Starting Over: Getting her Alone

by tarskeewee08

(John's POV)

"Nora, I tell you I am fine girl.."

Stopping in my tracks I hear her voice. I was walking through Angel Square to the diner to get some lunch on my first day back to work and heard her voice coming through the hedges. Standing with my hands in my pockets I freeze to listen again.

"Yes it's been hard connecting with Phil lately and god I hate I told you about that problem I had being intimate with him yesterday. You won't let it drop. But after yesterdays session I have a better perspective on my heart now. John is my past there is no future for us. I am completely committed to Phil."

I sigh deeply hearing her talk of me as if we didn't matter. I hated the topic of Natalie. It gave her an excuse to run from us. I was wrong for bringing Natalie into our lives but I'm different now. When will that matter?

"No…It's a cool autumn day I'll sit out here in the square and go over my case files. I just wanted to get out of the office. How about we do brunch Sunday after church?"

Hearing her ending the call I force my legs to move and head to her. I see her sitting on a bench in a gray suit. Her hair scooped behind one delicate ear and her diamond stud sparkling in the sun. The other long tresses of her hair have fallen into her face as she writes into her leather bound folder. Putting my hands in my pockets I walk over to her casually.

"Hey what are you doing here?" I ask smiling at her.
She looks up at me with those doe like eyes and her smile warms my heart on this cool day. "I'm just stretching my legs before court."

I step up and sit next to her. "Isn't it a little cool to be sitting out here?"
She laughs that charming laugh of hers "We're warm blooded animals we should be able to handle it."

"True….true"

"So what are you doing here? Isn't today your first day back at work?" she asks noticing what she used to call my detective suit, my navy dress pants and suit jacket. I remember when she went shopping for me and bought me a gray suit. I stuck it in the back of my closet and refuse to wear it.

I smile and look at the lady in the park with the toddler that's running ahead of her on wobbly legs. "Yes this is just a lunch break."

She smiles and looks at the child. I see her staring and wonder what she would be like as a mother. "Do you want kids Van?" I ask genuinely curious.

She looks at me surprised. "Where did that come from?"
I point at the baby. "I see the way you look at them. I saw the way you used to be with Jamie."
She blushes "My life is to hectic for children"
"But someday do you want kids?"
She looks at me and frowns. "I don't know John can we drop it."
"Sorry I didn't mean to aggravate you."
She softens and smiles again. "No problem."
"Hey why don't you join me for drinks after work today? Since we don't have a session we can just do an impromptu rap session between us."

She shakes her head. "No I have to prepare dinner for Phil tonight."
I grind my teeth at her mention of him and then roll my eyes. She catches me and laughs lightly "You don't like Phil do you?"
I chuckle "What gave it away?"

She puts her folder back into her briefcase. "The eye roll was pretty obvious."
"Well I like that he makes you happy. Does he make you happy?"
"Extremely." she said grinning at me.

I thought about her inability to be intimate with him and move in closer. "You sure? I mean does he touch those familiar spots that I knew, and could make you purr." I say running my finger over her finger that rested on her knee.

She looks at me confused and moves her hand "Why do you have to always take it there?"

I look at her surprised "There? What do you mean take it there?"
"The flirts, touches and the hints of eroticism, why do you go there?"
"I miss you that's why. I want to be near you again."

"But John I'm with someone and you said you respect that. Yet every chance you get you make moves on me and I'm finding it insulting."

I look into her face and know she's lying. "That's a lie. You find them tempting and that's why you're aggravated. You're scared to be alone with me. You're scared of what would happen if you let your guard down."

"I don't have time for this." she says turning to leave. I grab her arm preventing her from rising and walking away. "Wait….I'm sorry please."

She stops and looks at me. The wind stirs and her hair blows from her shoulder. I look at the soft copper lipgloss on her lips and honey gold colored eyes shadow framing her eyes, reminding me how captivating she is. Looking into her face I'm reminded of her extreme beauty and my extreme loss in not having her. "Don't push so hard Van, what's the worst that could happen if you give into me?"

She shakes her head "Are you serious?"
"Yes"
"The worse thing would be a wonderful man could be hurt. He trusts me John and I'm committed to him. I would never betray him because I'm weakened by these desires we share."

"So you admit you share them."
"Of course I admit it, but I also know that you haven't changed. Not really. You're honest and open yes, but you are still selfish and want what you want at all cost."

Her words wound me. She's right. I want her at all cost. "Van, I spent a year and a half banging my head against a wall because I lost you. I can't fight it baby. I want a fresh start."

"Well you can't have one John, I'm not available!" she said angrily.
"I know Van, I really do get that and if I believed that you could have the passion and love with him that we share then I would let you go."

She rises snatching her arm away. "That's not your call and for the record Phil is very passionate. But passion is not what sustains us, its our mutual respect and commitment to what we share. I respect him too much to give into you. I won't do it!" she snaps storming off."

I watch her walking away hair blowing in the wind. The tailored suit she's wearing carving out the curves that are burned into my memory. Slouching on the bench I close my eyes and shake my head. The only way I can have her is if he lets her go. He'll never do that, so what the hell am I going to do? Therapy won't be enough; she takes the ugly truth of our past and uses it as a way to keep me from her.

Opening my eyes I look at the toddler again now jumping and skipping around the fountain. I imagine what it would be like to have a family with her. What type of mother she would be. What type of father I would make. Somehow I would have to reach her. Somehow I will succeed.

Rising I put my hands in my pocket and go the diner.

The Station

"Lt. McBain…"
I look up and see Officer Cleveland. Nodding I wave him into my office. "Come in Cleveland."

He walks in and smiles faintly. "I need your help."
I look at him confused. "Okay…what seems to be the problem?"
"I collared a man today for beating his pregnant girlfriend in Wal-Mart. I think my temper got the best of me and I got a little rough."

I look at Cleveland and frown. He's a gentle giant and rarely raises his voice. If things got out of hand the perp deserved it. "How bad?"

"He's banged up and demanding my superiors. Before his attorney gets here I was wondering if you could talk to him. I really don't want to take a hit on this one. It wasn't my intention to hurt him."

I nod and rise from my desk. "Where is he?"
"He's in lock up on level D" He said embarrassed.

I smile at the officer and walk over patting him on the back. "Let me take care of it. Meet me back in here in an hour or two okay."

He nods and walks out. Heading down the corridor to the back freight elevator I barely pay attention to the people I pass. My mind drifts to Evangeline and our conversation in the park. Seeing the elevator about to close I yell for the person to wait. The doors reopen and I see her standing there with her briefcase.

Walking into the elevator. I look at her surprised. "What are you doing here?"
She smiles lightly "Client"

The elevator jerks shakes and stops. I press the buttons and no movement. Hitting the red alarm button it buzzes. She looks at me suspiciously. I smile "I swear Van I have nothing to do with this."

She rolls he eyes and goes to the little iron box in the wall under the elevator buttons and opens it. She presses the button and no ones comes through the speaker. Frowning she presses frantically.

I look at her and see her desperation "Look like some kind of fuse or something may have blown. It happens in this elevator. They will come to us soon."

Looking at her watch she frowns still not acknowledging me. She retrieves her cell phone. I lean against the elevator wall with my hand in my pockets watching her. She tries to get a signal and can't. Tossing it back in her purse she looks at me expectantly.

"What do you want me to do Van we're stuck."
"John try your cell please." She says folding her arms.

I smile and pull mine loose getting no bars either, I turn the phone to face her so she knows I'm not lying. I can't believe my luck. This must be fate. This is my chance to have her to myself.

As if she reads my mind she goes back and presses the button again. Pressing multiple buttons I shake my head and wait until she is calm.

"Is it that terrifying being trapped with me?"
She looks at me and blinks surprised. "What?"
"The way you're acting…it's almost like you're desperate."

She stands up straight and glares at me. "You find this funny don't you? I still think you had to have planned it."

"How would I know you were coming here on my first day of work and that you would be riding the elevator at 2:45pm?"

She smiles "You make me sick McBain"

I laugh too and come up off the elevator wall. Taking a step to her my smile fades as well as hers.

"But I am glad too have you alone Van. Just me and you" I say getting in her space.

She looks at me and I see her fear tempered by desire. She wouldn't escape me this time and I planned to make use of every minute that she was mine.