Chapter 2
"Hey, Moony, the chick in our cabin was checking you out," Sirius smiled at his friend as he emptied the contents of his trunk on to the dorm floor.. "Yeah," James added, carefully removing his things, "she was looking at you the whole time." Remus looked at his friends, doubt filling his eyes as he put his books on the shelf,"You know, guys, she problaby thought I was funny looking or something, besides, I doubt she'd ever even consider me as boyfriend material. I have Evey, too, don't forget that." James, Sirius, and Peter all exchanged worried glances, and Sirius went and stood by the young werewolf. "Um, Remy, I feel horrible telling you this, but, she's cheating you. James saw her snogging Bobby Cain, the Hufflepuff prefect." Remus took a deep breath and sighed, "I know" he whispered, "but she's all that I've got..."
Remus walked lazily down the steps to the common room, his bag annoyingly hitting his hip. James and Sirius were already down there, a plate with some eggs and bacon sitting on the table next to them. "We got that for you," Sirius said stuffing some of the bacon into his already full mouth. Remus smiled a sad smile at his frind, "no thanks guys, I'm not hungry." "Remus," James interjected, "you barely ate at dinner last night and you didn't eat at all on the train. You've gotta be starving." Remus looked at the food, and walked towards the portrait hole. "I'm fine, really." Climbing out of the portrait hole, he walked idly around the castle waiting for his potions class to start. I wish they'd stop worring so much about me. I'll be fine, I can take care of myself. I doubt they'll even want to be with me after school gets out, anyway. I don't need anyone... Remus looked up and found himself at the seventh floor landing, about to walk right over the edge. That wouldn't have been pretty. Remus strolled down the staircase, checking his watch. Better get moving. A couple minutes later, Remus walked in to the gloomy dungeon classroom. "Where were you, Moony?" Sirius looked a little impatient. "I was just walking, thinking." "You think to much, mate. It's gonna get you no where." Peter looked at him, a look in his eye that frightened Remus a little. Looking for somewhere to sit, Remus glimpsed Adrianna, sitting in the corner. She's so beautiful, so...I need to stop. She's never going to want me, and I have a girlfriend. Remus grabbed a chair and sat down next to James, focusing on the assignment.
After class, he decided to go for a walk to try and clear his mind. Walking out the school doors, he breathed in the sweet scent of September. Why can't I get her out of my head? She's not that beautiful. She's probably a slut. God Damn, I know she's not a slut, and no one could even compare to her beauty. Why doesn't she effect Sirius or James, or even Peter? Why is it just me? Why does she look at me wit..."Remus!" He turned around and saw Evey running towards him "Hey, how was class?" "Shitty as usual," She replied chewing on some gum. "Oh." "So, baby, you wanna go inside where it's warm? she asked, her voice suductive. "Not really, I was just thinking about going to sit by the lake." "Hmph. Remus you're sooooo boring sometimes. Why don't you ever want to do anything fun." Ever think that I might not want to screw you? You ever think about what you do to me? Do you even care about me? "I'm just not in the mood right now." His usual reply to her when she tried to get him to have sex with her. You wouldn't even want me if you knew what a monster I was. "God damn it, Remus. That's what you always say. It's not like it's gonna hurt. Are you afraid, or something?" Remus looked at the ground, his eyes starting to water. "You are afraid aren't you? Oh my god. The great Remus Lupin is afraid to have sex with me. Wait, it's not just me, is it? You're afraid to have sex with anyone! I can't believe it. You're a virgin aren't you?" Remus stood up, trying to not let Evelyn see his face. "What should it metter if I'm a virgin? I'm just not ready." "God, Remus, you're turning fucking eighteen in five weeks. At least now I know what to give you for your birthday." She walked away leaving him there, silent tears pouring down his face. He glanced around to assure himself that no one was around. Slowly he pulled an old, leather-bound notebook, and a quill and ink. Dipping the nib into the black liquid, he began writing. Words flowed out of his mind, stringing together, forming rythems, forming songs. He sat there for hours, as the sun slowly dropped from the sky.
It had been a couple of months since school started. I hadn't really met anyone, but I didn' mind. I was sitting at the end of a table in the library, a pile of books by my side, when Remus came up to me. We had never really talked before, so I was suprised that he just came and sat across from me. "You're Adrianna, right?" I looked at him, a small smile on my lips, "Yeah, you can call me Adri. Did you want something?" "No, not really," he looked at me and I thought I caught a glimpse of longing. "I just thought you looked alone and needed a friend." "Thanks for the kind gesture," I replied, "but I don't really need any friends, I'll just lose them all anyway." He gave me a confused look, a longing one. It was almost like he was whispering in my ear that he needs a friend more then I do. I looked at him, a tinge of mystery in my eyes, "Why do you want me to be your friend anyway?" "Well," he replied, put-out by my unexpected question, "I guess it seems like you need someone to talk to, and you can always trust me." The look in his eyes that moment made chills run down my spine. A mixture of hope and longing, there was even a hint of fear. A fear of rejection, or something deeper, I couldn't tell. I sighed, "I'll be your friend, but please don't try to get too attachted, I don't want to hurt you." "Why would you hurt me?" "I'm always moving around, I haven't been in one school for over a year." I looked back up at him, his green eyes sparkling. "You seem like such a nice guy, I don't want you to be depressed if I have to leave." He looked down at his shoes, then back up at me, water filling those clear eyes. "I would be depressed even if I never met you." I looked at him, this time it was I who was confused. "What do you mean." "I can't explain it," was all he said before he got up and walked away.
God damn it, why am I crying over her. I can't believe I let my tears come when I was talking to her. She's so beautiful, so angelic. Light radiates from her, a light that my inner darkness could never touch. I won't let it touch her, I won't let it taint her. Why did I have to offer to be her friend? I can't involve myself, I won't let her see my inner demon. If she knew what I really was, I would have a silver bullet through me heart as I lay sleeping. But isn't that what she is? She's the bullet that kills me, the bullet that saves me. I see her chilling gaze and it scares me, but it intrigues me ever so. I wish I could hold her in my arms, I wish I could kiss those cherry lips. But my arms would crush her porclein skin. My rough lips wpould make hers bleed. Seeing her in the candle light, she looked beautiful in mysterious, seeing her in the light of the moon would take my breath away. The cursed moon. The full moon is supposed to be a holy thing, full of hope. To me, though, it is the image of what I will never have, the image of the beast that I am. Remus glared at the nearly full moon outside, hidden benaeth the clouds. "Three days 'till my favorite time of the month," he said sardonically. He looked at the piano sitting on the other side of the room. Last Yule, James, Sirius, Peter and Lily all saved up their money to get him a piano. It was mostly Sirius' money, though. He went and sat on the bench, his fingers brushing against the smooth ivory keys. He started playing. He wasn't actually sure what he was playing, though, but he didn't care. He got lost in the music, the sad mournful tone was sweet in his ears. He started thinking about Evelyn, how she treated him, but before he could think a sentance about her, his thoughts drifted to someone else. Adrianna. He couldn't help but sigh as he though about her smooth skin, as white as the keys his fingers itched to play. Her hair, black as night, cascading down her back into soft curls at the end. Her full red lips, so soft, like a baby's first blush. But his favorite was her eyes. Gleaming amythest eyes. She was so mysterious, so enticing. Her eyes held the wisdom and power of the Gods. They radiated a light that made them appear to be older than time itself...Oh, how he longed to hold her in his arms. How he longed to gently kiss her smooth neck, to kiss everypart of her, from her head to her toes. He thought about it for a while, and even though it had seemed a little too sexual, he dismissed it as innocent passion. He moaned as he thought about her form in bed with him, pressed against his body tight. He became consiously aware of the people in the room. Sirius gave him a bewildered look, "Hey, Moony, the piano isn't what's giving you a hard-on is it?" Remus turned a violent shade of red. That was the first time he had honestly thought of anyone that way, and it kind of scared him. He gave Sirius a looked that screamed "Are you crazy?" "No, the piano did not give me a hard on Sirius, unlike you, everything doesn't make me horny." Sirius smirked, "Well, pianos don't, anyway. It's more along the lines of women that do, but sometimes I can be for no particular reason. Remus just looked at his friend in disbelief. James interrupted their conversation, "Hey guys, guess what I got." Peter looked up from his homework, "What did 'ya get, James?" A sly grin formed on James's unshaven face, "I got a date with Lily." The butter beer that Sirius had been drinking came rocketing out of his nose. "You got a date with Evans? You're sayin' that she'd actually go on a date...with you?" He asked in disbelief. James gave him a look that plainly said "Shut the bloody hell up." "Yeah, I did. We're going to Hogsmeade this weekend." "Oooh, how original," Sirius chided mockingly. Remus just laughed as he got ready for dinner.