Still in nothing short of a panic, Angel snuck out of his room and past Lindsey lightly snoring on the couch to cross to the other side of the house to where Buffy was now. His head fell against the wooden door as his hand lightly knocked, praying she wasn't asleep already as well.
Then, he almost fell in when the door slowly opened to reveal her, her eyes as bloodshot and puffy as his own, her face completely tear-stained. Before he could even utter a sound, she flung herself into his arms and he just held on to her as if letting go would cause them both to fall off the face of the Earth.
Buffy's shoulders shook and her hands clawed at him while he started whispering an endless string of apologies for what happened with Darla. His mouth was almost unable to keep up with the rush of words that came spilling out as for the first he truly tried to explain to her what had happened from his point of view.
He didn't want to, he didn't want to ever relieve that night again, he didn't want to hurt her by telling her any of it but it felt important in the moment.
Buffy shook her head against him as he struggled to figure out how to try and explain how he had woken up, how the drugs had effected him, nearly wanting to gag as he tried to explain how on Earth he ever thought that fucking woman was her...
"I know, Angel," Buffy whispered, pulling back and letting her hands come up to either side of his face. "It's okay."
"It's not okay, Buffy. Not a fucking thing about this is okay," he choked out before falling apart all over again in front of her. He sunk to the ground and Buffy followed down with him, pulling him right back to her. "It's not okay what I did, Buffy. I should have known," he whispered. "Somehow I should have still fucking known."
"Angel..."
"It's not okay that I can't fucking fix this and that I have no idea what to do. I know I can't make this right, and yet some part of me is flying into a panic as if there is something I'm fucking missing and need to do. Tell me what I'm supposed to do without you," he begged and Buffy's eyes filled up instantly with a pool of salty tears. "It's not okay that we are here again. It's not okay that I have to spend the rest of my life without you. Again. It's not fucking okay that we're sitting around trying to figure out how to split holidays and time with this-," he swallowed the words he was about to say as her soft lips pressed into his own, effectively cutting him off.
Stunned he didn't dare move an inch for the first few seconds as she wrapped her fingers around his neck, then suddenly it was like the single thread that had been holding him together since she arrived snapped. Reaching out to grab her, he pulled her closer to him as he leaned back against the door, shutting it in the process. Their tears mixed together as they both continued to devour one another, it wasn't until Buffy finally pulled away gasping as she rested her forehead against his own, that he finally allowed himself to open his eyes too scared that the last few minutes had all been just another illusion.
Placing her finger over his lips, she leaned back just enough so that she could focus, so that he could see her clearly as she spoke. "There's nothing for you to make right, Angel, because you didn't do anything wrong. Lindsey was right, I was doing what I always did, I immediately jumped to conclusions when I should have known better. It's my fault Angel, it's all my fucking fault and I just want you to be fucking happy again, and I'm sorry I'm the one that did this to you, and to us, all over again. She fucking raped you and I was too busy in my own head to realize that I needed to be there with you, because no matter fucking what I know if the roles had been reversed you would have been right there by my side… not at Lindsey's throwing some jealous fit." Letting her head fall to the crook of his neck, her breath ragged, she forced the words she'd been holding inside out as she whispered softly against his skin, "I failed you Angel, not the other way around.".
For the first time since he kissed her goodbye and sent her off to the movies, he felt the smallest glimmer of hope spark inside him. Shifting them he got up from the floor, knowing how uncomfortable it must be for her, reaching down he took her hands helping to pull her up as well.
"Come here," he told her softly as he tugged her onto the bed, scooting over, he waited for her to lie down before turning over so that they were face to face. They both just laid there staring at each other for the longest time, each of them beaten down, beyond exhausted, and yet there seemed to be a calmness surrounding them that he was only just now realizing how much he'd fucking missed. "To be fair, what you walked in on… I don't know how I would have reacted either."
"I just want you to be happy," she gasped as tears once more filled her emerald eyes. One of her hands circled his neck, her fingers scratching at his nape, as her other hand slipped under his shirt, holding him to her as firmly as she could manage what with the beach ball between them.
"I don't want a divorce." Everything around them seemed to freeze, as the words he said sat heavily in the air surrounding them. "You are my happiness Buffy, and I don't want to fucking do this anymore, but I can't go back there, not to that house."
Chewing on her bottom lip, she fought with all she had not to completely fall apart again. Relief washed through her, down to her soul, as she tried to scoot even closer to him, closing what little distance had remained. "Then I won't go back either," she whispered, leaving a trail of small kisses along the bare patch of skin up his neck, quickly losing her resolve after being away from him for so long.
Trying his damndest to ignore his body's response to her, he shook his head at her response. "Buffy, that was your mothers' house, all of your friends are there, your entire life is there, you can't just walk away from it."
Shifting herself, she scooted up a little as she ran her fingers through his short hair, watching when his eyes fell closed as her fingertips danced down his brow and around the edge of his jaw. "Angel, you're wrong. My entire life is here, in this bed. We can go back and pack everything up, or we can hire movers, or whatever… Yes, that house was a huge part of my past, but it's not my future, you are. We can figure it out...together."
His eyes were once again full of tears as he pulled her down to meet his lips once more, suddenly starved for the taste of her. "So we're not getting divorced?" he managed between breaths as he continued to tease her swollen lips, his tongue slipping out to taste her own.
He'd hadn't even given her a chance to respond before rolling to his back, pulling her to sit fully on top of him, groaning out loud when her body fully pressed down on his own. His hands danced across her swollen abdomen, slipping under the shirt she wore he slowly began a brand new exploration of his wife's body.
She felt as though his hands trailed over her belly forever, before finally venturing up to squeeze her breast through the silky material of her bra. The small act seemed to set her on fire as she arched into his touch, silently begging him for more. Opening her eyes she smiled for what felt like the first time in an eternity as she slowly began to rock her hips against his own, loving the feel of him hard and pulsing between her thighs.
His entire being quivered with desire, as he opened his eyes to take in the beauty before him. It had been far too long since he'd felt this, felt her. "She's okay now right? We don't have to follow any of those dumb ass rules anymore," he all but panted as he grabbed her hips, grinding her down on him as he thrust up against her.
"She's fine, but at this point I don't even know how it would work," she chuckled even as her hips continued to roll against his own. "I mean in case you haven't noticed, I'm about the size of a house these days."
Grabbing her hips, he held her steady as he maneuvered his way up the headboard so that he was no longer flat on his back. Pulling her shirt over her head, he tossed it off the side of the bed before pulling her mouth back to his, his palms running over her now bare flesh. "Trust me, I've spent plenty of time thinking about every single way that it's still possible," he all but moaned against her.
Needing to feel more of him, she grasped at the edges of his shirt, pulling on it until he helped her shed it off of him. God she'd missed this so fucking much, raking her nails up and down his chest a few times, she leaned forward once more. Running her nose along the length of his, she waited for his eyes to meet hers once again before speaking.
"Make love to me?" His eyes seemed to darken several shades, but she also saw that remaining bit of worry hiding beneath all of that. "It's not there," she whispered.
She had admitted it to herself, to both Lindsey and to Angel how she knew things would not have been great had Angel even stayed in Sunnydale. This time apart wrecked her in endless ways but she could imagine how bad it could have gotten if she hadn't taken the time to deal with what happened. She could picture the endless, selfish raging she would have done and how she hated herself for even thinking about what could have been. She had an impossible time being in the house, everywhere she looked it seemed to keep pushing those memories back to the forefront. And she knew this, right here with him, would have been non-existent. She would have seen nothing but him and her, she would have worried if he was thinking about her - despite how endlessly stupid that was and she knew it was.
But as she was here, as she had come too close to once again losing everything she'd ever wanted, it wasn't there. She wasn't naive enough to think it wasn't ever going to bother her again, or she'd never have everything pop into her mind ever again, but it didn't have to rule and ruin her life, either.
That was so much of what she knew Angel feared about her, about why they could never be and she was determined with everything she had inside of her to not let him suffer any more than what he already had.
He seemed to relax a little but still questioned if she was sure.
Buffy nodded. Maybe it was crazy, maybe it was too soon after being so close to almost ending everything... but it was Angel. And she needed him.
"I love you, Angel. With everything that I have, I love you and I want you. I want to figure this out, all of it, moving, fixing everything back to how it's supposed to be, arguing and working through it in the end. I don't want to spend another moment not being yours and not being with you, I don't want to go another morning waking up without you or night falling asleep not wrapped up in your arms where I belong. I don't want our daughter to have to be from a broken home, I don't want to miss out on any of it, not with her, not with you. I just want to be with you," she whispered. "I want you to make me yours all over again."
Angel stared at her for what felt like a lifetime before his lips were pushing hard into hers and it felt like she was flying for a moment as he tilted her back down to the bed.
She groaned and complained, "Angel, I need you inside of me." He chuckled, moving into a new position so he could help rid of the rest of her clothing and then she whined again about how long it had been since she'd been able to have any of this.
Angel sucked on her neck so hard she was sure she'd have a telling bruise or two come tomorrow before whispering, "I need to taste you," in her ear.
She moaned, feeling a shiver coarse through her entire body. It had been far too long since she'd had that kind of attention from him as well, but she also felt like she was far past prepped and ready as it were and might explode if he didn't slip inside of her soon at the same time.
He felt as though he was leaving a trail of fire as he made his way down her body, taking in every curve, every inch of her that he had been thoroughly missing for over a month and a half now, exploring every new sensation, every new sign of how her body had changed since he had last seen her in such state.
She nearly melted into a steamy puddled mess as his head slipped between her thighs and she felt his mouth on her again. Had he not been holding on to her, she was sure she would have launched herself as far off the bed as she could have managed and she was about to make some crack about how she couldn't even see him over the baby bump now when suddenly the door flung open from behind and she gasped for all new reasons beyond what her husband was doing to her body.
OoOoO
Lindsey had stomped down the hall to his bedroom, all prepared to start yelling at some damn idiots who were worse than freaking teenagers under their mama and daddy's roofs, when he opened the door and then his whole body seemed to jerk back, his eyes widening as much as he wanted to slam them shut and erase any and all images before him.
Buffy was sprawled out upside down in the middle of his damn bed, entirely naked and more pregnant than he'd ever seen anyone in his damn lifetime, her head tilted back with a mixture of lust, surprise and embarrassment at the moment... His best friend, barely visible but it didn't take much to figure out exactly what he was doing down there...
His face started changing into an expression more of horror than anything else and yet he still couldn't seem to move.
Not until Angel started screaming at him anyway. "Lindsey! I swear to fucking God if you do not shut that fucking door, walk the fuck away, and erase any fucking image you have in your brain about her I'm going to fucking kill you!"
He wanted to scream at both of them.. for a wide variety of reasons... but he just could not deal with any of this in this moment so he quickly slammed his door back shut and shook his whole body trying to get all of the feelings crawling along his skin to fuck off already.
He couldn't say he was surprised the two were tangled up in bed, but the fact it was his bed pissed him off like nothing else. As did the fact that they were even doing this shit to begin with when he knew exactly what it had to mean. Now and for the future... and he just didn't know if he had it in him to deal with their fucking drama.
"Fucking Angel," he muttered, turning to go back as far from what was happening in there as he could manage. "Why is there no fucking sense in his fucking head when it comes to that fucking woman?" he muttered out loud.
OoOoO
Angel hardly missed a beat with the little Lindsey hiccup, she'd had a harder time forgetting that he had just seen her - them - in such a position but as Angel brought her body closer to the edge of bliss only he could provide to her, she blanked eventually on anything else.
"God, I missed you," she panted out, her legs trembling and attempting to squeeze together as the pressure continued to build inside of her. She was teetering on the brink of indescribable bliss, her hands gripping fistfulls of the comforter beneath her, stars began to explode behind her eyes as he inserted first one finger then two inside of her aching depths.
Gasping, she lost control, finally falling off that ledge, she came with a groan of his name, as she continued to grind her hips against his masterful tongue.
Still reeling from the intensity of her orgasm, she'd barely even been aware of him stripping his own clothes, until he was sliding back up her naked body to lie next to her, flesh to flesh. Running his fingers through her hair, his mouth returned to her neck nipping and sucking as he waited for her to fully come back to him, wanting each of them to be fully present.
Turning her head she managed to capture his lips with her own, as one of her hands slipped between them, her tiny fingers wrapping around rigid flesh as best they could. She stroked him softly, watching in wonderment as his eyes fell closed the more she worked him. It had been months since she'd felt him within her palms, her fingers tingling with excitement, she continued to work him as their mouths endlessly pressed against and teased one another.
It wasn't until she felt Angel's hand gripping her wrist in an attempt to steady her movements that she pulled away gasping, "Mmm, this is going to be over before it's even started if you don't stop that," he murmured softly against the warm skin of her cheek. Pulling his mouth to hers once more, she struggled pushing him, urging him to his back.
Rolling over along with him the best she could manage anyway, she slid one of her slick thighs across his naked flesh, bracing her palms against his chest, all thoughts or lingering fears of what Lindsey may hear vanished as his hard cock slipped between her wet folds. Her head tilting to one side, she couldn't help the low moans that escaped her as she rocked solidly against him.
Eyes rolling into the back of his head, his finger dug into the supple flesh of her hips. He wasn't sure he had ever felt a need so deep, his body trembled uncontrollably as her warm body taunted him. "Open your eyes, Beautiful," he breathed, sliding his hands up to cup her engorged breast, swirling his fingers around her darkened nipples, his eyes grew even darker as she leaned into his touch.
Every inch of her skin felt as though it was humming, every place he touched flamed the fire within her. Grinding her hips she was almost there again, that desperate peak her body had been craving for months, his strong hands trailed up the sensitive skin of her sides before they gently cupped her aching breast. Hearing his command, she forced her eyes to flutter open, instantly locking with his chocolate depths despite the darkness of the room.
Their eyes locked, his fingers dancing back down her hips, he shifted her, pausing once he'd finally felt his tip resting at her slick entrance. If there was a physical description of Heaven, then this had to be it. Fingers digging into her flesh, he felt his groin ignite as she slowly began to sink her body onto his. It wasn't until he was fully buried inside of her that either of them broke eye contact. "Angel, oh my god," she whimpered, rocking back, trying to take him as deep as possible.
Her warmth enveloping him, he wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how much he'd missed this, how many nights he laid awake staring at the ceiling thinking of nothing other than being inside her again… but the words wouldn't come, his entire being far too focused on their joining bodies to form words. Instead he grabbed her small hands, lacing their fingers together, he tried to let her have control for a moment, though despite his best efforts, moments later his hips began to thrust into her on their own accord.
She'd never felt so utterly complete, so whole, trying her best to ride him despite her giant belly, she was teetering again, every muscle within her felt as though they would snap at any second. Tiny specks of color were beginning to cloud her eyes, working her hips harder, their moans bouncing off the walls around them, she began to whine, to beg, silently pleading for him to take control.
Taking care, he once again shifted them so she was on her back, grabbing one of the pillows, he quickly shoved it under her bottom to prop her up some, rising to his knees, he guided her strong legs over his thighs as he buried himself inside her once more. His thumb quickly found her clit, as his other hand rubbed lightly over her stomach, he would never tire of this sight, his wife heavily pregnant whilst in the throes of ecstasy. He was convinced a more beautiful sight didn't exist, not on this Earth, not in this universe.
Feeling that familiar pooling in him growing, he wasn't ready for this to be over, not yet. Rolling her swollen clit between his fingers, it took every bit of the self control he'd learned in his thirty some odd years of existence, not to spill inside of her the moment he felt the first waves of her orgasm tear violently through her. Abandoning her swollen bundle of nerves, he looped his arms under her knees as he continued to pump deeply within her.
She'd barely begun to come down from her second orgasm, before she felt her muscles coiling once again as Angel began to lose control pumping wildly into her. Unable to reach him, her fingers clinched the rails of the headboard, not even sure how they had gotten turned back around. The sounds of Angel's guttural moans nearly had her coming undone a third time, before she felt him retreat, leaving her suddenly empty and hollow.
His balls ached like they never had before, but he was determined to have her in every way that he'd imagined over these long months. Gently lowering her legs, he struggled breathlessly to whisper for her to turn around, one hand held firmly around his cock, he tried to use these few seconds to his advantage, to prolong his own release.
Sliding her legs from around his waist, she twisted her quivering body until she was resting on her knees. Grabbing at the beams of the headboard with shaky hands, she felt her entire body tremble as he entered her yet again. His warm hands rubbed trails over the curve of her ass, up her slender back, before returning to her hips, holding her tight, he used the force to slam her back onto his throbbing shaft.
His balls tightened, he knew, no matter how much he tried he wouldn't be able to last much longer, not this time. Sliding one hand around her, he quickly found her throbbing nub, rolling it between his fingers, he prayed for her to tumble over that edge with him.
But Angel had barely got the silent words passed through his head before he felt her inner walls squeeze him with all they had one last time, he felt her entire body jerk seconds before he felt his move uncontrollably against hers, and his name seemed to bounce from her lips off every wall surrounding them.
OoOoO
Buffy wasn't entirely sure how she managed to return to laying on her back facing the wrong direction of the bed, but she didn't really care either. Her chest was still heaving up and down trying to fill her lungs and it didn't help that she kept trying to laugh at the expression on Angel's face as he stared at the spectacle.
"Fuck, I have missed you," he whispered, his current free hand tangling up in her sweaty mess of hair.
"Obviously in more ways than one," she joked.
"You have no idea," he replied, pulling her to him so he could capture her lips once more. His head fell back down to the soft, crumbled up comforter and she could nearly read his thoughts just by looking at him. It was easy to fall back into old habits, their bodies knew each other too well, they were too in tune with one another. Hell, even when she had lost her memories and couldn't have told Angel from Adam her body had seemed to hum and constantly be drawn to him. But they both knew that's not what this had been about, it's not where it started nor ended.
It was a band-aid to everything that had been going on, a very small first few steps in getting back to a new normal, but it was at least something. It was a step in the right direction, a promise that they didn't have to ruin this life they had tried to build. For the second time.
She'd been laying in bed crying her heart out, her hand covering her mouth as she didn't want to wake or disturb either of them with her full blown falling apart episode, trying her best to imagine a world where they had gone through all that they had only to fall apart all over again when he'd come to her. And then everything had quickly turned around and there was so much to still figure out, to discuss, to fix. It seemed like so much... but it also was such an instant relief with those words, with him being back in her arms, with him voicing the same damn concerns she'd had.
"I thought we were really over," he whispered a few moments later.
Buffy turned to her side, trying to cuddle up to him the best that she could. "That is never what I wanted, but I understood if you did."
His head shook. "I don't know if I could have really handled any of it. I kept trying to imagine everything and put on a brave, pissed off face but... I don't know how to be without you anymore. I don't know how to not be there every day for you or for her."
"I don't either, Angel and I never want to have to find out, okay? I don't know what all we are going to do but we can work this out, I know we can."
OoOoO
Angel felt like he was dead on his feet when he slipped out of bed, smiling a bit at Buffy's sleeping form before slipping his boxer shorts back on. His hand rubbed over Buffy's stomach for just a moment before making sure the blanket was tucked more securely around her shoulders and tiptoed toward the door.
He was sure Lindsey was praying for sleep but highly doubted that particular wish from this house had been granted tonight so after using the restroom quickly he sought him out, not surprised by the television on or the beer bottle in Lindsey's hand. Angel plopped down beside him and Lindsey just shook his head for a moment. "I ain't your daddy. I can't tell you what to do, not really," he muttered.
Angel sighed, trying to think of how he could even explain what he felt without it coming off as a last minute panic, cold feet, thinking with the wrong head or a thousand other things it all probably looked like. "She signed the papers."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. And all of a sudden it just hit me all over again of everything I was going to lose. I had done my best to accept that and you know damn well that I had... but I needed to see her as I stared at those signatures. I needed to say things to her that I had been trying not to, trying not to even fucking feel, and..."
"And you two got emotional, and somehow wound up naked in my brand new fucking bed."
"I'm pretty damn sure I told you to erase those memories."
"Well, believe me asshole, I wish I could." Angel chuckled a little and Lindsey sighed loudly. "I don't know what to tell you, Angel. I just want what's best for you and I have seen you wind up failed by that woman more than my fair share. I love Buffy, you know that I do, but I don't want you hurt time and time again."
"We don't have everything worked out. Hell, I don't even know if she might wake up in the morning and decide she takes it all back. But if there's even a chance I can keep my family together and to more or less start over after the shit that went down I don't see how I can't take it either."
Lindsey didn't say much more and they both decided maybe they should just attempt to get some sleep in and discuss more about what was going on come tomorrow. Angel left him with just asking that he not be completely closed off to the idea while they tried to work everything out. "You know, she said she'd move here, in with me at the new house. If nothing else... she'd be close enough to you every day to stay the course, right?"
"Shit, if that didn't keep that woman in line I don't think anything on this planet would," he replied, finally cracking a tiny bit of a smirk.
Angel waved his fingers a little as he said goodnight then he turned, heading back down the hall to climb back into bed with his sleeping, naked, perfect in all the ways wife.
ButImBroken:
Written with the ever talented Scribes1015!