Disclaimer:

Oliver: How come I'm never in your story.

Me: Because there's no reason for you.

Oliver: But I'm hotter than Malfoy!

Me: Not by my standards. Plus, Malfoy is better.

Oliver: That's not what you said last night.

Me: Okay, we're stopping now.

………………………………………………………………………..

Okay, thanks to all my reviewers. I want to get this up as fast as possible. So no individual thanks, but I love you all.

…………………………………………………………………………

"Stupid mudblood…stupid rubber band…stupid Snape," I grumbled.

"Whoa, stupid Snape? There is no such thing, Draco," Blaise said while descending his ladder.

"Well, he is the one who put our 'group' together," I said between clenched teeth.

Blaise and I had to clean the whole library all of this week. Filch, the filthy bastard, said that our detention would be worse next week. That Pince lady insisted on us cleaning her dirty library first. It was nauseating and tedious and a complete waste of my time.

"So, you actually trusted the Mudblood when she told us today," asked Blaise climbing another ladder. He had to clean those awful shelves that I'm sure Granger had sneezed on sometime in her life.

"No, but I talked to Professor Snape. He said it was true."

Blaise stopped cleaning. "Why is he doing this to us? Do you realize that half of the decent female population will actually start to find Goyle appealing, because we're becoming losers by association?"

"That's what I tried to hammer down into his scull. He just said that he thought the pairing would be amusing," I replied.

"Amusing? Amusing would be Potter losing a Quidditch match. Amusing would be Granger going out with Longbotttom. Amusing is not the cruel and unusual punishment that half the staff decided to put us through!"

"Calm down Zabini. We're both in Slytherin. And what do evil Slytherins do best?"

"Terrorize first year Hufflepuffs."

"Well yes, but no."

"Get all the girls?"

"That gift, like you said, wasn't given to all of us."

"Then what?"

"What have we discussed before Zabini. Revenge! We get revenge on those gits!" I said. I'm pretty sure I had the maniacal gleam in my eye.

"How?"

My smirk dropped. "We still need to brainstorm that."

Blaise's smirk dropped. "You're not allowed to get me all hyped up and then drop the news that we actually have to work on it."

"You would've said no to at least one aspect of my plan if I was the only one who made it up," I retorted.

"Yeah, but I have a right to get mad either way," reminded Blaise.

I thought about this. "Right. So…what's your idea?"

"The only thing I have in my head right now is blast them into next year, but I guess that's only a comfort thought," replied Blaise.

"You're right. Hmm…we could find out who they like and then do some relationship ruining."

"Draco, do we really have to resort to that?"

"Blaise, I'm utterly appalled that you don't want to ruin a relationship. It's the only thing we have. We can make the rest up on the way."

"Okay, so who's love life do we mess up?" asked Blaise nonchalantly.

"Potter's?"

"He's too hard to figure out."

"Granger's."

"As much as I want to, she's managed to keep her love life hidden for the past few years. The only time we knew who she fancied was when she showed up with her dates at a Ball."

"Well, Weasley is the only one left."

There was a slight pause.

"Of course, why haven't I thought about that before?" asked Blaise while running his hand through his hair. He looked like he was beating himself up mentally.

"Do you know something I don't know," I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well," Blaise started with a smirk. "He has a thing for that Bones girl."

"The one we're working with?"

"How many other Bones girls do you know?"

"I didn't even know there was a Bones girl!"

"Fine, okay," Blaise said to keep from arguing further. "Hmm…just knowing that Weaskey likes her will probably give her a good heart attack."

There was a long pause after that. We had to plan this perfectly. I want Weasley's relationship ruined, and I want him to suffer some public humiliation. C'mon, this should be easy Draco. Hmm… what would Granger not do? Probably not a whole lot. Maybe… I've got it.

…………………………………..

My plan was ready just in time for Halloween. It was brilliant beyond the imagination. It was everything that I've worked my ass off for. It would never fail, and it will never be executed if Blaise doesn't get up. I'm still wondering how he's gotten immune to my kicking.

"Get up!"

Kick.

"C'mon Zabini!"

Kick.

"Get up!"

"Not until I find my bunny slippers. Draco hates bunnies."

I rolled my eyes and kicked him again. "Damn right I hate bunnies. Now get up."

"Shh! Herbert and Fluffy will hear you."

"GET UP!"

Before I could kick him again, Blaise opened his eyes lazily.

"What are you doing on my bed Draco?"

Just for the heck of it, I kicked him again.

"Ow! I'm already up!"

"I thought so. Do you have the note?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"

"Why don't you ask Herbert and Fluffy?"

"Who's that?"

I rolled my eyes again. "Never mind. Anyways, I have my copy of the note. Make sure to drop it near a Hufflepuff."

"No freakin' duh Draco. I'm not stupid. What about phase two?"

"Phase two?"

"You don't have a phase two?"

"I didn't know we were supposed to have one."

Blaise grabbed a pillow and hit me.

I kicked him again.

Blaise sighed agitated. "You're always supposed to have a phase two."

I furrowed my brow for a minute. "I do have a phase two."

"That's g-."

"I just can't tell you until it happens."

"Draco-."

"Okay, Blaise, breakfast just started and-."

"Breakfast started only five minutes ag-."

"We need to drop the note somewhere, remember."

"Fine, just let me find my clothes first."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Harry, Ron, and I were currently sitting at the Gryffindor table talking about the inevitable. Right now, we knew we were getting off easy. It didn't take a genius to figure out what might happen.

"Because they're dirty Slytherin bastards Hermione!"

"Ron-."

"No, don't Ron me. You know that they won't stand by for what we did to them," Ron said stabbing at his food yet again.

"He's right Hermione. If we know Draco Malfoy-."

"Which we don't."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Fine. We know him and the whole Slytherin population well enough to know that vengeance is in their logo."

"Actually, it really is," pointed out Ron.

"Really?" asked Harry.

"Yeah. It was written in Latin so know one bothered to look it up, but-."

"We're off topic," I pointed out.

"Right."

"So anyways," I started. "I was thinking that if they do counter attack, then we could-."

"I thought you didn't want to attack Malfoy," said Ron grinning.

I looked at him with mock surprise. "I always want to attack Malfoy. I just didn't see the point until Harry so passionately stated his side of the argument."

"Ooo, Harry. You passionately stated something," cooed Ron.

"I know. I seem to be passionately stating a lot of things lately. So what was your plan H-?"

"AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

I turned around startled. "I think Macmillan took his shirt off again."

"Please. He's not even that good looking."

Ron and I turned to look at Harry.

Harry looked back indignantly. "Not that I would know or anything."

"Susan, who wrote that?" asked the highly pitched voice of Hannah Abbot.

"I don't know. Do you know how to do a decipher spell?' asked Hannah airily.

"What's that?" chorused Hannah's group of girls.

"Wait. I know who to ask…"

This set off red flags and alarms in my head. I am not helping her out with this. A simple decipher spell could help her find whoever wrote the note. She could go ask Malfoy for all I cared.

"Hermione."

I plastered a smile on my face. "Yes."

"I need you to help me…umm…find who wrote me this note," she said shoving the paper in my face.

I took it politely and opened it. Hey, this handwriting looks familiar. In fact, it looked like an exact copy of three people I know very well.

Who do you like?

What do you mean?

Umm…who do you like?

Uh…no one.

Honestly! It's always someone.

Why'd you give her the note?

Because I wanted to. Now stop evading the question.

I know, right.

Okay fine….

Couldn't you have just written the name before passing this to me?

I know right?

Shut up. I like Susan okay. Susan Bones.

Why?

Same question as above.

Because…I like her?

Well duh.

We're not stupid. You apparently are though.

What do you mean?

She's a slut.

No she isn't.

Come back to the light. The Light. THE LIGHT.

I am in the light. The light is Susan.

Ew.

Shut up.

I don't like her. She's kind of ditzy, if you know what I mean.

No, I don't know.

THE LIGHT. It is waiting to except you again child. THE LIGHT.

You know the definition of ditzy.

Yeah, and she doesn't fit it.

I'm chanting for you man. I'm supporting you through your madness.

After I finished reading, I looked up at her kind of shocked. This reminds me of something.

"Okay Susan. I'll work on this for you."

Her eyes brightened up. "Will you Hermione? Thank you! I really want to know who called me a slut. Plus, some one likes me!"

I tried to squeal with her. "That's great. I'll tell you at the feast tonight."

She squealed in delight again. Susan is a sweet girl, but the squealing has got to stop.

Ron immediately grabbed for the note so he could figure out who liked her and then beat the guy up and give him to Goyle for supper. While he was reading, Harry asked, "Umm… Hermione. You could have just told her who it was there and then."

I nodded. "I know. This note looks familiar though."

"How?"

"Look at the handwriting."

"I can come up with a better retort than shut up!" exclaimed Ron randomly. He quickly hid the note when people started looking in our direction.

"It's in our handwriting?" asked Harry while grabbing for the note.

"Yeah."

"Ow, Harry. Paper cut."

Harry snorted before saying, "Wow, that is our handwriting."

Ron nodded, completely forgetting his paper cut. "Well, yeah. And it's a note we wrote sometime last year."

"You remember that far back?" I asked surprised.

"I'm not stupid, Hermione," was his reply.

"Why am I telling Ron to go towards the light?" asked Harry in confusion.

"If I remember correctly, you were really writing about the kitchens," I said grabbing the note again.

"Why?" asked the boys in unison.

"I was calling Parkinson the slut. You two wanted to prank her last year, remember? Whoever wrote this note changed a lot of the wording and the names," I said examining further.

"How did whoever wrote that note know we wrote the original?" asked Harry.

"Because I gave the note to Ron and Ron-."

"I lost it. Get over it." Ron said crossing his arms.

"Someone got it last year. I just don't remember who did."

"Well, you need to," said Harry before getting up for our weekly visit to Hagrid's.

………………………………………………………………………………

"Well 'ermione. Yer really got yerself deep in this one," Hagrid commented after sitting down for tea.

"I was trying to save us," I defended.

"You could've stopped him from hitting me with that rubber snake," Ron grumbled.

I ignored him. "Anyway, we think this note is the start of his plan. I know he has a phase two somewhere around the corner."

"Do Slytherins even have phase twos?" asked Harry.

"If they don't, then they're stupid," concluded Ron.

"What er you gonna do 'bout it?" asked Hagrid while scratching his beard.

I almost raised my hand on instinct. "We can't really prank them outright just in case it wasn't them."

After my last comment, you could hear hyperventilating and the dropping of spoons behind me.

"What's goin' on 'Arry?"

He stopped mock hyperventilating long enough to answer. "Hermione (heave) wants to (gasp) prank some one."

Ron was shaking violently. "And she admits it openly."

I rolled my eyes. "Will you two quit it? It's kind of a natural instinct for me to have the urge to live you know?"

Harry and Ron settled down and started drinking their tea again.

What could we do to counter attack Draco Malfoy and friend. Like I said, we can't prank them outright. That's like putting a wound in seawater. We need to think strategically. What would Draco Malfoy do? Probably a whole heck of a lot. Maybe we should…I've got it!

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Later that day, I found myself in the common room waiting for Harry and Ron. Honestly, they spend more time primping then I do. The plan had to be put into action now. The feast starts in- hey they're here.

"If you forgot the joke bag I promise you I'll-."

"No need to get mad Hermione," said Harry putting his hands up for defense. "We have everything. Don't worry. Malfoy will literally have his head up his ass after we're done."

I grinned. And the-.

"STOP HITTING ME!"

"Let me in!"

"Go ask your own common room!"

I rolled my eyes and went to go open the portrait. Honestly, can't other houses wait until their friends are out of the common room?

"Maybe you should stick your singing voice right up your-."

"Susan." I greeted after opening the portrait.

"Hermione, hi," she greeted a little sheepishly.

"What do you need?"

She frowned. "Why did Ron write this about me?"

I gave a genuine look of confusion. "What are you talking about?"

She gave me a suspicious look before violently opening a folded note from her pocket. "I hate her. She should go and flush herself down Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Maybe Crabbe might want a go at her. He's the only one she's good enough for. Well, Draco Malfoy might want a go at her too."

At this, more red flags went off. Draco Malfoy did this, and I just had my proof. He always has to mention himself some way or another. Well, it wasn't hard evidence, but it was still good. Now he was really going to get it.

…………………………………………………………

We arrived at the feast normally but cautiously. We couldn't take the chance of being caught off guard ever. Ron kept his hand in the pocket of his robes to make sure what we were going to do wasn't going to be detected or ruined.

"Did you give Dobby the stuff?" I asked for the 50th time.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Of course we gave Dobby the stuff. I don't think he minds much about screwing Malfoy over."

"Okay, that's good."

"You know, you're really jinxing it, Hermione. All your worries will come true if you don't shut up," warned Ron.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, where's Zabini?"

"They're both not here," Harry replied while looking at the Slytherin table.

"Hey Susa- OOOOOOOOOWWWWWW! What was that for?" yelled Ron, holding his face. Susan had just slapped him.

"Do you really want to know?" she asked, her eyes blazing more than Ron's hair.

"Well-."

"You called me a whore! No one has ever called me a-."

"Okay, break it up. No need for this during a Halloween feast," said Madame Hooch as she was walking by.

Susan glared as Ron stared in confusion before we parted ways.

When we sat down, Ron was more than just a little mad. "Who could have come up with this? I don't even know what I did? I also have a sneaking suspicion that she doesn't know what I did either."

I held back the urge to roll my eyes. "I told you on the way over here. Malfoy is the prime suspect, and he's trying to ruin a relationship. In my opinion, his plan was pretty weak. I'd give it about a three."

"Well, I'd rather it be weak than have it wreck havoc on what's left of my dignity," Ron grumbled.

"Hey, there's Malfoy," Harry declared.

"Alright, give me the spray. Watch for Zabini, Harry. Hurry up, Ron!" I said while jumping to my feet.

"Okay, no need to have a cow," Ron said while handing me a 'perfume' as we like to call it.

I nodded and headed towards the door. When I was halfway there, Zabini walked in, and Harry cast a first year sticky feet spell. It would wear off by the time I got to him.

As I got there, he was about to yell out for Draco. In return, I clamped my hand over his mouth. "I need to talk to you," I whispered before dragging him out.

"Granger, I hope you weren't the one who stuck my feet to the floor just so you could talk to me," he said with a raised eyebrow outside the Great Hall.

"No, that was a Ravenclaw, and I seriously need to talk to you," I said evenly.

"I don't think I should be concerned with-."

"Hermione, why'd you drag Zabini out here?" asked Ron as he walked out of the Great Hall. I know this is totally off subject, but Ron really can act, which is weird, because that's about the only thing he can do.

Zabini couldn't wait to retort. "What can I say? I'm charming, attractive, good-looking, hot. Even the joke of a girl over here would think so."

As Ron started an argument, I sprayed the 'perfume' on his butt. This was going to be so much fun.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Before the feast started, I was left here alone with Crabbe and Goyle and no Blaise. What gave Granger the need to drag him out there? Wow, if she finds him attractive, it will be all over the Slytherin Common room tonight and all over the school tomorrow.

After another couple of minutes, Blaise came in. As he sat down, the petty excuse for food was served. I took a sip of my drink before asking, "What did Granger need?"

"Well, I didn't find out since Weasel interrupted. It seemed important," replied Blaise nonchalantly.

"So why didn't she tell you when Weasel left?"

"Because weasel didn't leave."

"Oh."

"So, do you have it in his drink?"

"Of course. He's drinking his pumpkin juice like he'd just visited a desert."

I took a sip of my drink. "When is it going to work?"

"Right now," smirked Blaise.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

As I was walking back from our conversation, I made sure to spray every Gryffindor's butt. When they asked what I was doing, I simply told them Slytherin payback, so they gave me their consent pretty easily. At one point, I had to tell people to pass the bottle around so I wouldn't look suspicious. Just the thought of getting a Slytherin made them snigger. Now all we had to do was wait for dear Malfoy to finish his drink, and he'll have enough of a dose to last him thirty to forty minutes.

Burp!

"Ron, that was barbaric!" I chastised.

"You've seen me do worse," he retorted.

"Ew! Just drink your drink normally," I said before he started on his corn.

"You know, I agree with her," Harry said.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Don't act so innocent. You know mate, I don't think you should eat things resembling beans because there's a horrible after smell."

Harry glared as I laughed insanely. Harry did have bad repercussions when it came to beans.

"Okay, Ron. Drink like you want. Just keep it in your mouth, okay?" I asked.

Ron didn't grace me with an answer. Instead, he looked…determined? Since when was Ron determined? When I was about to ask, he got up and started heading towards the Hufflepuff table.

When he got there, everyone was looking at what he was doing. Ron didn't look like he noticed, however. Instead, he tapped Susan on the shoulder.

She turned around annoyed. "What Weasley?"

"I like you."

"You what."

"I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike yoooooooooooooooooooou a looooooooot!" he sang.

Why was he singing in a high-pitched girl voice?

"You are smart, pretty, and not as annoying as Hermione!"

Oh gosh, he's moving his hips.

"Hey!" I protested. "Stop laughing, Harry!" I looked at Ron again. "Oh my gosh! He's doing a freakin' musical."

"With dancing and everything," added Harry in horror.

Ron started dancing. "You have humor and class and a really nice a-. Sorry Susan, can't say that word in school."

"Okay, Ron, you can stop. You're drawing attention to yourself," said a tomato red Susan.

"And when I look at you, I see butterflies and rainbows! No, not like Crabbe and Goyle see them."

"Ron, shut up."

"You smell like vanilla, and no I am no a creepy stalker guy! Wow, this song has no beat whatsoever."

"Weasley, go sit down!"

By this time, the whole school was in hysterics. Some third year Slytherins were eyeing Colin Creevy's camera. I think they were planning on stealing it just to take pictures of Ron.

"My song isn't making sense or rhyming, but I want to let you know that I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike yoooooooooooooou a looooooooooooot!"

Before Ron started on his second verse, Harry, along with Hagrid at the staff table, got up to go drag him to St. Mungos.

Then came the surprise.

"I like you too Ronald!" declared Susan. I guess she figured what the heck. If he likes her, and she likes him, then they might as well get together now. Granted I didn't know Susan liked him back, but I could tell that she did by the way she jumped into Ron's arms.

After a moment of smiling at the both of them, I shifted my gaze to the Slytherin table. Malfoy and Zabini looked pretty pissed off, and I was enjoying every minute of it.

"Alright, break it up!" yelled Madame Hooch from across the room. Ron and Susan just smiled and decided to leave for some alone time…hopefully to talk.

Harry turned to look at me after looking at Malfoy himself. "So I guess they were planning on screwing Ron over. Well, I guess it backfired."

I grinned. "Yep, now it's our turn."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"How does she find that attractive?" asked Blaise incredulously.

I sniffed. I had the sudden urge to smell something. It felt like I haven't smelt something in almost a year. "I don't know. We should've had a phase two."

"I told you that this morning!" exclaimed Blaise.

"Yeah well. I think we unconsciously did something good. We just played matchmaker," I said as if the thought just dawned on me. Wow, I really needed to smell something. Hey, I smell lilacs. Lilacs are good right?

"Well, we can always try again. It wasn't as devious as what we could've come up with," concluded Blaise. "It almost reminds me of a prank we did in first year. Well, it kind of is a plan we used in first year."

"Yeah," I said while sniffing a little more. Where were the lilacs? I need to find the lilacs.

"I think we thought it would be too easy. I told you we should've given him the singing truth potion and the opposite personality potion at the same time," said Blaise.

"Yeah."

"You know, I think we sh- ah! Draco? Draco! DRACO! Stop! STOP IT! STOP SMELLING ME!" yelled Blaise while jumping out of his seat.

There were the lilacs. Lilacs smell so pretty. I wish I could have a bouquet of lilacs. That would be so dandy. A rainbow wouldn't be bad either. Yeah! I could get a rainbow and singing birdies.

"Draco!" yelled Blaise as he got up and started walking away. Well, it was more like running. "STOP SMELLING MY BUTT!"

"You smell like lilacs Blaise. Lilacs smell pretty!" I said.

Why wouldn't he just let me smell him? If he didn't want me to smell him, then he shouldn't have put lilacs in his butt.

"Stop! Oh the horror!" yelled Blaise before running out of the Great Hall.

Why was he running? If he were a good friend, he'd let me smell him. I hope he smells like cinnamon the next time.

Now, what else is there to smell? Hey, I smell roses. Roses are better than lilacs. I think roses are better to smell.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The whole hall was laughing with glee as Malfoy ran after Zabini. From where I was, it looked like Malfoy's head wasn't in a good place. My five senses potion worked. It takes away one of the five senses to teach people what it would be like without it. I added a couple of extra ingredients to make Malfoy not only have a need to smell, but a need to smell flower scented things.

The fifth year Gryffindors were purposely walking towards Malfoy so he could smell them. Then, they shouted rape and ran away. The teachers were looking on in amusement. Those who wanted to intervene earlier were doubled over laughing.

Lavender and Parvati walked up to him just for the sake of him touching their butts.

"What does mine smell like, Draco?" asked Parvati.

"You smell like a daffodil. Daffodils are okay. They don't make me want to skip though," Malfoy replied.

"What about mine?" asked Lavender.

Draco smelled and put on a sour face. "Yours smells like a f-ing weed."

After that comment, Lavender ran out of the Great Hall.

He didn't even pay attention. He just yelled that he was looking for the person who smelled liked roses. After smelling a whole group of sixths year's butts, he headed towards Ron, Harry, and I.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I wanted to smell roses. Roses were good. In fact, roses were really good. Roses make me think of happy things. I really like roses. Hey, this smells like roses.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Harry, get him off!" yelled a voice that sounded like Granger.

I started poking the object to make sure it really was roses. No roses, but it smelled like it. Roses were wonderful.

"Harry, he's poking my BUTT! Get him OFF NOW! Why couldn't you be the one to smell like roses, Ron!" the Granger sounding voice yelled. If it was Granger, Granger would not take me away from my roses.

"I'd rather smell like Lavender's butt!" commented Ron.

Lavender, who had just walked back in, turned and ran back out of the Great Hall.

Hmm…maybe I should grab the roses out, and then no one would get mad about me smelling.

"Harry, stop laughing! He's grabbing my butt. Get him away!"

The roses were running away from me. Don't go roses.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Don't go roses!" yelled Malfoy as I tried running from him. Even in a stupid state of mind, he could still run faster than me.

"I didn't know you gave Granger's butt a nickname!" yelled a Slytherin.

"Stop running from me roses!" yelled Draco.

He then grabbed for my butt again. His nose felt like it was glued to me. "Stop the madness! Why won't he stop? Can't he just let me live? What if my PARENTS find out? Harry, get him off! GET HIM OFF!"

"I will if you stop runn-."

"Ah!" yelled Draco.

I turned around particularly aware of the free and empty air behind me. He stopped running after me. Hey, I think he snapped out of it.

"Do I not smell like roses anymore?" I asked just to make sure.

"Ah!" he yelled again.

"Never mind, I think it wore off," I said.

"Why was I smelling your…your…"

"My?"

"Ah! I am scarred for life! No pun intended Pothead. I smelled your ass! What was I thinking? How could you do this? This is worse than Weasley threatening my ARMPIT!" he yelled before leaving the Great Hall…strutting?

"Well, I guess we don't have to break that one up," sighed Madame Hooch before sitting back down in fits of giggles.

"I thought I threatened Zabini's armpit?" said Ron in confusion.

"I think we earned him a permanent ward in St. Mungos," said Harry in awe.

I turned around to face Harry and Ron. "We got them back! Although, it's not over."

"Since when is it ever?" asked Ron.

Hope you liked it. Read and review.