Angel nearly flew out of the offices of Wolfram and Hart and out of Los Angeles. The entire time he tried to control the urge to vomit and the shakes that wanted to take over his entire being. He hit the steering wheel and yelled out loud at himself for letting any of this even happen, at his phone when Lindsey didn't answer, at every person who was in his damn way as he tried to get to the damn hospital.
It took him just over an hour to get to the damn hospital and when he did, he wasted no time in searching for a parking spot. Pulling up to the emergency drop off, he left his car running, as he nearly jumped out, shouting at the Security Guard to park it as he ran through the double glass doors.
Coming to an abrupt stop at the first desk that he saw, he immediately began spitting out his wife's name, birthday, height, hair color, any and every thing that went through his mind was coming out his mouth.
The grey haired woman stared blankly as she tried to decipher what exactly the frantic young man was trying to say. Sliding back her roller chair, she stood, and walked around to where Angel was standing. Clearly hyperventilating, she was worried that he may hit the floor at any second. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she ushered him into the chair that was right next to him.
"Breathe honey," she instructed as she walked back around to sit at her desk, her fingers poised over her keyboard.
"Panicking isn't going to help anyone, now tell me the patient's first and last name, their birthday, and your relation."
Taking a deep breath, Angel tried to summon the strength not to just barge through every damn door in this hospital.
"Buffy, her name's Buffy Summers, January 19th, 1981, I'm her husband… I got a call at work saying there had been an accident, she's pregnant-."
The grey haired woman cut him off when he began to rant once more, "It looks like she's up in the Operating Room dedicated to Obstetrics," meeting his eyes, her own now filled with worry for the poor lad she continued, "Floor Seven, as soon as you get off the elevator, there's going to be a nurse's station, they should be able to give you more answers there.".
Nodding mutely, his ability to form words completely lost, he stood on shaky legs from the chair he was in. This was a nightmare, it had to be, everything was fine this morning, they had plans for the evening. Once again he felt as though he was about to lose his stomach contents onto the floor.
His body must have been working on auto pilot, he had no memory of entering the elevator or pressing the button for the 7the floor, but the next thing he knew the doors were sliding open to a bustling maternity ward. Walking over to the nurses station he once again mumbled out wife's name, which thankfully this time seemed to garner more of a reaction from the ladies sitting there.
Instantly one of them walked around the counter, using his arm to guide him, she led him through a door into what appeared to be a private waiting room. The little bit of composure he had been holding onto instantly dissolved as he collapsed onto one of the seats. Sobs tore from his being as he began praying aloud to save his wife, his daughter, that he would wake up from this horrendous nightmare. He wasn't sure what all the nurse had said, all he caught was that she would be back with Dr. Laurence in just a moment.
Grabbing the box of tissues off the table next to him, he blew his nose, and attempted to dry his eyes as he wished for Buffy's doctor to appear in the doorway. Time had no meaning, he wasn't sure if it had been seconds or hours before Dr. Laurence's familiar face stepped inside the small room.
Instantly shooting to his feet, the doctor shook her head, gesturing back towards the chair he had just occupied. Waiting for him to sit down, she then took the chair next to his own. She had grown rather fond of this couple, and their strange love story.
"Angel, look at me," she directed authoritatively.
She waited for his soft brown eyes to meet her own before continuing, "Now, I'm not sure what all you have been told, but Buffy was involved in another accident. The damage was extensive, but as of right now, the baby seems to be stable." Knowing this was a lot of information for anyone to handle, she paused for a moment as she watched him digest the news.
"So… she's okay then? Can I see her? The lady downstairs told me she was in the operating room."
"Angel, Angel, calm down. Listen to me, I'm not the doctor that's in charge of Buffy. At least not in regards to this, my patient is your unborn daughter, there will be someone else coming to speak to you about your wife's condition momentarily, but in the meantime I'm here to answer any questions you may have about the baby or possible impacts regarding the pregnancy."
"She's alive? I mean they're both alive?" He gasped out, feeling some ounce of relief for the first time since he ran out of his office.
Taking one of his hands between her own, the doctor sighed, these two deserved so much more than this disaster. "During the accident Buffy suffered what we call a partial placental abruption. Now what that means is that part of the placenta that nourishes the baby and allows her to receive oxygen tore away from Buffy's uterus. I would class your wife's case as moderately severe, we were able to get most of the bleeding stopped, and we have the baby hooked up to both a fetal monitor and were also monitoring for any contractions. Sometimes trauma like this can trigger early labor, and that's something that we definitely don't want to happen right now."
"So this is something that can heal itself right, she'll be alright, the baby I mean, she's going to be okay?"
She had made an oath with herself a long time ago not to lie to her patients. "Angel, I'm going to be honest with you. The tear is severe, but I have seen a few this severe heal before. Just for baby's sake I expect at least a few days hospital stay, then it will be strict bedrest, and weekly follow ups for at least six to eight weeks. Luckily, that puts us a few weeks before her expected due date, regardless from here on out your wife will definitely be considered high risk."
"And if the tear doesn't heal?"
Releasing a breath she relaxed a bit more into the uncomfortable hospital chair. "Angel I want you to know, I'm not going to let anything happen to that baby if I can help it. Buffy's nearing thirty weeks, even in the worst case scenario the baby's odds of survival outside of the womb are much better than they were even two weeks ago. But, I'm telling you we are not there, not yet, and I don't plan to get to that point. I did give Buffy a shot of steroids to help further develop the baby's lungs if we come to that scenario, but honestly I don't believe we will," she insisted.
"Can I see her?"
He knew there was something they weren't telling him, he could feel it in his gut, he was relieved that the baby seemed to be okay for now at least. But he didn't like how every question he asked about his wife seemed to be dodged.
"I'm sorry... but not at this time, Angel. Not just yet. She is still in the operating room at this time and hopefully it won't be too long until another of Buffy's doctors can come out here and update you, I'm sure they could do a much better job than me with explaining what is going on. For now, I am going to give you this," she said, handing over a sticky pad to his shaky hand. "This has Buffy's name, the operating room that she is in, and the surgical team. You can look up at any of these screens in this room and keep track of her - even if just by a little. It will show if she's still in the operating room or if she's behind those doors in recovery. Someone should be out here to tell you how things went before that even updates to being complete, though. For some it's a nice comfort to have that little line of information, though."
Angel nodded, staring at the words on the little piece of paper.
"After she is done in there, she will be at least an hour in the recovery area. It is just so they can monitor her directly after... and then they will move her to an actual room. You should be able to see and be with her when they get her settled then. In the meantime, Angel, I want you to at least try and calm down. You are doing all you can, and so are we."
Angel nodded again, his eyes coming up to meet hers but she knew he didn't really see her right now. He was distraught, he had too much information pouring at him, too much worry on his mind to really take anything else in. She didn't blame him for it either.
"Those bigger chairs over there fold out if you would like to try and lay down... with your size you might need to put two of them together. You can ask for blankets at the desk over there if you need one, it does get cold in here. There are bathrooms right around the corner, across from them there's some vending machines. There's a few more at the other end of the floor. There's a small coffee bar on the other side of that desk, a phone that goes directly to the nurses on the other side of those doors."
She went on for another few moments but she wasn't sure what else she could do to help him or information she could give right now. She finally patted his knee and gave him some well wishes before standing back up.
Angel stared after where she had been and where she disappeared back off to at first, then he let out a shaky breath. He stood up and walked closer to one of the large screens to try and find Buffy up there. It did make him feel the tiniest bit better to see what little information it added to all of this but he was still in panic mode.
Looking down at the little note once more, he then grabbed his phone to call Willow. He knew there was no way he could make it through calling everyone he needed to get in touch with but he hoped he could at least let one member of the gang know and they could pass it along for him to everyone else. He was thankful she answered on the second ring. He got choked up as soon as he tried opening his mouth though, so it had taken a lot of work on both their ends to even get any of it out.
His eyes were brimming with tears as he tried to explain Buffy had been in an accident, that he knew next to nothing other than she and the baby were alive. He explained she didn't have a room yet but where he was and that he would let her know more as soon as he knew any. He and Willow shared in their grief over the situation before she told him she would be there as soon as she could, and happily took over the job of letting their friends know what happened so he could focus on what he needed there.
Willow was about to hang up, but then he heard her ask, "What if she doesn't remember again?"
Angel closed his eyes. "I don't know, Wil. We'll get past that bridge when we get to it I guess. That's on my list of worries but it's not topping it right now," he told her. But he did wonder and worry about it. Once off the phone with Willow he sat back down, trying to use his phone and Google search to find more information about that, her history of amnesia and how it might affect her again, dangers to the baby and her based off of the little he knew.
A huge lump formed in his throat the more he read. Paragraphs about bleeding, premature births, stillborn babies in result to this placental abruption happening, c-sections often being needed, loss of oxygen creating birth defects made his heart want to lurch out of his chest. He suddenly wished he hadn't been left in here alone so he could question more about all of this. At the same time, he decided he would try and find as many answers he could on his own so he would use his time with any of the doctors hopefully wisely and get what he truly needed to know rather than come at them with a million different things.
He also decided he needed to figure out how to find out more information about the accident itself.
OoOoO
Angel tried calling Lindsey a few more times but never got through, he finally left a quick message and asked for him to call back when he could. He paced around the waiting room which he'd had mostly to himself. Another two small groups joined not long before he spotted a familiar head of red hair and felt his legs wanting to give out again as Willow rushed over to him. He hugged her tight, then Tara who had followed behind a moment later.
"Xander was on a job," Willow told him. "He's a few towns over but he said he would be here as soon as he could. He said he'd keep trying to get in touch with Cordy since she hadn't answered."
Angel nodded, sitting down beside the girls.
"H-have you heard anything new?"
"Not really," he answered. "I went over her insurance information then someone had come out to ask me some medical history, the hospital in Texas that she was in. Just a bunch of useless shit that they should already know from her records."
Handing Willow the paper with Buffy's information, he pointed in the general direction of the monitors and explained how they would be updated, as he sat back down. Each of the girl's hearts lurched, not only for the friend who was fighting for her life, but for her husband. They had each seen Angel beaten down, distraught, what they would have previously described as his worst… but they had never seen him like this.
He wasn't sure which would be worse, staring at the unmoving red flashing number associated with his wife's name, or being left here to simply wonder, complete in the dark. At this very second he silently thought that being left in the dark may be better, that there was some form of peace that came with the unknowing.
Like earlier, Buffy had been in a wreck but he hadn't known, didn't he feel better before he found out? What if there was a code blue, he knew her operating room number, he would know she coded. Wouldn't it be better if he just didn't fucking know any of this.
"It's going to be okay Angel," Willow whispered, sitting down quietly beside him. "You said the baby is doing okay, which means that Buffy is okay."
Glancing from the corner of his eye towards the redhead that was one of his love's very best friends, he couldn't help but ask, "But what if it's not.".
OoOoO
It had been nearly two hours before another doctor poked his head through the door. This time the entire gang of people stood up to greet him, Xander and Cordelia having arrived a while ago.
"This is the family of Buffy O'connor I presume?"
Unlike Buffy's Obgyn, this doctor lacked that sense of compassion, immediate Angel could tell he was going to give it to him straight.
"Yes, I'm her husband," Angel stepped forward, extending his hand to shake the Doctors, not missing the single tiny drop of blood staining his sleeve.
Nodding his head, the doctor immediately turned to the rest of the room asking if he could have a moment with Angel alone.
The world seemed to tilt on its axis, he wasn't sure how much more of this he could physically take. That not knowing bullshit he thought earlier, ya he took it back. He wanted, no he needed to know everything and now. Waiting for the foursome to exit the room, he stood, his stare never wavering as he told the doctor "I'd like to know about my wife now.".
Nodding his head as in some silent understanding, the doctor crossed his arms, using the shut door to lean on, he let out a long sigh before speaking.
"Look you seem like a straightforward man, so I'm going to tell you like it is. Your wife is extremely lucky, we kept her in the operating room for so long, because her OB wanted to ensure that Buffy didn't start contracting which would probably have resorted to an emergency c-section. As for Buffy's other injuries, she fractured her radius in her arm, there is significant bruising from the seat belt across her abdominal area, but what I'm most concerned about is the concussion she suffered."
Concussion that word. For a split second he thought that everything really was going to be okay, until he heard that word. This couldn't be happening, not again, stepping back he sank into the chair behind him as he waited for the Doctor to continue.
"I had her previous records transferred over from Texas, head trauma is one of the most difficult things to predict. We won't really know anything until she wakes up, however you should know she was brought in unconscious. We haven't given her any sedatives, other than medications to treat her pain."
Angel felt as though there was an elephant sitting on top of his chest, that heavy feeling he'd had in his lungs earlier was returning… "So what you're saying is that you haven't been able to get her to wake up."
"Yes, but I don't want you to panic, not yet. Remember I told you I'd shoot straight with you, don't make me regret it. Now the good news is that she's breathing on her own, I had her on some oxygen when she first came in, but I never had to ventilate her. That's a good sign in cases like this, the next forty-eight hours will be critical, ideally I'd like to see her conscious within the next twelve. She's being moved to recovery as we speak, in her case I'd imagine another hour or two before she's moved to the Intensive Care Unit."
"Intensive Care Unit," Angel mimicked, his brain still attempting to grasp the magnitude of the situation.
"Yes, not only does Dr. Laurence wants to keep a close eye on her for the next day or so, I'd really like her to be there until she regains consciousness."
"Is there a chance that she-," taking a second Angel had to clear his throat in order to force the words out. "Won't wake up?"
Pausing, as though he was choosing the correct words, or perhaps the best way to say the wrong words, it took a beat for the doctor to continue. "Your wife is in critical condition right now Mr. O'connor, the next few hours are crucial. I've reviewed the first sets of MRI'S and CT scans, there's some worrisome imagery, but I've seen worse. I've seen people recover from worse, but I've also seen people die of less. Now my advice to you right now, is send that gang of your friends home. I know that they're worried but the only person I'm letting in that room tonight is you."
"She doesn't have any other family, those friends are it." Angel told him knowing there was no way could convince them to leave.
"Well be that as it may, let them know they can wait in the waiting room, or they can go home and rest. Tell them to hear up for tomorrow, when they might really needed. When she's awake," the doctor emphasized in an attempt to transfer some semblance of hope to the poor man.
"Wait here, once she's moved to the Intensive Care Unit, I'll have one of my nurses come get you and take you to her room. Again I want to emphasize that though she is breathing on her own, there is extensive bruising, and we have her hooked up to quite a few machines. Including those for both her and the baby, who like I said is also being closely monitored. Until she regains consciousness, she will be assigned her own nurse who will be stationed inside the room with her. Since this was a vehicular accident, I wouldn't be surprised if the police stopped by to ask a few questions once she's awake."
"The accident, do you know what happened?"
"Very little, I do know it was a singular vehicle accident. It seems that your wife lost control of the car while she was attempting to exit the freeway.
Angel attempted to nod, taking that in on top of everything else that had happened today. The doctor asked if there were any other questions he had or if there was anything else he could do before disappearing. Angel had an endless abyss of things he felt he needed to know, needed to ask, but he just didn't have the energy to just now.. or hear any more bad news.
Angel stood for a few more moments before walking over to fill the others in on what he had learned.
OoOoO
Angel's eyes were dead set on the room he had learned would be Buffy's down here in the ICU. He couldn't make her out but they had brought her down finally, a large amount of doctors and staff members were still currently in there blocking his view, as were some of the large machines and equipment from this angle.
"Everything's going to be okay," Willow whispered, her eyes trained in the same direction. "It has to be," she added.
Angel swallowed and prayed for that to ring true.
Just as he had expected, every last one of their friends refused the offer to leave and come back tomorrow to see if anything had changed. They had already claimed their spots in the ICU waiting room, had a large supply of snacks and drinks taking up a small plastic couch, and a few chairs full of pillows and blankets a nurse had gathered for them. Every one of them had called into their place of business and explained that they would be here as long as they needed to be.
Angel couldn't even muster the words of endless thanks to them for the action. Even if they weren't going to be allowed in the room with her tonight they would at least be right there, maybe they could see her tomorrow, maybe things would be better tomorrow. He took comfort in if anything turned for the worse they would be right here. Any good or bad news, events... he didn't have to be in it completely alone.
He was getting a lot of deja vu vibes from this whole situation from Buffy's last accident, the one that had sent their whole worlds into a complete spiral. But he was glad for the majority of the differences. He was glad he wasn't states away and people closest to them could only visit here and there. He was thankful she was close to them, close to home. She would have better support now. And... and if she woke up and didn't remember who he was all over again, or if she woke up remembering bits and pieces then she wasn't stuck halfway across the country more or less alone.
Being there all by himself while she was in the coma had taken its damn toll on him as well.
Angel knew the previous accident had been more life threatening in a number of ways, but there was no denying that this, right now, scared him a million times over. This wasn't just Buffy this time, it was everything. Everything in her, everything in that baby who's life was now in jeopardy as well.
OoOoO
Angel stood up as he noticed the nurse walking closer to him, she smiled reassuringly and made sure he was who she was looking for. She went over the procedures for the room, told him she would allow him to stay in the room with Buffy as long as nothing "eventful" happened where he would be asked to step back outside. She addressed the rest of the group on what they were looking for come tomorrow in hopes they could have short visits, that only one to two people would be allowed in the room at a time, and such.
She looked back at Angel and asked if she could see a photo of his wife. He looked at her confused but he pulled out his phone and showed her a few. The nurse nodded and said she asked so she could attempt to prepare him for the damage she currently had. He nodded, he knew no matter what it would be a shock. It didn't matter how much he'd seen back in Texas or how much she tried to prepare him... you couldn't. Not really. But he let her attempt to help.
She then reminded him of her name and said she'd be the nurse on duty in the room with them until the nurse change off. "I'll come back and get you when you can officially come in, okay? I just wanted to talk to you while they were finishing up."
OoOoO
Angel hugged each one of the gang before having to sign in at the visitor's station, answer a number of questions, then wash his hands and be fitting in a dressing gown and gloves outside of the room.
When he stepped inside, he sucked in a huge amount of air and nearly choked as he finally got to see her. When the nurse noticed he was starting to panic again, she hurried to jump up and do her best to reassure him things were not perfect and she knew that, but they weren't horrible either. She walked with him over to the bed and told him it was okay if he touched her, brushed her hair, held her hand gently. She explained the large machines and tubes and what they were there for in a rush, explaining how they were keeping track of her vitals, going over what good news they did have.
She went over Buffy's equipment first then on to the babies' as well. She explained how all of it worked and what it meant to him as quickly as her mouth and lungs would allow her.
He took it all in the best that he could, the room-in nurse assured him again of the positives and directed him closer to her. She looked tinier than ever he thought to himself as he stood over the bed. Even with the basketball sized bump she looked too small and fragile.
He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. "I was at work," he choked out.
The nurse shook her head. "None of that matters right now. You didn't do anything wrong," she told him softly. "Just sit... hold her hand, hold that baby bump... talk to them. Let them know you're here and you love them," she gently guided.
OoOoO
Another nurse had brought in a large cot for him but there was no way he had barely managed a few bites of food in when the room-in nurse had convinced him he needed to keep his strength up for all of this but sleep was just out of the question right now. He was sure he wouldn't get any rest until he passed out and had no other choice.
As the hours kept ticking on, the more worried he couldn't help but feel when Buffy still hadn't woken up. Really, so far tonight there hadn't been much change with her at all. He just continued to talk to her, to the powers that be, anything to try and bring her back to him. The beeping coming from the machine to his left let him know that her heart was still beating, and the one to the right let him know their daughters was.
Those were the sounds he concentrated on, those were the only sounds that got him through the night. Peanut seemed calmer than normal, but everytime she did move he could hear that static on the fetal monitor. The doctors were right, the bruising was bad, he'd caught glimpses of her belly the few times the nurse had to just her abdominal monitors, long lines of thick purple and black lines marred her perfect skin.
There was a small gash along her hair line that seemed to have required a few stitches, and of course her arm was splinted, held in a sling across her chest. He hadn't left her side except for the couple of times he had to use the restroom, the metal rickety hospital chair was killing his back, but he refused to lie down. He couldn't bear the thought of her waking up alone in a hospital room...again.
Brushing her hair back from her eyes for probably the hundredth time that night, he leaned forward, touching his lips to her temple ever so gently. As much as he tried to avoid looking at the clock he knew that time was ticking away, every fiber of his being willed those beautiful green eyes to open. Hell at this point, he would trade his soul for it.
Leaned over, resting his head next to hers, he sent up another prayer to whatever higher power was listening. He'd nearly dozed off, he may have there for a minute or two, at first he thought that he had imagined the twitch, the tiny movement of her face turning towards his own. Then he heard a tiny cough, and his head shot up from beside her, eyes wide he looked to her nurse if only to make sure he wasn't imagining things.
"Angel?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, but he'd heard it. She'd said it, and for the first time in nearly twenty-four hours he felt as though he could finally breathe again.
ButImBroken:
This story is a collaboration between myself and Scribes1015!