AN: Hey everyone, sorry it took so long, this story got put on the back burner for a while…writers block. Anyways, enjoy the new chapter. I hopw you like it! And please R&R! I really appreciate your reviews.

Disclaimer: I don't own GA or Kit's Law

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Chapter 3: What if

I went to bed alone, Derek was pissed at me…again. He said he was angry I couldn't trust him. Right, like he could trust me! Ultimately I knew it was Meredith's decision whether she wanted the baby's DNA tested, but I felt certain I could convince her. I climbed into the small bed in the back of the trailer while Derek sat up on the couch.

Doc wandered in and I patted the bed, inviting him up. He leapt up and snuggled down next to me, the scent of dog filling my nose. I pushed him over to the other side of the bed and curled up with Kit's Law, my latest novel.

I loved to read, I loved to fall into hidden worlds that only I could discover. As I read on through the chapters I heard Derek rustling around in the "kitchen" then heard him enter the bedroom, if you could call it that.

He pulled his side of the sheets back and slid in between the covers, pushing Doc over into my lap.

"Derek, push him off if you don't want him here."

"You wanted him on here Addison." He said coldly before turning over and turning his light off.

I coaxed Doc off the bed, into his own and proceeded to read. I read Derek's breathing slow down and I knew he was asleep. Placing the book on the bedside table, I turned the light off and draped my hand over the side of the bed. Doc would whine in the dark if I didn't have my hand lying next to him. It was a bad habit, but I had done it since the first night he'd been with us and I couldn't stop now.

I felt his warm, doggy breath on my hand and I sighed sleepily. I couldn't understand why Derek couldn't let it go.

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The next morning Derek insisted on giving me the cold shoulder. It was beginning to upset me and I told him so, he replied

"Should've thought of that sooner Addison Sheppard."

Addison! Addison Sheppard? Since when did he call me Addison Sheppard? Oh, right…since last night. It was always Addi or just plain Addison or some other ridiculous nick name, never Addison Sheppard.

I sat in the passenger seat on the way to work and when we got onto the ferry I climbed out, letting the cool wind blow through my hair. I stood at the edge of the boat, looking into the deep blue waters beneath up.

I felt angry and upset, but mostly hurt. I needed Derek right now and he was off sulking, I needed him to tell me he loved me and assure me that Meredith wasn't pregnant with his baby. It hurt most to think that Derek could go off with another woman and have a baby, a baby that we couldn't have.

I climbed back into the car as we reached the shore and turned to look out my window. Derek accepted the silence and drove to work, keeping his distance. I didn't speak as we walked into work, but went up to the maternity floor and pulled on my infamous salmon scrubs.

I sifted through the notes people had left on my desk, returned calls and read up on heart defects and paternity tests. Gathering pamphlets I checked the clock then exited, it was time for my appointment with Meredith.

I entered the exam room and saw Meredith sitting rather awkwardly on the table with a hospital gown on. I sat down in the chair in front of her and pulled some papers, which had been faxed to me, out of her file.

"Alright Meredith, I got your previous obstetrician to send me the file he'd kept for you before and looking over these papers has made it easier for me to diagnose your baby. He sent me the video of the ultrasound which I looked at, the waves helped show us a congenital heart defect, more specifically a ventricular septal defect. This means…actually I'm sure you know what it means, but basically the baby has a hole in the tissue dividing its right and left ventricle, making the heart beat faster and sometimes irregularly. Basically the heart is working harder than it's supposed to."

Meredith suddenly looked teary. No don't cry…please don't cry…oh crap, I thought as suddenly the tears spilled over. I lay a hand awkwardly on her arm as she wiped anxiously at the tears,

"Sorry, I'm sorry Dr. Sheppard."

I shook my head, trying to smile. "It's ok, it's normal. Nothing to be sorry about."

She took a deep breath, "The prognosis?"

"Good, really good. Though the hole is slightly larger than normal, minimal surgery as soon as he or she is born will help close the hole and restore normal function. Usually these holes can close on their own; this baby's however is already large enough that we have to consider surgery."

"Open heart surgery? As soon as it's born!"

I nodded slowly, "I know it sounds scary but it has minimal complications and with Dr. Burke handling the case it has minimal risks."

She licked her lips slowly, "Ok, I…I'll think about it, I guess."

She handed me a second set of papers, to go with the ones I'd been holding. "I think you might want to have a look at these, more for personal reasons than doctoral."

I took them and flipped through them, "What is it?"

She hesitated, "A paternity test. I thought you might want to confirm that it wasn't Derek, I wanted to confirm it was the father…it was who I thought."

I felt wave after wave of relief as I looked at the name printed on the page, Specimen A: Tim Ryerson.

I suddenly felt the hostility drain away. I knew it was horrible but I felt as though I couldn't treat Meredith as I treated others when my husband was a possible father. I slipped the pamphlets I'd pulled out to the back of the binder, no need to aggravate her if she'd already had a paternity test.

"Does he know yet?"

Meredith shrugged, "I think he suspects something but I haven't told him outright."

I nodded, "Any other problems so far?"

"Bailey?"

I had to laugh, "How so?"

"You try being pregnant and working with Bailey, especially when she suspects something that you haven't told her."

"I'll talk to her, I won't tell her but I'll let her know she needs to lighten up. Anything else?"

She shook her head, "Not really, the usual, you know…cramps, morning sickness, bloating, sore legs, cravings…"

As soon as she said "you know" I felt my muscles tighten…no I didn't know, I couldn't know. It just wasn't fair…not fair at all.

I pushed through my thoughts, "Well, everything sounds as though it's normal then. I'd like you to set up an appointment with me in two weeks for an ultrasound; you'll be…exactly four months then." I said after checking her file. "I'd also like to talk to Dr. Burke if that's alright with you."

She hesitated, "As long as you do it discreetly, I don't really want anyone knowing until I've spoken to Tim."

I nodded, "Of course. Now, have you had any more thoughts on the baby's outcome?"

She thought for a moment, "I…I don't want an abortion, but, I don't really want a baby right now. I have to talk to Tim but I really think that adoption is best."

"Ok, Meredith. When you are talking to Tim though, you make sure you tell him what you want too, don't let him make this decision for you."

She nodded, "I won't. Thank you Dr. Sheppard."

I smiled, "No problem."

I suddenly held up the paper, "And Meredith, thank you."

She nodded and gave a small smile as I left the room.

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That afternoon I went in search of Derek. I needed to apologize and he needed to listen. Unfortunately he was booked in an OR all afternoon so I wouldn't be able to speak to him until later that evening.

I returned to the maternity ward and set about my daily tasks. Checking my schedule I saw I had a scheduled fibroid extraction and a c section for that afternoon. I took the women's charts and visited them each, answering their questions and soothing their nerves.

We did the fibroid extraction first; it was a basic surgery that I'd preformed many times. This one was almost text book and I finished quickly, sending Dr. Stevens after her to keep an eye on her recovery.

The c section proved to be more difficult, because the mother was awake she was slightly panicked and we had to calm her before starting the operation. The baby was turned in an awkward position and I didn't realize until we were in there that its cord was wrapped firmly around the neck. I called for a second doctor and together we managed to get the cord off, pulling the child carefully from its mother. Its face bore a blue tinge but it cried readily as we held it up.

"It's a girl!" I cried behind my mask.

The mother and father were both ecstatic and in tears. We cleaned up the baby, waited until its color returned then handed her to her father.

"Do you have a name dad?" I asked as I placed her in his arms.

He nodded, "Her name's Naomi, Naomi Kristin."

I smiled behind my mask as I went back to the mother, suturing the exposed flesh of her stomach.

The rest of the surgery went as planned and soon both baby and mother were moved to recovery. I sighed taking my scrub and gloves off then tossing them in the soiled linens container.

I turned my neck and rested my hands on my back, surgery was stressful at times. I wandered past the nursery and smiled as I saw the new baby, all pink and bundled up, in her bassinet.

I kept going until I made it to my earlier patient's room.

I knocked gently before entering. She was resting quietly in her bed and looked up as I came in.

"How're you feeling?" I asked.

She shrugged, "A little nauseous, but ok."

I nodded, "Has your husband been by yet?"

She nodded in reply, "He was up earlier but he had to go put our son to bed, he's staying with my sister."

I smiled, "Great. Well, Dr. Stevens said you're doing well and you seem to be recovering nicely. We'll keep an eye on you for the next 48 hours or so them you should be able to be released."

She managed a small smile, "Thanks Dr. Sheppard."

I nodded, leaving quietly and glancing at the clock. Wow, nine o'clock already? I thought. I changed quickly them made my way down to Derek's office. He was sitting at his desk massaging his temples slowly.

I sat down in the chair in front of him, "So I saw Meredith today."

He looked up carefully, "mmhmm?"

I nodded, "She got a paternity test already. It wasn't you."

"I could've told you that."

I nodded again, "I know…and that's why I came, to apologize. I wanted to say I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions and I hope you can forgive me."

He looked at me carefully, trying to see if I was genuine. Finally he looked away, "Ok, it's ok."

I managed a meek smile, "Thank you. It's just…it's hard."

He didn't return my smile, "I know Addi, I know."

I felt the hard lump in my throat and turned away slowly, so not to let him see my tears.

He stood up slowly and knelt down in front of me, taking my chin in his hands, "It's going to be ok Addison, and we're going to work it out."

I blinked furiously and chewed on my lip, well, if Derek was willing to try…then so was I.

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What if there was no lie
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason, or rhyme
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life
What if I got it wrong
And no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life

"What if" Coldplay