Dream: HIII. Wheeeeeee! Action of giggling insanely.
Zero: First of all, you do not say 'action of giggling insanely'; you're supposed to actually giggle insanely...
Dream: Yeah, but the stupid quick edit system in doesn't let you put action mark things anymore...
Zero: True, true...Anyway, why so happy?
Dream: Takes deep breath.
Zero: Stop announcing your actions!
Dream: Glares and plots embarrassing doodles of Zero.
Zero: v.v Get on with it.
Dream: Well...I had this dream this one time that Winter and I were lawyers and Winter was all 'meh' so I told her about it and as usual when something odd slash funny happens we wound up creating fanfic ideas out of it so I'm writing a fanfic where Autumn and Flash have to be lawyers to help cheer Winter up and because it's cool so I started writing and I was all 'Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!' only not so many e's and I think I said more 'cuz you were all 'RARRRRR! I am an EVIL dragon that doesn't like people being happy because I am EVIL and such so EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!' and then I was all 'Meep! Don't hurt me for I am friends with God!' and you were all 'EAT' and Winter was all 'Noooooooo! Now I'll never get my fanfics!' and you were all 'burp' and I was all 'Dead' and Winter was all 'Attack!' and this weird swirly portal lady from Excel Saga (which I do not own) was all 'Zero! You mustn't eat the fanfic author! I will reset everything so that this does not happen!' and then she was all 'POOF' and then I was all 'Yay! I'm a llama again! (Don't own Emperor's New Groove)' AND THEN-
Zero: ARRRRGH! That's the LAST time I ever do an author's note with you! I'm just going to say the disclaimer and start the fanfic so that the readers won't witness the horribly violent scene of me beating some sense into Dream. Ahem. Dream doesn't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Yoshihiro Togashi does. Winter owns Flash a.k.a. Lioness and Hinote a.k.a. Vlad is property of EternalBlackNight. Now go read your fanfic.
Dream: Meep...Help...Cowers in fear of the PMS-ing dragon...
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The Law of the Jungle Gym:
It was a bright and stormy summer evening when a group of close friends were chasing down a demon in a New York town. There were four of them: two girls and two boys. The chase led them to a local stadium where the circus was going to be performing in a few days. They hesitated at the entrance to the circus. Or rather, the redheaded boy hesitated. The others were more than willing to break in.
"This isn't a good idea; we'll get caught and put in jail."
"Stop being such a pansy, Kurama. God doesn't get jail time!" A girl with layered black hair and silver bangs rolled her golden eyes.
The other boy, who had spiky black hair with a white starburst in the front and red eyes scoffed, "What about that time earlier in the year, Flash?"
"That was one time, Hiei! One time! And besides, I didn't go to jail."
The final member of the group, a girl with dark brown hair and stormy blue eyes who was wearing black feathery cat ears covered her mouth with her hand and snickered, "Yeah, but you had to baby-sit lots of little children who climbed all over you and made up sickeningly cute nicknames for you for months!"
Flash glared daggers at her friend, "Autumn...! Remember commandment 4534F! Thou shalt not anger God! Now let's just break into this circus, find that stupid little demon, and get out of here. I need some coffee..."
"Ok Schnooklebee." Autumn grinned.
Flash began twitching uncontrollably. Hiei sighed and kicked open the door. He then walked inside. Flash glared at Autumn, "You got lucky this time, mutt...but God will have her revenge! God always gets her revenge...Remember Kurama's cousin Larry?"
"...I don't have a cousin named Larry..." Kurama furrowed his brow in concentration
Flash nodded, "Not anymore you don't."
Kurama blinked as he followed Flash and Autumn inside, "No...I'm pretty sure I never had a cousin Larry..."
"Shh! You'll give away our position to the enemy!" Autumn hissed.
Hiei hopped off of a storage crate, "The demon must be cloaking itself, I can't locate it."
"Silly good for nothing pimple..." Autumn growled, referring to Hiei's third eye.
Hiei glared, "What was that, fox?"
"Eh...'Jolly good! Nothing fun's simple'? Eh heh...heh..." Autumn smiled widely at her fire demon friend.
Flash snapped her fingers to get their attention. "Alright, here's the plan. Autumn you cover the area that way. Kurama you go in this direction. Hiei, you keep watch from atop those barrels and if you see any danger, bird whistle to get their attention."
"But I don't know how to bird whistle..." Hiei protested.
"...Can you go baa like a sheep?" Flash asked.
Hiei blinked, "Yes but what does that have to do with...?"
"Excellent! So if Hiei spots danger he will baa like a sheep alerting Autumn and Kurama to danger so they can run like scared little kangaroo rats." Flash nodded.
Kurama scratched his head, "If Autumn and I are searching for the demon and Hiei's keeping watch, where are you going to be?"
"Starbucks. Watching all of God's creations screw their lives up so badly makes God exhausted. God needs caffeine."
"But..." Kurama began to protest.
Flash held up a hand, "Eh eh eh! Every second you spend protesting against the role in life that God has assigned to you, God takes away money from your paycheck. Now get moving. That demon's not going to catch itself, you know."
Kurama sweat dropped as Flash turned and walked away. Autumn stared at him in awe, "You get a paycheck?"
"Let's just find this demon and get out of here." Kurama sighed and started walking around. Autumn did the same and Hiei jumped up onto the storage crate.
Autumn was walking around looking at the animals. She smiled when she saw a monkey in a magenta tutu sitting in a cage with a dazed expression on its face. There were flies swarming around it. "Monkey!"
The monkey looked at her and pulled back its lips to show off its teeth. Autumn grinned wider, "Aww...I love you, too, Monkey. Here, let me just let you out of there..."
After opening the door, the monkey jumped out of the cage onto Autumn's head. It started screeching loudly and beating at Autumn with its fists. Autumn started screaming and flailing her arms wildly while stumbling about. She managed to unknowingly open some more cages with her flailing. Soon there was a big crowd of wild animals running around and making a mess of the place. "THE MONKEY WANTS MY BRAIN! DEAR GOD, IT WANTS MY SQUISHY INNARDS! MY INNARDS!"
Hiei slapped his forehead with his hand, "I had a feeling leaving her unsupervised was a bad idea..."
The fire demon paused before flinching in pain from having hit his Jagan eye. He then glanced over to see how Kurama was doing. The kitsune was looking in some old chests full of costumes for the demon. He picked up a hat that reminded him of the big feathery hat that a pirate captain might wear. He put it on his head and continued looking. Before he was able to react, a flock of newly freed Ostriches stampeded into him.
Kurama managed to climb onto one of them after getting trampled and kicked around. He clung to the bird's neck for dear life as the Ostriches ran circles around the whole storage arena. At one point he caught a glimpse of monkeys swarming all over Autumn while she screamed nonsense about her squeedlyspooch. Since Kurama was looking at Autumn, he didn't see the trunk in time to duck.
"OOF!" yelled the fox-boy as he was lifted from his noble Ostrich and brought face to face with the elephant who owned the trunk which had wrapped around his waist. He laughed nervously, "Well, hello there..."
Kurama swore that he could see a heart materialize above the elephant's head as she looked at him. He was then lifted high into the air as the elephant made a noise of glee and began to dance with him. "Waaa! I have a girlfriend! In fact, here she comes now!"
"MONKEYS! MONKEYS ARE EVERYWHERE! MY ORGANSSSSSS!" Autumn screeched as she ran by with monkeys clinging to her and more monkeys chasing after.
Kurama sighed, "I really shouldn't deny Autumn because she's being attacked by monkeys but..."
"Keep away from my organs you filthy banana eating monkey scum!" Autumn then proceeded to jump out the nearest window.
"...I've never seen that girl before in my life..."
Suddenly, over all the commotion, Kurama heard a noise which made his adrenaline start pumping faster. "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"The signal...! Please, put me down! I have to run away!" Kurama pleaded.
The elephant's eyes grew dark with anger at being rejected. She started shaking Kurama violently before throwing him into the arms of a waiting police officer. The officer quickly cuffed Kurama while he was stunned. When Kurama's head stopped spinning his eyes widened. Oh no...
'Nice work, Shuichi. Now we'll be stuck in prison...or worse, babysitting!' Youko scolded.
Flash nearly dropped her coffee as she saw the huge crowd of people gathered outside the circus building. As she got closer, she saw the police officers and animal control workers. She spotted Hiei near one of the police cars and walked over. Pushing past people, she saw an officer kneeling next to Autumn who was wrapped in a blanket and holding it close. She was shaking and one of her wide eyes was twitching, "Monkeys...monkeys everywhere...the horror..."
"Oh my Me! What happened?" Flash asked.
Hiei looked at her with a blank expression, showing he didn't care. The officer looked up at her, "Do you know this girl?"
"Yeah, she's my friend. What happened here?"
The officer pointed to the building. "It seems a crazy person let all the animals out of their cages and the monkeys broke the window and attacked your friend here while she was innocently passing by."
Flash narrowed her eyes at Autumn and mumbled, "Yeah, I'll bet she was innocently passing by..."
"What was that?" The officer asked.
Flash spoke louder, "I said 'That's awful'. Do they know who did it?"
"It was that boy there." The officer pointed as his fellow officers led the handcuffed Kurama to one of the patrol cars and put him in the back seat.
Hiei smirked, "Oh yes, he does look like an animal releasing maniac..."
"Well, thank you for taking care of my friend. I should get her home as soon as possible." Flash put a hand on Autumn's shoulder.
"The Monkeys! Oh God! The monkeys! EEEEIYAAAAAH!" Flash knocked the screeching girl unconscious with the sheath of her katana.
The officer watched in silence as Hiei was forced to pick up the unconscious girl. Flash waved before the two of them walked away.
The Next Morning:
Autumn was sitting in Flash's basement holding an icepack to the bump that had formed on her head while flipping through TV channels. Yusuke and Kuwabara were playing a game of ping pong with Hinote. Hiei was watching. Hinote grinned, "Oh, I am so beating you guys!"
"Damn it, that's the fifth time! Why can't we beat you?" Yusuke asked angrily.
Hiei sweat dropped and threw a ping pong ball at him, "Well, it would help if you guys actually took a ball and played instead of taking Hinote's word for it."
Kuwabara and Yusuke stared at the ball. They then opened their mouths in a silent 'Ooooh'. Hinote pouted, "Aw man, you ruined all my fun."
Flash walked downstairs stretching and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She stopped with her hand in mid rub and stared through one eye at all her friends. "...What the hell are all of you doing in my basement!"
"Whaat? You mean my house didn't grow a basement overnight? Darn...And here I thought my house was magical and cool..." Autumn pouted.
"Hey! Is that Kurama on TV?" Hinote pointed at the TV in shock.
"Turn up the volume." Yusuke said as everyone gathered around to listen.
"...the boy has adamantly refused to speak to the police without a lawyer present. Unfortunately, no lawyers will take the case out of fear of being attacked by mobs of angry children wanting to see the circus." The news reporter's voice came through the TV.
Kuwabara blinked, "What'd he do?"
"In case anyone missed that, this innocent looking Japanese boy –yes that is a boy-broke into the circus last night and released all of the animals. The monkeys then proceeded to attack a poor innocent girl. Let's go to the footage." The reporter looked to the side as the screen behind her enlarged with a video clip of Autumn shivering and ranting about monkeys.
Autumn shook her head, "That poor girl...I know exactly how she feels...I got attacked by monkeys last night too. Don't worry oh nameless girl! You are not alone!"
"Autumn, that's you." Hinote said.
Autumn stood up with her fists in the air, "Don't worry, You! You are not alone!"
"No. That's Autumn." Hinote tried to explain.
"What a coincidence! My name's Autumn too!"
Hinote shook his head, "Forget it."
"Well, let's get going." Flash started walking to the stairs.
"Where are we going?" Kuwabara asked.
Flash rolled her eyes. "The Police Station where they're holding Kurama, duh. Autumn and I are going to be his lawyers."
"Woohoo!" Autumn threw a fist up in the air.
Hinote ran in front of Flash, "WAIT! You can't!"
"Why not...?" Flash arched an eyebrow.
"You aren't dressed properly." Hinote nodded.
Flash and Autumn exchanged worried looks.
Some time of changing later:
"Wow. You two look like real girls now." Yusuke nodded.
Flash hit him with her metal pipe and Autumn with her rubber chicken of chicken-y DOOM. Hinote blinked, "Wow, I haven't seen that chicken in a long time...Where's it been?"
"I sent it for dry cleaning." Autumn answered.
"Why'd it take so long...?"
"Do you know how to dry clean a rubber chicken?"
"No..."
"Neither did they."
"Oh..."
Flash sighed and looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a white blouse with a navy blue blazer jacket thing over it. She was wearing a short navy blue skirt. She had on skin colored pantyhose and black high heeled shoes. Her black hair was pulled up into a lawyerly doo and she had lens-less glasses on her face. She looked over at Autumn. She was wearing a similar outfit only in grey with a pink blouse. Hinote had been unable to persuade her to remove her cat ears. Flash then turned to glare at Hinote.
"I don't even want to know why you own two female lawyer outfits let alone why you were carrying them around with you."
Hinote laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head. Autumn clapped her hands together. "Well! Let's go save Kura-Kura-chan!" she announced before turning around, taking a step forward, and falling flat on her face.
Flash turned shakily and started hobbling unsteadily towards the stairs. She got up a few of them before tumbling backwards into Autumn who had started trying to crawl up the stairs after falling twice. The two girls lay in a pile at the bottom of the stairs. Yusuke and Kuwabara were laughing hysterically. Hinote was trying hard not to. Hiei rolled his eyes before stepping around the girls to go upstairs.
"Ugh...how do people walk in these things!" Flash growled, sitting up and rubbing her head.
Autumn stood up and rubbed her back, "Oww..."
Hinote lost it and joined Kuwabara and Yusuke in laughing. Yusuke managed to choke out between laughs, "You'd better...learn to walk in those...fast...unless you want everyone to see under your skirts on live TV..."
Autumn and Flash blinked before turning slowly to glare. They yelled in unison as they hit him, "PERVERT!"
Many bruises later:
"Now, tell me about yourself." The Police department's psychologist said to Kurama, clasping his hands together on the table across from the kitsune.
"I already told you, I want a lawyer." Kurama mumbled.
The psychologist nodded, "And we'll find you one. But for now..."
The door suddenly slammed open and Hiei was pushed inside wearing a yellow and orange Jester's costume with a Jester's hat sitting on the top of his spiky hair. He was holding an old straight announcing horn which he lifted to his lips and blew into. He spoke in an emotionless voice, "Now presenting God and her pet mutt."
"Hi...Hiei!" Kurama blinked in shock.
Hiei stepped aside and threw some shiny confetti as Flash and Autumn walked shakily into the room. Flash was standing tall and proud while giving a beauty queen wave. Autumn was staring at her feet with her tongue hanging out of her mouth as she concentrated on not falling over. Kurama's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.
"Oh...my...Flash! Autumn! What are you two wearing?" Kurama stood up from the table and walked over to Autumn holding his hands out and staring at her.
After a moment, Flash waved a hand in front of his face, "Hey, pansy, stop checking out your girlfriend and get serious. You're being accused of a serious felony."
"What are you two doing in here?" The psychologist asked.
Autumn smiled at him, "We're here to be Shuichi's lawyers!"
"...You two are lawyers?" One of the police officers nearby asked.
"Cha. We wouldn't be here if we weren't." Flash responded in a 'wow, I can't believe how stupid you are' voice. She then snapped her fingers, "Jester!"
Hiei growled, "Yes?"
"Ahem?"
Hiei's eyes narrowed, "Yes master?"
Flash nodded, "Show these men our certificates."
Hiei handed two pieces of paper to the officer. The officer read them over. He then looked at Flash. "This is a piece of regular paper with the words 'Flash. You now be lawyer. So says Dirkan' printed upon it and this one...is the pedigree for a dog."
"Oh, no, those are Autumn's pedigree papers. And I left my official certificates in my other Jester." Flash pointed out the door to indicate a different place.
The psychologist shook his head, "Well, I guess it's alright. I mean, no one else is willing to take the case."
Autumn and Flash gave each other a high five. Unfortunately, this threw them off balance and they wound up toppling over onto the floor and dragging Kurama and Hiei down with them. All four of them just lay there in a twitching pile of people. A man walked into the room wearing a black suit with a boring grey tie. He was an ordinary looking man with ordinary combed black hair and plain brown eyes. He stared at the people on the floor. He then looked up at the psychologist.
"I hear the circus wrecker finally got a lawyer?"
"Yes! That would be us." Flash got to her feet quickly, pulling Autumn with her.
The man groaned, "Not you again..."
"Hey! It's Random Neighbor Man! Hiiii! I didn't know you were a lawyer! That's cool! Guess what? I'm a lawyer too!" Autumn smiled happily and hopped up and down a little.
Random Neighbor Man (a.k.a. Mr. Norman Smith) arched an eyebrow, "Oh really? How interesting...Well, let's get down to business. I'm here to offer your client a deal."
"No." Flash crossed her arms.
Mr. Smith looked at her, "No?"
"No. He's not taking a deal. We're going to prove he's innocent." Flash crossed her arms and nodded.
Mr. Smith, the Police Officer, Kurama, Hiei, and the Psychologist stared at Flash and said "You are?" at the same time that Autumn said "We are?"
Flash nodded, "Yes."
"And how do you plan to do that when he was arrested inside the building?" The psychologist asked.
Flash grinned evilly, "You'll see..."
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Dream: Auuggh. I wanted so badly to finish this story overnight but mom's yelling at me to sleep since school starts in less than a week. v.v So sorry! Anyway, I should have the second and final chapter up soon. Again, sorry!