"Something smells wonderful," Siegfried said, coming into the kitchen as Mrs Hall was putting the finishing touches to the preparation for that evening's meal. "You really do outdo yourself, Mrs Hall."

"It's roast beef and all the trimmings," she replied, putting the lid on a steaming pot and turning around to face him. "And I 'ope you've got an appetite for it."

"Oh, believe me, I do. I'm positively starving. Must have been all that fresh air up at Hulton Hall."

"Of course, 'ow was it?"

"Very pleasant, very pleasant indeed. His Lordship is a very amiable man, I must say. Not at all…" he fought for the right descriptor, "elitist."

"Well that's good to 'ear. I 'ope you get a lot of work out of 'im then, though I'm sure there's no doubt about that. Racehorses always need seeing to, one way or another."

"Yes, I suppose they do."

"Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes," she said, glancing at the clock. "Why don't you and Tristan 'ave a drink together. I'll let you know when it's time."

"That's very good of you Mrs Hall," he replied and, turning, made his way back out of the kitchen and into the sitting room where Tristan was standing by the drinks cabinet. "I hope you're not eying up my best whisky."

"What, not even on your birthday? That is rather mean of you Siegfried."

"I'm only teasing." He lifted the decanter and poured them a glass each. "To family."

"To family," Tristan echoed, "and to birthdays. Big ones."

"Yes, you don't need to go on about it," Siegfried said. "One day you too will be forty."

"Yes, and on that blessed day you will be…oh…almost sixty-two."

"Well…thank you for that. Age doesn't come itself I suppose." He wandered over towards the armchair then paused, staring at the dining table behind it. "Is that right?"

"Is what right?"

"The table. It's set for four."

"So?"

"Four people."

"And?"

"Well, there's only three of us. You, me and Mrs Hall." He turned to his brother. "You're not expecting anyone, are you?"

"Ah…well…" Tristan broke off as the doorbell chimed and relief flooded his face. "That would be the front door."

Siegfried's eyes narrowed. "What's going on?"

Tristan adopted a look of bewilderment. "I have no idea." The bell chimed again. "Don't you think you should perhaps answer it?"

"Tristan…"

"It would surely be rude to keep whoever it is waiting."

Perplexed, and slightly suspicious, Siegfried put his glass down on the table and ventured out of the sitting room and over to the front door. Opening it quickly, he suddenly froze as he came face to face with Lily, holding two packages. "I…Lily?"

"'appy birthday," she said, smiling at him. "I'm not late, am I?"

"Late?"

"Only, I 'ad a bit of trouble starting the van. Reckon it needs its engine looked at. I'm sure me father would have been 'appy to try and strip it down there and then but I told 'im I was in an 'urry." She paused as he made no move. All he could do was look at her. "Do I get to come in or…?"

"No, no of course!" he stepped back suddenly and held the door open. "Please, please come in!" She came up the steps and moved past him into the hallway, brushing gently against him as she did so. His body reacted instantly, and he felt a shiver of what he could only describe as desire, flutter through him. She was wearing some kind of scent, something floral, and he wasn't sure that he had ever smelled anything as wonderful before.

Turning back to face him, she hovered slightly, the packages still in her hands. "Are you all right?"

"What? Yes, I'm fine."

"It's just, you look a bit…"

"A bit what?"

"Well, surprised."

"I'm…" he broke off as Tristan came barrelling through from the sitting room, his face aglow with welcoming pleasure.

"Lily! How lovely to see you! So glad that you could make it! Let me take those from you…" he divested her of her wares and then turned to look at his brother. "Siegfried, perhaps you should help Lily with her coat."

"What? Oh, yes, of course…" he stepped towards her and waited whilst she unbuttoned it before helping her slide out of it and then hanging it on the peg. She was wearing a simple black dress, her hair softly curled on her shoulders and he found himself momentarily speechless. "I…"

"Lily!" Mrs Hall came out of the kitchen and pulled her into an embrace. "It's lovely to see you. 'ow are you?"

"I'm well, thank you Audrey, and you?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Dinner won't be too long. Why don't you head on through to the sitting room? I'm sure Lily could use a drink, Mr Farnon, don't you think?"

"Well, just a small one," she said. "I drove myself down and I want to be able to get 'ome again."

"Very sensible of you," Tristan nodded and then held up the packages. "You didn't come empty-handed then."

"No," she laughed, taking the top one from him and handing it to Mrs Hall. "This one's for later….and this one…" she retrieved the second one and turned back to Siegfried, "is for you."

He stared at it dumbly. "Uh…me?"

"Well yes, it is your birthday after all. It's not much but…I thought you might like it."

He held the package in his hands and turned it over, almost unsure as to whether he should open it or not. There was a short, uncomfortable silence until Tristan declared that the drinks wouldn't pour themselves and propelled Lily away into the sitting room, leaving him alone in the hallway. He could hear his brother chattering away like a budgie in the other room as he slowly unwrapped the gift to find a red, leather bound book entitled '"In My Opinion" being a Book of Dissertations on Horses and Horsemanship edited by W.E. Lyon.' He stared at it for a long moment, running his fingers over the cover and tracing the gold lettering, before slowly making his way into the sitting room where Tristan and Lily were standing together, laughing at some joke that he had obviously missed. They paused when he came in and Lily looked over at him hopefully.

"Lily, this is…" he fought for the right words. "It's very kind of you."

"Oh…well…" her face reddened slightly. "You said 'ow much you love 'orses and I wasn't really sure what I could get but…well…I were over in Wensleydale the other day with Dad and I saw it in a bookshop."

"It's wonderful, thank you. I look forward to reading it."

"What is it?" Tristan demanded, coming over and taking it from him. "Ah, well played Lily, well played! See Siegfried, Lily knows you better than I'm sure you know yourself." He grinned at them both knowingly.

"Lily, would you mind…" Siegfried turned to his brother. "Tristan, a word?"

"Oh, but…"

"Now!" Turning on his heel, he strode out of the sitting room and back into the hallway, Tristan trailing behind. "You didn't tell me she was coming!" he hissed.

"Aren't you pleased that she's here?"

"That…that isn't the point! You should have told me! You should have…"

"Why? What would you have said if I had told you? Would it have made any difference?"

"I…"

"Can't you just be pleased that she's here and that she went to all the trouble to buy you a lovely gift?"

"That isn't…I mean…of course I'm pleased and…and grateful. I just wish you had told me!" He ran his hand over his face, unsure how to begin to put into words how he was feeling at that moment and how much better prepared he might have been had he known in advance that she was to be there.

"If it's a problem, me being 'ere, then I can leave."

He spun around at the sound of her voice to find her standing behind them, her gaze flitting between them, her expression a mixture of confusion and embarrassment. "No, no…"

"I…uh…was under the impression that you knew I were coming." She looked at Tristan. "Obviously, I was mistaken. If you don't want me 'ere…"

"Heavens, no! Of course I want you here! I mean I…" he took a deep breath. "Yes, I want you here. I mean, I want you to stay. For dinner. Please."

"Dinner's ready!" Mrs Hall declared cheerfully, joining them in the hallway. Pausing, she looked between them. "Something wrong?"

"No, Mrs H, everything's fine," Tristan replied. "Isn't it, Siegfried?"

He looked at Lily again who, in turn, dropped her gaze to the floor. "Yes, of course. Everything's absolutely fine."

XXXX

There was no denying the slight awkwardness that hovered over the meal. Tristan did his best to maintain jovial conversation and Mrs Hall joined in at the appropriate moments, but Siegfried seemed altogether distracted and Lily couldn't help but surmise that it was due to her presence. Clearly, the invitation had been Tristan's idea, one that he hadn't shared with his brother, and she knew that she had unnerved him by being there. Perhaps it was because he was thinking about Evelyn and how she wasn't there to celebrate such a milestone with him. Perhaps her being there only highlighted that for him and caused him pain. Pain that she would never have wished to have been at the root of. In any event, she tried to partake of the conversation and could only hope that the evening wouldn't drag on too long.

"That was delicious," Tristan said, pushing his plate away. "I'm absolutely stuffed!"

"Well I 'ope you've got room for cake," Mrs Hall said, "especially as Lily went to so much bother to make it."

Siegfried looked up. "Cake?"

"Oh…well it was just something I threw together," Lily said. "It's nothing fancy, really."

"Nonsense, it looks lovely. 'ere…" Mrs Hall rose, moved over to the sideboard and opened the lid of the package laid there before lifting it and bringing it around to his end of the table. "There, doesn't that look nice?"

"Is it chocolate?" Siegfried asked, his gaze straying to her again.

"Yes, I was told it were your favourite," Lily eyed Tristan who merely smiled. "With lots of icing."

"That is my favourite, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Well…" Mrs Hall said in the silence that followed. "Perhaps we could all take a breather, I'll tidy up 'ere and then we can 'ave cake and coffee in the sitting room, 'ow does that sound?"

"That sounds marvellous!" Tristan exclaimed.

"Good, then perhaps you could 'elp me clear up."

"Who…me?"

"Yes, you," Mrs Hall said meaningfully.

"Yes! Yes, I can absolutely help you," Tristan leapt to his feet with renewed enthusiasm. "Not a problem at all, Mrs H. Happy to help." He flashed a smile at Lily and then started gathering plates before following the housekeeper out of the room, leaving her alone with Siegfried.

"Audrey really is a wonderful cook," she said, after a long moment of silence.

"Yes, she is. I'm sure you would have been equal to the task, however."

"Oh, I don't know. Me father eats what I make for 'im without complaint but I'm not sure 'e's any great judge." She placed her napkin carefully on the table. "I am sorry, if my coming 'ere took you by surprise."

"Please, don't think anything on it," he replied hurriedly. "I'm…I'm sorry for my reaction. I was, as you say, taken by surprise, that's all. Tristan…he didn't say you were coming and if…if I'd known…"

"You'd 'ave run for the 'ills?"

"No! No, of course not. I…I would have been better prepared, that's all. I…I would have thought more about what I wanted to say to you."

"You don't 'ave to say anything to me, Siegfried."

"Yes, yes I do. I've been thinking about it since…well, since we were at Hulton Hall last weekend and…and when you were leaving, I wanted to say…" he paused and took a deep breath. "This…this isn't easy, Lord only knows why it isn't…"

"Are you pair still sitting here?" Tristan declared, coming back into the room and picking up more crockery. "Really, Siegfried, the least you could do is offer Lily a comfortable chair. Please go back through to the sitting room, Lily. I have manners even if my brother doesn't."

Siegfried glowered at him. "Tristan!"

"What? Oh yes, yes I'm going…"

He disappeared again and Siegfried scraped back his chair. "Shall we?"

"Yes, thank you." She followed his lead and moved back into the sitting room, glancing at the bookcase as she did so. "I never did read any more of your books."

"Oh, well you're welcome to, of course," he said, coming to stand beside her. "I'm sure there must be some more interesting titles than The History of Veterinary Medicine."

"I enjoyed that one."

"Yes, of course you did. Well, you're welcome to borrow any one you choose. Well, except the one you just gave me, that is. I'm afraid I must insist on reading that one first."

"I wouldn't 'ave it any other way," she smiled at him. He smiled back and she felt her stomach turn over.

"Lily, I…" he moved closer to her and whilst part of her felt as though she should step back, another part of her didn't want to, wanted instead to be close to him, whatever he was going to tell her. "What I wanted to say…what I've been trying to say is…that you were right."

She frowned. "Right about what?"

"What you said about me, that night we had dinner in Helmsdale. About…about stifling myself."

"I shouldn't have…"

"No, as I say, you were right. When Evelyn died…I suppose a part of me died with her. And, ever since, I suspect that I've just been existing, rather than living, despite all the many things I've done. A part of me will, undoubtedly, always love her but…perhaps I've come to realise that loving her and…and possibly caring for…loving…someone else, need not be mutually exclusive."

Her breath caught in her throat at the magnitude of what he was saying. "Siegfried…"

"I don't know what I can offer you. I…worry perhaps not much and…and I fear hurting you in the process, more than I know I have done already. But…I would like to try…if you would let me." He moved closer to her again, so much so that they were almost pressed together, and she felt her heart start to race as his gaze held steady with her own. "I think about you so often, more often than perhaps I should and…when we were at Mrs Calvert's and then…the river…I…" he reached out and gently touched her hair. "And at Hulton Hall when you looked…so beautiful and I wanted to tell you…" He paused. "I'm…I'm sorry, perhaps…perhaps this isn't what you want to hear at all…"

"No…" she replied, hearing her voice tremble slightly over the words. "No, it's…it's nice to 'ear. I've thought about you too, but…but I don't want you to feel you 'ave to do anything you don't want to do just because of what I said. I don't 'ave a clue what it's like to…to lover someone and then lose them and I 'ave…great respect for 'ow much you still love Evelyn and…" She broke off as he gently cupped her face with his hand and his head lowered towards her own. "I…uh…"

"I'd very much like to kiss you," he murmured. "Again."

"I'd…well…I'd very much like you to kiss me," she heard herself reply, a buzzing noise starting in her ears. "Again."

"Right, who's for coffee!" Tristan bounded into the room and then stopped as they sprang apart. "Ah…I was interrupting something. I'll just go back…"

"No Tristan, it's fine," Siegfried replied quickly. "I'm sure Lily and I could use some coffee, don't you think?"

He turned to her again and she felt her insides slowly start to melt under the warmth of his gaze, at what she could only describe as the promise that it held. "Yes, coffee would be lovely, thank you."

"Splendid. Milk? Sugar?"

"Just some milk, please."

"Siegfried?"

"Oh…ah…black, thank you."

"Black? You never drink black coffee."

"Well I do tonight!" he replied urgently.

"Suit yourself. Mrs Hall's going to bring the cake through. There's even candles to blow out, Siegfried, aren't you a lucky boy?"

"Yes, yes I think I am." Tristan bounded out of the room again and he turned back to look at her, moving closer to her again. "Can we just…get through this evening and then, tomorrow…I could come and see you tomorrow. Or we could meet somewhere…anywhere…your choice."

"Yes," she replied, unable to stop a smile spreading across her face. "Yes, that sounds like the best idea all round."

XXXX

It almost seemed like something quite devoid of reality. Mrs Hall had arrived through with the cake on a plate, blazing with candles, they had sung Happy Birthday and he had blown them out like a child before cutting into the chocolate icing with a large knife and passing around slices for everyone. Everyone had complimented Lily on how delicious the cake was, and she had blushed with modest gratitude which only made him desire her even more than he already did. The conversation had been jolly and flowed easily, yet he found he couldn't tear his gaze away from her. It was as though, if he looked away, she would vanish or somehow change her mind over her feelings towards him. Had Tristan not elected to come into the room at the precise moment that he had, he knew he would have kissed her, and kissed her fiercely, for his body had been protesting wildly at his restraint and, if he was being honest, still was.

The time seemed to fly by and, before he knew it, Lily was rising from her chair and saying that she really had to be getting home.

"I'll walk you to the van," Siegfried said, jumping to his feet. "Unless you'd prefer I gave you a lift home?"

"I'm fine to drive, thank you," she replied. "Assuming the blooming thing starts, that is."

"All the more reason for me to accompany you then."

"I don't think my brother knows much about engines," Tristan commented, then shrank under his look. "But I'm sure he'd be willing to give it a try, if needs be."

Lily graciously thanked them for having her and then he walked her to the front door, retrieving her coat for her and helping her to slip it on, enjoying the slight contact the action brought. Then, they were finally outside and alone.

"Where did you park?" he asked, glancing around for sight of the van.

"Around the corner," she gestured, and he caught her hand in his as they started to walk up the lane to the nearby street. To his relief, she didn't protest at his touch and once they were around the corner, he found himself abandoning all caution, sliding his arm around her waist and pulling her round into him, causing her to gasp.

"I'm sorry. It's just…" he broke off, unsure how to say what he was really feeling, yet enjoying immensely the sensation of her body against his own.

"You don't 'ave to apologise. At least we're alone out 'ere."

"Yes, that is an advantage," he agreed before lowering his mouth to hers and kissing her. She responded instantly, much as she had done that night in Helmsdale, and yet this time…this time…he didn't feel the pressing weight of guilt, of betrayal. This time, it felt right, natural and the culmination of feelings long suppressed. He didn't want it to stop and he gripped her tightly, perhaps too much so. "Oh Lily…" he breathed when they broke apart, pressing his forehead gently against hers. "You've no idea how many times I've thought about this, about you…"

"I've got a fair idea. Must be as many times as I've thought about you." Reaching up, she stroked his face gently, her fingers brushing over the stubble of his beard, before pulling him down to her again, her mouth eagerly accepting his. He suddenly found his hands in her hair, pulling the strands tightly between his fingers. "Do you still want to meet tomorrow?" she asked breathlessly when they broke apart again.

"Yes, where?"

"Weather's still nice. We could go up the 'ills again after church. I could meet you at the edge of our land." Her tone was light, but he could tell there was an underlying meaning to her suggestion.

"You don't want your father to know that you're seeing me?"

She held his gaze for a moment then sighed and looked down. "I just…"

"You don't have to explain," he said hurriedly. "And he doesn't have to know, not just now, not if you don't want him to." Putting his fingers underneath her chin, he gently tipped her head back so that she was forced to look at him again. "Whatever you want, I'll do. Anything."

Her eyes misted over with tears and her face crumpled, "Siegfried…" she pressed herself against him again, burying her face in his shoulder, her body trembling and he held her tightly feeling….so many things that he had truly thought he would never feel again, could never feel again. "I should go," she sniffed, pulling back from him.

"Forgive me for saying I wish you didn't have to."

"I wish I didn't have to either, but I do."

"I suppose we should make sure this blasted van starts."

"Yes, of course…" she broke away from him and opened the driver's door, climbed inside and pushed the key into the ignition. She turned it once and the engine roared to life, then coughed and spluttered into silence. The second time, the same thing happened, and she grimaced as she turned it for a third time. "Third times the charm." This time the engine roared and kept on roaring.

"Are you sure you'll make it home all right?" he asked, suddenly concerned lest she break down halfway back to Windy Hill. "I could come with you and walk back."

She smiled at him. "Don't be daft, I'll be fine. I'll see you at church tomorrow and then…two o'clock? At the style at the bottom of the hill?"

"I know the one. I'll be there," he promised, before leaning into the van and kissing her again. "Goodnight Lily."

"Goodnight Siegfried. Sweet dreams." She closed over the door and slowly pulled away from the kerb, raising her hand in farewell as she did so.

"Sweet dreams," he echoed, as the lights from the van disappeared around the corner. "As if they could be anything but."