8 May 1932

"I wish you didn't 'ave to go," Lily said, burying her face in his chest and trying to push back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her. "I wish you could stay longer."

"I know my darling," Siegfried replied, holding her to him. "A week seems so long when one thinks of it but, in reality, it is anything but. I wish I could stay longer too, but I'm needed back at the practice."

She closed her eyes, wishing that the very action could banish his leaving altogether. "Being with you like I 'ave been this last week 'as been…everything…"

"I know," he tightened his grip around her. "But you're getting stronger every day and I foresee that it shan't be long before the doctors here are ready for you to leave and come home."

She stiffened slightly at the word.

Home. Darrowby.

Her mind still felt so terribly confused about what she wanted. Spending time with him, laughing with him, kissing him, making love with him had confirmed for her that he was the one person that she wanted to spend her life with, that she wanted to be Mrs Farnon above all other things. But whether she felt she could adequately carry out that role in the village of her birth was another matter. There were times when she felt sure that all would be well, that there was no reason to fear the looks and comments of any person there, but there were other times when she could envisage them looking at her, whispering about her, feeling as though she had gotten her comeuppance.

"I'll miss you so much," she raised her head to meet his gaze, his face blurred in her vision by tears.

"I'll miss you too," he kissed her gently. "But I promise you that all will be well." Glancing at the clock hanging high above them, his expression grew grim. "My train will be departing shortly."

"I'll wait on the platform with you."

"Perhaps we should say goodbye here."

"Why?" she frowned.

"Because it will be so much harder to actually get on the train if you're there with me. I fear I shall either not get on at all, or spirit you onto it with me."

She laughed and tightened her grip around his waist. "Both options sound pretty good to me."

His expression grew serious as he looked down into her face. "I want you to be happy, my darling. That's all I've ever wanted. And…I've listened to everything you've said this week, please don't think that I haven't." He paused. "There is much to consider."

"Yes," she whispered, "there is." He lowered his mouth to hers again and she fell into the familiarity of his kiss, his whole being, relaxing into the calmness that he exuded in her, feeling the cold chill of separation as they moved apart. "Please let me come to the platform."

"If you insist," he replied indulgently, allowing her to loop her arm through his and turning to where the train was waiting. Having him with her the past week appeared to have done her healing the world of good. The pain was so much less and her movements so much more. It was as though he had awakened every part of her, forcing her to fight against that which would seek to hold her down. She only hoped that she wouldn't lose all that progress in the wake of his departure, even if her time at Ashworth House was drawing to a close. "You'll be able to find your way back?" he asked, as they paused in front of the train.

"Of course," she replied. "It's a straight road and not far. They wouldn't 'ave let me come if they didn't think I'd be all right."

"No, I suppose not." He let out a long breath. "To think I've known you barely more than a year and yet…I can't remember life before you."

Her eyes welled up with tears again. "Nor I life before you." It wasn't strictly true. She hadn't forgotten the years of solitude up at Windy Hill, convinced that she would never know what it was like to love or be loved, but those memories had receded so much in the past few weeks and months that, sometimes, it was like looking back on someone else's life, rather than her own.

"I still see you in my mind's eye, climbing into that horsebox on the river," he recounted affectionately.

"And I still see you, disrobing yourself in front me in Mrs Calvert's cow shed," she smiled.

"I think you were rather shocked."

"I was. Funny to think back now, given everything else we've shared." She pressed herself closer to him, the memory of their time in the hotel so vividly fresh.

He kissed her again and then hurriedly pulled back as the train guard let out a long whistle. "I must go." Lifting his bag from the ground, he opened the nearest carriage door and stepped onto the train, leaning back out of the window to pull her into one last kiss. "I love you, Lily Bailey."

"I love you too, Siegfried Farnon." Anything further she might have wanted to say was drowned out by a second whistle and the sudden chugging of the train as it built up to pulling out of the station. "Take care of yourself."

"And you, my darling."

She held onto his hand as the train started to move, slowly at first and then picking up speed and she found herself reluctant to let go, only forced to when its speed grew too great. She stood watching and waving as he grew smaller in the distance and then disappeared entirely from view leaving her staring into the horizon. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, only jolted back into the moment by a sudden gust of wind that blew against her, causing her to shiver and realise that she couldn't stand forever on an empty station platform.

Every step back to Ashworth House made her feel miserable. Having had him there, only for him to leave again, was crushing and, for a moment, she wondered if it might have been better not to see him at all. But then all the wonderful memories of the past week came back to her, and she found herself smiling as she trod the path back to the unit. He brought so much to her life and that wasn't to be dismissed lightly.

XXXX

The journey back to Darrowby was so different from the journey to Bexley. A week earlier he had been almost unable to contain his excitement at the thought of seeing her and now, he felt a definite sense of melancholy settle over him as the train slowly headed north. The time apart had become something of second nature but now, having seen her, not to mention been to bed with her, being apart again felt so terribly different. He barely saw any of the scenery, so immersed was he in his own thoughts. To say she had shocked him with the suggestion that they set up home somewhere other than Darrowby was an understatement and he found himself considering all the alternative possibilities. By the time he had changed trains and was drawing closer to home, he found himself almost as confused as he could imagine she was.

"It's lovely to 'ave you back," Mrs Hall greeted him when he walked back through the door at Skeldale House. "Seems like longer than a week since you've been away."

"Yes indeed," he mused, taking in the surroundings of the house that had so quickly become home. "All has been well, I take it?"

"Nothing has 'appened that wasn't able to be 'andled," she replied, taking his coat from him. "Come away in, supper's just about ready."

Over a feast of chicken and vegetables, he recounted his stay with Lily to her, only leaving out those most intimate parts, and found himself rather grateful for the opportunity to talk to another person about Lily's suggestion.

"She said what?" Mrs Hall looked at him with surprise as they finished their pudding.

"That she wasn't sure she could come back to Darrowby. That it might be better if we started afresh together somewhere new."

"Oh…and what did you say?"

"What could I say?" he twisted his spoon between his fingers. "Other than that I would consider it."

"But why on earth wouldn't she want to come back 'ere?"

"She believes people will talk about her, make comment about how she deserved what happened to her."

"Well, that's just nonsense! Folk round 'ere 'ave known Lily all 'er life and I can't imagine any of them speaking ill of 'er."

"Nor can I, but it's what she fears." He shook his head. "I feel I'm to blame for encouraging her to take an interest in veterinary medicine, in pushing her to help me here, in believing that we could, someday, work together."

"There's nothing wrong with that," she said firmly. "Lily's a very capable girl and you know she did well 'elping you out. Besides, even though it did lead to 'er accident, she did the right thing for George Sharp's sheep, didn't she?"

"Yes, she did."

"Well then. Why would anyone 'ere think ill of 'er for trying to make something of 'erself and for finding love and 'appiness in the process? I don't understand that thinking at all."

"Neither do I, but I can't ignore her feelings."

She paused and looked at him. "And are you considering it? Moving somewhere else?"

"I'm considering it."

"Mr Farnon, forgive me for saying this, but I think it would be a very bad idea. You've established yourself well over this last year or so and leaving everything now would simply be giving in to a ridiculous notion that Lily's got in 'er 'ead. 'ow could either of you be sure that you'd be 'appier elsewhere? And what about Tristan?"

"Tristan's all the man he'll ever be," he mused. "He could come with us or decide to go his own way."

"'e's still young. 'e needs your guidance, and 'e's 'ad a lot of upheaval too, don't forget."

"I haven't," he looked at her. "But I want Lily to be happy, above all else. Lord knows she deserves it."

Mrs Hall didn't say anything further on the matter and he rose from the table and made his way into the sitting room, accepting the coffee that she brought and staring into the empty fireplace. The life he had made for himself in Darrowby was the one he had always hoped for and yet, so much of that was wrapped up in his association with Lily. If she weren't there, would that life be worth continuing? Mrs Hall joined him, engrossing herself in her sewing, but he could see her casting glances in his direction every so often, as though expecting him to suddenly proclaim that he had come to some sort of decision. The ringing of the telephone and the news that Dick Rudd was having trouble with a cow again, came as something of a welcome distraction and as he drove the road to the farm, he tried to push all notions of the future from his mind.

"'ow were your 'oliday?" he asked as Siegfried looked over the beast.

"Very pleasant, thank you."

"And 'ow's Lily?"

"She's well."

"Due to come 'ome soon?"

"Yes, I should think so."

"Well, that is good news. Not right for a lass like that to be so far away from 'ome in 'er condition." Dick paused. "You'll be getting set to wed then."

He felt himself pause momentarily. "Yes, indeed."

"That'll be a grand day, as it were meant to be."

"Yes…" he looked over the hindquarters of the beast at the other man and took a breath, "Dick…"

"Yes?"

"I…umm…" he paused again, wondering if what he might say would be considered disloyal to Lily and yet, conscious of the fact that these people were the very people whose opinions she appeared to fear the most. "I wonder…how you view Lily."

Dick frowned, "View 'er?"

"Yes, I mean you've obviously known her a long time…"

"'er whole life."

"Yes…I suppose I just wondered…well…what you thought about…her and I and…well…the fact that she helped me out on occasions before her accident."

"I reckon the two of you make a lovely pair," Dick replied beaming. "Can't say I'm as sure about her being some kind of vet though."

"How do you mean?"

"Well…you 'ad to go to university and all that to qualify, didn't you?"

"Yes…"

"And your brother's doing the same."

"Well…"

"I mean…'ow can you be a vet if you don't 'ave the schooling for it?" Dick frowned. "Oh, I know she did right by George's sheep that night but…what if something had gone badly wrong?"

He paused, wanting to reply that something had gone badly wrong in that Lily had almost lost her life by helping George's sheep, but choosing to keep his counsel instead. "But you've seen her here with me. She diagnosed the milk fever in your other cow last year."

"Aye, with you by 'er side."

"So then…you don't think…"

"Mr Farnon," Dick clapped the hindquarters of the cow. "Lily will make you a lovely wife, of that I'm sure given 'ow well she's looked after 'er father all these years, and no doubt bear you a brood to be proud of. She'll be a good 'elp to Mrs Hall too, having run the farmhouse, but…well…I suppose there are just some things that are a man's job."

Dick turned away and Siegfried found himself feeling rather taken aback at the revelation. People who had, in the past, appeared supportive now appeared to be distancing themselves from the notion of Lily being able to pursue life as a vet. Was he really the only person who considered it to be a noble profession for a woman? Were his thoughts of them working together really quite so alien?

As he drove back towards home, he couldn't help but wonder if Lily had been right all along.

16 May

"Well now, you appear to be doing marvellously!"

Lily felt herself blush at the compliment whilst secretly thinking it was well deserved. She had continued to work hard on her mobility since she had been with Siegfried and could almost feel her body returning to normal in the process. There were still fleeting moments of pain, but nothing compared to what there had been before, and for that she was grateful.

"In fact, I see no reason why you shouldn't return home."

The doctor's words made her freeze suddenly, a feeling of hopeful expectation suddenly meeting that of reality. "'ome?"

"Yes."

"But…I've only been 'ere such a short time…"

"And, as I said, have done remarkably well in that time. I've seen patients take far longer than you to recover. I believe it's testament to your positive attitude."

"Well, that's…that's such good news…"

He peered at her somewhat curiously. "You seem less enthusiastic than I had presumed you would be."

"It's not that I'm not 'appy about leaving, or about feeling better…I suppose it's just a bit daunting."

"Of course," he nodded. "I can understand that. Returning home after all that has happened, not to mention the three different hospitals you've been in, can't go unrecognised. But I think you should look at this as a momentary blip in your life, Lily. There is still so much ahead of you. I want to progress your discharge as soon as possible, likely by the end of the week. Does that suit you?"

There was nothing she could do or say other than nod her agreement and it was only when left alone again that her thoughts wandered to all that she and Siegfried had discussed. It would be a short return to Windy Hill and then…marriage…Skeldale House…Mrs Farnon….it thrilled and scared her in equal measure, and she still couldn't shake the idea of how everyone back in Darrowby might perceive her.

"It's lovely to 'ear your voice," Mrs Hall greeted her warmly when she called. "Mr Farnon's just in surgery at the moment – poor Donald, Mrs Norris's cat got hit by a truck yesterday – but I could 'ave 'im ring you back."

"It's…um…well, I suppose so."

"Good news, is it?"

"The doctor says I can leave…says I can come 'ome."

"Oh, that is good news!" Mrs Hall exclaimed. "'ow wonderful! Mr Farnon will be over the moon, I can tell you that, as will everyone be. It'll be so nice to 'ave you back 'ere where you belong, Lily, and soon to be wed."

She felt herself pause over the other woman's choice of words and tone; the overexuberance and the mention of others. Having someone to confide in was a good thing and she suddenly wondered what Siegfried might have told the housekeeper about her own thoughts. Although she had confided in Mrs Hall herself on occasion about many things, it felt somewhat wrong for him to have spoken to her about something like this.

"What did 'e say to you?"

"Who?"

"Siegfried."

"When he came back, you mean? 'e said what a lovely time you'd 'ad together and that you were doing well…"

"'e told you I'd said I wasn't sure I wanted to come back to Darrowby." Mrs Hall was momentarily silent. "Didn't 'e?"

"'e…umm…well…"

"That's our business Audrey, mine and 'is, not anybody else's!"

"Lily, I mean no disrespect, of course I don't. Mr Farnon was just a little all at sea about what you 'ad said to 'im and I think 'e just needed someone to talk to about it, someone impartial, if you like."

She bit back her anger, filled with sudden curiosity. "And what did you tell 'im?"

"Well…I said that it was perhaps a bit sudden and that you'd 'ave to think about it but…oh…'ere's Mr Farnon now…" Before she could say anything in response, she heard the muffled sound of the receiver being passed between them and then the sound of his voice.

"Lily?"

"I were calling to tell you that the doctor 'as said I can go 'ome."

"That's wonderful news!" he said excitedly. "And far sooner than I had expected to hear it! You must be thrilled; I know I am!"

"Yes."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She took a breath. "You told Mrs Hall what I 'ad said about not wanting to come 'ome."

He paused and she could almost see the flash of guilt crossing his face. "Ah…yes, I might have mentioned it…"

"Why? I thought it was between us."

"It is…"

"Did you tell 'er everything else about our visit too? Did you tell 'er all the things we did with one another?" She knew she was being ridiculous and yet, somehow, it seemed important to iron all these points out before moving forwards.

"No, of course not…"

"If I'm going to be your wife, Siegfried, then I'm your confidante and you're mine, nobody else. I know you've lived there with 'er on your own but…"

"I understand."

"Do you?"

"Yes. I'm sorry if you feel I've spoken out of turn, but I did so want to hear another person's opinion on what you had said, if only to try and make sense of it all in my own head."

"So, what did she say?"

He paused for an infinitesimal moment before replying. "That it would be our decision, of course, but that she couldn't imagine anyone in Darrowby thinking or speaking ill of you and…and neither can I."

His words made some sort of sense and yet still, at the back of her mind, was the ever present feeling that going home, back to Darrowby, would be a mistake. But yet, in truth, despite all that she had said, where else could they realistically go? And even if he did agree to start afresh somewhere new with her, they could hardly arrange it all by the end of the week. One way or another, she was going to have to face the fears plaguing her. "Maybe you're right."

"Of course I'm right," he replied. "And I guarantee you'll be wondering what on earth possessed you to feel so unsure once you're back here. Did you say the end of this week?"

"That's when they're planning to discharge me, yes."

"Right, I shall take the train and meet you…"

"No," she replied hurriedly. "No, I'd rather make the journey on my own."

"But why, for heaven's sake? Let me come and bring you back with me."

"I want to do it alone."

"Lily…"

"Siegfried, please…I 'ave to do it this way." She knew that if he were to come, if he were to physically accompany her home then there would be no way she could do anything other than go home. But, if she was on her own, free to make her own choices, then whether she made her connections and eventually stepped off the train at Darrowby would be down to her and her alone.

"All right," he said finally, though she could tell by his tone it wasn't what he wanted. "As long as you let me know when to expect you. I want to be at the station for you as, I'm sure, will your father."

"Yes, of course," she replied, suddenly aware that, in all of this, she had forgotten about her father. What would his reaction be if she told him that she didn't want to come home, wanted to move far away from her birthplace and all the memories of the past? Would he encourage her to go or expect her to stay? Prior to her accident she would have been sure it would have been the latter but now, who knew?

Hanging up the phone, she stared at the receiver for a long moment and then made her way back to her room, lifting out the letters that she had received and re-reading them, immersing herself in the words of the man she loved and who loved her.

Everything would be fine. One way or another, everything would be fine.