Disclaimer: Not mine except new characters.
A/N: My first attempt. Some disturbing scenes in this chapter, please be prepared for a shock.
Many Thanks:
Mel11: Yeah the sleeping arrangements was fun to write.
Honey X5-452: Yeah I like the siblings too.
Shygirl1: Won't know for a while about White.
Wildsky: Nice to have you back, glad you liked the Thula/Alec bit, I was worried about writing a torture bit.
Darkangelgirl262: Alec appreciates Psyche's abilities and is getting over his own fears. What has White always wanted from 452 and 494.
Who Loves The Teacher?
Chapter Fifty: Kellogg to Missoula
Max spent half the night thinking about the scene she had witnessed with Ben and Dara. Surely Dara wouldn't be trying to make out with Ben, surely Issy would have told her about the prophecy, but they had looked very close, he had even kissed her.
Could they have known she was watching; was it all put on for her benefit? Damned shark DNA everyone else is fast asleep and she couldn't stop thinking about Ben being with Dara when all they did was kiss, but it was a passionate kiss, the sort Alec and Issy would do in public.
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By the time everyone was up for breakfast Max was wound-up tight, at best answers she gave were monosyllabic mostly just grunts. Dara looked at Ben and winked, when she knew Max wouldn't see.
With breakfast over Lydecker stated, "I'm going into town; see if I can find some bits for Ben, I'll be back in an hour so keep out of trouble." He went to pick up the car keys, but Dara got them first.
"I'll keep you company as they say two's company three's a crowd," she said as she walked out.
"Women, if they're not sulking they're giving orders," remarked Lydecker as he left.
"So Maxie are you going to help me with the washing up," Ben suggested tentatively.
"So you're domesticated now," she replied sulkily.
"I just thought we could tidy-up before they got back," he remarked casually. "It might give us a chance to talk; we haven't really talked properly since we were at the old Manticore."
"Surprised you would want to talk to me, thought you were finding new friends," Max blurted out before she had time to think. 'Shit I didn't mean to let him know that I had seen him and Dara.'
Ben smiled at Max's obvious discomfort, "Hey Dara's proving to be a good friend, that doesn't mean we can't talk and sort things out does it?" He deliberately tried to make her think there was more going on, just to see how she would react.
"So you will be leaving TC with her as soon as we return," the accusation was cold and hard.
He had expected a bitchy response, but not that hard, "is that what you want?" he replied as hard as she had been.
She looked at him tears in hers eyes, "of course I don't, I've lost too many people already." Images of Zack, Tinga, Jack, Eva and Ben flashed through her head. "I can't lose you again," she cried and crumpled to the floor. She was on an emotional roller coaster, something she always tried to avoid; she hated feeling this weak it was against all their training.
"When did you take your last dose of tryptophan," he asked concerned, emotions really messed with the serotonin levels and he didn't want her having a seizure. Grabbing her bag he found the bottle and shook two out handing them to her with a glass of milk.
She took them quickly; yeah it had been a while, "thanks."
He grinned, "so Maxie what's the problem, I'll admit that I'm confused about my place in your ordered world and with the people you work with and call your friends, but you don't seem happy."
"Whereas you seem very chirpy this morning, did a little bird cheer you up last night?" she snapped.
"Wow we are tetchy this morning, tell you what you help me with the washing up and you can beat me up afterwards out the back," he offered.
She grinned, "so long as you're ready to have your ass kicked." She felt a little better and was looking forward to releasing some of her tension, a bit of sparing would be good. "So you'd better start washing," she commanded still grinning.
"Then you must need this," he replied as he tossed her the drying up cloth.
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As they got to the car Lydecker said gruffly, "what was that all about?"
"Oh nothing much," Dara replied with a laugh. "So what we going into town to get?"
"We need to get something for Ben so he's not so obvious, pity Issy didn't have time to remove his barcode before we left," he replied as he started up the vehicle. "So now you answer what's going on?"
"I was talking with Ben last night outside and I believe Max was watching, so now she has the opportunity to tell him how she feels," she replied.
"So what did you to get up to?"
"Oh after our talk I gave him a kiss, when I told him why; he reciprocated with a bit of passion," she replied with a blush.
"So now we have a love triangle," he queried clearly annoyed at thought.
"No, all in the line of work," she replied, "I actually have something going with that familiar Greg, but don't tell Max or Issy."
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As they got to work clearing the kitchen Ben decided it was time to get Max to open up, "so yesterday you were at me for not trusting Alec, for my past, for not remembering where I had my killing spree and now you're upset because I was talking with someone else in the evening. So help me make sense your problem."
"I told you yesterday Alec has been one of my closest friends for sometime, he was the first person I told about killing you, he's been watching my back for a long time. I dragged him into the TC thing and he's never shirked the responsibilities I threw at him, he has a winning personality that makes people like him," she started.
"If he's so wonderful, why aren't you with him?" he asked dreading the answer.
"You mean apart from him being totally into Issy," he nodded. "When we first met I was seeing an ordinary and wouldn't let him in, by the time I'd decided Logan wasn't the right one Issy had arrived."
"So I'd be second best, if anything happened," he taunted.
"Issy came with the news that I've been programmed to be with you or Alec, but I met you first," she replied, "part of the problem with Alec was that he reminded me of you…" she let her voice trail.
"So what about my past how does that affect us?" he asked, trying to process what she'd just said. 'Did she mean he was her first choice, if he hadn't messed up his life.'
"It's not easy accepting that you willingly hunted and killed those people in a kind of ritual," she responded trying not to sound too judgemental. "How do you feel about it?"
He looked puzzled; Issy had asked that question at Manticore, "Like it was someone else who did those things. It's why it was so easy to tell that waitress that it was a brother who did it and that they'd died."
"Is that how you feel about that side of you, that it sort of died," she asked pensively.
"It's like a life I can look at but isn't really part of me any more," he replied. "I guess that's due to psy-ops doing their job."
"You said that we should never have left Manticore, that things made sense, do you really believe that?"
"We didn't have to think for ourselves, we had a structure, when we broke out there was no structure and we were just kids," he replied. "I couldn't find anything to replace that and had no-one to talk to. I was a pretty boy and some men like little boys, I'll leave you to fill-in the gaps. Those men had tattoos like the man we chased; as I grew older I reverted back to the training asking the Blue Lady for forgiveness and help. When the help didn't come I thought she would only help those who believed in her and that maybe one of those would put an end to my existence; but Manticore made us too strong."
She was listening to a horror story she couldn't imagine as the tears started falling she stopped what she was doing and put her arms around him; leading him to the couch to sit down. "I'm sorry, I didn't understand. Life wasn't always easy for me but I was never too frightened to use our training to get out of trouble and move on."
"You think I didn't try," he looked at her flabbergasted, "the first time it was just one, I kicked him off easily but didn't kill him. He came back with six friends and tazars."
"You could have gone to the police."
"Max, who do you think the guys were?" he looked at her, "they were the police. When they'd all enjoyed themselves they threw me in a cell for soliciting, I spent the next month being raped and abused by those men. It took that long for me to escape; as soon as I was out I left the area."
Max remembered her spell in the prison; she couldn't imagine how he must have felt; all she wanted to do was hold him and protect him from the memories. "Look I get the antagonism to ordinaries but why to everyone at TC even our old unit?"
"When we arrived in TC everyone seemed to be friends with you and Alec, I'd never had anyone be like that with me and I remembered how you couldn't understand what I had been doing. I guess what I'm trying to say is I was jealous of everything you had."
"I've been a fool, I just thought you'd fit into my world without any problems and when we returned to TC I was concerned about Alec and Issy; I didn't think …" she continued to hold him and reached up to give him a kiss. Gently at first she kissed his lips; then she felt the need to deepen the kiss.
Ben responded to her kiss and started running his fingers through her hair, 'when did this change,' he thought. He needed her to be close, he breathed in the scent, it felt so good to be this close to her. His hand moved down to her shoulder, this is how he thought he'd feel with her so close, but as his body started to respond to her touch other memories came flooding back and he broke away, standing up so quickly Max fell on the floor frustrated.
He turned to help her up, "I'm sorry Max, its just…"
As his voice trailed she realised how difficult it was for him, she could see the pain in his eyes. "What about that bit of sparing, see if I can still beat you?" she suggested.
"Max it's not that I don't…" Ben implored, his eyes showing how upset he was.
"Ben let's just take it slowly," she said softly. "You've been through a lot and you've got such painful memories."
"So you want to spar instead," he replied surprised.
"Yeah get rid of the frustration," she replied.
They went round the back of the cabin.
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As they returned Dara said, "do you think Ben will go for the student look, glasses and hoody?"
"So long as he wears it when we stop for supplies I don't care whether he likes it or not," Lydecker replied sternly, as they got out of the vehicle and went into the cabin.
"It might be tidy, but where are they?" Lydecker enquired.
"If they're not making out, they're probably fighting," she replied. Let's try round the back.
As they turned the corner they stopped to watch two X5s sparing no holds barred but enjoying themselves.
As Ben tried a kick Max would block and counter, only to have Ben block and counter. The pace got faster, as Lydecker and Dara watched impressed.
After twenty minutes the pace slowed and they collapsed exhausted, but satisfied. Max kissed Ben again and he responded with less hesitation, they still hadn't noticed their audience.
Dara grabbed Lydecker's arm and stepped back, "I think they need some space," she whispered as they went back into the cabin.
Max had heard a twig break and realised that someone had been watching, but she didn't want to break the moment. It would not go further than kissing this time, but she didn't mind it felt so right.
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As Max and Ben walked back into the cabin Lydecker threw a bag at Ben, "that's for you to wear, get changed we're leaving in ten minutes."
Ben rummaged through the bag, "wonderful, what am I supposed to be some college kid," he replied sarcastically.
"If it gets us through to Gillette without anyone remembering that Ben the killer has been through here before, I don't care what people think," Lydecker snapped. "Now move it kids I want to be on the road, I've got a feeling it won't be long before someone comes looking for us."
"Why what happened?" Max asked concerned as Ben went to get change.
"Some guy took a fancy and thought 'Deck was my pimp, until I flattened him," Dara replied.
"Didn't think you psy-ops guys did that," Max stated.
"We tend to use other methods first, but I was speechless and needed to take action," Dara replied guiltily.
As Ben walked out of the bedroom both girls gave him admiring glances. "Wow you'll have all the girls on campus swooning," Dara laughed.
Max gave her a slap, "you keep your hands away from my man," she threatened.
"So the sparing was a making up fight," Lydecker sneered. "So long as that's the only sort of fight we have today I won't complain. Let's get going it's a long drive to Gillette."
As they walked to the car Dara grabbed Max's arm, "when's it due?" Max looked at her perplexed. "Your heat, when's it due?"
Max stopped and thought, "any day, why?"
"I caught a whiff of something that reminded me," Dara explained. "Let's hope we get to Gillette before it Ben catches the scent."
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Stopping in Missoula Ben suddenly looked horrified, "Can we stop somewhere else?"
Lydecker looked at Ben in the mirror; he'd never seen any of his kids look this frightened, "what's wrong with here?"
"Bad memories," Ben replied quietly, realising that Lydecker wanted more in the way of an explanation, "look they're worse than Manticore. Can't we get whatever you want somewhere else."
Realising what this place meant to Ben, Max clasped his hand in hers hoping that he wouldn't feel so bad. "Let's just go 'Deck," she commanded.
Lydecker remembered coming here looking for one of his kids and hearing about a kid that the police had held for a month. One of the policemen had been found dead just days before he had arrived. He'd managed to get some information out of the locals, so that was what had broken Ben. Lydecker felt a wave of sympathy for the kid; it must have been rough to cause the fear he could feel emanating from Ben. "Fine we don't need much, we could pick some stuff at the next pit stop," he replied heading back to the highway.
Ben visibly relaxed as they drove out of the city limits.
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A/N: 313 reviews before the next.
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