A/N: this chapter will be longer and more informative as to the plot I want to go into the direction of…seeing as how that barely happens I can only tell you that there will be no romance since I feel that a Harry/Snape is a rather gag worthy thing…though I don't mind reading it.
Chapter 3
Welcome
Welcome,
To the Solders Side
Where there's no one here but me.
-SOAD
Sometimes when the dead are feeling charitable they don't feel the need to torture the damned. Or at least to allow sleep to fall upon them before the inevitable karma comes
Karma is there anything else so disgusting?
Probably.
But that's not the point.
The point is that Severus Snape is losing his mind. Well, whatever sanity that he had left.
Maybe he'll think of his life story… when his father used to beat him and his mother. Or when that aunt of his called him a half- breed monster who didn't deserve to have such a pure- blooded mother…or Black and Potter's gang of imbeciles attacking him wherever he went…
Perhaps he should offer himself the images of his earlier Death Eater days before the bumbling old fool seduced him into the awful concept of 'good'.
"The most loneliest day of my life…" Oh Merlin, what did Black Onyx do to deserve this?
When he was 18 and watched the torture of a young pregnant woman he kept asking himself when the day of redemption was to come.
When he was 19 and happened to have his mother in a coffin and his father on a 'Missing Person' list. He'd asked to be saved…
When he was 20 he was asked by the Dark Lord himself to become a spy.
"Of course my Lord."
Those four words served as his life for the next twenty, almost twenty years. Spying and finding out the prophecy then forging a relationship with The Old Fool. It would be a lie to say that he didn't see all of the bad baggage coming because he did.
Though he didn't expect that The Old Fool would mean so much to him… enough to make him ache as he hasn't since he walked in and watched his father strangle his mother. Enough to make it seem as though the darkness that resides in him quench to allow the sadness overtake him. He remembers once when he was happy, but it was brief.
That was being truly happy without any cause. Laughing without a reason as children do… but he hasn't been a child for a long time. Happy to this 39, 40 year old is a long and forgotten thing. Happy is when he feels gratified for being alive even though by all rights he should be dead.
Happy was when he was handed a lemon drop and told to tell his tale of woe.
"Snivellus… what a way to talk of oneself." The voice is cold and dead.
Turning around in panic it was all that Black Onyx could do not to scream.
"What… who's there?" Silence.
"Show yourself!"
I'm afraid of madness.
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At night Severus Snape thinks of things that are best to be left alone.
Tonight after listening to the young Malfoy's sniffles, he thinks of what could have been but never was.
Do you remember Evans?
Yes.
How about Potter?
Yes.
And Black?
Yes.
Do you remember how it hurt?
Which one? I've had a thousand.
The werewolf. The underwear. The hexes to destroy your hair, all of those and more.
Yes…
Don't cry. Not tonight.
No. I didn't cry then. I won't cry now.
To be emotional is to be weak. To be passionate was to be vulnerable…
When he was in school he was The Half-Blood Prince. Now he's just Black Onyx…
"Severus… I can't sleep." It's a small voice that is barely above a whisper. Snape looks over at the boy Malfoy.
"Draco, there's something I must ask of you." He really doesn't want to but there is no other way. After all he promised to protect this tactless boy.
The grey eyes swollen with tears no doubt shed every night. "What?"
Severus Snape sighs…
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Black Onyx is alone now…
And there is a demon in his mind. It has the voice of many rivals… sometimes his father, others its Black.
Draco is gone. To a place that can protect him better than he.
He's alone now. All his nightmares fallen into place.
Not to worry this cold and ruthless man will not break.
But that werewolf is coming. Looking for him because the Dark Lord has not been able to find him.
No, not Lupin. That man would not lower himself to such a disgusting and degrading manner as to hunt for the smell of a traitor.
Ironic really to be a traitor to both sides, while meaning to stay faithful to one of them.
To be faithful and serve under the Dark Lord while trying to appease The Old Fool.
It never really worked. After all Black Onyx may be made of stone but Severus Snape never really was. The Old Fool got to him, as did the Dark Lord…
But Black Onyx (former Half- Blood Prince) was all his own. Never anybody else's to command. He was the brilliant student who stuck up for himself against the bullies in school. He was the one who stood at his mother's funeral holding himself together.
He's thought of this often. Thinking that it would be stupid to assume he knew what he was doing as he held up that wand and killed The Old Fool… He was Black Onyx… standing up for himself against a wizard who should have died and left you in peace years ago.
He was Severus Snape as he screamed at Potter and told him to basically 'Fuck Off!' Allowing the boy to believe he would go back to the Dark Lord.
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The moon is out. It's a half moon meaning that in a couple of nights all the monsters that used to haunt him as a child will come out.
Black Onyx feels like a child.
Quivering as he does on this deserted Muggle bench. It's ridiculous to assume that he had somewhere to go. There was no one who was out to help him.
Draco would have someone to help him. Even if he was interrogated until his voice grew hoarse.
It's a comforting thought.
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