With one last smile into the darkened nursery, she shut the door gently behind her, feeling her back pressed against her husband's body. He wrap his arms around her waist and leaned forward to give her a peck on her cheek.
"You're wonderful. You know that?" he whispered into her ear, causing her to giggle. It took a moment for her to stop, enjoying the feel of being embraced in his arms. Finally, she turn around and pulled away, looking into Derek's blue eyes as her teeth nibbled on her lower lip nervously. Derek took a step back, sensing her distance.
"What's wrong?" he frowned. Addison looked away.
"Derek, we... we need to talk." she said. Still confused, Derek nodded.
"Alright, let's go down." he said, leading the way down the steps and into the dining room.
Addison slided into the chair uncomfortably, a leg folded under between her bottom and the chair while another dangled off. She twiddled with her thumb worriedly as Derek slided his arms behind her shoulders, rubbing it gently to comfort her. He isn't helping. she thought. Then, placing a hand on his as a cue to stop, she looked back at him.
"I think you should sit down, Derek." she instructed. Obeying the instructions, Derek slided into the chair on the opposite side of the table. From the look on his wife's face, he knew something is up, and this something is serious. Addison may like to play tricks on him from time to time, but this time, he could sense that it was something serious.
"I want to talk... about Mark." Addison said softly, refusing to look up into Derek's eyes. She waited for an outburst from him, but there was only silence. Then after a moment of silence, he spoke.
"Ok."
Addison looked up to him with relieved, but his expression was grim, pain reflected in his eyes as the memory came back to him. At the moment, Addison regretted what she said. Maybe I should just keep it a secret. she thought. Their marriage had been stablised three years since the incident with Mark and Meredith, and if Addison doesn't say it now, when can she? When they're both old and greying on their death beds? No. she changed her mine. Now is a good time.
Derek waited patiently. The memory that floated back into his mind hurt, but it has been 3 years. He hasn't forgotten about it, but he has learnt to forgive. The fail of their marriage wasn't because of the affair, the affair just woke it up. Sometimes he wondered if he should actually thank Mark for it, because if he had never slept with Addison, it wouldn't have hurt that much, and it wouldn't have made him realise, made the both of them realised, that their marriage needs to be worked on. He folded his arms in front of his chest defensively and leaned back onto the chair. Addison shot him a brief glimpse and drew in a deep breathe. She's preparing herself. he realised.
"I... I stayed with Mark after you left." she blurted out, her eyes still refuse to meet his. She squeezed her hands together, praying silently that it wouldn't tear their marriage apart. She let her eyes wander around the dining room, anywhere but into Derek's eyes. But she could feel his eyes boring into her, waiting for something, something else. She looked down at her hands, bracing for the worse as she finally look straight into her husband's eyes. His eyes that reflected pain now reflected nothing, his jaw tight. Addison licked her lips and looked away once again, she knew it hurt him to know, but she had to. She can't keep the secret to herself forever. Then, finally, he spoke again, a question this time.
"Why?" he asked, his gaze steady.
Is he mad? Is he upset? she wondered. Unlike the norm, Addison was unable to read Derek's thoughts now. But he asked, he wanted to know, and he wanted to talk about it. It's a good thing, right? She swallowed uncomfortably, allowing her gaze to leave him again, only to be fixed onto the dining table.
"I..." she started, then drew in a deep breathe. Where do I start?
"After you saw us... together, you just left." she said, starting from the very beginning. "I knew you were upset, more than just upset, so I didn't go after you, I didn't call you that night. I wanted to give you space to cool off." she explained, her voice soft, unlike her usual confident self. She looked up to him briefly, only receiving the same, constant, emotionless look. He nodded once, encouraging her to go on. "And when I returned to work the next day and you weren't there, I knew you were gone. I called you, I tried to call you, left you messages, but you never returned my calls even after three days of trying. And I thought I've lost you forever." she said, pausing to let a breathe out. "And Mark was there. He always had been. And he told me that he love me, that you will never come back after what happened, and he promised me the exact things you promised on the day we got married." she explained, this time, drawing in a deep breathe, blinking the moisture away in her eyes. Addison was reliving the moment herself, but the affair was an issue that had never been brought up or even solved, and it has to be done for their lives to go on normally. No more secrets. "And I believed him." she continued, her eyes shifting to Derek once more, but only briefly before it was returned to the table top.
Derek waited for more, but there was only silence. She refused to look into his eye for more than a second, but he needed to know more, know everything. He was actually surprised himself that he was ready to see the reason for his wife's affair.
"Why did you come back?" he asked, his arms still folded in front of his chest. More silence. Derek searched her shifty eyes, realising that she was searching for to place her words correctly, to find a right way to start.
"Richard called me." she started, looking up, longer this time. Derek nodded in acknowledgement at the memory. "He said you've asked me to join you in Seattle but I turned it down. But I know that never happened, so I put two and two together to figure out that you're there working for him. And he used the TTTS case as an excuse, I guess, to pull me over, to 'take a look around', he said. And I went."
This time, Derek frowned. "The divorce papers?" he pushed.
"I was convinced, Mark convinced me, that our marriage was over. And I needed someone emotionally, if not, also physically, and I thought you were really gone, Derek, so I filed the divorce papers. It was a chance I would get to see you again, and I thought it'd be best if we end things properly and move on." she explained, this time, looking into his eye to emphasize that she was telling the truth. Derek nodded, not saying anything else.
"Did you..." he stopped and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "After I left, did you still... with Mark?" he asked. Somehow, he wanted to know. Addison looked away, her lips pressed together, and then he knew.
"Oh." he said softly, then slowly, he stood up from his chair and started out of the dining table. Noting the movement, Addison stood up, ready to stop him from doing whatever he was about to do.
"Derek..." she said, almost pleadingly. It was as though it was a magic word for him to stop. His shoulders slumped as he shook his head slightly. Addison, standing by the table, wrap her arms around herself, the fear of him leaving her again crept into her mind.
"I walked Doc with Meredith." he said softly, taking her by surprise.
"What?"
"Before, when we were still living in the trailer, when it was my turn to take Doc for his morning walks, Meredith would be there." he said, turning around to face his wife, emotions in his blue eyes once again. Although it wasn't that much compared to what Addison had confessed, it was something. Derek had promised to work on his marriage, and was to keep his promise of not talking to Meredith except for work purposes. But he didn't. When Addison found out that Derek and Meredith are still friendly towards each other, she accepted it and even tried to be her friend. I owe it to her. he thought to himself.
"I'm sorry." his voice still soft. "I should have let you know..."
"Oh." she responded, sinking back into the chair. "Did you uhmm...ask her to?" she asked, looking up to Derek. He hung his head, his gaze refused to meet hers.
"Yes." He admitted. And she had to know more.
"Why?"
"I don't know." he said. "I know I needed to forget about her, and... I guess it's difficult to when I see her everyday and couldn't talk to her." he rambled. "And at that moment, she needed a friend, so I thought maybe befriending her would help me see her as a friend instead of an ex-lover."
"Okay." she nodded, accepting his explanation without question. But there was something else she wanted to know.
"Why did you choose me?" she blurted out.
Derek shrugged. "You are my wife." he simply said. Addison looked up to him, expecting an explanation.
"We spent 11 years together as a family." he continuned. "I..I can't bring myself to cut you out of my life. And... and I guess somehow I knew I had a part to play in resulting your affair with Mark. Subconsciously, maybe, but..." he sighed again. "And I guess at that point of time even though I told myself that I don't want you back, deep down inside, I'm still in love with you."
Addison smiled lightly and nodded at the response.
"Derek, are we ok?" she couldn't help but ask the same question she asked him three years ago.
This time, Derek looked up at her, his lips slowly spreading into a soft smile. "Yea." he said. "We are."
Addison's lips broke into a smile as she rose from the chair, meeting Derek halfway with a long hug. They pulled away with a sigh of relief, kissing each other softly on the lips.
"We're ok." he said, and she smiled, echoing his words.
"We're ok."