Angel had filled his days doing anything he could think of to keep his mind preoccupied. He was staying with Lindsey for now, but there were a couple of houses he'd already put in an application for, but unfortunately the housing market wasn't exactly booming in this two light town. It was peaceful, he'd give him that, but it was worlds away from the hustle and bustle he was used to in California.
Hell, the small town they were in barely had what he would consider a gas station, he had no idea how far something like a hospital was away… He still caught himself doing that, every so often his thoughts would drift, and he would nearly forget that knowing the distance of the closest hospital wasn't really one of his priorities anymore.
Ever since Lindsey's little intervention after they had left Sunnydale, Buffy had only communicated to him through text. He'd only broken down and tried to call her twice, but still he knew her, and he knew Lindsey… petty trumps petty.
He had to admit he was shocked last week when his lawyer called and confirmed that she had been served. He sat by the phone all night, waiting for the tirade of messages and phone calls, ones that never ended up coming. As a matter of fact the only text he had got from her since then had come yesterday, after what he assumed was her latest appointment with Doctor Laurence.
Despite the stress of everything, from what little she had relayed to him she seemed to be healing well. In the text last night she'd told him she'd been released from bedrest, and everything seemed to be back on track for a normal delivery. Flashes of how they were supposed to be celebrating that news briefly danced through his head as he read her text aloud to Linds. No matter how dickish he acted towards the small blonde, Angel knew at the end of the day he still cared, he was just being Lindsey and wanted what was best for him.
At being just over thirty-eight weeks the baby could really come at any point, though she did tell him the doctor mentioned she didn't expect a baby for at least another week, maybe even two.
Apparently now that it was finally time for her to make her grand appearance, she was having second thoughts, not that Angel could blame her, given the situation she was about to be born into. He still seemed to go a bit catatonic when he thought about missing his little girl's entrance into this world, so he tried his best to block it out of his mind, and look forward to the day he would finally be able to hold her in his arms.
As limited of contact as they had been in, he had to give it to Buffy, she hadn't tried to cut him out of the baby's life, not in any way, at least not yet. Every week after her appointments he would receive a text that damn near read like a small chapter book. She seemed to keep him informed of every possible detail where the baby was concerned, which he was grateful for, but she continued to ignore any type of response he made.
Still, he appreciated that she was still able to put the baby first despite everything, at the very least she deserved parents who could be civil, even though those weekly updates were about the extent of their civility these days. If he attempted to ask a question she wouldn't respond, instead waiting until her next weekly update to answer him.
He'd spent the last couple of weeks stockpiling his own supply of necessities for the wee one, he still wasn't sure how they were supposed to split custody with states between them, but he wanted to be prepared regardless. His room at Lindsey's reminded him of what their guest room back in Sunnydale had looked like for all those months before they got everything set up and painted. Boxes of baby items, a crib, pack and play, various outfits and blankets were piled in nearly every open corner, and he didn't even want to think about the dangers of opening his closet. He'd been nailed on the head more than once by a box of unopened bottles, or case of diapers that came tumbling down.
It hadn't been an easy month, but he was finally getting to the point where he managed to shower daily, though shaving was a completely different story. As soon as they got to Oklahoma, Angel had called Lorne and told him that he wasn't coming back to Wolfram And Hart this time. He wound up talking to about fifteen different people by the time they finally accepted that he was leaving the company that had been with him for all these years.
It hadn't been the easiest decision but not the hardest either. He loved what he did but it was time to move on, and thankfully with the luxury of some family money he could take some time to figure out just what his next career move would be.
He had asked Harmony to clear his office out for him and promised that he would come by one of these future trips that he'd be needing to take back to California for a proper goodbye. He'd also promised to keep in touch otherwise, they all wanted to know he was alright and to know about the baby as she entered the world and grew up.
Without work to worry about just yet, Angel did put out some feelers for some local companies out here but he mostly just worried about finding a place to call home, having decided maybe being out this way wouldn't be so bad, and trying to work out details for when his and Buffy's daughter had arrived.
OoOoO
Angel was almost ready to start branching out his search for a house to even a few counties over when he'd gotten a call while out shopping one day. Lindsey had pulled some strings to wind up with a lead for a house that'd not yet been put out on market, and basically told him to drop everything he was doing and rush over there.
He'd grumbled about it but went... finding himself in love with it before he even got a foot inside the door.
He was given a short tour and for the first time could almost picture somewhere else being home again. He and the owner sat down and discussed what issues the house had, some options for inspectors and prices... Angel told the older man he would pay cash outright if everything went to plan and finally had some sense of relief about this whole thing.
In a matter of weeks, if all went swimmingly, he could be out of Lindsey's hair - not that either of them truly seemed to mind these days - and have something to show for himself.
He was sure it'd look better for him when it came time to see a judge or do any custody or visitation hearings to actually have a place of his own rather than scattered about Lindsey's place.
OoOoO
Buffy was doing all she could to not start shaking uncontrollably as she reached her hand up once before snapping it back down to her side, then reached twice, to knock on the large white door. She swallowed hard as she saw the shadowy figure behind the dark glass moments later and heard the locks being undone on the other side then the short sound of it opening before coming face to face with Lindsey.
To his credit, Lindsey made next to no real acknowledgement of her before shutting the door right back in her face. Hard.
Buffy sighed out his name loudly, knocking again. This time, when he opened it he stared at her with that make people afraid of you look he was almost as known for as anything else before his eyes fluttered up and down her body quickly. He finally took a step back and turned around with a word.
Buffy waited a moment before following him inside. She'd expected him to go off on her and had done her best to steel up in preparation of the verbal onslaught but instead he seemed to just ignore her presence all together.
He walked off to the kitchen while she cautiously took a seat on his large sectional in the living room. Lindsey made little noise as he moved around the kitchen and every now and then she'd see him stare out the large window back toward the driveway and road.
As much as she wanted to make things better with Lindsey, that would just have to wait. Right now her focus was on dealing with Angel then whatever else could be dealt with after that.
When he suddenly laid everything down, crossed the room and headed outside, she followed his line of sight after the door shut until she saw Angel off in the distance. Buffy felt her heart racing as he came closer, meeting up with Lindsey about halfway back to the house. She didn't have to guess what Lindsey was warning him about as his head turned and she swore he was looking right through her.
Lindsey returned and went right back to the kitchen and she thought she was going to throw up as Angel followed behind, coming to sit on the edge of that large window. His hair was cut shorter than he usually wore it she noticed, he'd been growing a beard out and there was some sprinkles of gray hair in it... she didn't miss the fact that he looked tired, too. He looked like he'd aged a few years in just the past month and she was sure she had her own hints of that as well. But he looked good, especially standing there in that bright white tee shirt and some gray sweatpants, and that only made her hurt more all of a sudden.
Angel scratched at his head refusing to look at her directly. "Buffy," he finally spoke and it nearly made her jump. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
Buffy was afraid the words wouldn't come out of her throat that was threatening to strain and close in on her. "I just wanted to talk to you," she barely managed.
His jaw clenched and he glanced around the room for a moment. "I gotta take a shower and change."
She just nodded and watched him slide back down to his feet from the window perch, he walked into the kitchen where he and Lindsey whispered amongst themselves for a moment before he glanced her way once more and disappeared off to the side.
OoOoO
"I'm pretty sure it falls under not the smartest idea for you to have traveled all the way out here being this far along," Angel muttered, still drying his hair off.
As Buffy took a seat off in the corner, her eyes took in the room he had clearly been staying in. Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest as she took in the amount of baby related items pretty much overflowing in any empty space. There was a pack and play set up in the corner with a number of small items in the bottom of it, the car seat box looked like it had been at least opened, but mostly everything looked new, still with tags or in unopened boxes.
Sure, it was something she probably shouldn't have done but she needed to see him, to talk to him in person, face to face. And that is exactly what she told him.
Folded up in her bag were the papers he'd had her served with, as soon as the constable handed them to her she'd known without even opening them what they were. She'd nearly broken down and called him again, begged him to come home, but in her heart she knew it was pointless. It wasn't until her doctor's appointment earlier in the week that she really started to form a plan. Even if he couldn't forgive her, even if he still wanted to go ahead with the divorce, she still couldn't imagine him missing their daughter's birth, especially not after everything they had been through to get to this point.
So when Doctor Laurence checked her cervix for the first time, and told her that she still felt like they were a ways away from baby, it had just struck her that this would be her last chance. She knew it was risky, but she had made sure to take precautions, making sure to stop every couple of hours to stretch her legs and prevent any potential blood clots. She had also gotten a hotel somewhere in Colorado last night, not wanting to push herself too hard, she'd made sure to get a good night's sleep before continuing her journey to Oklahoma.
"I didn't want you to miss this," she breathed out, not willing to bring up the whole issue of the divorce, not yet.
Angel glanced over at her, his eyes finally locking onto her own for the first time since she had arrived. As much as Lindsey tried to prepare him, tried to drill into his head that he should prepare himself for her to use that baby against him, he just couldn't bring himself to believe that she would ever do such a thing… and here was the proof.
"You still want me there?" he asked softly. "Even if we're not together?"
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she leaned back against the wooden headboard of his bed, as she desperately tried to keep it together. "Do you want to be?"
God there was nothing that he wanted more in this life, but having her just show up like this, in his room, on his bed… it was making him start to question everything that had made so much sense this morning. When Lindsey had run out the house, wide eyed and told him that she was here, he hadn't known what to think. He wasn't sure what to prepare himself for as he followed him back into the house.
Then he caught sight of her sitting in the exact spot he'd been occupying hours earlier, feet curled under her like always, and he'd nearly lost it, having to come up with the excuse of needing a shower, just so that he could have a few minutes to pull himself together. "Of course I want to be there Buffy, but do you understand the risk you took driving all that way alone? Anything could have happened, you could have been in another accident, hell you're literally days away from giving birth… what if you would have went into labor?"
She was afraid to blink as she continued to stare at him from across the room, despite its small size, he'd made sure to keep a lengthy distance between them as he braced himself, leaning back against the dresser. "I know it probably wasn't the greatest decision okay, but like you said…" she paused to rub her hands over her rounded abdomen. "Days away here, besides I was careful. I stopped every few hours to stretch, and if anything happened I would have just googled the closest hospital. I'm not saying the drive didn't suck, but I'm fine, she's fine."
He nodded his head as he continued to fight the internal battle raging inside of him. A part of him wanted nothing more than to crawl onto that bed beside her and never let her go, tell her how sorry he was for his part in all this, make love to her until neither of them could even remember what they'd been fighting for. But the other part, continued to remind him of all the reasons why he was here, what all had transpired over the last month, the accusations, the rapes, of every single time she hadn't believed him… those were the thoughts that kept him pinned in place, fingers gripping the wooden dresser so hard he thought it may crack.
He watched as she opened her purse and fumbled around in it as though she was looking for something, then he watched in terror as she pulled a stack of folded up white papers out and laid them on the bed between them. He knew without asking what those were, and as much as he tried not to show it the mere sight of them made him feel as though he might lose the contents of his stomach.
"You want to divorce me," she questioned, this time unable to stop the tears from overflowing her eyes. She'd tried though, to hide them, as she used her sleeves to wipe at her face. The last thing he wanted to do was fight with Buffy, but she'd literally blindsided him just showing up like this.
"I think it's for the best," he'd somehow managed to get out, as he struggled to maintain the distance between them.
Whatever response she'd been about to say died on her lips as a loud pounding sounded from his bedroom door. Walking over he twisted the knob, pulling it open to reveal Lindsey who made no secret of poking his head in past Angel to see exactly what was going on. She was Angel's fucking kryptonite, and the last thing any of them needed was for that man to start thinking with his dick again instead of his brain.
Shock didn't even begin to describe what he felt when he answered that door and saw her standing on the other side. Had it been up to him, and had she not been nine months pregnant with his niece, then he was pretty sure he would have grabbed his shotgun, and told the bitch to get the hell off his property. As it were, he knew Angel would never have forgiven him if he turned her away, so he begrudgingly had opened the door a second time, moving to the side so she could pass.
Still he didn't plan on just allowing hurricane Buffy to sweep through here and drag Angel back down to the dark place, he'd only just begun to claw himself out of. No, there was no way in hell he was going to let that happen, the lines between them had clearly been drawn and as far as he was concerned he'd said all he had to say to the little blonde witch.
"Dinner is ready," he eventually told Angel, once he had finished his stare down with Buffy. He had to give it to her, in all the years they had been a part of each other's lives she'd never been one to back down, though luckily neither had he.
It took everything in her not to roll her eyes at his interruption, typical fucking Lindsey, she was used to him sticking his nose into business where it didn't belong. Hell sometimes she enjoyed it or found it funny, especially if it had to do with Angel, but this was just not one of those times. There was so much she wanted to say but either the words wouldn't come or there was Lindsey or some other issue standing in the way of her getting it all out.
"Just... give us a minute," Angel told him and Lindsey stared at them both for another moment before nodding and ducking back out, making sure to leave the door propped wide open as he headed back down the hallway. "Well, you're here, you might as well stay for dinner," Angel told her, scratching at the back of his head again with one hand.
OoOoO
"She can stay at a hotel just fine, Angel," Lindsey argued in a harsh, half-whisper. "I will fucking put her up if need be, we could put her across the street from the hospital across county if need be. That's probably a better bet given she looks ready to pop all over my damn new floors."
Angel snuck a glance back at the table where Buffy was still sitting, probably pretending not to hear them or at least guess what they were discussing in here. "She shouldn't be in a hotel, Linds. It's Buffy."
"You think I'm missing that fact?" he asked, spinning around.
"She stupidly traveled all this way, and with her medical history with the baby... yeah, maybe being closer to a clinic or hospital is smart but I would also feel a lot better if she were here where we could keep an eye on her. You know, until we figure out what the fuck we're supposed to do or what is going on."
"Is she planning on going back home?"
"I don't know. She said she didn't want me to miss the baby being born..."
Lindsey sighed. He never wanted Angel to miss out on that either and actually felt thankful she wasn't trying to block him from being present, he'd been trying to set it up to where Angel knew what his plan was in the event she refused. "So... is she planning on just staying out here? Wanting you to figure out how to get her, the lot of you back to Sunnydale for the big event?"
Angel shrugged. "I don't really know. We haven't exactly talked that much. I don't think it'd be good for her or the baby to make another long trip any time soon, though, you know..."
Lindsey sighed again. "And you think it's a good idea for her to stay here? Seriously?"
"I don't know, Linds. I'm just as fucking in a bind and confused as you. I have next to no information on what's going on. I just... Like I said I'd rather her be here where we can keep an eye on her in case something happened. Maybe we could knock out some of this paperwork about the parenting plan shit and divorce even. I don't know. She can take my bed and I can sleep on the couch," he said though on instinct his whole face flinched at the idea.
Lindsey groaned and told him to figure out what Buffy even wanted to do and maybe they could figure something out for her here.
OoOoO
Buffy stood silently in the doorway as she watched Angel strip the guest bed of its sheets, pillows and large comforter throwing them all into a large pile on the floor and then as he started to replace them. She'd tried telling him it wasn't necessary but she wasn't surprised when he didn't listen, either. Her eyes took in the room again as well, picturing Angel having lived here for the past month, the numerous baby items...
Her mind went back to the house in Sunnydale, how much trouble she had staying there now, thinking of how everything had been set up so perfectly for them to be a little family once their daughter arrived... her heart breaking at the idea of her spending half her time in the nursery back home with mom, and the other part of her time here? Angel was doing his best it seemed to gather items last minute to have a place for her to be from the looks of the room.
As if reading her mind, Angel finished putting the second pillow inside a case and tossed it on the bed. "It's just temporary," he told her, nodding back toward the playpen. "I just felt like I should have something set up... in case. I know I sent a lot of different options for the parenting plan stuff... I didn't even know which one sounded like the best plan so I was scrambling around trying to be prepared for anything..."
Buffy swallowed hard even thinking about any of this. She didn't want to have to make some schedule in front of a judge over who saw their child when, what holidays each of them got, discussing child support or any of this. If nothing else she'd hoped they could at least be civil enough to make arrangements between themselves but she knew Lindsey was probably in his ear telling him to make sure he had everything in writing as soon as possible rather than just trusting her word on anything.
"Hopefully it won't be too long until I have the new house ready and I will have all of this out of boxes and set up as they should be and all. It's currently being deep cleaned and some minor repairs being fixed, debating painting a few rooms before I move anything in so maybe it'd be less of a hassle... things like that..."
"New house?"
Angel stood back, asking her if she needed extra pillows or blankets and all she could do was numbly shake her head. "Okay. And yeah, it all closed in just the past couple days actually," he told her. "She'll have her own room, plenty of space to play, there's a huge yard... in every direction there's just land and trees..."
"It sounds nice," she barely managed to get out, what little hope that she could work things out with Angel here in the last hour slowly slipping more and more out of reach. She'd already known he had quit Wolfram And Hart, he'd left Sunnydale like a bat out of hell, had wasted no time filing for divorce and talking about how they could share custody with their child, and now there was this? He'd bought a damn house? Even when he was in LA he'd only rented that stupid condo. This all felt too damn permanent.
He was setting roots up here. He was really planning on just leaving her behind... not just to give them space, not with some hope on his end they'd be okay in the end somehow, but really just moving on with his life in every aspect.
And it was breaking her.
Angel bent down to pick up the discarded mess of bed clothes and his half filled hamper in the corner before telling her to make herself comfortable and walking past her, he hadn't been able to see over the load of things in his arms, as he'd been trying to make sure there was absolutely no reason he would have to venture back into this room tonight. In his haste to move past her, the laundry hamper he was carrying slammed right into her side.
"Shit," he hissed, panicked, as he instinctively dropped everything, his hands coming to cradle her stomach.
Her breath hitched in her throat, he'd barely even bumped her, she'd taken corners harder than that these last few weeks. Though, time seemed to freeze around them, as they both came to notice their close proximity at the exact same moment. His hands slowly glided around the curve of her very pregnant belly, desperate to feel something from his daughter inside after so long.
Forcing herself not to look up, to look anywhere but his chocolate eyes, she too turned her head towards her massive abdomen, poking it softly with her index finger. "She doesn't move as much these days, the doctor said it's normal, something about her size and running out of room."
As though realization suddenly dawned on him, he jerked his hands back away from her, scrambling to grab all the things he dropped, he quickly mumbled an apology before ducking out the room, making sure to keep ample space between them this time.
OoOoO
Angel lay sprawled across the couch staring up at the ceiling for what felt like hours. He was still trying to come to terms with the day's events, it was pretty late by the time she got here, and thanks to Lindsey they hadn't exactly had much time to talk. He'd wanted to sit down with her after dinner, but he could tell she was exhausted, so he'd simply offered to remake the bed instead, not to mention the fact that he could feel Lindsey's eyes bouncing around the room, staring holes into the back of his head every time he so much as looked in her direction.
Oddly enough her and Lindsey seemed to be on the same page as far as her staying here. At dinner she'd adamantly refused to stay the night when he brought it up, citing that she could very easily get a hotel, which Lindsey had of course chimed in with what a great idea that sounded like, but he wasn't trying to hear it. He knew he was probably just making things harder on them both in the long run, but there was no way in hell he was letting her out of his sight.
She'd finally relented only after he made the suggestion that they could just get a hotel together… as he'd expected that had pretty much ended the discussion from all sides.
He couldn't help but take in all the changes in her since he left, obviously the baby had grown exponentially, but he also noticed other things. Like the dark circles under her once bright eyes, the tears she seemed to constantly be trying to conceal from her voice, the sadness in her expression when he'd catch her looking at something he'd got for the baby…
Running a hand through his hair, he sighed, running all the possibilities of their future through his mind for the thousandth time. Except this was the first time he'd ever contemplated their future with her in the next room. They were supposed to be discussing parenting plans, and divorce options, yet here he was fighting the urge to go crawl into bed with her.
He'd listed every single reason why he should stay his ass on the couch a hundred times, but even as he repeated them again, he found himself silently creeping down the hall. Pausing for a second, he stuck his head to the door, trying to listen for any sounds that might indicate she was still awake. Hearing nothing of the sort, he slowly turned the doorknob and peeked inside.
His lungs deflated as he took in the sight of her sleeping in his bed, she was on her side, turned towards him, the comforter bunched around her waist. Her shirt had risen just enough so that the lower half of her belly was exposed. Slipping inside the darkened room, he closed the door behind him as softly as he could manage, not wanting to wake her nor Lindsey at the moment.
She shifted slightly, almost as though she was making room for him, and his heart nearly broke all over again when he heard his name fall from her sleeping lips. He was both terrified that she was going to wake up, and exhilarated at the thought. Pulling his own shirt off, he tossed it into the empty corner where his hamper usually stood. Easing his way onto the bed, he scooted his body down until his nose was able to nuzzle the bare skin of her tummy, his hand sliding the material of her night shirt the rest of the way over her bump, he turned his head to rest fully back against her smooth stomach.
For the longest time he just lay there listening, wondering exactly what was going on inside there. "Hey there, Peanut," he whispered, his lips just barely brushing her tight skin. "Now you listen to me, I know it may seem like a scary time to come out of there, but me and your Momma aren't going to let anything happen to you. You're the most important thing in this entire world, to both of us. I know I haven't been around for a while, but I want you to know that's not your fault. Me and your mommy have some things to work out, but I promise you one way or another-," he went silent as he felt the unmistakable movement of his daughter beneath his hold. She'd gotten so much stronger in the last month, every little jab and roll now fully visible from the outside. "Shhhh, now we don't wanna wake her, or else you're going to get Daddy in trouble, " he whispered soothingly as he gently touched his lips just above Buffy's belly button.
He kept telling himself that he should get up and sneak back out of here before she woke up, but everytime he started to pull away, their daughter's movements would start up again, almost like she knew and was trying to keep him in place.
Buffy laid motionless, trying to pretend that she was still asleep as she listened to Angel carry on conversation after conversation with their daughter. Fighting back tears, it took all she had not to reach out to him, but she didn't in fear that he may get up and leave. So she laid there for what felt like forever, ignoring her full bladder, until she felt him finally relax around her, his breathing eventually evening out.
Only then did she dare to trail her fingers through his hair, the shorter style tickled her fingertips as her hand gently scratched at her favorite spot. She wasn't sure how long it had been, but she found herself beginning to doze no matter how hard she tried to stay awake, she wanted so badly to hold onto this moment, to make it last, not knowing if this was the last one they might have.
OoOoO
Lindsey woke up the next morning to find the living room empty, he scanned as far as his eyes could see then sighed loudly. He had a few ideas of where Angel just might be but he was pretty sure the best bet was the last place he should in fact be.
Walking toward his guest bedroom, he let out another heavy sigh as he took in the sight before him once the door quietly opened. "Angel," he said loudly, stirring both of them from their peaceful slumber.
Angel started flying out of the bed as if it were on fire, he mumbled out an apology slash explanation to Buffy saying he didn't know what he was thinking, how he'd just wanted to talk to the baby without disturbing her, and how sorry he was while Buffy looked ready to cry again, telling him it was okay as she struggled to sit up.
Angel rushed out of the room while Lindsey had another stare off with Buffy before going off to find Angel. Obviously he was going to have to sit down with both of these damn fools and try talking some more sense into both of them all over again... one damn evening with Buffy here and they were already in bed together and that didn't bode well for anyone.
ButImBroken:
Written with Scribes1015!