Disclaimer:

Ron: I can't believe you.

Me: I seem to be hearing that a lot lately.

Ron: Ever wonder why? It's because you're putting me through hell in this story.

Me: It's not hell.

Ron: Yeah, right. That's why I'm a flute player pansy thong boy in this story.

Me: Well, at least people don't think you're a crazy loser pregnant gender confused pansy like Malfoy.

Draco: Yeah, I know right.

Apparently, nothing in the JKR world is mine.

……………………………………………………..

A/N: Yes, so thank you to all my reviewers. I love you all and hope you enjoy this chapter.

Ron was acting weird again.

I don't know what it is with him. It seems like he's been walking on eggshells ever since yesterday when we decided to more or less harass Snape.

One minute, he'll be laughing nervously to himself, and the next he'll be breaking out into a cold sweat. And sometimes he would even get this creepy grin on his face that clearly stated that he was worrying himself sick over something.

Like right now.

"Ron, I'm pretty sure that smile put the sunshine back in everyone's lives. You can stop now," I said, patting his hand while eating a hardy breakfast. I would need all my strength if I was going to start plan A of Operation Thong.

Yes, I know right? The name is the worst name we have ever come up with in the history of our mischief. But, since it wasn't just a Golden Trio thing, two dimwitted males decided on the name. Malfoy claimed that Snape had this outrageous phobia of thongs, and Blaise continued on by saying that he was especially frightened by pink lacy ones.

Ron, Harry, and I were thrilled. Well, Harry and I were thrilled. Ron had this far away contemplative look that clearly meant that he was thinking, which was fundamentally the warning signal of something going wrong.

Ron's smile promptly went away and was replaced by a pout. "Sorry my smiling was annoying."

Harry gently lay down his fork and looked at Ron gently. "We weren't annoyed Ron. It's just that we're worried. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing," he answered a little too quickly. "Nothing. Alejandro just hasn't been working lately."

I wrinkled my nose. "Alejandro?"

"He changed it to a better name after yesterday's pregnant ordeal. He said his flute deserved it," Harry explained. He then turned back to Ron. "Ron, I thought we fixed it yesterday. You checked it yourself."

"Yes I know Harry," Ron growled, showing a different emotion. Unfortunately it was irritation. "You just don't understand. It doesn't feel the same as it used to."

I glared at Harry before he could ignite Ron's passionate rage.

I could understand Ron to a certain point. Most instrumentalists were used to their own instrument, and any other brand would feel weird to their fingers. Ron's flute was still the same though, so I guess it was just the fact that he threw it at Malfoy that got him all depressed.

I grabbed Ron's hand again. "Ron, be happy with Alejandro. He looks brand new after all, and we just fixed him yesterday."

Ron snatched his hand away. "You don't understand either Hermione."

I gave him a stern look. "Ronald Wealsey, there is no way that I will allow you to sulk on the first day of Operation Thong, ok?"

Ron glared at me for two seconds and nodded.

I smiled and continued to devour my sausage. Harry stared at me approvingly and patted Ron on the back.

I smiled again as we got up and headed towards Gryffindor tower. Today would be one delicious day for revenge, and Snape won't even know who did it.

We were going to make him pay.

……………………………………………………

I couldn't believe it.

We had only left the Great Hall ten minutes ago, and I was already irritated.

"Ron, we discussed the plan for at least two hours last night," I said, not hesitating to add an irritated puff.

"Well, I'm sorry Miss-I'm-Head-Girl-therefore-I-know-everything, but some of us had a little bit of a tragedy happen to us last night," Ron growled in return.

"We fixed it!" I yelled, stomping my foot on the ground for effect.

"It's not the same!" he yelled back.

"Okay, EVERYONE STOP!" Harry yelled, getting in between us. "We came up here to get the stuff, so we're going to get the stuff." Harry then looked at me. "Hermione go, now."

At Harry's tone, all I could do was move obediently to the Head Girl Dorm while they waited in the common room.

Harry waited until I left to say, "What is your problem?"

Ron looked indignant. "I don't know what the plan is."

"Ron, it's simple. We take the thongs to Snape's room this morning along with a camera. Then, we wait until tomorrow to see the results," Harry explained patiently.

"What results?" asked Ron, rubbing his temples.

Harry sighed. "We'll see what happens when Snape gets a whole bunch of bright colored thongs thrown at his face. He has a phobia for them remember."

"No," said Ron, shaking his head.

Right then, I came back down.

"Got it," I said cheerfully.

"Good. Let's go," Harry said as we left for the Potions room.

I followed out after Harry and Ron and let out a small giggle.

Wait until Snape finds what we're doing for him.

………………………………..

"Hey look, this one has a bow on the back!" Blaise yelled.

We were currently in an abandoned classroom on the second floor. Harry thought it would be a good place to meet, since Ron used to make out with Lavender in this room and never got caught.

"And it's pink. Now that's sexy," Draco nodded approvingly. "Seriously Granger, where did you get these?"

"From nowhere," I replied a little too quickly.

"Hey look, Harry. This one is black and lacy," Ron said enthusiastically, holding it up in the air. "I wonder if Susan wears one of these."

"I doubt it," Harry said with a grin.

Ron put the thong back in the bag and looked at Blaise, who was currently looking at a yellow and pink one shaped like a butterfly. "I thought we were just going to throw pink thongs at him."

Blaise shook his head. "Well, not exactly. You see, Snape has an underwear phobia. He hates the pink thongs the most though, which is why this bright pink number will do just fine." He then waved the thong around a bit before putting it back in the bag.

I rolled my eyes and looked at Harry.

Harry grinned and took a dark purple thong with sheer yellow stars out of the bag for examination. "Wait, so if Snape has a fear of underwear, then how does he deal with putting his own on."

There was a slight pause.

"He doesn't," Blaise and Malfoy said simultaneously.

Harry and Ron looked at each other.

"Oh, Merlin, Oh, geez…"

"Oh the mental images! My eyes!"

"Guys grow up," I scolded while suppressing my own mental images. No wonder Snape's cloaks billow more than usual cloaks. He likes the breeze when he's going…when he's going… commando.

A couple of moments of silence went by before Harry asked, "So how are we going to get him to the place that you guys set up?"

Blaise smirked. "Well, that was our original problem, and Draco and I almost decided not to go through with this particular prank because of it. However, we found that particular contraption hidden in a room close to the Transfiguration classroom." He pointed to the farthest corner of the room.

Harry and I looked over our shoulders and gasped at what we saw.

The object looked slightly menacing in the gloomy darkness of the room. It held certain solid square pose, and wasn't normally found in the wizarding world. In other words… it was weird.

"A shopping cart?" Harry and I asked simultaneously.

"A what?" Ron, Blaise, and Malfoy asked at the same time.

"A shopping cart," I repeated. "Muggles use it to put goods and such in after shopping at a super market."

All the "purebloods" in the room looked at Harry and I with a blank expression. This, of course, led to another one of our moments of silence.

"Dammit Blaise," Malfoy said, breaking the silence. "Just take your galleons." He then proceeded to throw a small crimson bag towards Blaise who caught it was ease.

I looked at Blaise with a raised eyebrow.

Blaise turned and grinned at me. "We made a bet," he explained. "He thought it was a muggle torture device and I thought it was a normal everyday thing. I won thanks to you and boy wonder."

I smiled and rolled my eyes at him.

"How those two haven't gotten married, I have no idea," I heard Malfoy mutter under his breath.

I rolled my eyes again.

Blaise did as well before he closed up the thong bag.

I scratched my head. "I'm sorry guys, but how are you two planning on using the shopping cart?"

Malfoy perked up. "Well, we were going to repeatedly hit him with it, but since it's not a torture device, then we were going to find a way for him to ride around and take a tour of the dungeon in it."

"With the thongs," Blaise added.

"Cool," Ron said with undisguised admiration.

Blaise stared at Ron for a short second before smirking. "This is going to be fun."

……………………………………………………………….

This was stupid. We've been at the entrance to the dungeon for twenty minutes and the only thing we've accomplished is two arguments, a bruised leg for Ron, and two broken thong straps.

"This is dumb," Harry sighed in frustration.

"Well, it wouldn't be dumb if you would have just agreed to be used as bait," Malfoy retorted.

"Well sorry, Malfoy, if I didn't think that putting a thong over my school uniform and offering him a donut was the best way to lure him out of his chambers," Harry said between gritted teeth.

"You know, if Miss prude Granger over there agreed to do it then I wouldn't have asked you," Malfoy said, gripping the shopping carts handle bars.

"Excuse me, but I don't want to parade myself around in front of Snape with a pink thong when he's the teacher who is trying to make sure I get a job at the wizarding sanitation agency," I said with a bit of a huff. "And, if you think that plan is worth doing, then why don't you do it. Pink suits your coloring perfectly."

"I'm not a girl!" he exclaimed.

"Neither am I!" yelled Harry.

"Yeah, riiiiiiiiight," said Draco with a smirk and a sideways glance at Harry.

"Blaise," I whispered as I turned towards him with a exasperated look.

His response was to look at me in horror and point to Ron.

I smiled. "Ron."

Ron whipped around. "No."

"But Ron," I said, pouting a little.

"No," he repeated a bit firmer. "It's bad enough my flute will never be the same again, but if I have to wear that thing, then I will never be the same again either."

"Pertrificus Totalus," Malfoy whispered before Ron knew what was coming.

Harry punched him. "What the bloody hell did you do that for?"

"Well, we needed someone and he seemed like he could pull off a pink thong," Draco explained.

"He's a red head," Blaise pointed out.

I smirked. "Well aren't you quite the metro."

"Shut up Granger. Draco was the one who said that red heads never look good in pink," Blaise retorted.

"Well, that was until the little Weasley," Draco said, crossing his arms and scowling.

If Ron could actually change his expressions, he would be glaring daggers at Malfoy right now. Harry pinched himself a couple of times, and I sighed, backed up against the wall and started hitting my head against it repeatedly.

Malfoy rolled his eyes and grabbed my arm to pull me towards Ron. "Granger, we don't need you dying-."

"That's not what you said that time you threw me off the Astronomy Tower."

"-now. We need you to mobilize Weasley to the door of Snape's chambers," Draco said matter of factly.

I pulled my arm away. "No."

Draco rolled his eyes again. "Okay, then I'll do it." He then flicked his wand and lifted Ron into an awkward position.

"Malfoy, put him down," I hissed harshly. "You are the biggest prat I know. Why can't you just come up with another plan instead of sticking with this dumb one?" I started lightly jogging as he sped up his pace.

"Because, Granger, this plan is brilliant. Deal with it," he replied through gritted teeth.

"Malfoy, put him down or I will!" I screeched, looking back to see if I had Harry as back up. He was walking at a brisk pace while Blaise was pushing the cart along.

Why, I have no idea.

"Fine, you asked for it," I growled before pushing Malfoy into the wall and unfreezing Ron.

He landed on the hard stone floor with a loud thump and groaned. As he got up, he was gingerly rubbing his tailbone. "Oy, Hermione, you could've at least cushioned my fall a bit."

I smiled but didn't get to reply. Suddenly, there was a loud creak, and the wall on the right side of where we were standing opened to reveal a slightly pissed Professor Snape. He lifted an eyebrow and gave us all the once over.

The last thing he saw was Ron's pink thong.

Snape's eyes widened, then his eyebrow started twitching, and then he started hyperventilating.

"Um, Malfoy, why is Snape about to have a seizure?" Harry asked, backing away from the door.

"He didn't have a seizure last time," I heard Blaze whisper.

"Well, last time we had a blue tho-…oh, maybe that's why he didn't freak out as much," said Malfoy thoughtfully.

I shot a curse at him. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Malfoy touched the place in between his eyes and felt the extra toe growing there. "I didn't have much time to think now did I?"

"Uh guys," Blaise said.

"You had more than a few hours to think!" I yelled with my arms flailing in the air.

"Guys," Blaise said again, turning the shopping cart around.

"There are more important things to think about than how to scare Snape with a pink thong!" Malfoy yelled louder with his arms flailing more dangerously.

"GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" yelled Blaise as he took off with break neck speed down the dungeon hallway.

I looked at Blaise in confusion as Harry and Ron sped past me. I then whipped my head around to barely miss Snape grabbing for my head.

"I HATE PINK THONGS!" he yelled, almost as if he were belting a war call.

I quickly turned around and headed down the hallway. I caught a glimpse of Malfoy's robes as he turned a corner and followed suit, Snape only a couple of feet behind me.

As I turned another corner, I hung on to the hope that we only had another corner turn before we were home free. It was just a stones throw away. We would make it. We would…

"INFLAMARA!"

Blaise, who was about to turn the corner, almost had a run in with the wall as he veered sharply to the right to avoid Snape's flame charm.

"We have to take the other way around!" Blaise yelled as he whirled the cart back on course.

"Way to state the obvious!" yelled Malfoy as he tried to jump into the cart.

Blaise pushed him out and almost caused a collision. "Stop being sarcastic when we're being chased by a madman and RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU NNNNNNNNNNNN!"

After Blaise's urgent yell, we sped up and managed to make it around the next corner before Snape could fire it up. We then ran a detour route until finally, we saw the stairs. I sped up even more as hope spread through my body.

Then the unthinkable happened.

As Blaise whirled the cart so he could push it up the stairs, Harry and Ron tried stopping before hitting it. Their momentum wouldn't allow it, so they had to jump into the cart to keep from colliding with it. This caused the cart to jerk, which led to the cart moving backwards.

"Get out you two!" Blaise yelled so he could handle the cart.

His cry was made in vain, however. As the cart headed backwards, Blaise had no choice but to jump in as well.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Malfoy grab the cart!" I screamed in a last ditch attempt to save them.

Malfoy, however, was too late, and the only thing he managed was grabbing onto the cart before it headed down the corridor.

Now this was when I was faced with a problem. I could go and rat everyone out by going for help. That was probably the better choice seeing as how all the boys would probably break something by the time this ordeal was over. My other choice was that I could follow them and try playing the hero in the hopes that at least Harry and Ron would survive.

Of course, I chose the latter.

I made a sharp left and managed to catch Malfoy's robe tail before he was too far gone. This was a bad idea seeing as I had to run at the same speed as the cart. I would most likely trip if I kept going on like this. That left me with no choice.

I had jump onto the cart.

"Are you bloody insane!" Malfoy asked as I joined in holding on to the rim next to him.

"Well, Malfoy, it was either jumped or be dragged around behind you lot," I replied tartly.

"FIRE!" Ron suddenly yelled.

"We're not on fire, Ron," I replied as patiently as I could on a speeding cart.

"No, FIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEE!" he yelled again.

It took me a little longer to figure it out, but once I caught the extremely bright light and the heat, I knew what Ron was talking about. Up ahead, the fire that Snape left for us moments before was still burning.

"We're going to die!" Blaise said in agony.

"Well, guys, it's been realm" Harry said solemnly, excepting his fate.

"Hey, I've got a wand! I"VE GOT A WAND!" Malfoy triumphantly yelled, holding his wand arm in the air. He then pointed at the fire and put it out.

Right when the fire went out, we were in for a rude awakening. The stone walls that we had tried so hard to avoid hit the cart, knocked it over, and knocked us all down with it.

The last thing I remember seeing was Ron being kicked by Snape and the sound of a thong snapping.

…………………………………………………….

"Excuse me Severus, can you please explain this to me again."

"Explain what Minerva? They tried to kill me!"

"With a pink thong?"

"Yes!"

"For Merlin's sakes Severus, no one loses their minds like that over a pink thong."

"Well, if Weasley wasn't wearing it, then maybe I wouldn't have chased after them."

"With a shopping cart?"

"No. Zabini had the shopping cart. I have no idea why."

……….

"Don't give me that look Minerva, especially after hearing about their adventures with pregnancies and centaurs."

………..

"Will you stop!"

"I just don't understand why you had a Malfoy-like rampage over a couple of thongs."

"Okay, 1) I didn't have a bed post, and 2) they had a whole bag full."

"Now, tell me how these boys and Granger would find a whole bag of thongs."

"I don't know. Maybe you should ask Granger. And just so you know, I think that previous experiences should remind you that Granger isn't that innocence."

"Right, because just like Malfoy, she makes out in every available room in this school."

"Excuse me, but making out in every available room in this school is pretty disgusting."

McGonagall sighed. "Nice to see that you're up Mr. Malfoy."

I then opened my eyes and groaned. Malfoy would need some back up.

"Nice to see that you're up too Miss Granger," McGonagall said with a little more enthusiasm.

"Thank you, Professor."

Malfoy rolled his eyes at this.

Snape growled.

"Honestly Severus, at least keep some professionalism," McGonagall said in exasperation.

Snape pouted. "Well, excuse me if I have no right to animalistic hostility after almost dying."

"You almost died? We almost died!" Ron said as he sat up. The wave of nausea he received after getting up persuaded him to lie back down.

"Ron, we didn't almost died, we almost became mentally retarded," Harry said with a groan as he slowly sat up. Blaise opened his eyes so he could be a good witness to what was going on.

"I'm already insane because of you lot," Snape said as he started pacing and rubbing his temples.

"Who decided to put them together?" asked McGonagall smugly.

Snape glared.

McGonagall ignored him. "So, do I need to ask for an explanation?"

All of us looked at each other and realized we couldn't admit to it without admitting that we tried pulling a prank on Snape. So, instead of offering an explanation, we responded with a good simultaneous, "No."

McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "Very well, and this time, if you use anything in this room as a weapon, I will ask Snape to assign you all an extra credit assignment."

The mental images of all the trouble we would get into if that happened made everyone shudder. McGonagall saw this and left slightly satisfied.

Once she was gone, Blaise spoke. "Yeah, so what the hell did we just do?"

"Well, we got some thongs, you guys found a shopping cart and-."

"Shut up Weasley. That question was completely rhetorical," Malfoy said sourly. As he said this, I noticed that the extra toe I gave him in the middle of his face was gone. The bald spot he received yesterday was still there though.

"No, the question wasn't rhetorical," said Blaise. "I mean, this time we didn't even try to kill each other. It just sort of happened. And this time, we knocked Snape off his rocker, not Malfoy."

"I think things like that happen for a reason. We just aren't meant to be together," said Harry as he cleaned his glasses.

"Of course we're not. But now, it's to late to switch groups. This is it," I grumbled as I rubbed my head and discovered a little bump on the left side.

"Who the hell came up with that idea in the first place?" asked Harry.

"What idea Potter?" asked Blaise as he propped himself up.

"The idea of luring him out with a pink thong so we could get him into the shopping cart. I think the whole decorating his room thing was a really nice prank," Harry replied.

"Potter, you're so boring," sighed Malfoy.

"Well, Malfoy, you're exiting idea landed us back into the hospital wing," I retorted before Harry could.

"Oh do shut up Granger. Any plan involving Snape is bound to land us in here," he sighed again.

"Then why did we do it in the first place?" asked Ron while smacking his head. He then realized it wasn't a good idea once his head started throbbing.

"Would you like a list Weasley? Should I remind you of the apple, the rubber band, the muffin, the butt perfume, the Astronomy Tower, the-."

"Okay, I get it. Merlin, We've gone through all that in such a sort bit of time," Ron said in awe.

"Well, time flies when you're fighting for your life," Harry said grimly.

"That's just a tad bit dramatic," Blaise said. "The worst we could've gotten was a concussion or mental retardation and brain damage. It's up to you to decide which one is less painful."

"So, plan failed then," Ron said with a slight grin on his face. His grin evaporated once he saw that we were all glaring daggers at him.

"I don't think I ever want to try that again. No more pranking Snape," I said. "We would risk our lives everyday if we did that."

"No, we're going to get him. It's just going to take some time," Harry said with a gleam in his eye.

"Wow, Harry. I do believe you just sounded diabolical," I said between giggles.

Harry nodded, and another one of our awkward silences ensued. During those few minutes, the group spent the time looking at the white wall, asking what they did to be put in this situation, and pondering about dinner.

Blaise was the first to break the silence.

"Um, Granger, who's thongs were those?" he asked.

"Yeah. I think McGonagall was right about asking you where you got the thongs from," Harry said.

"Nowhere," I said a little too quickly.

"Oh c'mon. You had to have made some sort of bet with some girl in order to get them," said Ron, perking up a bit.

"I got them from nowhere," I said a little firmer.

"I bet they were from Lavender," Harry said. "That girl cannot wear regular underwear."

"And you would know, Potter," Draco said with an amused smirk.

"If you knew Lavender well, you would know that you didn't need to be her boyfriend to know what type of underwear she was wearing," Harry said with a smirk of his own. "And plus, Hermione would never wear a thong."

Excuse me.

"Yeah, she's too prudish," Ron said.

Oh, I am going to kill him. Those thongs were one hundred percent mine.

"Not that we didn't already know she was prudish," Malfoy said, his smirk getting bigger. "We wouldn't be asking her if we already knew that the thongs belonged to her."

"They are mine!" I said in frustration.

Blaise blinked. "I don't believe you."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh course you don't. I don't feel the need to tell every male in this school about my underwear."

Ron blinked. "So you owned every single thong in the bag?"

"Yes!" I said with exasperation.

Harry blinked. "Why?"

"Because they're cute and no panty lines," I said tartly.

Malfoy blinked. "So they're you're thongs?"

"Yes! All the thongs ranging from the purple to the pink one are mine!" I hissed.

…………..

"So, they're yours?" Blaise asked

I sighed and basically gave up after that.

………………………………………………

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed. I know it's been a while. Well, I guess their plan for Snape really didn't work out. I was going back and forth between whether or not it should succeed and wrote several different drafts with different outcomes, but this one was the one I ended up picking. Why? Well, I had a similar but less dramatic shopping cart incident when I went grocery shopping last week. Hope everyone enjoyed.