The Beast Wars' Secret Diaries
The secret diary of Scorponok
DAY 1: We've crashed. Well at lest it warm here. I am now a scorpion too.
Dinobot had another one of his dramatic moments and challenged Megatron; I knew this was going to be trouble so I sent him away.
I still can't believe he fell for the chocolate mountain routine.
DAY 2: Slag! Dinobot joined the Maximals, but because of that I've now been promoted to Second in command. We found this huge mountain of Energon today, but unfortunately it was blown up.
Maybe we shouldn't have fired missiles at it.
Oh well, live and learn.
DAY 3: Today has been a good day.
Not only did I find a mega cannon for the base, but also I blasted Cheetor!
Yeah baby, I rule!
Tarantulas is up to something, he vanished after I shot the cat and wasn't seen all day.
I knew we shouldn't have hired someone referred by a guy named Wonko the sane.
DAY 4: I'm really worried. Cheetor somehow got beamed into the base today and we spent all day chasing him about the place.
The smell of sulphur and cat do not mix… Primus, this place smells worse then before.
Terrorsaur also seems to have developed a fear of cats and toilets.
DAY 5: Great, as if we didn't have enough enemies, we got aliens to contend with now.
I just hope they're not the face-hugging, busts out of your chest kind.
Megatron and Waspinator went to investigate and were returned to us badly damage!
To prepare myself, I've been watching those Alien films. I'm ready for anything now.
Later…I've learned a valuable lesson to day… never trust a stupid movie to give you fighting tips.
DAY 6: Why did we bring Terrorsaur along, I'll never know.
First he shows up and some how beats the slag out of Megatron, then proclaimed himself leader.
And then he started to singing "My heart will go on" and then ran off.
After getting Megatron out of the CR tank, we found out that the "Super Energon" he found was really hemp.
Where are we getting these people?
DAY 7: A stasis pod has landed and Megatron has sent the flyers to get it.
Megatron then took Tarantulas and me to try and take over the Maximal base.
Dinobot lets us in exchange for some beer.
Things went pretty well until we found Rattrap's room… I never ran that fast before in my life.
Terrorsaur and Waspinator retuned. The protoform became a Maximal
Crap.
DAY 8: Damn! It's a good thing we got that stasis pod.
It's like they say, "first you got the pod, then you get the power… then you get the women".
In other news, Terrorsaur claims that since Rattrap surrendered to him and became a Predacon, he should be leader.
Megatron decided to let him. The Maximals attacked and, what a surprise, turns out Rattrap wasn't a traitor.
Odd though, the rat did somehow make the place smell better.
DAY 9: The Maximals have built this strange tower. Megatron ordered me to find out what it did.
I sneaked in to get a closer look by painting myself brown and said I was Dinobot, I heard Primal say something about a satellite.
They must be planning to try and get satellite T.V.
Also, Tarantulas built a machine to lock the Maximals in their beast mode,
We don't know why, especially when they started biting us.
For a scientist, he's an idiot.
Day 10: I finally got to show Megatron, that my Cyber bees are not useless.
I programmed one to make Primal into a raging psycho. It was the perfect plan; he would have killed that annoying crew of his within the second he returned to base.
How was I supposed to know that the Cyber bee would get homesick and make Primal came to the Darkside?
After the explosion, Megatron had one more punishment for me.
It took three hours to get the Cyber bee out of my butt.
DAY 11: Booooring!
Megatron sends Terrorsaur, Blackarachnia and Waspinator on a mission while I have to stay at the base! With Tarantulas!
He spent talking about his life… I've learnt things about him I never wanted to know.
The others came back. Talk about embarrassing, not only did they fail but the lost to Tigatron.
I'll be laughing at them for weeks.
DAY 12: After careful examination, I have deduced that the base is free of any Maximal spying device.
Then Terrorsaur tripped over the cable to a spy camera… after Megatron was done yelling at me and I got my hearing back, Megatron came up with a brilliant plan to beat the Maximals.
Then Dinobot went and spoil the plan. Damn.
So now the Axalon will never fly again.
What's worse is that the Maximals keep sending us video clips from the spy camera.
DAY 13: We reprogrammed Rhinox in to a Predacon today; you'd think that's good right?
Wrong! He became a slagging psycho!
He crushed me under junk, knocked Waspinator senseless, threatened to cook Terrorsaur and drugged Tarantulas and Blackarachnia.
And as soon as we turned Rhinox back, the Maximals came in and beat the slag out of us.
Waspinator still thinks he's Shrapnel.
Sigh I best go and make sure the bug brain doesn't try and eat the walls again.
DAY 14: Megatron has asked me to help him create a clone of Dinobot.
The plan was to make the clone act gay, so that the Maximals would get rid of Dinobot.
Unfortunately, I dropped my lunch into the cloning tank and the clone became have chicken.
I still don't know were Dinobot got the barbecue sauce from.
DAY 15: Cold, so cold.
A stasis pod landed and Megatron sent the widow and me to get it.
Tigartron then shows up and turns me into a block of ice thanks to his freeze ray.
Thank Primus that we live in a lava pit, where it's nice and WARM.
DAY 16: I hate black widow spiders!
Terrorsaur and Waspinator found a floating island in the sky and Megatron sent Blackarachnia and me to investigate.
Not only did Blackarachina trick me into falling off the island so she try and take the island's power for herself, but she kept hitting on me and when I refused, she started asking me what it's like on "the other side", what the Pit she was talking about I don't know.
Wait a minute… she can't think that I'm… can she?
DAY 17: I don't like that new Predacon!
Inferno has only been here for two hours and already he's been promoted to second in command.
I was the butt-kisser here first! Oh Megatron, you hurt me so sigh yet I love you so.
…. That is love as in the love between two friends, not as the love between two lovers.
Er… I'm not gay!
…I think.
DAY 18: Megatron came up with a brilliant plan today.
By stealing the Maximals' shield generator, we were able to trap them in their beast modes.
They then started acting like real animals, so we got some guns and tried to hunt them.
I still can't believe that we got our butts handed to us.
Why Rhinox chase me for three hours I don't know, but why the hell did he have to sit on me?
DAY 19: Can those Maximals be any more stupid? Waspinator and me have been standing in the open for an hour and they haven't seen use, what are they blind?
Oh wait, the Energon explosion, they are blind, right.
DAY 20: I'm getting worried about Megatron.
He keeps yelling that the walls have eyes and red ant butts.
I think the stress of avoiding Inferno has finally got to him.
At first we simple left him alone, but when started shooting at the walls, we had to intervene.
In other news too day, some ghost possessed Waspinator, tried to double-cross Megatron.
DAY 21: Ewwww the smell! What in the world has Rhinox been eating?
Still worrying about my sexuality, so I asked Inferno if he thinks I'm gay.
… After explaining to Inferno what gay means, I could see by the look on his face, that he didn't have a clue of what I said. He then ran off screaming about "defending the Queen".
I really need to see a shrink.
DAY 22: I'm getting more worried about Megatron, he started talking to himself about the walls again.
We decided to restrain him when he blew his tenth hole in the wall.
… In hindsight we shouldn't had Inferno help, one look at the ant and Megatron began screaming and shooting wildly…
Terrorsaur, Waspinator and Inferno were the only ones NOT hurt too badly to fight the Maximals.
And all they did was kill that stupid real Tiger.
Chalk up another lost.
DAY 23: Megatron has finally calmed down after yesterday.
I still don't know why we now have two gold disks now, but we've arranged a truce with the Maximals while Megatron plans on how to get rid of Inferno.
That damn Tigartron got into the base, we've got to get rid of that cat flap, and we had to chase him out of the base.
Sniff sniff ewww…. He left us a gift. I best get the pooper-scooper.
DAY 24: Crap, there's a giant alien construct outside the base.
It looks like a giant mushroom.
In other news, Tarantulas and Blackarachnia are up to something in the Axalon and Megatron sent Inferno after them.
Also, Terrorsaur and me are to accompany Megatron to the alien site.
Nothing good will come from this sigh Megatron's yelling at the walls again
DAY 25: Well this looks like the end. I don't mean the alien doomsday device that's about to destroy the planet, I'm talking about the end of my life.
Man, I wish I could say this with a straight face.
With all these aliens, crazy allies and pervert rats and ants with eager hands, I've decided what's the point.
So I "accidentally" fell into the lava. Hee hee, so long suckers!
You know it maybe the fumes, but I think Primus is talking to me.
What did you say Primus? There's a hot tub filled with femme for me! I'm there!
Matrix here I come!
Next diary: Dinobot