Derek twirled the pen in his hand while glaring down at the divorce paper in front of him. His shift was over, his surgical team, Richard's surgical team had probably all left the hospital. Which is good, because then no one else would disturb him. Or at least, no one he knows, and no one who knows about his problem. Earlier on in surgery, somehow, he could feel Addison looking down at him in the OR gallery, and when he look up, she was there. And Meredith. Meredith who said she wanted out of the relationship, out of the 'mess', had declared her love for him. The speech she gave was cute. Very cute. Needy, but cute. And Addison will never do that. No, not over her dead body. Derek chuckled at the thought of that--Addison standing in front of him, telling him to pick her, that she will give him the last piece of cheese cake, that she will stand outside his house with a radio above her head. No, she wouldn't do that. They will be snatching for the last piece of cheese cake, trying to eat it from each other's mouths. And only him, the fool, will stand outside her house with a radio above his head.
He looked up, checking the time. Eight o'clock. Meredith had said to meet him at the bar across the hospital if he were to sign the paper. Derek looked down at the papers again. Staring back at him was the two empty lines where they have to sign. "Addison Montgomery Shepherd." he whispered to himself, shaking his head. Meredith. Addison. Meredith. Addison. Meredith... Derek rubbed his face with his hands and let out a breathe. Was he ready to let go of 11 years of marriage and start over? Was it worth letting go? Was he ready to let go of Addison? Was he?
Am I? he asked himself.
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"Hey, have you seen the other Dr. Shepherd?" Addison asked. But the intern merely shook his head and went off. "Alright, thanks." she muttered. Where is he? she needed to know if he signed it. In fact, she was prepared for him to sign it. He has a girlfriend in Seattle. Only 3 months that he's apart and he's already hooking up with someone else. Not that Addison did not, but she had a friendship with Mark, and it lead to a mistake. A mistake that may or may not be permanent, it all depends on Derek's one signature. If he signs, she goes back to New York. If he doesn't, she just have to break it off with Mark. Either way, she's breaking it off with Mark Sloan. He's not Derek. That kiss in the NICU meant something to her, and Addison only hoped, every so slightly, that it meant something to Derek too.
She heard he was in surgery, and she went, standing by the side of the OR gallery, peering down at him. And then, his working hands stopped, his eyes tore away from the plastic covered machine and he lifted his head up. He saw her. He felt her there, standing, looking at him. Like how things were in New York before their marriage start to fall apart. They would know when each other are around, and they would turn, and find each other there, and they will exchange glances like how long, married couples do. They were once best friends, best friends that turned lovers, and now... Addison didn't know what they are now.
Hours later, their shift ended. Addison had searched all floors looking for Derek. She needed to know. Richard had offered her a job here in Seattle, the pay was definitely good, and she needed to know if she should stay. If Derek signs, Addison would be going home. She didn't need to spend day after day walking through the hallways catching glimpses of him and Meredith giggling like high school lovers. If Derek signs the paper, she would go back to New York, go on with her life, and figure things out with Mark.
And when Derek was no where to be found, Addison gave up, knowing that once again, Derek Shepherd is running away from his problems. She leaned against the elevator with a sigh. If he doesn't want to be a part of the marriage, why don't he just sign the papers and get it over and done with? she thought. She stepped out of the elevator as it hits the first floor. Walking out, she saw the familiar sight of Derek, sitting there, staring out of the hospital. Is he waiting for me?
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Derek headed down to the first floor. He knew that Addison had one last surgery to complete before she was done for the day. He sat by the chairs outside the lift lobby facing the exit of the hospital. Derek had thought of leaving the envelope with the nurses at their station and just head off. But he decided against it. He needed the a few more moments to think, to rethink his choice. Did he make the right one? 12 years ago, Derek was so sure he made the right one when he asked Addison to marry him. The elevator bell rang for the third time. This time, unlike the previous times, he turned his head. He knew, it was Addison.
Their eyes locked for a moment before Derek turned away, hearing her heels click against the shiny, hospital floor as she approach him.
"I have been looking everywhere for you." she said, stopping beside him. Derek tilted his head up, flashing her a tight smile. "You found me." he said, standing up to meet Addison's eye level.
"So have you signed the papers or not." she asked flatly, no emotion in her voice, no emotion in her eyes. Derek could smile at that. He knew all too well. Addison was shutting down her feelings so it would hurt less when the answer came. He opened his briefcase and fished out the large envelope, handing it back to his wife. There was anxiety in her eyes, preparation at the same time. Preparation for the hurting truth. Addison was prepared for the worse. Derek stood there, waiting for her to draw the papers out.
And as though Addison caught Derek's message, she fumbled with the opening of the envelope and pulled the papers out, hoping that her hands aren't giving off any signs of trembles. She held her breathe as she turned to the page where their signatures were required. It was empty. She looked up at Derek, confused.
"I didn't sign it." he stated the fact. He could swear he saw relief and happiness in her eyes. He flashed her another smile, then started to Joe's. He needed to tell Meredith. But how, he didn't know.
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She hailed a cab, hands clutching tightly at the brown envelope as she sat on the leather seat. "Where to, Miss?" the driver asked. Addison snapped out of her shock and swallowed. "Uhmm, The Sorrento Hotel."
The night lights of the town sped by, but her eyes were fixed to the front, her mind whirling. He didn't sign it. she thought. Why? Honestly, Addison didn't know the answer. She would have said that because Derek still love her, but how could he? After she cheated on him with his best friend? Or was Meredith just a fling? A revenge to get back at her to show her how much it hurts to see someone you love with another person?
Upon arrival, she paid the driver and headed straight up to her room, settling down on the edge of her bed with a sigh. I have to do this. she thought, almost reluctantly. But it was a choice she has to make. Flipping open her cellphone, she dialed the number that had snuck into her memory over the past 3 months.
"Hello, Mark?"