"H-home?" Buffy repeated, panic seizing her. "Y-you-you're wanting to s-send me home?" she asked. "H-how can you send me h-home when I don't even remember where the hell that is?"

She had only been out of her coma for a couple of weeks and here they were wanting to send her home? She'd had just one other flash of a memory since the morning out in the snow, she was a far cry from ready to leave the sanctuary of these walls and go out into the real world.

Her doctor tried to push all of those worries and fears out of her mind but nothing he said was honestly helping a thing. She wasn't ready, she didn't know when or if she ever would be. The doctor went over how well she was doing with healing, even including the memory bit, discussed the aftercare routine she was to follow, and gave some helpful tips on ways to try and help her recover those lost years once out of the hospital.

Buffy gave herself a few minutes to calm down once she was back in her room alone before reaching for her cell phone. Angel had chosen one hell of a time to fly back to Los Angeles for a two night stay.

He leaves and she gets news they want to keep her over the weekend for observation but by the start of the following week she should be cleared for discharge.

At the sound of his voice on the other line, Buffy felt the little control she'd managed to build up start to fall away as tears sprung back to the corners of her eyes.

It took all but two seconds for him to realize something was wrong and ask her what was up. And only a few minutes for him to get her calmed back down. Angel had kept a level head as they talked, telling her more than once it was all going to be okay and he would figure something out, promising he would be back to the hospital as soon as possible.

OoOoO

Buffy's hands shook as she finished getting dressed and began to grab up the last of her personal items from the bathroom and put them into one of the hospital bags she'd been given earlier. She delayed leaving the white and blue tilted bathroom for as long as she could, slowly getting dressed after her shower, fixing her hair into a tight ponytail, putting on some light makeup and rubbing lotion on her hands and down her legs, and finally spraying herself with the perfume Angel had gifted to her.

She carefully packed away all of her remaining items, gave herself one last long look in the long mirror, then headed toward the door.

Her room was almost entirely bare from her possessions, Angel having taken most of her things out to his car while she was getting ready.

She was no longer hooked up to any machine, no tubes running to her veins, no white patient bracelet on her wrist, nor the red allergy one to twin it.

"You want me to go ahead and tell them we're about ready to go?" Angel asked. Buffy turned to look at him and nodded. "Okay," he said softly, and began stepping out into the hallway.

She went to gather the last of her things, throwing them into the hospital bag in her hand that still had room along with the large duffle bag Angel had bought for her. He returned to the room shortly, taking the bags from her.

"I'll go ahead and start heading down to get the car pulled around," he said when transport showed up.

Buffy didn't want him to go, but that was nothing short of ridiculous. She was only being taken downstairs where she would meet back up with him in a matter of minutes but still, she felt a little bit of panic as she watched him exit the room.

When prompted to, Buffy sat down in the wheelchair and began to be wheeled away. Nurses she had become friends with stopped to say their goodbyes and to wish her luck before they continued on their way.

The trip was short enough and soon she and the man who was pushing the wheelchair were standing near the front entrance of one of the connected buildings. Not having seen Angel's car yet, he kept her inside between the two main doors while they waited.

"Is that your husband, ma'am?"

Buffy blinked, looking to where the man was pointing. "I think so," she said then nodded when he got closer. "Yeah, th-that's Angel."

Next, he pushed the wheelchair through the second door and out into the cold air. Angel had parked at the curb and gotten out to open the passenger side door. The two men helped her out of the chair and into the large, black vehicle. Her escort wished her well before he shut the door and turned away. It was just a few seconds before Angel slid inside to the driver's seat. The car made next to no noise as he began to pull away from the hospital, heading elsewhere.

Buffy wasn't exactly keen on the idea of being back inside of a car after the accident she'd had but was thankful that she hadn't yet remembered anything from the crash itself. She was sure that would be a nightmare for a good, long time.

OoOoO

The hours it took to get from the hospital to the apartment complex she was using as her current address seemed to drag on. She'd been tired but unable to fall asleep, never having been able to sleep well in a moving vehicle before. They had stopped at a drive-thru to eat but mostly just stayed on the road. Angel had the radio on at a low volume and had told her a few stories of trips the two of them had taken in their years as a couple along the way.

When they got closer to her building, Angel asked her if anything looked familiar along the way. None of it had. The apartments themselves gave nothing either.

With a sigh, she got out of the car when it stopped, going toward the office with Angel behind her to speak to the landlord she didn't remember. Angel had paid off her rent and other utilities he'd known of for three months in advance but she'd needed to go clear a few things up with him, as well as get the mail Angel had asked him to hold.

Knowing she couldn't stay here, she had to work it out to get out of her lease early, which Angel had already brought up with him on her behalf so it was more or less done when she walked in. There was just some paperwork to fill out mostly.

She was glad he'd been understanding about everything and it hadn't taken long to sort everything out.

They got back in the car and drove to the building she was in and began making their way inside. Angel had to unlock it as it kept getting stuck for her and was sure it'd have given her hell a time or two since moving in.

Angel's eyes held the silent question as she went inside, looking around the space. The apartment was a decent size but didn't look very lived in. It was decorated rather plainly... mostly just some essential items in each room as far as furniture went. The living room held a matching light tan couch and loveseat, a trio of tables, one being the coffee table and the other two end tables, one of the tables held a lamp on top of it. There was a small bookshelf entirely filled up and a desk with a computer and chair in one corner. She shook her head after taking it in, none of it looking familiar to her.

The kitchen was small but looked to have new appliances inside. She'd been given a list from her landlord that described what all was here when she moved in in case she couldn't find her original lease inside. There was an empty notepad on the counter, some spoiled food in the fridge, an empty trashcan in one corner, a few dishes in the sink.

The cabinets had just a handful of plates, cookware, silverware and such plus some other food and household products.

The hallway was bare. She turned into the first room she came across which was the bathroom. She found a large collection of toiletry items, makeup, lotions, perfumes, nail polish and such. There were several towels, a hamper of a few dirty clothes, a small washer and dryer set along one wall. The linen closet held some cleaning supplies and more household items.

Next she discovered the bedroom. The full sized bed was messy and unmade, a ceiling fan hung about the bed, there was a nightstand to the right side of it. She had a laptop laid out on the bed and a tall standing lamp in one corner of the room. Another bookshelf with books and movies was in here and a comfy looking armchair. The large walk in closet held several items of clothes, accessories and shoes.

She had a bike out on the deck area and a single fold out patio chair.

"I was really hoping coming here would be like turning a key in a lock," she said softly. "That I would suddenly remember-at least some of it."

Angel nodded his head, understanding. "I'm sorry it didn't strike any memories back to you," he told her.

While Angel started to clean up a little, Buffy decided she'd go indulge in a hot soak. That bathtub had looked far too inviting to waste the opportunity.

OoOoO

Angel wasn't surprised by Buffy's bare apartment, he knew most of her things were still just sitting back at the house in Sunnydale, she hadn't taken much with her when she decided to hightail it out of the small California town. All the same, it was hard to imagine her here.

Buffy's presence wasn't exactly "felt" around the apartment. The colors weren't here, the lack of decor items or just random things she would up and buy and string about everywhere, nothing up on the walls, hardly anything he knew she held dear to her spotted.

He sighed, going to the kitchen to throw out any food that had either gone bad or simply he knew wasn't going to travel well and started working on making them something for dinner. He didn't feel like going out anywhere else tonight if he could help it.

After they ate, he figured they could start going through some of her things and decide what she wanted with them in the car and what they could have the moving truck could load up and deliver. Or at least get a start on it as they still had some time before she officially needed out.

When Buffy came to join him, he had just about finished putting everything out. She complimented him and asked him if he cooked for her often. Angel nodded. "We have different tastes in general so meals at our house could get tricky sometimes."

Buffy started sorting through her mail as they ate, finding most of it junk mail. There were some bills and just a few personal notes in the pile, he said he'd take care of whatever was left over from her time here. She had a few things in town still to take care of including talking with her employer, the bank she'd opened an account with here, and finding who she was where she wanted to donate anything that wasn't going back to California with her.

By the time they finished eating, cleaning up and then starting the process of going through her things it started to get pretty late into the evening. A knock at the door surprised them both.

Buffy looked like a fit of nerves as she went to go answer it.

"Oh, Jesus, Buffy. You look like death decided to give you a warning." The voice was feminine and very Texan. At the silence from Buffy's end, the girl jumped right back in. "Oh, Lord, I'm sorry. I was told you'd lost some of your memory and here I am probably just freaking you out more. Mine name's Winifred Burkle, you can call me Fred. I live right next door to your left here."

"Oh," Buffy said next. "Oh, I am sorry. Would you like to come in?" she asked a little nervously.

This Fred woman was a slender, shy looking lady. She had a goofy but pretty smile, her hair was up in loose pigtails, some brown glasses on her face. "Oh, sorry. I didn't know you already had company," Fred said when she spotted him. She stepped closer, holding out her hand. When he took it, her eyes widened some. "You're Angelus," she said.

He hadn't expected her to recognize him. "Um, yes, I am."

She continued to look at him. And kept her hand locked with his. "Somehow you look much better in person," she stated. "I wouldn't have thought that possible."

"Uh, thanks?"

Fred shook her head, snapping out of it. "Sorry. Buffy showed me some pictures of you before. And... just wow... okay, anyway... Buffy! I wanted to see if there was anything I could help you out with? Anything you might need?"

Buffy thanked her but said she was good for the time being before explaining she was planning to go back to Sunnydale in a few days. Fred said she'd miss her and hoped to see her again before she left before leaving them alone once again.

"She seemed nice," Angel offered.

Her blonde head nodded. "Makes me wish I could remember her. Maybe when I do I can get in touch with her again I guess." She sighed and plopped down on the couch. "Sometimes it's not so bad, you know. Not remembering. Other times it feels like I'm drowning under it all." She made it a point to set up a time to go back and talk to the thin brunette. Maybe she held some answers no one else currently did.

OoOoO

Angel found it difficult to sleep that night.

Buffy's couch was comfortable but a little on the smaller side for his larger frame. She'd only had one pillow in the house so he was using one of the blankets she'd given him earlier as a pillow and the other to cover his body.

Her street was pretty busy with traffic, which he wasn't exactly used to these days. And then there was simply the fact she was in the next room.

Angel had spent a few nights in the hospital down in a waiting room on the same floor while she was in the coma and things were looking a little bleak, but other than that this was the first time in roughly a year and a half that he'd slept, or was supposed to be sleeping, under the same roof as his ex-wife.

He was dead tired but his mind just did not want to shut off.

He wasn't blind to what was going on with the two of them, despite efforts to keep something like this from happening. He knew her better than she realized, knew what her looks meant, the tone in her voice when she'd say certain words or phrases, he knew her ticks. He'd gone through her falling in love with him once, he recognized bits and pieces of that again as they spent more and more time together.

It was like a knife stabbing him deeper and deeper every passing day.

"I see the way she looks at you."

Angel set his jaw.

"She's going to break your heart all over again if you let her."

He barked out a laugh at that. It'd never healed any from the last time.

OoOoO

Buffy stared up at the ceiling fan above her, unable to fall asleep still. She didn't know what it was but she just couldn't seem to relax enough to fall under. She thought about tip-toeing to the bathroom and taking some medication she'd been given for that but she wasn't sure if Angel was awake still or not and didn't want to risk waking him up in case he was in fact asleep.

She didn't want to risk going in there and asking him to come lay down beside her, which she had a craving for right now that she couldn't explain. Every time she closed her eyes it was all she could picture... laying on her side, her body pushed up against his, those strong arms holding her and protecting her from the rest of the world...

After a little time passed though, she decided to get out of bed, as quietly as she could manage. She thought about what Fred had said earlier and wondered about the photos she'd mentioned. Buffy moved softly around the room, the open curtains letting the light from the moon fill the room as she began sneaking around.

"Forever" was written in silver on top of the heavy and full black album that she found hidden in her closet. She knew what she'd find in there before she opened to the first page.

Angel hadn't been kidding about their wedding ceremony being perfect. She could tell that from the photographs alone, from the shots of it, but mostly from the faces of those who had attended, not to mention the looks on both her and her groom's in the pictures of either or both of them.

She'd never really spent much time thinking about these kinds of things but even at a glance into it Buffy knew it'd been exactly perfect for her-for them, and everything she'd wanted.

She looked beautiful, young, carefree and blissfully happy. Angel's eyes seemed to be on her in every shot the two shared, never leaving. He looked at her like she was everything, like she was the last drop of water to a dying man in the middle of an endless desert. It stole her breath and drove to a tightening in her chest.

She wished she could remember that. Hell, she wished she could even have that now. His eyes sure didn't look at her that same way. Maybe from time to time there was a glimpse of it but those eyes were hard now, dark and hard.

Not like this.

Not even close.

Buffy knew she was in trouble when it came to him, already confiding in Willow several days ago that she was afraid she was falling in love with him. He made her feel safe, loved... even when she was sure he wasn't exactly trying to. He made her feel wanted in those rare moments his guard slipped. He took care of her above and beyond any call of duty would ask. He made her laugh.

Buffy missed him when he was gone, craved him when he was near.

She understood all too well how she would have fallen in love with him once, even if he had this dark cloud hovering over him.

Somewhere inside of her, she also knew that "Memory Buffy" never got over him, never stopped loving him. How could she have?

OoOoO

As the last of her items were packed up into the moving truck, Angel came up beside her as she looked on at the building, trying to remember something, anything. "Buf?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure you're still wanting to go to Sunnydale? I mean, we can take you to Willow and Tara's if you'd be more comfortable. I could get you a storage unit set up there if they don't have enough room and..."

Buffy shook her head. "No. I mean, to a point it is tempting, but I think Sunnydale is where I need to be. If I am going to start putting the pieces of my life back together, I should be where it happened, right? Besides, I know Sunnydale. Better than anywhere else. I remember it there. It's familiar to me, even if it's from years ago in my mind's view. It couldn't have changed all that much."

"Alright," he said after a minute and went to go talk to the moving crew with her stuff.

About thirty minutes later they were back on the road. She was thankful it wouldn't be much of a trip this time. The movers would be driving her things back to the small town while she and Angel headed for the closest airport with a way to LA.

OoOoO

Relief is what Buffy felt as they drove through the streets of Sunnydale. It was a wonderful thing to be surrounded by familiar weather, sights, streets, faces after all she'd been going through in the past many few weeks.

Even Angel seemed to relax a little as they got closer and closer to what was once their home.

Those hunched shoulders started to relax, he started saying more than two to three words at a time as he updated her on changed the town had gone through in the past couple of years, the tension that filled the air slowly taking a step down.

As Angel started to grab her things from his car, Buffy made her way up the driveway, onto the porch and stepped inside. Angel had warned her it would look different inside and he certainly hadn't lied about that. They had begun to remodel and redecorate once she decided to move back into the house from the dorms at school and Angel moving in with her from his own apartment in Los Angeles he'd explained. It wasn't exactly what she remembered, sure, but it still felt like home. It felt like her.

She stood in the foyer, gazing around the house from there at first. She could already tell some of the bigger changes: carpeting, hardwood and tiling to the floors had been redone, the walls repainted, several built-in additions worked into the design. Everything was a bit more bright and poppy than the traditional looking home her mother had gone with, but she liked it.

She moved out of the way when Angel came in, putting her things to the side of the stairs. "What do you think?"

Buffy's eyes left the hanging pictures of times forgotten that hung on the wall to look at him. "It's different, but pretty."

He didn't say anything else before going back outside to continue his task.

The light gray and white walls were welcoming to her, the dark blue curtains with sheer white underlyings pulled back to let some sunshine fall into the rooms. She took a seat on the dark gray sofa, pulling one of the pillows set to the side into her lap as her eyes looked around the room. While she liked the new look, it was going to take some time to get used to it.

Buffy continued to go through the house, room by room. When she got to the dining room, Buffy paused, staring intently at one of the walls. "A-Angel?" she called out. "Was this room... red... at one time?" she asked, her forehead creasing up.

His eyes stared at her for a minute. "Yeah," he answered. "You were thinking about going with a different color scheme at first. You'd wanted to have a little bolder of a look, dark reds and grays."

Buffy's hand reached for the simple silver string of a necklace she had around her neck, her fingers grasping at her wedding ring it had attached to it. "I r-remember the swatches on that wall," she said, pointing a finger from her other hand.

"You'd already done the living room, and started on the kitchen next. I think you had about half of a wall done in here before you changed your mind on what you wanted. I think Giles' wife gave you that yellow and white rug down in the living room when they decided to move to England and you changed your whole idea about the house from there."

After her face scrunched up, he let out a little laugh. "You'd just started so it wasn't that big of a deal. You waited to buy the new furniture and stuff until after the floors and walls and cabinets were all done."

Buffy could tell the house was well lived in and very loved. It made her sad to think of it sitting here all alone while she'd left town for all those months. She hadn't even liked leaving it to just sit there when she headed off to college, but it was hard for her to remain there at that time. She was still reeling from her mother's sudden passing and it was just too much to stay in their home.

Finishing with her tour of the downstairs area, Buffy began making her way up the stairs to the second floor. Upstairs it was a bit easier to see the missing pieces to the home, empty spaces that looked out of place. She was sure that was due to her split with Angel, whatever having been in those spots being something of his that he had taken with him when he moved out.

The guest bedroom she'd known was suspiciously bare. From the looks of it, it'd been converted into an office area. It 'felt' more like Angel than any other room in the house had so far, even with it being practically empty.

Her old bedroom was now the one for guests. Somehow it felt smaller as she stood there. And the last bedroom formally being Joyce's but then had become theirs.

Now... hers.

As Buffy stepped a few feet into the room, she had another flash of a memory come to her. This being the most detailed and longest of the four. And the most embarrassing for her.

One of his hands was tangled up in her hair as their lips collided, the other holding her bottom with a gentle but firm touch, pushing her body into his. She had already lost her dress and heels as they had made their way up to the bedroom, so she stood before him in nothing but a lacey black set of bra and panties.

"You are wearing far too much clothing," she pouted, her fingers reaching for his tie.

"You know," he said, his voice husky as he lifted her up into the air, her legs wrapping around him. "I couldn't agree more."

Her laughter filled the air as he carried her the rest of the way to the bed, dropping her down in a playful manner. Her foot kicked at him but he grabbed it, bringing it to his lips, and dropped a soft kiss at the arch. Her face broke out into a large smile as those heavy hands slid from her foot to her ankle, down to her knee and began to seek lower ground. "You're still wearing too many clothes."

He smirked down at her. Taking his time removing his hands from her soft flesh, he finished taking off his tie and began to work on getting his white button-up shirt off. "I guess we'll just have to fix that."

Buffy jumped at the knock at the open door to the bedroom, her face flushing when Angel popped his head inside. "Hey, I was... Are you alright?"

"Hmm? Y-yes," she lied. It felt too warm in here.

Those dark eyes bore into her. "You sure?" he asked. "Did something happen?"

She cleared her throat, trying very hard not to look at him, trying very hard not to think of him stripping before her, the way his lips felt on her, his body against her. Trying very hard not to think of what might have happened next in that memory flash she'd just gotten. "N-no," she continued to lie. "Just feeling a bit o-overwhelmed." At least that wasn't an entire falsified statement.

He didn't look convinced but didn't call her out on it. "I was going to see if you wanted to head into town with me but it might be best for you to stay here," he said slowly, his eyes never leaving her.

"O-okay." While she didn't want him to leave, she did think maybe a little space at this particular moment might not be the worst idea.

"I'll be back in a little while. I thought I would go get you stocked up on groceries and things like that. You have my number if you need anything."

She nodded.

"Anything in particular you want me to pick up while I'm out?"

Buffy shook her head. "N-no. Nothing I can think of."

"Alright," he drawled out. "You going to be alright here by yourself?"

"I think so. I might s-start putting some of my things away."

"Okay. Well, there's no rush. I'll be back shortly."

Buffy let out a hard and shaky breath when she heard the front door close. "Get ahold of yourself woman," she muttered out loud.