Knowing that there would be no way she'd be getting back to sleep right now, plus with waiting on Angel to make it back to LA, Buffy pulled herself away from the doorway and let out a heavy sigh. She went upstairs and took a quick shower, sent a few text messages out then checked her e-mail.
Next, Buffy decided to go back over to where her home movies sat on the bookshelf and follow through on picking out the one of her and Angel's wedding. Pulling one of the decorative pillows into her lap, she pressed play.
The video started out with a photobook type introduction with photos of her and Angel together in those first few months and next were some of the well wishes their friends and families had sent out to them. Buffy felt her heart swell even sitting there watching those. And then there was a brief history lesson given which had been done beautifully with photos, artwork, the storytelling of their courtship.
"...And it all lead up to this..." flashed on the screen before fading out to a clip of Angel proposing. Buffy felt her mouth hanging open as she watched, absolutely enchanted. She'd actually never thought to ask anyone about how that had happened nor had she remembered anything about it on her own so it was all new to her.
Buffy felt butterflies in her stomach as the hidden camera zoomed in, from the look on her face in the video, Buffy was sure she'd had no idea Angel had that in mind. Her eyes had gone wide, her hands covering her mouth as he dropped down to one knee before her. Angel started to give a long speech about how much he loved her and wanted this, but she found herself cutting him off before he finished and answering him with an hearty "Yes!" This made not only the two of them laugh but the camera man burst out his own self.
There was another clip of her showing off the ring and talking about how excited she was before the movie began to show some of the preparation steps for the wedding. So many beautiful moments... her trying on dresses, testing cakes with Angel, photos of the flowers and invitations... She saw all of the beautiful decorations, the throng of reds and whites everywhere.
And then on to the wedding itself.
"Oh, my God," Buffy breathed out when the video began to show her entering the room and walking down the aisle.
She wasn't vain by nature by any means but knew that there were many good qualities both inside and outside about herself, but there was no question that she was breathtaking that day.
When the camera showed her meeting with Angel and Rupert handing her off... all she could see was love and admiration in those dark eyes of his. They were two young adults in love standing there, promising one another forever, and meaning every word of it.
Every moment to their wedding seemed magical. The way they had set everything up, the way they looked, their self written vows to one another, the songs that played. It was nothing short of a fairytale from where she stood.
And the reception afterward was just as perfect, all those moments little girls dream of couldn't even compare. They'd gotten to show off as man and wife, dance, open gifts, eat, cut the cake and make a mess. Angel had taken the stage and sung two songs to her that evening, leaving her in tears both on the video and as she sat there watching it.
The video concluded with many more well wishes from those closest to them... Telling them to have fun on their Honeymoon, hoping they would have a wonderful life together, commenting on how cute they were... how perfect everyone knew they were for one another.
And it all shook Buffy up a little. She didn't get any flashes from watching the video but she was almost thankful for that. Watching it had been an experience all on its own.
OoOoO
Buffy had just finished changing when the knock at the door came. Angel had called as promised and then she'd tried to sleep with no luck after that. But it wasn't long before Willow and Tara arrived anyway so she wasn't that upset on the lost sleep. Her face broke out into a wide smile as she headed downstairs to open the door for them.
Buffy helped the couple inside, hugging each of them and exchanging pleasantries. She told them they could go put their things away in the guest room if they wanted while she went to fix lunch.
"Are you still settling in here okay?" Willow asked when they returned downstairs.
Buffy nodded. "I am... It's still weird being here and trying to put all the missing pieces together, but it feels like things are getting better every day. Maybe at a slow pace but I'm happy for anything... Accepting those memories I've lost will come back as they please helped me calm down I think. No use in stressing over something like that when you have no control over it I guess."
"It seems like you have made a lot of progress though," Tara said with a smile, climbing onto one of the bar stools.
"Yes and no," Buffy answered. "But mostly yes," she smiled. "It's nice being back in Sunnydale and I do believe it's helped with my memories to be home and around places and people I know, being here at the house and everything. It's just different and sometimes it can be frustrating still, and very confusing. But I'm doing my best. It does get a little lonely though."
This made Willow frown a little. "I know, and we all feel horrible about that. High school ending wasn't all that far from your last memories then everyone going through college then moving on with their lives and everyone getting scattered around..."
"It's an adjustment. In my head I feel and see things one way so sometimes I have to catch myself. But Angel's usually here, and then I have some pretty great neighbors and everyone's been really nice and helping as much as they can. I know I don't want to live off Angel forever so I keep thinking I need to get in gear and maybe try to find something else to do while I'm putting my life back together... I just haven't quite gotten there yet to the actual 'doing' part."
"That could be a great idea," Tara told her.
Willow nodded. "Absolutely! When you're ready, that is."
Buffy had confided plenty to both Tara and Willow on the subject of her ex-husband but there hadn't exactly been a chance to fill either of them in on the events of the past couple of days just yet so she slowly eased into bringing that up.
"I can say that I am both surprised... and not," Willow said after a moment.
Tara nodded. "Seconding that."
"I know that things are very, very complicated with him and this is far from ideal timing... but I don't know. It feels right. I don't even know how to explain it."
The two girls listened as she tried though, then the redhead took Buffy's hand. "I just don't want to see you get hurt, or a repeat of the past to happen again with the two of you. I am glad that he's been here to help you out so much. And I am glad he's finally had a chance to clear the air on his side about what happened with you two... but how you take everything in when you're memories come back completely might be different from how you feel right now. And the two of you did had other problems before and after anything having to do with Darla."
Buffy sighed. "I know."
"I just don't want to see you hurt. Things got really ugly between the two of you and no one wants to see something like that happen again. But at the same time, I will say this, Buffy. You two were so very happy in love before it all went to pieces like it did. If you two could work things out, if that is what you want, I support you one hundred percent."
"Really?" Buffy asked, tilting her head to the side.
"Absolutely. I think you two would have a lot to work through but he made you happy once, and you him. And quite honestly I don't think either of you have been complete since you split. Just make sure you don't get too deep into anything before you know what you truly want to do, okay?"
OoOoO
The weekend kicked off to a pretty good start. After lunch and talking for quite some time, they all decided to head into town to stop off at some of their old favorite hangouts. The rest of their first day was spent eating, shopping and catching a movie while also just driving around town and stopping in to see Willow's parents. They didn't stay too long there as they were still adjusting to the changes in their daughters' life the past several years and no one really expected that to ever change but it was still nice enough to see them.
Back at the house, they sat down in the living room to watch some more old videos, gossip and started a cheesy romance flick playing on the Hallmark station. Buffy hated to call it a night but they were all ready to head in a little earlier than expected, Tara and Willow from their drive and Buffy from everything in the past few days and running on next to no sleep. She was happy they were there though, and even happier when the last thing she did before falling asleep was call Angel for a few minutes and he told her all the right words she craved to hear.
Sunday morning came and they all went out to their favorite little diner for a quick breakfast before driving around some more, stopping at random places along the way. Then when they got to the beach, all the girls sighed, instantly relaxed and enjoying the view.
Getting out of the car, they all started down for the sandy beach they'd come to know oh-so-well growing up. "God, I miss this place," Willow said, her eyes closed and arms out wide.
"I cannot believe I haven't even thought to come out this way yet," Buffy replied, enjoying the sand between her toes as she set her shoes off to the side.
"So many good memories here," Willow continued. "Good times with some good friends."
Buffy smiled. That was true. Bonfires, camping out on the beach, volleyball, swimming, hell they filmed part of a movie for school out here once. Yeah, this place held a lot of their souls.
The beach was mostly deserted for as far as they could see. There was a group of teenagers down by the rocks and a guy walking his dog on the other side and that was it. The weather was beautiful today, perfect for just escaping from everything for awhile out here.
"We need to come out here more often this summer. Get Xander and Cordelia down here, too," Willow said, taking a seat. "Feels like it's been forever since we've done that. We're always meeting up somewhere else with everyone all scattered around. It'd be nice to just come home again as a group."
Tara nodded, sitting beside Willow and taking her hand.
Buffy laid down, watching them, watching the waves roll, drawing aimlessly in the sand with her fingers. For the first time in forever, it felt like her mind just shut off and let her enjoy the peace and quiet of the moment.
OoOoO
Getting back into the car, Buffy checked her phone while the girls discussed what they might do for the rest of the day and early in the morning before Tara and Willow had to head back home. They started throwing around different ideas and they were getting ready to pull out of the parking space when a black truck came out of nowhere and had Willow slamming on the brakes. The redhead swore under her breath, asking if everyone was okay.
Buffy felt a little shook up just from the jolt but was more angry than anything else, her eyes casting angry glances at the teenagers she'd spotted earlier who were driving so recklessly now. Tara made a crack about what the wind had done to Will's hair and everyone laughed and just let it ride.
They pulled up behind the truck, waiting to turn back out onto the main road when they all heard an argument getting louder in the vehicle in front of them. Then, they all watched in horror as it suddenly pulled out. Right in front of a large white van, which quickly t-boned the truck.
Buffy's eyes widened before she slammed them back shut, her hands reaching out for the headrest in front of her and holding on to it for dear life. She had to force herself to breathe every time and it made her throat on down to her chest hurt each and every time.
"Oh, my God!" Willow shouted, getting out of the car quickly and trying to call for help while attempting to see how everyone was.
Tara stayed with Buffy, looking out toward Willow for a moment before she undid her own seat belt and turned around in the front seat to look at Buffy. "A-are you okay?" she asked, putting her hands over Buffy's.
But Buffy couldn't answer, just strangled out the breaths that were now coming in faster than she could even handle. Tara rubbed Buffy's cold hands and tried to comfort her for a few more moments before she got out of the car and came around to help Buffy out as well.
"Here, maybe getting you back out in the fresh air and sunshine will help," Tara said quietly.
Just a few seconds later, Buffy slipped down to the ground, her hand covering over her mouth.
It took Tara a few more moments but then it hit her. "B-Buffy?" she said softly, rubbing the other blonde's back. "A-are you..."
"Is she okay? Willow asked, running over to them out of breath.
"Um... I-I think she's..." Tara said, looking up with worried eyes at the redhead.
Buffy felt like she was dying, she couldn't hear anything and her vision was blurry and dark. The split second before the van had hit the truck Buffy had felt all the air rush right of her.. and then it struck, there was the awful noise from the impact, and then everything went to hell.
Too many emotions, memories, and thoughts hitting her all the same time. And there was no breaks in there, nothing. Just one thing rushing after the other.
There was a large truck heading for her. Buffy screamed as it crashed right into her car, she began sliding on the icy road, and soon hit yet another truck that was in front of her. The second hit had been worse and had knocked her out briefly.
For a few short moments she had woken back up, a police officer was trying to talk to her as she blinked her eyes a few times. Her head hurt, her face hurt, everything hurt. She wanted to cry out or really, she wanted to pass right back out.
Her car was now upside down and that fact was not making anything better. Buffy tried to speak but soon it was all just black again.
XX
"Who is that?"
Angel turned his head to look at her. "Who is who?"
Buffy took a step closer to him then slyly pointed to the busty blonde across the room who was burning holes into her and her husband.
"Oh, that's Darla."
"That's the woman you've been working with?"
XX
"Hello?"
Buffy sucked in a deep breath, "Hi, um, Riley," she greeted into the phone, very glad at the fact she was not attempting this in person. "It's Buffy... Buffy Summers," she said. She saw no reason to get hung up and technical about last names right then.
Buffy could practically hear the smile slowly take over Riley's face. "Buffy? Wow, hi. I haven't heard from you in ages. How are you?"
"Um, I am doing alright I guess. Going through some hard changes in my life right now... but I'm trying to figure things out."
"Oh. Well, I am sorry to hear that."
"Yeah... Well, hey... I was thinking about you earlier, Ri... And I had this crazy idea about calling you and just seeing if you might want to get together sometimes? Maybe go see a movie or go out to dinner or something?"
XX
"I think I found a job," Buffy said, taking a seat on Willow's couch.
"That's great!" Willow replied, taking the paper out of Buffy's hands and looking it over. "Wait, what? Texas? You can't move to Texas."
Buffy laughed. "Why not? It could be good for me."
"Because! Because it's too far away and you don't know anyone there and it's too far away!"
XX
"You proposed to Cordelia?" Buffy screamed, jumping up and down in the kitchen. Angel looked over and gave her an amused look. "Did she say yes?"
"Of course she said yes!" Xander replied. "Why wouldn't she? I am quite a catch, I will have you know."
XX
Buffy couldn't get 'The Handsome Suit' from earlier off of her mind, it was ridiculous. Her face would heat up every time she even thought of him, knowing she would never even see him again was also upsetting her way more than it should.
Having needed a distraction and a break from all of her homework she decided to go to a party Oz's band was playing. Earlier she'd declined her invitation but now it sounded like a good idea.
Oz and Devon went to join the rest of the Dingos crew while she and Willow started looking for Anya or someone else they might know. She'd taken a red solo cup offered to her and then felt a strange prickling go down her back so turned to see what might be causing it. But there was nothing.
Shaking it off, she followed Willow but the stupid sensation wouldn't go away.
And then she spotted him. Him, him. He looked perfectly out of place amongst everyone and as gorgeous as she remembered. She had no idea what he was doing here-at first, but it didn't take long to realize he was watching her and that made her stomach turn into a mess of nerves.
XX
There was a knock on the door. "Yes?" she called out in a sing-song voice.
"What are you doing?"
Buffy kicked her legs a little. "Taking a bath."
"Mmm," Angel said. "Can I come join?"
Buffy felt her face flush. "I-in the bath?" she asked.
"Yes."
She was silent for a minute, just sitting there. Then she got up and unlocked the door, hurrying back to sink in the bubbles as he came in. "Hi there," she said shyly.
"Hello to you," he drawled, looking her over. His shirt came off just a few moments later, followed by the rest of his clothing and then he was sliding into the tub behind her. He laughed as he gathered her into his arms. "Why are you being all shy?" he asked.
"I don't know. I just never had someone want to take a bath with me."
"Now that I highly doubt," he told her. "Beautiful and naked woman. Simple as that."
XX
"How did your date go?"
Buffy groaned, flopping down on the bed.
"Yeesh. That bad huh?"
She flipped over onto her back. "He kept talking about his sister the entire time. It was borderline creepy."
Willow sighed. "And here we thought Ben could be the one."
Buffy laughed loudly at that. "Hardly! I think I'm going to give up dating. Maybe Mr. Perfect needs to just come find me."
XX
"You're really okay with moving here?"
Angel smiled at her. "Absolutely."
"It's a bit of a drive for you to go back and forth to work, Angel."
He shrugged and kissed her forehead. "You're worth it," he told her with a wink. "Besides, with the promotion I will be able to change my schedule soon so maybe I can work from home more and at the office less anyway. We'll get it all figured out. This is your home, Buf."
"Our home," she corrected.
XX
"Why are there photos of her on your phone?"
Angel's face scrunched up. "What?"
Buffy stomped over and picked the black phone up off of his desk, fiddled with it then held it up. A sultry photo of Darla was on the screen, boiling her inside.
Angel took the phone from her, then reached in his pocket and pulled out another. "That's not even my goddamn phone. This is," he said and handed it to her.
"And this is your, what, dummy phone to talk to her in private on?"
"No," he said quickly. "I have no interest in Darla Pratt. None. As I have explained to you over and over again. I have not done anything with her, nor do I want to. I don't know how or why the phone is in here but I've not touched it before. I swear."
XX
"That's it," Buffy said, walking slowly over to the dress in the corner. "That's the one."
The dress was exactly what she had in mind. A strapless mermaid dress, white with a dark red sash for a belt. It was strapless with a v-neckline but lace in between the bust. It was simple, elegant. And it set off her whole plan for how the rest of the wedding would look.
She was very animated as she began describing it to the owner of the shop and with her friends.
XX
She was screaming at him, words she'd said a million times over by this point. He tried to get a word in but she wouldn't let him. Finally, when she told him to leave he cursed at her, ran upstairs, got a bag together. She started crying, following him upstairs a few minutes later and stood in the doorway as he threw clothes into his gym bag.
"So, you're really going to go?"
"You're the one fucking telling me to leave, Buffy," he said angrily. "I'm done hearing you blame me over shit that I haven't done. You want me gone, I am fucking gone then," he said and hurried past her and back downstairs and out the door.
XX
"H-he's gone," Willow whispered. Buffy quickly rose up from where she was sitting on the bed and wrapped her arms around her friend. Willow's entire body shook from sobs and soon both girls were on the floor. "I-I k-kept thi-thinking he would ch-change h-his mind and h-he would stay, stay for me, stay for us..." Willow sputtered between her gutted sobs. "B-but he left, he r-really l-left."
Buffy wished she knew what to do for her friend but there was no magic cure for heartbreak like this. So, she sat there in the floor, played with Willow's hair when her best friend put her head in her lap, and told her it would all be okay. That Oz leaving would somehow be a good thing, that Wil would see that in time.
XX
She didn't know why, she just wanted him to look at her.
But he wouldn't.
And it was eating her up inside. He hadn't once out in the hallway, in the courtroom, nor was he now after having followed her out. Their divorce had just been officially granted, finalized... It was done.
And he wouldn't look at her.
Buffy felt her insides twisting up as her own eyes bore into his retreating backside. His face had been stone-cold as it'd been for what felt like forever now, no signs of anger or sadness. He'd kept his eyes cast downward or forward, barely said a word. He didn't fight anymore, hadn't in a long time now.
He just went with the motions and let it happen.
And now he was walking away, possibly forever. And not for the first time... she regretted everything. Not their relationship, but all the awful mess it had become. She knew she could have stopped it all, and she never hated such a fact more.
XX
"Oh, God," Cordelia said.
Buffy looked at the brunette then followed her line of sight and had to throw a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing.
"They're bonding," Cordelia continued. The two women stared on as Angel and Xander stood in front of the large television screen, controllers in each of their hands, laughing and joking with one another.
"I think this is the part where we start wondering if hell has frozen over."
XX
Angel had proof, proof that he didn't do anything that she thought he had. He'd told her as much and even explained some of it in between her yelling. But she didn't want to hear any of it.
She couldn't face acknowledging she was wrong, that nothing had happened. Because if she did that... then she had to face what had happened to her. And it was easier to hide from it, to make sure she never had to talk about it to anyone, least of all to Angel.
It was easier just to rage at Angel over everything than face anything.
XX
"Okay. Well. We're lost."
Buffy, Willow and Anya all groaned. Oz just smirked.
Xander tried to make some corny joke as he pulled off to the side of the road and asked Oz to hand him a map stuffed in the glove compartment. Anya began to describe some weird sexual fantasy of hers which included being stranded on the side of the road as a sexy hitchhiker, making Xander's ears burn red and Willow blush when Oz looked back at her.
"I don't think we're even going in the right direction," Buffy said after a moment, taking the map from her friend. "I don't think we're even out of California yet!"
And they hadn't been. They'd been going in the complete opposite direction, following the completely wrong route-actually switching between a few, and wound up saying screw it and headed to Vegas instead for the weekend. Spring Break was overrated anyway.
XX
Angel had never lost his temper with her, not once. They had argued but he'd always kept a level head during anything. So when he did, she'd jumped back at the new side of him. And it wasn't just a flicker, no, the first time he decided to fight back with her he went full force. Gone was the sad, pathetic man begging for her to listen and here stood one pissed off force of a man.
He cut her off, his tone nothing she'd known from him before, and cut her deep to the core with his words.
She thought that night would have been the worst of it but soon found out the complete opposite. His rage only grew alongside hers and they both went off the damn deep end as time went on.
Every vile thing she could think up to say came out to him and vice versa. They just ripped one another to shreds anytime they were around one another. Cursing one another out, saying the other was awful in bed, how worthless they thought the other was, using secrets they'd confided in one another as weapons to bring up and throw back in the others' face.
They'd been trying to have a baby before shit hit the fan and Angel pulled that out the night with Riley and used every awful thought that popped into his head. She told him she wished he'd kill himself so she would free of him for good.
Buffy was pretty sure she wanted to die right in that moment more than she had ever had before. Everything was just rushing back to her as the chaos from the teenger's truck and the van continued on. Nothing was in order, and somehow it all fit into place, one thing right after another.
Somehow those six-plus years were back.
It started with remembering the rest of the crash and ended with the one thing she wished she could have left forgotten.
After running as fast as she could from the room she'd caught Angel and Darla in, Buffy got into the first cab she saw as getting to her own car would take too long, and just went along for the ride with the stranger who'd she'd crashed in there with.
He'd raised a scarred eyebrow at her but then just held up a hand and said to hell with it so she'd climbed in and let herself have a nice breakdown as they drove.
When his stop came, she found herself at a bar and took him up on the offer to join him. She got out of the cab and went straight for the bathroom of the bar where she had another breakdown, turned her phone off, and then tried to fix herself up before going back into the dark bar. She'd ordered a drink and found a corner to take up in... but the blonde stranger sought her out soon enough.
She tried to shoo him away-polite at first but when he wouldn't leave her alone got an edge to her attitude. But he had laughed it off, sitting down with her despite it.
Somehow during the next few minutes she started spilling her guts to the British stranger, telling him about her no-good cheating husband being caught red-handed with that slut, telling him how she should have known better, telling Angel off, and the works.
Somehow, this also led to finding out that her stranger knew the stupid bimbo. William Pratt was his name, and she of course asked if there was a connection, which there was. Half-siblings.
Which just made Buffy fume more.
Spike, as he requested to be called, ripped into his dear sister nearly as bad as Buffy did though, which made her like him just a little bit more. So, they drank and they bitched about Darla and about Angel and everything else under the sun.
The night started to get fuzzy but she could remember him hinting more than once about taking her home. She'd brushed it off and when she had her fill of the seedy bar, started getting herself prepared to go... somewhere. She wasn't sure yet. But, she called a cab, bid farewell, and went outside to get some fresh air while she waited for her ride.
Then... arms were on her, roughly pulling her into an alleyway. Spike was all over her, calling her 'pet' and 'love', telling her how beautiful she was.
She pushed him away, telling him to let her go and he refused, holding her tighter. He started going on about how they would make Angel pay for fucking around with Darla, he could be a sweet revenge. She still refused, fighting him, screaming at him. But he started threatening her in a low voice before head butting her and practically knocking her out.
Somewhere along the lines she knew she'd blacked out as when she came to, she was in a strange bed, in a strange room. She was alone which she was thankful for, but terrified by the fact she was undressed there in the bed.
Her body hurt, her heart hurt.
After getting dressed, she was about to leave when he came in. Spike. She felt like throwing up as he stalked toward her. He put a finger to her lips and threatened her with a soft voice, sweet even, and a smile on his face about ever breathing a word about any of this to anyone.
Getting into the elevator, Buffy's body shook as she pressed the button down to the lobby. She didn't want to deal with this. She knew that she should, but she just couldn't. Not with everything else going on, not with having to even face that something like that had happened to her.
Jealousy had her questioning Angel when Darla showed up and his life started getting flipped upside down, when he was at work too often and for too long, hard to get in touch with. Him not listening to her when she would bring up her concerns or tell him something Darla had done or said to her, like how Darla swore one way or another she'd take Angel from her and things like that.
Then... starting to see pieces falling into place. But still, she kept trying to believe in him.
But then the night at the hotel happened and shit hit the fan. It was far too much to walk in there to a scene like that and she'd not taken to it lightly.
Which was what had led to her stupid choices of getting into the cab, going into that bar, drinking, and how the rest of the night would play out. She blamed herself for it. She blamed Spike for it, Darla, and Angel too.
She had kept it all to herself, pushing it down, and anger started eating her alive over it.
Buffy remembered falling apart when Angel started swearing his innocence, trying to explain, leaving her evidence to prove he didn't do this or that and she just couldn't take it. It was easier to hold on to the belief that he had done wrong than to accept that he'd been in the clear on everything, but she'd taken off and gotten into such a position that night to be taken advantage of that way, and god forbid have to tell someone, let alone Angel.
It was only worse if he was telling the truth and she faced that in her mind. It was easier to be mad at the world and to take it out on everyone than to tell the man who loved her more than anything that someone had hurt her because of what had happened that night.
So, she let stupidity take over. Anger and fear. She'd vented everything she felt toward everything and everyone involved at him, blamed him for it all using the cheating as the cover up, let herself fall into a dark cloud more every day.
Buffy closed her eyes, tightening her body into a small ball as she wished everything back away again.