CHAPTER NINE

Ryan stared at the deepening shadows of sunset with slight worry. Astrid should be back by now, he was sure of it. Though the sky still bore the warm color of dusk, the world below was fast becoming dark and foreboding. He didn't like the idea of Astrid being out there alone in the night. He was worried for her safety though he reminded himself that she was probably a lot tougher than he was. Remembering that Astrid said she might not be back until the following morning, Ryan finally stepped away from the door.

Inside the cabin it was becoming almost too dark for the two weak candles sitting on the kitchen table. The candles alone didn't give off enough light for the two large rooms. Ryan would be better off taking them up to the attic for the evening but he didn't like being up there alone. The night before he hadn't been able to sleep, jumping at every little sound. He constantly awoke and found himself looking for Astrid's slumbering form in the dark but then the realization that he was by himself hit him like a rock.

Ryan sat on the couch staring into the blackened fireplace and marveled at how much he missed Astrid. How strange that someone he'd known for so short a time had become such a comfort to him. He found himself grinning at the very thought of her eyes and that hesitant smile of hers. Even when she was angry he had to admit there was a fire within her that he found near irresistible. Ryan shook the images from his head and realized the sky had gone completely dark. He was embarrassed to have been lost in his thoughts for so long.

He looked back at the fireplace in which he'd set up some new logs out of sheer boredom. He felt the ready to burn wood gave the room a cheerier feel. Now he was fighting the temptation to set them ablaze. He couldn't imagine that the small fire would cause enough smoke to attract anyone's attention this time of night. He was in the middle of nowhere. The only thing stopping him was Astrid's warning. He wondered how angry she would be if she learned he'd disobeyed her.

Suddenly a strange thought of Lex popped into his head and Ryan found himself chuckling. Lex would consider him whipped for letting such a small girl push him around. The memory of his arrogant mate made Ryan feel warm. Though most of Lex's unusual logic had escaped Ryan in the past, this was one time he had to agree. Ryan had spent far too many months lying around in the dark, his fear consuming him. He was tired of being afraid. If someone spotted the fire and came after him, so be it. With that Ryan stood and went in search of the matches.

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Astrid grunted in frustration as she hit the dimming flashlight. The batteries she'd traded for were already dying and she was annoyed with herself for getting gypped. She squinted into the poorly lit basement and sighed. This was the fifth house she'd searched and she still hadn't found what she was looking for. Astrid knew that her search was ridiculous in the first place but the more she thought about it, the more determined she was to succeed. What she had found was enough to make a grown man faint. In three of the homes she'd crept through she discovered the remains of people who had died in their beds. The smell of death was so overwhelming Astrid had to stop and dry heave.

The neighborhood was creepy though Astrid had concluded it was completely deserted hours ago. Out on the street she heard nothing but crickets and the occasional owl. The sound of her boots hitting the crumbling pavement echoed in the night. Her flashlight was fast becoming useless and she clicked it off annoyed. Thank goodness for the moon. It was nearly full and made the darkness less frightening.

House number six had been badly looted and Astrid wondered whether it was worth checking out. In the living room was evidence of a short lived fire and the name Zoot was spray painted on the dining room wall.

"Locos," Astrid said absently.

She hadn't known the nut job tribe spent any time in the suburbs. She'd assumed from their primitive behavior that they must have sprung up from the concrete of the city. Shattered family portraits lay in a heap beneath the fireplace mantle, somehow managing to not be completely destroyed by the fire. Astrid only gazed at them long enough to see it was a typical nuclear family: Mom, Dad and their two sons. All the furniture downstairs was shattered and the basement door was buckled within the frame. Though she figured it was a pointless venture, she climbed up to the second floor.

Surprisingly only one room was trashed. Though obviously looted, the master and third bedroom were both left somewhat in tact. It was in that third bedroom that Astrid found what she was looking for. The sport posters taped up and numerous trophies lying about were her first clue she was in the right place. Plaques for most valuable player and best sportsmanship still hung crookedly on the wall. An old basketball jersey was tacked above the one window which wasn't broken. This boy had been an obvious sports nut. On a bookshelf which stood rather untouched were numerous framed photos. She gazed over them quickly before spotting a pair of wooden crutches in the corner.

"Yes," Astrid smiled.

She picked one up and sized it up against her. Good thing the previous owner had been tall. She was sure they would fit Ryan perfectly. As she thought about how she would carry them back to the cabin, she was well aware that this strange gift in no way made up for the bad news she had yet to tell Ryan. In fact, the search itself had just been her mind's way of putting off the inevitable. It's not everyday that one gets the honor of crushing another's hopes and dreams.

As she turned to leave the room, Astrid's boot caught on a loose lamp cord and she lost her balance. Unable to catch herself she hit the floor, taking the bookshelf with her. After being slightly startled by the loud crash that echoed through the house, Astrid took the chance to chuckle at her clumsiness. As she untangled herself from the debris she accidentally cut her hand on one of the shattered frames. Picking it up she saw it was a picture of the same two boys from downstairs. The brothers were dressed in what looked to be school uniforms. If she'd studied it harder she might have recognized the older boy as the same kid running for leader back in the city. As it was Astrid simply set it aside and stood up.

Taking another step her boot landed on something solid. She lifted her foot to see she'd almost broken some sort of jewelry box. She picked up what seemed to be something made in wood shop perhaps, the top slightly splintered from her weight. The hinges had grown rusty and along the bottom was carved a name though time had made reading it an impossibility. Inside, lying on a dusty bed of cotton, was a necklace, the chain cheaply coated with gold plating. The only thing of value was the opal birthstone pendant. Inscribed on the back it said, "for Mom". The small gift was worth nothing as a trade but something about the necklace touched Astrid's heart. It had meant something to someone once. She felt empathy for the boy who had to leave it behind. Without another thought she stuck it inside her already overflowing pack.

Having found what she was searching for and knowing it was too dangerous to travel at night, Astrid decided to camp out in the house until sunrise. Thankful that the disheveled bed still had an old quilt and pillow, she settled down for a night of restless slumber. Unable to relax enough to fall into deep sleep, an exhausted Astrid was thankful when the sky began to grow lighter. She was back on the road before the sun had come up over the horizon.

The crutches made walking awkward but her desire to see Ryan encouraged her to keep up the pace. She was never more pleased when a few hours later she came upon the overgrown driveway to the cabin. As she stumbled through the underbrush her happiness was again overtaken by the dread of telling Ryan about Salene. She was both relieved and depressed to find him sleeping peacefully on the couch. The wood in the fireplace still smoldered and she smirked at his defiance.

"Hey," Ryan suddenly stirred awake causing Astrid to jump. She tried to give him a smile as he rubbed his eyes. "You're back,"

"Yeah," She nodded as he yawned and then smiled up at her. Despite her best efforts, that smile of his caused butterflies to flutter in her chest.

Ryan sat up and glanced at the fireplace. "It got cold," He tried to explain but Astrid just shrugged.

"It doesn't matter. I think I was being a little over cautious. Just wanted you to be safe."

He nodded and stood up. Noticing the crutches he tilted his head. "Are those for me?" He asked sheepishly.

Astrid nodded, wary of questions still to come. "I thought you could use something better than that piece of wood."
He smiled widely taking them and carefully took a few test steps. "Thanks. They're perfect. Where'd you find them?"

"Just a house," Astrid shrugged absently. She knew that he would ask about the Mallrats any minute now. Ryan didn't disappoint her.

"So how are things in the city?" Ryan tried not to sound too eager but failed miserably. "Did you find out about my friends?" He paused as though the question itself frightened him. "Salene?"

She gazed into his hopelessly wanting eyes and shivered. How could she tell him? "The city's fine." She managed to say. "The Chosen are gone and things are... going back to normal. They're even having an election for a city leader."

"Really?" Ryan smiled in disbelief. He hadn't known the city to be that civilized since they found the antidote.

Astrid nodded again slowly. "I couldn't go back to the mall unfortunately because that sector's a hot spot for anyone who used to be a Chosen. But I heard your friends are fine um..." She swallowed. "They even have the Guardian..."

"The Guardian?" Ryan shook his head in shock as she trailed off. He had secretly hoped the Guardian would be dead. Knowing his friends and their pension for justice he guessed that would never happen. Oh well, at least they were alright. He looked up realizing that Astrid seemed to be leaving a very important detail out. "But how is Salene?" He asked imploringly. "Did you hear anything about her? Is she still pregnant?" Astrid faltered and found herself slowly shaking her head no. She was somewhat horrified when Ryan smiled. "Then she had it! What is it, do you know?"

"Yes..." She blurted out in strange voice and then shook her head quickly. "I mean no. No she didn't... she... she miscarried." Ryan gave her an odd look as though he wasn't sure what that meant. "She lost it..." Astrid sighed as she reiterated. "I'm sorry."

The expression on Ryan's fallen face tied her stomach into knots as he sat on the arm of the couch. In order to fight back the stinging tears he closed his eyes, clenching his jaw tightly. His baby was gone. The one thing in this life he still had to be happy about and it was gone. Ryan wondered how Salene had taken it. He was sure that losing a baby, even his, was enough to crush any woman. Astrid painfully watched the emotions play out on his grief stricken face while the seconds of the most uncomfortable silence she'd ever experienced ticked by.

"Is she okay?" He finally managed to speak though his voice was strained. Astrid couldn't find the words to answer as she stared at the floor. When he was only met with quiet, Ryan looked up at her worried. "Is she okay, Astrid?" Again he was answered with silence and Ryan stood up and took a frightened step toward her. "Astrid... please..."

"No Ryan, she's not." She finally whispered and looked up to see he was already shaking his head in disbelief. "I'm sorry but... she... she killed herself." Just saying the words out loud made Astrid ache and she could only imagine the pain they caused Ryan. She watched him back away, an unrecognizable look in his eyes. The tears hadn't come but his lower lip trembled as he fought back the torrent of emotion threatening to spill over. He continued to limp backwards and seemed surprised when he bumped against the wall.

"How?" Ryan wasn't certain how he'd managed to say anything at all and Astrid was just able to hear the inaudible whisper.

"The roof."

Ryan looked as though he would collapse from the weight of this news and his knees slightly buckled underneath him. How could Salene do such a thing? Was her despair so great that she found there was nothing left to live for? He couldn't believe it. Wouldn't believe it. "No," He whimpered quietly.

"I'm sorry," Astrid didn't know what else she could say. Truly there was nothing that could make this better.

"No." Ryan repeated more forcefully.

"Ryan,"

"No!" This time he shouted and there was no stopping the tears that streamed down his flushed cheeks.

Astrid sighed sadly, near crying herself. "Yes... Salene's dead."