A/N: It's important to keep in mind that Fele is a peasant, and moreover has been abused for a number of years. She essentially has no self-esteem whatsoever, so all of this is an uphill battle for her, even to allow herself to believe love with Theomund is possible. Remembering that is crucial to understanding her reactions to situations.
Chapter 3
It proved another sleepless night for Fele, though for a very different reason this time. When morning arrived, she had persuaded herself this was all a mistake. If Theomund truly had feelings for her, it was best that he get over them. She would just have to firmly urge him to do so. It would be selfish of her to pursue any other course, and unfair to him to sell himself short.
Over the next few days, Theomund showed steady improvement. Though Fele now felt awkward being at his side, he seemed soothed by her presence, and they spent long hours talking when he was not asleep. She was reluctant to say anything of herself, but slowly he drew her out, bit by bit, and only later did she realize how much she had revealed to him without noticing.
Eventually he was well enough for her to return home to a delighted son, who assured her he had missed her greatly. Their lives returned to the established pattern they had previously set, and there was no further indication of Theomund's fondness beyond his usual behavior.
The spring brought warm, dry weather and all were glad to be able to get outdoors once more. By May, the season of parties among the nobility was commencing, and Fele was once more besieged with requests for new jewels to flash about at such gatherings.
One day, while Fele was out purchasing more supplies, a woman turned up in the shop and Theomund greeted her cordially. In his usual affable manner, he struck up a conversation beyond her desire to make a purchase from him, and he soon discovered that she was just arrived from Aldburg.
Fealides was the daughter of nobility in that city, and her family had long been acquainted with Elfhelm and his wife before their departure. They chatted for a considerable while, until the bell on the door jingled as Fele returned with her supplies. Both looked up, and smiling, Theomund hastened to introduce them, not noticing the scornful look Fele was given when the woman discovered who she was.
Still, Fealides had not come to Edoras without purpose. At twenty-six, she was past the usual age for a woman to marry, and had determined that there was no one of sufficient importance in Aldburg for her to consider. However, as the king had an unmarried son of the right age, she had concluded that he would make an excellent husband. Used to getting whatever she wanted, she did not foresee any difficulties in securing his affections. Of course, the first step was to demonstrate her regal bearing and win his admiration. Consequently, she smiled politely and expressed some interest in Fele's work when she learned that the queen frequently bought jewels from the woman.
Before she left the shop, Theomund had told her of the dance coming up in two days time, and assured her she would be welcome to attend and make herself acquainted with others in town. Flirtatiously, she replied, "If I may count on you to dance with me, Theomund, so I do not find myself sitting along the wall, I shall be most happy to attend."
Theomund let out a laugh. "You know not what you wish for, Fealides, but I promise I will see that you dance!"
From her work area, Fele listened to the exchange with both interest and dismay. She knew this was the right thing, that Theomund should turn his attention to a woman such as this, but still a tiny part of her was crushed that nothing could, or would, come of that small statement he had made to her under the effects of his fever.
Focusing on putting her packages away, she blinked back an involuntary tear, refusing to entertain foolish dreams any further. Regardless of Theomund's kindnesses to her, she must remember her place.
xxxxx
He had done it again. Fele wasn't entirely sure how, but once more Theomund had persuaded her she should attend a dance. As before, he herded her into town for a suitable gown, since she had never replaced the one lost in the fire, and then turned up at her doorstep to accompany her. She had a sneaking suspicion he didn't trust her to not go unless he personally escorted her and, in all honesty, he was likely right about that. Still, her previous attendance had gone well and no one objected, so perhaps this would prove another enjoyable evening.
She had been grateful that he did not pressure her to attend every dance, perhaps assuming she would want to spend evenings with her son after not seeing him all day, but Theomund remained insistent that occasional attendance was important for her business. She had given in, realizing that it did give her an opportunity to see what the ladies were wearing in order to better know what might appeal to them.
Even so, she could not help being tense at the prospect of seeing Lady Fealides there. She had readily determined that the lady had set her sights on Theomund, even if he did not yet appear aware of it. It would be rather painful to watch the other woman be open and free with him, knowing that she could never do so herself. Well, if it became too awkward, she would plead a headache. Theomund would not make her stay if she was unwell.
Fealides had already attended several of the dances, and felt she was making good headway in her pursuit of Theomund. He had been most hospitable in introducing her to others, and kept his promise to dance with her. The latter had proven…interesting. She now understood his cryptic remark regarding his dancing – he was not very good. She would have to work on that so he didn't trod on her feet so much. To her annoyance, however, he also urged others to dance with her while he seemed content to watch from the side of the hall.
Fealides was not pleased when she noticed Theomund arrive with Fele in tow. Why on earth would he allow her to come to such a gathering? The girl was nothing more than a common servant. She had learned that Fele hailed from Aldburg herself, but Fealides was well acquainted with the nobility there, and knew Fele was not of the upper class. Still, Theomund had shown that he was a kind person, so likely he was just being charitable to the girl. She had no intention of allowing Fele to interfere with her plans to spend most of the evening in Theomund's company.
Early on, Fele managed to avoid Fealides, and the other woman seemed content to ignore her. Theomund, on the other hand, had Fealides undivided attention. Clearly she understood that the best way to get a man to dance with you was to keep in close proximity to him, preferably engaged in a conversation that you could steer toward the subject of dancing as a broad hint.
Whenever the lady drew near, Fele kept managing to slip away and strike up a conversation with someone else in hopes that it would discourage Theomund from following her. He did dance several times with Fealides, but he persistently kept returning to Fele's side every chance he could escape her.
As the dance the pair were engaged in ended, Fealides requested Theomund find them refreshment, and he graciously accepted the charge, moving briskly away to the wine table.
Fele had been standing not far away, and now Fealides' eyes fell upon her and she moved closer.
"You are the woman from Theomund's shop, are you not? The one who does the jewels?" Fealides queried condescendingly.
Fele swallowed nervously and nodded, not daring to speak.
"It is so kind of Theomund to allow you to attend the party, though I am surprised you are not uncomfortable mingling with the nobility, dear."
"Do not speak to her in that manner!" Theomund growled low from Fealides' right, his eyes flashing with anger, as he rejoined them.
Startled by the vehemence of his declaration, Fealides faltered, but recovering quickly, smiled gently. "Theomund, I have not said anything that is not true. Surely she has not been deceiving you about her circumstances."
Fele kept her gaze on the floor, her face flaming, too ashamed to look at either of them. She did not see Theomund step in close, and was surprised when he caught her hand and wrapped it around his arm. A quick glance up showed that he had shoved the two wine goblets he bore into Fealides' hands.
"She has deceived me about nothing," Theomund told the other woman tightly. "I am quite aware of her humble beginnings, as well as how she has worked to overcome them. She is a charming woman and well thought of in this city. You would do well to mind your tongue if you do not wish to find yourself in disfavor with the king's household. My parents think very highly of Fele, as do I."
With a tug on her hand, he led Fele away from Fealides and onto the dance floor as the next song was starting. For several moments, they did not speak and Fele would not look up.
Giving a sigh, Theomund glanced around, knowing there was no privacy to be had here. Carefully he steered her toward the side, and then broke off dancing to guide her out the side door onto the terrace.
Once they were alone in the dark, he struggled to think what to say to her to ease the hurt she had suffered. At length, he stood before her and took both her hands in his. "Do not listen to her, Fele! She is mistaken to think herself better than you because of her noble birth. You are a much finer woman than she will ever be with her snobbery."
She made to draw her hands from his grasp as tears slipped down her cheeks. "No, my lord. She is correct. I am but a peasant, and that is all I will ever be. I should not think to elevate myself above my station."
Groaning in distress, Theomund pulled her close. "No! It is not so! You have worked hard to be more than just a peasant, and you have succeeded."
Before he knew it, he had lowered his head and was kissing her, all his pent-up feelings and emotions overwhelming him. For several long moments, they were oblivious to all around them as Fele found herself unable, and unwilling, to pull away from him.
As he drew back, however, he looked at her with tortured eyes. "I am sorry!" he whispered. "I know I should not have done that. I have tried not to press my affections upon you until I knew if you felt anything for me." Quickly he turned away, fighting the urge to claim her lips again.
Fele stared at him in stunned silence. It was true, then. He did care for her...love her. Despite the tiny little hope that it might be so, and suggestions from others that it was, she had never entirely dared to believe it possible. But there was no mistaking the emotion in his kiss, or the look in his eyes.
Tentatively, she ventured, "Theomund, I am flattered by your interest..." For a moment her own feelings welled up and choked off her words, though she forced herself to continue on, "But you deserve far better than one such as I am. Do not waste your efforts on a peasant."
"I do not want any other!" he exclaimed, turning back to her with agitation. "You have consumed my mind, and my heart, almost from the day we first met." Slowly stepping to her, his hand hesitantly reached up to stroke her head. "My affections will not be turned elsewhere – it is you that I love, that I desire."
There could be no misinterpretation of his meaning now; his words were plain. Could she...love him in return? Her mind insisted she should dissuade him, convince him to... But even as she fought to make herself do the 'right' thing and turn him away, her heart leapt with joy – he loved her! As she loved him!
With a gasping sob, she confessed, almost too softly for him to hear, "I love you as well, Theomund!" It went against her better judgement and everything she knew to be proper. She even knew she should resist, but she did not want to do so.
For several very long moments, Theomund just stared at her, not quite believing he had heard her correctly. Struggling for composure, he asked, "You love me?"
She nodded hesitantly, then bowed her head apologetically. "I know I should not, but I cannot help it. How could any right thinking woman resist you?" Her tears continued to flow, and she wasn't clear whether she was weeping for happiness or dismay.
Abruptly, Theomund enfolded her in his arms, pressing his cheek to the top of her head.
She felt so good in his arms, that for a long while Theomund just held her, but at length her tears drew his attention. "Beloved, why do you weep? Those are the sweetest words I could ever hope to hear from you!" he told her tenderly.
"It should not be so!" she sobbed. "You should love a noblewoman. You should–"
He cut her off, saying firmly, "One cannot choose where one's heart finds love, dearest. I should love and marry the most wonderful woman I can find, and so I will do. You are all that I want; you are the one I love more than life itself!"
His hands slid around to cup her neck and he once more claimed her lips, ever so gently as if he might frighten her away. With a hiccuping gasp, she finally surrendered and leaned into his embrace. She had not realized just how much she had longed to have him hold her, kiss her, love her.
When they broke apart, and she laid her head on his chest, all she could think was that if this was a dream, so be it. It was a wonderful dream, and one she would cherish, even if she awoke to find it fading in the brightness of day. Tomorrow it could be wrong. Tomorrow she could be ashamed of her weakness. Tonight she only wanted to stay wrapped in his arms.
Unwilling to release her, Theomund kept one arm firmly around her as he steered her back toward his mother's garden. He did not think she would mind if they did not return to the dance.
xxxxx
Fele stretched in her bed, coming leisurely awake, a grin playing on her face. Slowly her eyes drifted open, but she did not see her room. Instead she saw him - the devilish gleam in his eye, his teasing grin. For several moments, she allowed her mind to replay the events of the night before. They had talked long into the night...with a few kisses thrown in for good measure. It seemed strange that they had known each other for more than a year and still had so much to say to one another, so much to find out about the other person.
Her mother stirred beside her, and she heard Eledher rising, so she pulled her mind back to the present. Somehow, to speak of all that happened and had been said the night before might make it disappear, so she tried to restrain her joy and merely asssured Frideswide that she had a pleasant time at the dance. If her mother suspected she was holding something back, she made no comment on it.
Humming a tune, breakfast was quickly prepared and Fele hurriedly dressed. She was soon on her way to the shop, anxious to see Theomund again. When she arrived, he was not yet there, so she went ahead and opened up.
Less than a quarter hour later, the bell on the door jingled, and she looked up expectantly, but when she went to the other room it was not Theomund who had come in. Fealides stood before her, eyeing her dispassionately.
Bobbing a curtsy, she acknowledged, "My lady. What brings you out so early this morning?"
The other woman moved around the room, her gaze wandering disinterestedly about her surroundings, but making sure they were alone. Finally she turned to face Fele, and came to the point. "I feel it is my duty to warn you not to embark on this course."
For a moment, Fele's face reflected her lack of understanding, but Fealides did not mince words. "Let me be blunt, Fele. Royalty beds women like you. They do not marry them. Regardless of what you may think, you will never be Theomund's wife. Rohan would never tolerate it, nor would the king and queen. I am telling you this for your own good. You seem a decent woman. I would hate for your reputation to suffer were you to become known as Theomund's mistress. You have a child to consider."
Pain clutched at Fele's chest as she stared wide-eyed at the other woman. She was right! Of course, she was right. How could she have been so foolish to let a little moonlight and a few kisses blind her to the truth of the situation. She was only a peasant, when all was said and done.
Swallowing hard, she nodded her head, keeping her eyes lowered as she replied, "I thank you for your concern, my lady, and your warning. I will take heed of it."
A satisfied smirk on her face, Fealides answered, "Very wise. You will be better off for it. Good day." And with that she was gone, taking all Fele's hopes with her.
Fele stood staring blindly at the floor for she knew not how long, but suddenly she was running out the door, not bothering to lock it behind her. Her tears were falling so thickly she could not see where she was going as she stumbled along. At length, she found herself at the city gates and hurriedly exited, not wanting any conversation with the guards. Finally, she ended up at the barrowfields, where she flung herself on the ground and wept until she could weep no more.