ARGGG I HATE SIRIUS! I do but I don't know why. Also I've devoloped the whole new Black Onyx/ Severus Snape thing.

Chapter 4

Rose Garden

I beg your pardon

I never promised you a rose garden

Along with the sunshine

There's gotta be a little rain sometime.

-Lynn Anderson

Sometimes, when he squeezes his eyes real tight he can see the stars as they were meant to be seen.

The night air is so full of freshness… it reminds Severus Snape of someone. Someone who had that outdoors smell, rather sensuous…

Remus Lupin.

Black Onyx scoffs… after all Lupin is a weak and naïve werewolf.

Severus Snape sneers… after all Lupin is a disgusting half-breed. Though granted he wasn't as bad as Greyback… he was is still a disgusting Know- It- All- Gotta- Be- Nice- to- Everybody…

All in all everyone's idea of a disgusting grotesque person.

Well, granted maybe not everyone's.

But Severus Snape is a bitter man…

But that's a renowned trait for him.

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The wind is cold tonight. Winter seems to be fast approaching. Though with all that damned talk of global warming you'd think that it would never come.

Black Onyx likes everything cold… the whole 'warm summers night' is a repulsive idea… though granted there are some nights where one likes to be reminded that they are human beings with human temperatures.

These are rare however, so no big problem.

Severus Snape thinks about the past. Not the whole 'I was a teenage dirt bag' past, but past sayings that used to be popular along with the spells.

At one time or another it had been nice to be a kid. Even if being said kid was basically being an obsessive compulsive book worm eater not to mention a bastard. Though through a smug work of pride Severus Snape would have to say that he was quite good a being a 'god awful bastard.'

It seems unreasonable to ask some Higher Power to help him.

But this Slytherin has never been very reasonable.

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In South America the Natives believed in The Coming of the Giants… where the earth was moulded and made by the giants that would come out of the sky. Like comets falling to the earth it was foretold that they would someday come back to earth to redeem the human race.

There is another story on the crystal skulls that would teach the world how to live if only we could find them all. So far three Muggles in history have been able to find them. No self- respecting wizard would lower himself to such a thing!

Which if you actually bother to sit down and think about it, is an irony in itself.

Black Onyx never talks to himself… he doesn't need to.

Severus Snape thinks thoughts that weigh as ashes on his semi- conscious mind… he feels he has to.

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"It's mornin' time." The hoarseness of his voice clearly dictates that he hasn't spoken nor coughed in a long time.

"I'll keep on walkin'…" And so he will indeed.

For someone whose life long passion has been to be alone and left to his own advices. It seems like loneliness on the verge of madness that Severus Snape is veering towards.

If The Old Fool was alive today he would have a field day knowing what sort of hell his ex-spy was going through. That or he would be upset and sad.

Fool.

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"I know you're around here Snape." The last sentence is spoken with so much venom.

Black Onyx doesn't answer just continues to crouch behind the overgrown root. While the shoes crunch on the dead and fallen leaves. Back and forth they pace…

It reminds Severus Snape of WW2, the little he was taught. The fear smashing against his weak rib cage as his head screams. It is rather frightening… as it must have been for those who hid in the ghettos or concentration camps.

But it is all of little matter when you get right down to it. These words that dwell upon themselves.

"Come on, come on… wherever you are…"

"Fight Back! Fight back you cowardly-"

Who would have guessed the insolent brat would be correct.

Greyback was still stalking around apparently trying to smell him out. It's hard to smell someone out after they've cast wards around themselves and lead the smeller into a clearing full of over pungent belladonna plants.

Meanwhile the smellee stayed crouched right where he was and tried not to make a sound. Which when thought about isn't very hard considering he's spent his entire life being silent.

"I'll find you… the Dark Lord isn't very happy with you. After all why hide when you've killed to stay alive?"

Ah, such logic there addlebrains…

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There was a time when Severus Snape wasn't envious. There was a time when Severus Snape loved. There was a time when Severus Snape learned to listen with respect and not be coaxed to do something completely Gryffindorish---

Now wasn't the time.

Taking a rock and levitating it right over the werewolf head he dropped it.

Then did the Slytherin thing, running away.

At this time he was out of breath and hacking the way his father hacked when he smoked his two packs a day cigarettes. There was a bit of blood on his left hand when he took it away from his mouth.

If Snape has pneumonia someone is going to pay. He watched his paternal grandmother basically die of pneumonia in a Muggle hospital as a kid. No way in hell is he going to be.

Stupid Muggles.

They have it easy. They don't live in the 15th century with the 14th century jurisdictions.

Maybe Snape should have stayed there.

It would have been a hell of a lot better than here.

Wheeze wheeze wheeze…

"FUCCCCCKKKK!"

Sometimes it's just easy to be an asshole.

Well, maybe not sometimes… more like most of the time.

With relish…

"I want a hotdog." It's been what? 5 years since that unhealthy indulgence.

"You might want to wait until you're dead."

Holy Shit.

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There are times when Black Onyx is the most intelligent man in the world. And there are times when Severus Snape gets a hold of his own mind and muddles everything up.

This, is one of those times.

The boy's eyes are vivid bottle green; very much his mother's eyes.

It's unnerving to say none the least. It makes even Black Onyx take the fatal step back.

"What is it Potter? Don't you----" Want to wait for me to hack up this lung?

"Don't I what?" By God he looks demonic. "Want to know why you sent Malfoy to the Order when you should have known that we would only want to kill the lot of you?"

Severus Snape notices how thick his tongue is along with the cracked lips and sour breath.

It's disgusting really.

"Raise your wand higher boy. You can use a Stunning Spell and I will keel over to pray…" Which one of his relatives was the religious fanatic?

The boy is staring at him funny. As if he is some bizarre animal that must be kept detached from human emotion.

"I would kill you Death Eater, but I have questions that you will answer." The demand is said with a toneless if not dead voice.

"As you wish Chosen One." Mockery is something rather precious to Black Onyx; with an added bow to complete this set of insults.

The wand that is pointed at his head is lowered slightly.

"Why did you do it?" His voice is low, obviously finally hitting puberty.

"I've lived too long." How true.

"How come you're not kissing the feet of your Master."

"I've many masters but one was either wearing pink slippers or had a snake crawling around it's feet" Severus Snape can't help the cold smirk that appears on his face. " So you can see why I prefer not to kiss their feet."

The boy takes a step closer to Snape. Trying to stand over him like a sex fiend stands over the victim.

Severus Snape is tired of being the victim.

"You will tell me." Such a nice request Potter.

"Hmm…no I don't think I will." The boy looks rather pissed off now.

Puur… fect.

Oh god did I just think that?

"I hate you."

"Oh and I suppose I just adore you?" Godammit his chest hurt.

A scowl etched on the boy's pale face is his reward. A fitting one at that.

"I'd kill you."

"Then do it."

"Tell me the truth."

"There is no such thing as truth." That's been his philosophy since the age of twelve.

The boy says nothing. "Dumbledore believed in truth."

Black Onyx stares at the boy and his lowered wand. There really is nothing that could express how much this conflicts the already destroyed man.

"He was a fool. There is no truth nor honesty… if there was none of this would exist. Wizards are the Dark Side, the ones who are conservative and vicious. Wizards care nothing for the earth… that is why so many creatures hate us. For those who are not full of magic and thus full of self- importance, it is hard not to be blinded by the brutality of the earth…"

Potter is staring at him just as strangely as he did when his grandfather died and he was forced to get along with Snape. The way his eyes either widened in pity or wonder after he stepped out of the Pensieve.

"I'm dying. You're dying. Death comes at the dawn of life… we are the dead as we are born, the air around us contains a gas that kills our bodies forcing age and contempt. We have minds that can either destroy or protect us from evil. There are those of us who have the capacity to love and those who don't…" At this Black Onyx stops for a moment. "I am a man who deserves death and has since the age of sixteen. Every year I have waited in anxiety for it to come. For all the betrayal and humiliation I have caused. For all the pain and hurt I have felt.

Yet as I wait there are more who die. Those who are children and those who have strived all their lives to achieve happiness." Looking into the green eyes Severus Snape can almost see that girl who tried to help those many years ago. "I embrace death. For I am dying just as Dumbledore was dying… I've been dying since the day I was born; with that knowledge I take my sins of murder with me."

Potter has come closer.

"Did he tell you to kill him?" The eyes are pleading for a 'yes'.

"No." Don't cry. He was just The Old Fool.

"…then why…" How sad.

"Because I could. Because I would. Because I needed to end the suffering of a man who should have died long ago…"

"Why did he trust you…" There are bags underneath his eyes.

"… because I… I loved him with all my heart…" There it was. "I loved him beyond my capacity to love someone. I gave him my devotion and worshipped the moon under him. I dreamt of carnal thoughts, while receiving only the platonic…"

"Snape…"

"I loved him because he was the Light and my world was the Dark. I'm a whore for power… a victim of its gluttony…" Severus Snape looks up. "Will you be Draco's Light Potter? Could you withhold your disgust for him and give it to me?"

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