Starting Over: Epilogue

by tarskeewee08

(John's POV)

One Year Later

Sitting on the train I watch as we enter the city. I'm so excited to see my baby I can't contain myself. She's been up here in Manhattan for 6 weeks working on a case and it's been killing me. I took off two weeks to join her; this will be the last time she leaves my side like this. I swear I can't handle it.

A lot has changed in a year. We now own a place together and have even discussed leaving Llanview and moving to New York. She's taken a couple of referrals from her friend out of the big apple and she's falling in love with the city. I will admit when she first left me for these business trips I battled bouts of anxiety. I didn't tell her but the separation although brief made me desperate in some ways to be reassured she would return.

I prayed that she wouldn't be in the city and meet some successful attorney to sweep her off her feet and pull her into a world I couldn't provide. Instead of brooding over it, I went and talked it out with my brother, shared my fears and doubts with someone that cared about me and gained perspective. I'm only human after all and I love her so much.

As the conductor announced my stop, I sat up ready to race off the train to my lady love. Debarking with the other pushy passengers I come off the train and looked for her in the crowd of unfriendly New Yorkers pushing to their own destinations.

Placing my hands in my pockets I walk slowly through the crowd trying to see her familiar smile or the toss of her silky black hair as she seeks me out.

"John!"
Hearing her voice I turn to see her delicate hand waving in the air the rest of her drowned by the sea of people pushing around her. Walking back my smile is so wide I know I must look like some teenager with his first crush. "Evangeline!" I say pushing my way to her. People frown at me as I shove pass them. I've lost sight of her and the feeling of suffocation overwhelms me. "Evangeline!" I cry out trying to recall where I saw her last.

"Right here baby" she says tapping me on the shoulder. Turning around I see her smiling sexily at me. I scoop her in my arms and squeeze her tightly. God it's good to hold her again. I feel her hitting me on my back. "John you're squeezing me too tight."

I laugh and let her go and people shoot us annoyed looks because we're standing in the middle of the walkway. "I have missed you!" I say excitedly. She makes me breathless.

She touches my face "It's only been 6 weeks."
"It feels like 6 years" I say.
She laughs. "Come on"
Pulling me through the station we come outside into the busy rush of New York I hold onto her hand somewhat afraid of what I am about to do. I'd started seeing Sister Clancy in the last several months to deal with my anxieties and Evangeline was supportive. It wasn't a good idea to cut off my therapy the way I did and we both realize that now.

I thought therapy meant I was unable to move forward. That's not what Sister Clancy was trying to reveal. She wanted my final session and my progression to be centered on me. My love for Evangeline and joy of having her back caused me to fall into my old habits and push away the help the nun offered thinking I can do it on my own.

Evangeline's love for me and desire to have me again made her willing to accept my refusal to continue therapy so she can work to fix me. We both were guilty of missing Sister Clancy's message and we both know that now.

I told her of my plans to propose on this trip and surprisingly the nun was supportive. She still felt that I would need to be more independent emotionally to have a complete relationship with my lady but she encouraged me to follow my heart. She said a solid commitment is what I needed and since she wasn't to keen on us living in sin I'm sure her professional opinion didn't outweigh her spiritual one.

Evangeline grabs a cab and I ask her if we can go to Central Park.. She frowns and mentions my luggage. I told her I can pull it with me I want to go somewhere different and special with her. She agrees and we settle into the ride. I want to propose to her as soon as possible. I thought about an intimate private setting but my anxious need to confess my love to her is overwhelming.

We arrive at the park and I get my luggage. She waits patiently for me and as soon as I'm ready I hold her hand and walk into the park. She tells me about her case and how she thinks that the DA will accept her plea bargain. We talk about my work and the mundane routine I've fallen in. Pulling my suitcase behind me we pass joggers and bikers and I marvel at how wondrous this park is in such a cold hard city. If she wants to live here I'll do it. Plenty of crimes in this city for a cop like me.

She laughs about my late night phone calls demanding she come back. I bite my lip refusing to tell her that actually those calls weren't all jokes. I hated it when she was gone.

I think about what Sister Clancy said about my using her as a crutch and it remains one of my biggest fears.

"John? What's wrong baby?" she asked sitting down on a bench.
I take a seat next to her letting go of the handle on my suitcase. "I'm just happy to see you"
"Tell me John, something's wrong…is it my being here these past weeks?"
I look up at young woman jogging with her Labrador and sigh. "I guess I've been battling my fears again. These trips are coming more frequent and we spend so much time separated."

She looks ahead and nods. "I know and I've been thinking about that. My career is important to me, but not at the expense of us. I will refocus my attention where it belongs." She says smiling at me.

I shake my head "No baby, that's not the solution. I don't want you to change your dreams for me. Your practice is doing what it should. I'm proud of you." I say fingering the ring box in my pocket.

"I think relocating here for you to follow them is a good idea. I think it'll be a change of pace for us both"

She laughs "You are willing to move to New York for me?"
I laugh too "I sure am"
"I don't think so John, I like my life in Llanview. I can have my career there. Our life is there"

I nod and think about the question I want to ask.

She places her hand on my knee. "I can have it all with you John. You do know that don't you?"

"Of course I do Van. Which is why I wanted to come here, I have something I want to discuss with you" I says clasping the ring box in my hand.
"Okay" she says turning on the bench to face me.
"Well, you know we've been through a lot and overcame a lot. I think that we've proven that our love is the final stop for us both. I think we need to take a step toward our future."

She arch's an eyebrow and looks at me curious. I pull out the ring box and get on my knee in front of her. I see her eyes widen with shock and her mouth drop open. I can't tell if the surprise on her face is good or bad but I won't be deterred. I want her to be my wife.

"I love you Evangeline Marie Williamson. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want the world to know of my devotion for you." Opening the ring case I show her the platinum 1ct solitaire square cut diamond. "Evangeline would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Her eyes well with tears and I watch her face darken with doubt and fear then I see it brighten with love and passion. "John, I want to share my life with you two. I can't believe you are proposing" she says grinning taking the ring case from my hand. She looks down at me and touches my face. "I want to be your wife. I love you McBain."

Smiling I reach for her and hug her. I know that it will require work and compromise on both are parts to make our love last. But that's the wonderful thing about what we share. The conflict and triumphs are always tempered with love. If we hold on to that there's nothing we can't overcome.