kelsey, be nice," my mother said, poking me in the back of the head.
"WTF! Mom, you're not supposed to be here! I thought you were letting us all go up to the lake by ourselves," I yelped, leaping out of the seat like a leaping thing.
"Don't worry, I am a figment of your imagination, I am a mirage, I am not real."
"Good God, I am going insane," I growled, pounding my head on the wheel repeatedly. "Amber, you drive. I am suffering from delirium." Amber shrugged good-naturedly and took the wheel. My mother disappeared into thin air, and I began to question my sanity (again) as Amber took the correct turn and brought us to Banks Lake.
(A/N: the mom thing was really random, I know. But I was bored and couldn't think of anything)
Katara, Amber, Colleen and I went into our own little villa and got unpacked, while Sokka, Aang and Zuko went into theirs. After I got my stuff put away, I walked over to the guys' villa and knocked on the door. "Get your suits on, guys! It's a nice day and we're going to go swimming." Aang nearly bowled me over as he tore out of the villa in his new swim trunks. "What the hell? You are going to kill someone, crazy person!" I yelled after him.
All was explained when Zuko came barreling through the door after him. "Avatar!" Zuko yelled, sprinting like crazy. I was promptly shoved aside and landed in a heap.
"Ow, pain, pain, pain!" I screamed, untangling myself. I had somehow managed to land with my foot behind my head, and my arm bent a way that it is not supposed to bend. Thank heavens it wasn't broken, but it hurt. A lot.
Katara walked out of the door in the most adorable bikini. It had taken a lot of time to convince her to buy them, but it was worth it. The girl had an almost perfect figure.
"What in the world happened to you?" she asked, watching me try and pull my foot back to where it was supposed to be, which is not behind my head.
"I was stampeded. Please go and find Aang before Zuko tries to take him to the Fire Nation," I said, finally pulling my foot free. Gingerly, I stood up and limped over to our villa. "No, seriously." Katara gave me a weird stare, almost but not quite like I had another head. I growled at her.
"Fine, fine, but I am still very confused here."
"Another thing. You need to learn the lingo around here. You can't walk around going 'oh Aang, where art thou?' because people will stare at you."
"What is this "lingo" that you speak of?" Katara said, making the little annoying quotation marks with her fingers in the air.
"Whazzup dawg!"
She stared at me. Guess how?
"For the last friggin' time! Stop staring at me like I have another head! Because I don't!" I was beginning to snap. I think I lost a few of my marbles when Zuko knocked me over.
"Kelsey?" I heard someone ask from behind me. I turned around to find myself staring at someone I had never met before. Yep, losing marbles.
"Can I help you?" I said dryly, massaging my legs, trying to get the cramps out of them.
"Are you Kelsey? It's me, Ben!" I stared at him like he had another head. (MWAHAHAHAHAHA! rubs hands together evilly what a turn of events!) "Oh wait, Ben, as in, benlego13?" I asked, finally realizing exactly who the person was.
"Yeah! Fancy meeting you here! Who're your friends?"
"Uh," Uh as in uh-oh! What was I supposed to say, 'Oh yeah, this is Katara, that's her brother Sokka, her friend Aang the Avatar, and the dude with the scar is Prince Zuko! You know, from the TV show!'? No, I cannot say that. "Uh, this is Katie, that over there is her brother Sean, her friend, um, Aaron, and that's Zack, who has no relation to them whatsoever."
He seemed to believe this, and leaned closer to Katara. "You seem familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?"
"No!" I said, stepping in front of her. He looked at me oddly.
"Um, were you anywhere in the Earth Kingdom recently?" Katara said, looking thoughtful. I leapt on her and slapped my hand over her mouth.
"So sorry, she's a little over obsessed with Avatar." Hey, it's the truth.
Ben's eyes widened. "Omigod, you're Katara, aren't you? And that's Sokka, and Aang, and Zuko!" at this statement his eyes rolled back into his head and he fainted dead away.
"Crap," I said, removing my hand from Katara's mouth and then going over and pounding my head against a tree. "Crap, crap, crap, double crap! Ouch…" I yelped, rubbing my forehead.
"Avatar, get back here!" Oh, God. I started to sprint towards the water, promptly bowling over Amber and Colleen as I ran.
"Sorry, but I'm just doing what was going to happen eventually!" I yelled over my shoulder. A cloud of dust was visible over the top of the hill, and Aang streaked down, sending dust everywhere. Zuko was dragging along after him, gasping and panting. "Ava… tar." He gasped, falling flat on his face on the dock.
"Tsk, tsk," I said, looking down at him and shaking my head. I reached down and grabbed his shoulders and hauled him into the nice motorboat that my family rented.
Aang looked very disturbed indeed, and I was just wondering what he was staring at so oddly, when he broke into my train of thought. "That is the tiniest boat I have ever seen," he said blandly.
"Yeah, well, looks can be deceiving, because this bad boy can go up to 85 miles per hour." I patted the boat proudly, and Aang's face lit up. He leapt into the craft, named Warrior Princess, and bounced up and down excitedly. "That's even faster than the Omashu super slides!"
Presently, Katara and Sokka came over the hill, closely followed by Amber and Colleen. They all climbed in and I started the motor. (A/N: how old do you have to be to drive a boat? Oh, well, in my little universe I can drive.)
This has got to be the strangest predicament that I have ever gotten myself into. The infamous Admiral was standing on the deck of his ship, looking down at the water unhappily. Either the ocean had shrunk, or he had been magically transported through a rip in time and space into a lake. Wow, I never knew that an ocean could dry up so fast.
Zhao's boat was wedged in between two faces of the cliffs surrounding Banks Lake. i.e., he couldn't move. His massive hunk of steel took up the whole canyon.
"Sir?" he heard a voice behind him say. Zhao turned around and glared at the pale white face of one of the crew members. "We seem to have been stuck in a canyon, sir."
"I KNOW!" Zhao roared, looking even more like a bald monkey as he did so.
"That's strange," Zuko said, sitting up straighter in his seat. "I could have sworn I had heard Admiral Zhao just a second ago."
"Nah, how could he be here?" I said, waving the remark off. "You guys are in a different world now, remember?"
"Can we go faster?" Aang moaned, staring at the blank faces of the canyon walls.
"Sure," I said. "Why don't you look under the seat and get out the inner tube." Aang obediently did as he was told, pulling out the purple and red tube. I attached the lines quickly, then slowed the boat and threw the tube into the water. "Now jump on! It's more fun with a partner, why don't you go too, Sokka?"
"Okay," Sokka said, shrugging off his t-shirt and climbing on the tube. Colleen's eyes widened and she turned to me.
"Did you see what I just saw?" she asked. My mouth was hanging open and I was gasping for air like a fish out of water.
"Yep," I managed to choke out. Zuko may be really muscular, but Sokka was a GOD. Zuko's abs paled in comparison to Sokka's. Katara waved a hand in front of my face.
"Hello? Earth to Kelsey? What is wrong with you?" she said, snapping her fingers in front of my nose. I came back to earth with a thump. "Nothing," I said hastily, and I turned around and started the engine. Pressing my foot onto the acceleration, the motorboat sped off.
Aang was obviously having the time of his life. His thumb was straight up in the air, the signal for "go faster!" I had educated them all on the art that is biscuiting before I even let them get near the tube. Sokka, however, looked like this was the last place on earth he wanted to be. He was curled up into a little ball, knuckles whit from clutching the handles, and his thumb was in danger of plowing through the tube, it was so low.
I decided to heed Sokka's call, since he wasn't used to traveling at such high speeds yet, and slowed down to 20. Aang was extremely displeased, and he showed this by sticking his tongue out and shoving his hand forward. A blast of air hit the boat, and it shot forward.
"Holy shit we are all going to die!" I screamed, trying frantically to slow down. But Aang's airbending was pushing the boat at unimaginable speeds. Colleen was shrieking her head off, and Amber was clutching the sides of her seat, mouth open as if to scream, but nothing was coming out. Zuko was thrown into the backseat, and he almost flipped over the top of it before regaining his composure and screaming like a baby.
Sokka looked like he had passed out, but Aang's facial expression was one of pure delight. I gave up trying to slow down and attempted to steer instead. I hauled on the steering wheel and turned the boat around the corner of the canyon, only to be greeted by a most disturbing sight.
"Oh my friggin' God, we are about to crash into Zhao's friggin' ship," Colleen yelled, and crash we did. There was a huge explosion and we all died.
The End
(A/N: no, wait, that's a horrible way to end a fanfic, so I think I'll carry it on a bit longer.)
We did crash, and there was an explosion, but instead of dying a bloody, brutal death, we were thrown into the air, landing with very hard thumps on a very hard surface of Zhao's ship.
"Bleeding hog monkeys!" Zhao shouted. "I demand that you all get off of my ship immediately."
"Sorry, I don't speak monkey," I said dryly from my position on the deck. I was currently being crushed by both Zuko and Amber, and trust me, they are HEAVY!
"What did you say?" Zhao seethed, glaring daggers at me. I shoved my two friends off of my chest and stood up, brushing myself off.
"I'm terribly sorry, kind sir, but I do not speak monkey language. Do you want a banana?"
Zhao exploded in a fury, dashing for me. As he neared me, I prepared myself. He was within two feet of me when I raised my foot and kicked him where the sun don't shine. Hard. He yowled like a wounded animal, which he was, and nearly passed out.
Everyone was laughing their head off, and nobody really noticed when Jun, Iroh, and Jun's Xirxou fell from the sky until the huge beast landed on the convulsing figure of Admiral Monkey Butt.
Jun's eyes were the size of boulders, and her hair was all windswept. The Xirxou was sniffing around bewilderedly, trying to find a familiar scent. Iroh, on the other hand, looked completely at peace, and had produced a bowl of noodles from his sleeve. "Ah, dear nephew. I was wondering where you had run off to. I was especially worried when I noticed that you had not brought Mr. Snuggle Wuggles with you." And at that the retired General reached into his sleeves once more and pulled out a very tattered looking teddy bear. "So I asked Miss Jun to assist me in my search for you."
Zuko shrieked and leapt forward to snatch the teddy bear out of his Uncle Iroh's hands. "Mr. Snuggle Wuggles! I missed you!" he cooed, cuddling the stuffed toy close and hugging it.
This time the entire boat stared at him like he had grown another head. Zuko noticed everyone staring at him and shoved the bear into his armor, his whole face turning red. "What?" he asked, looking very disgruntled.
I cradled my head in my hands. "I hate my life."