The new series last night prompted me to update! Apologies for the unforgivable delay!
21 May 1932
"Mrs Hall…Mrs Hall!"
"What on earth is all the shouting about?" Mrs Hall replied, emerging from the kitchen to find him standing by the mirror in the hallway frantically rubbing at a stain on his suit jacket. "What on earth's 'appened 'ere?"
"Ink!" he said, turning to look at her with wild eyes. "I've somehow managed to spill ink all over myself and Mr Bailey will be here in ten minutes!"
"Give us it 'ere," she said as he frantically disrobed. "I doubt very much that Lily is going to mind one way or the other whether you 'ave ink on your suit jacket or not."
"I know what you women are like," he replied, following her into the kitchen. "Eyes everywhere. I'm not having her think that I haven't made an effort for her return."
"Well one suit's as good as another. Go and change if it's affecting you that badly." She leaned over the sink and rubbed at the stain with what looked to him like a bar of soap. "The chances of me getting this out in the next ten minutes are slim to none."
"Oh bother!" he exclaimed, turning and hurrying up the stairs to his room. Pulling off his trousers he threw open the wardrobe door to select another suit, cursing his own ineptitude. He should never have bothered trying to sign those bills. Then it would never have happened. And whilst one suit may well have been as good as another, it was that particular suit that he had wanted to wear for Lily's return. Picking out another, he hurriedly redressed, pausing only to look at himself in the mirror once more.
Her train was due to arrive in Darrowby on the hour, having left Bexley some hours earlier. He had spoken to her the previous evening and, so far, had every confidence that she would emerge from the carriage tired but happy to be home again. The fact that Tom was also coming to the station to greet her wasn't entirely how he would have wished it, but then he was her father after all. The plan for the afternoon was to return to Skeldale House for light refreshments before she and Tom returned to Windy Hill, allowing her to get reacquainted with familiar surroundings and rest. He certainly wasn't foolhardy enough to think that she wouldn't need it.
As he made his way back downstairs, he couldn't help but hope fervently that any notion she had had of them living somewhere other than Darrowby had been dispelled. He had given it considerable thought, as he had promised her he would, but every time he considered it, all he could see were disadvantages and whilst he wanted to do whatever he could to make her happy, he couldn't shake the fact that, moving away from that which had he made his own, was just something he didn't want to do.
"See, you look just as 'andsome in that suit as in any other," Mrs Hall greeted him in the hallway.
"Yes, if you say so."
"I do say so." A horn honked outside. "I suppose that'll be Tom." She opened the front door and raised her hand in greeting to where Lily's father was sat in the van. "I'll look forward to seeing her when you get back."
"Yes, of course." Lifting the flowers he had purchased earlier, he made his way down the steps and climbed into the van beside the older man. "Mr Bailey."
"Mr Farnon," Tom replied, pulling away from the kerb. "I 'ope the train's running on time."
"I can't see any reason why it shouldn't."
"Long as it's got our lass on it, I suppose nothing else matters."
He paused and looked over at the other man, at the all-encompassing way that he referenced Lily as 'our lass', at the fact that, in Tom's way, he was agreeing that they were a family of sorts. "Did you speak to her last night?"
"Aye, she rang."
"How did she sound?"
"Quiet, though she never 'as been one for over-excitement. And she's been through a terrible ordeal."
"Yes, of course." He looked out of the window as the scenery sped by on the way to the station, mindful of the fact that as much as he wished things to return to how they had been before the accident, they most likely never could be exactly as they once were.
"You spoken to the Reverend?"
"Not yet. I thought I'd wait and see how Lily fared when she returned home before settling on a date."
". Lily's mother and I wed in June. June's a nice month for a wedding."
"Yes, yes it is." He paused. "Has Lily said anything to you specifically about returning home?"
Tom glanced over at him, "' ow do you mean?"
"Well, I just meant…" he paused again, mindful of how irritated Lily had been at his discussing their conversation with Mrs Hall and reasoning she might feel equally betrayed at him seeking her father's counsel. "Nothing, nothing at all really. I just wondered."
"She hasn't said much about it. But she'll be fine, once she's back amongst familiar surroundings and friendly faces."
"Yes, indeed." Tom pulled up at the station and he climbed out of the van, straightening his jacket as he did so, and making his way towards the platform. Glancing at his watch, he saw that the train was due in less than five minutes and his stomach started to churn. What if when she disembarked, Lily realised that she couldn't stay, didn't want to stay? What if her resolve had only increased in the space of the last few days? How would he cope if she were to give him an ultimatum about the future?
"Afternoon Mr Farnon," George the stationmaster greeted them. "Mr Bailey."
"Afternoon George. Train on time today?"
"Yes, no problems at all." George grinned. "Expecting Lily back today I gather?"
"Yes, looking forward to seeing her."
"I bet," George winked and then shot them both a knowing look before making his way back towards the office.
"Dirty-minded simpleton," Tom said quietly. "Nowt else to think about except the most basic of behaviour."
"Quite," he replied, his mind suddenly wandering to places it had no business wandering to in the presence of Lily's father. The casual freedom of Bexley was gone and if there was to be any opportunity for them to indulge in their passion for one another out with the confines of wedlock, they would have to be creative.
In the distance, he heard the distinctive whistle of the train and steeled himself for its imminent arrival.
XXXX
She barely saw any of the scenery. Her eyes looked at it, but her brain didn't make anything of it. She could have been looking at anything and would have been unable to describe it in any way. Getting on the train in Bexley had been fine, but when it had come for her to change to the Darrowby line, she had felt a sudden overwhelming feeling of fear. This would be it. Once she got on the train, she wouldn't be able to get off again. She would have to travel all the way home and meet whatever was waiting there for her. Superficially, Siegfried and her father, but also so much more…
It had taken the guard shouting at her as to whether she intended boarded that had made up her mind and, with a deep breath, she had stepped inside the carriage and found a seat. Her heart pounded the entire journey, to the point where she felt as though she could barely breathe. Subconsciously, she had felt home grow closer with every passing mile and, in a way, it almost made her feel worse. All sorts of people were in the carriage around her. Men and women on their own, in couples and in families. She watched one particular doting couple with their chubby baby girl who grinned and laughed and made her feel every longing she had ever felt to be a mother. That was what she wanted for herself and Siegfried; a family. And yet, she couldn't help recalling the doctor's words that she would likely never bear children, would never know what it was like to have a small version of herself smile back at her. The pain of that loss hurt almost more than any physical wounds from the accident ever could.
And yet, Siegfried was willing to accept that, willing to accept her in whatever state she was in, willing to give up on the notion of children. She was enough for him. For that alone, she knew she should be grateful.
"Next stop, Darrowby! Darrowby, next stop!"
The guard's voice boomed through the carriage, and she felt her stomach twist into a knot again as the train started to slow. In a few moments she would be home, back with the people she loved most to the life she had always wanted. She knew that she needed to show gratitude for being there, needed to show Siegfried that she had missed him and that being by his side was all she wanted. Much as it was true, it somehow still felt like something of an act.
Rising to her feet, she collected her suitcase from where she had stowed it and moved towards the carriage door. She was stiff from sitting still, hampered by the lingering effects of her injuries, but she managed to reach through the window and unlock the door before stepping carefully out onto the platform. At first, she couldn't see anything for the steam then, as it cleared, she saw Siegfried and her father standing a few feet away and her heart lifted.
Siegfried's face split into a smile and he rushed towards her, enveloping her into his arms and pulling her close to him. She breathed in the familiarity of his scent, her mind wandering back to pleasurable encounters of the past and the security of his embrace began to chip away at her uncertainty.
"My darling…" he said, pulling back and kissing her gently. "It's so wonderful to have you home."
"Lily lass…" her father was next, hugging her uncharacteristically tightly, and she felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes. "You look very well."
"Thank you," she replied, pulling back and surveying them both. "It's so good to see you. Oh, thank you," she said, accepting Siegfried's flowers. "They're beautiful."
"Let's get you into the van," Tom said, putting his arm around her shoulders. "Don't want you standing 'ere catch a draught." She allowed him to propel her over to where he had parked, pausing only to look back to make sure Siegfried was following. He gave her an encouraging smile and it gladdened her that he didn't seem put out by her father's somewhat proprietary gesture. She climbed up into the van, sliding across into the middle, both of the men in her life acting as bookends as they too climbed in.
Taking her hand in his, Siegfried squeezed it gently and she smiled at him, relieved at how calm she felt now back in their presence. As they turned back towards the village, the familiarity of the place swept over her and whilst the doubts remained, they appeared less prominent at that moment.
"Mrs Hall is dying to see you," Siegfried said. "I do believe she's made enough food to feed an army. You shall have to take some back to Windy Hill with you, otherwise I will be the size of an ox by next week."
"It'll be good to see 'er too," she said.
"So many folk 'ave sent their best wishes on news of your return," her father said. "I suspect we could 'ave many visitors at the farm over the next few days."
Her heart suddenly dropped again, at the thought of being put on show, some sort of specimen for the locals to gawp and pass comment over. She didn't want their pity or ridicule or opinion. As though sensing her sudden discomfort, Siegfried squeezed her hand again and she felt a renewed sense of confidence in speaking her own mind. "Maybe…maybe we don't 'ave to 'ave lots of folk right away."
Tom paused and looked over at her. "No…no lass, not if it isn't what you want."
His answer satisfied her, and she felt herself relax again as the familiar village streets came into sight. As they drove the narrow road towards Skeldale House, she noticed various people that she recognised peering at the van, as though trying to gauge if she was inside, but she ignored it as best she could. Before the van had even drawn to a full stop, the door of Skeldale House opened and Mrs Hall came down the steps, a grin on her face.
"Lily!" she exclaimed, upon her dismounting to the street. "Oh, it's so good to see you!" The older woman pulled her into an embrace. "I've been worried sick about you since I knew you were making the journey yourself. Now, I've got the kettle on and sandwiches and scones and all sorts of things ready. So, come away inside all of you."
Caught up in the familiar bustle, Lily followed her inside, and felt her soul lift at the sight of the familiar interior. It was foolish to ponder as though she had been away for years, but it was comforting to see everything in its place, as it always had been. Even the rows of books in the living room brought a sense of comfort. Much as she had done the first evening she had visited for dinner, she found herself drawn to them.
She could hear her father and Mrs Hall talking in the kitchen and suddenly gasped as she felt Siegfried's arms go around her and pull her back against him. "I won't lie," he said quietly. "I have so longed to see you here again. In my mind's eye, you have been forever examining my library."
She smiled as her gaze fell on The History of Veterinary Medicine. "I see the contents remain the same."
"Everything remains the same," he murmured, kissing her neck gently. "Everything."
She turned to him, taking in the soft contours of his face and the unmistakable look of love that was shining from his eyes. "I want things to be as they were," she said, hearing her voice falter over the words. "I wish, more than anything…"
He stopped her with the gentle pressure of his mouth against hers. "Everything will be as it was, my darling, and more. I promise you I will make it so, if you let me."
"Tea's up!" Mrs Hall's interruption prevented her from replying, but as they took their seats at the table, she kept her gaze on him as though the sight of him alone could fill up every hole and cover every crack inside her.
XXXX
It was as it should be. The sight of her in Skeldale House, in his home, brought him more joy than he could have imagined. There was nothing he wanted more than to keep the memory of her sitting at his table, smiling and laughing, forever in his mind as the afternoon drew to a close. He wanted to tell her to stay, to share his bed right from that moment on but, of course, he knew that was in no way a possibility. She needed to return home to Windy Hill, if only for a short time.
"I shall speak to Reverend Thwaite tomorrow," he announced at a lull in the conversation. "Find out how soon we can wed. Whether we need to go through weeks of tedium whilst the banns are announced or whether we can short-circuit matters somewhat." Lily looked at him and he smiled encouragingly at her. "No point in wasting time."
"No," she replied., "no point at all."
"That were a rare feed Mrs Hall," Tom said, leaning back in his chair and patting his stomach. "I doubt Lily and I need worry about feeling hungry for a while."
"Let me get some of the leftovers packaged up for you," Mrs Hall smiled. "Save Lily needing to do too much in her first few days back."
"That's very kind," Tom replied. "Shall I 'elp?"
"Oh…eh…" Mrs Hall paused, "yes, whyever not?"
Left alone, Siegfried reached for Lily's hand again. "You must be exhausted after your journey. Perhaps it was selfish of us to make you come here."
"No, I'm very grateful," she replied, meeting his gaze, "but I need you."
"I'm right here."
"No, I need you," she repeated, a quiet urgency to her voice that seemed to travel through his body and down to his groin. "I need you."
"Lily…"
"Please, there 'as to be some way we could…please." Her eyes beseeched him in a way that he had never truly seen before and whether it was a side effect of her underlying fear at being home or not, it was a desire he himself couldn't ignore.
"We can't do anything here," he replied in a hushed tone. "Mrs Hall…"
"I know," she replied, "but…could we go somewhere…anywhere…?" she broke off as her father reappeared in the room, closely followed by Mrs Hall carrying a large basket.
"'ere you go," Mrs Hall said, "that should keep you going for a while."
"That's very kind," Lily said, "thank you."
"Not at all. You need to work at building your strength up."
"Ready to go, lass?"
"Actually…" Siegfried interrupted. "Lily and I thought we might go for a drive together, just for an hour or so. I'll have her back at Windy Hill by supper time."
Tom looked between them. "Aye, well…if that's what you want lass." She nodded. "Fine then. I'll 'ead on back up to the farm and I'll see you later. Don't you be wearing my lass out now Mr Farnon. She needs 'er rest."
"I promise I'll take care of her," he replied, rising to shake the other man's hand. Mrs Hall followed Tom to the door before returning to the room. "Perhaps a drive might be a nice idea?" he looked at Lily, who nodded in response. "It was a marvellous spread, Mrs Hall, simply marvellous."
"Aye, well…" she looked between them. "'ave a lovely time together."
Lily rose from the table and, slipping her hand in his, allowed him to lead her through the kitchen and out to the back yard where his car was waiting.
"Where do you want to go?" he asked, as he opened the door for her.
"I don't mind," she replied, "anywhere." Her lack of direction was somewhat unhelpful, but he started up the engine and drove slowly around the house and through the streets to the outskirts of the village, before climbing higher into the hills. Before he realised precisely where he was going, they were climbing Hoddam Hill and, glancing over at her, he could see her jaw clenched tightly, her hands in fists in her lap.
"I'm sorry," he said, reaching for her. "I shouldn't have come this way."
"No, not at all," she replied quietly. "I could 'ardly avoid the road forever." Her gaze travelled down into the fields below and he fancied that she was reliving that night and what had happened, even if it did look somewhat different in the dappled May sunshine.
They drove further and further away from Darrowby until he himself wasn't quite sure where they were. Then, after a while, he pulled off the road and turned into a small wood, hidden from the main thoroughfare, brought the car to a halt and switched off the engine.
"I'm afraid I'm rather out of ideas," he smiled at her. "Perhaps we could just sit and…" he broke off as she began unbuttoning her blouse, his gaze captivated by the growing sight of her flesh. "Surely…you can't mean…here…" he broke off as she slipped her shoes from her feet and reached under her skirt, her underwear pooling on the floor beneath her.
"I need you," she whispered, and he saw the glint of a tear in her eyes.
Overcome with emotions comprising of lust, love and protective instinct, he hurriedly removed his suit jacket and then found himself requiring to pause momentarily whilst his brain caught up on what needed to be done next. He'd never made love half-dressed before, but it was obvious which parts of his anatomy would be put to use and therefore needed to be unconstructed. Unbuttoning his trousers, he pushed them and his underpants down his leg, looking back over at her again. "Should I…?"
She moved across the car towards him, sliding into his lap, a leg snugly manoeuvred to each side of his pelvis. The steering wheel proved rather obstructive and so he reached down to the side of the seat and pulled the lever sharply upwards, causing the chair to fly suddenly backwards and them both to gasp with surprise.
"My apologies," he said, "but I rather fear we need the space." She lowered her mouth to his and kissed him, gently at first, and then more passionately, until he felt as though she would steal every breath in his body. At the same time, she moved gently against him, and he could feel himself harden at the very sensation of her. When they broke apart, his lips found the soft skin of her neck and throat, trailing to the swell of her breasts still encased in her brassiere. She let out a soft moan as his hands moved to her rear end, pulling her tighter into him and, with an almost practiced ease, she rose slightly up and then sank gently down, driving him inside her. "Oh…Lily…." He breathed her name as exquisite pleasure coursed through him. "My darling Lily…" If he thought the location and manner of their union to be scandalous and undignified, any such feelings were quickly replaced with the warm, sensual nature of the act. What could be more normal, more natural than this? As they moved together, their breath punctuating the air, the windows around them began to mist until, eventually, they were completed obscured. He cared not, however. All that mattered was her, them and their union forever more.
She moved faster against him, angling her body slightly in a way that he could only surmise gave her the greater pleasure for herself. He watched as she continued to move above him, her eyes clothes, face flushed, mouth open. His body felt pleasure too, but nothing compared to watching her.
"Oh…Siegfried…" she gasped. "Yes…yes…" she let out a strangled cry and then seemed to still, her face reddening, causing him to hold his breath and wait until she cried out again and slumped against him, breathing heavily.
"Lily…" he needed her on her back, wanted nothing more than to drive into her, her legs wrapped tightly around him, but the restrictions of their location meant that all he could do was thrust his seed upwards into her again and again and again until he felt himself twitch and swell and then deflate, the act done, the moment passed.
For a moment, they remained as they were, breathing heavily against one another, sharing breathless, tender kisses. Then she slowly and, to his mind painfully, swung her body back over onto her own side of the car and they sat side by side, watching the misted windscreen in front of them.
"Do you think me without morals?" she asked suddenly.
"Well, I'd be hypocritical to do so given my own role in the affair."
"It's different for men. You told me that once. That if I were to fall pregnant outside of wedlock, it would be me who were ruined, not you."
"I still believe that to be true."
"And yet, you didn't refuse me." She looked over at him.
"How could I refuse you? I love you. I spend a vast amount of time every day thinking about making love with you. I'm hardly likely to say no when the situation presents itself. Besides…you said that you needed me."
"I did," she nodded. "It took a lot to get on the train this morning Siegfried. Not because I didn't want to see you but because…"
"I understand," he reached for her hand. "I'll confess that I wasn't sure until I saw you disembark whether you would have boarded at Bexley." She smiled at him. "Shall I take you home to Windy Hill now?"
"My 'ome's with you," she replied simply.
"As I said, I shall speak with Reverend Thwaite tomorrow. I don't want to spend a single moment longer than I need to not being your husband." Rolling down the side window, he paused and looked at the impenetrable mist before him. "We may need to wait until this dissipates, however. I'm not entirely sure how I would explain it to your father. He may have softened towards me, but I doubt us engaging in pre-marital carnal lust is something he would take kindly to."
"Lust," she repeated, "it's such a horrible word to describe our feelings for one another."
"Pre-marital love, then."
"That's more like it." She turned to look at him again. "We will be all right, won't we?"
He hated the look of uncertainty in her eyes and though he knew it was little to do with him and everything to do with the situation in which she felt she found herself, he felt duty bound to defend himself, defend them.
"We will be fine," he said sternly. "I love you and you love me and nothing…nothing…is ever going to come between us again. And" he added, "if our marriage is going to include madcap encounters such as the one we've just had, then I think we shall be deliriously happy. Ah, I can see again, thank heavens." She laughed and, starting up the engine, he pulled back out onto the road and slowly began making his way back in the direction of Windy Hill.
As he drove, he glanced over at her, gratified to see her watching him with a contended smile on her face. She would soon be Mrs Farnon, happily ensconced at Skeldale House and any notion of leaving Darrrowby would be long dispelled.