A/N: I would just like to take this time to say that, after comparing the number of Hits this fic has to the number of Reviews, if you're not going to review, don't even read this. Thank you.
Yes, I'll Sell You Something With… What?
By Susan Brankshaw
Today, citizens of Kakariko Village gathered around the town square and stared at a fellow citizen wearing a green tunic. The man/woman, who will be now referred to as "It", was later dragged into jail for causing a scene in public.
"It", as described by witnesses, was seen sitting on his/her knees in the village, constantly slapping his/her hands against his/her thighs.
"I'm not even kidding with you," reported Mr. Forwell, the owner of the village bazaar. "That man wouldn't even stop to give his hands a rest. I mean, they must be completely raw by now."
"It" was accused of loitering and causing a distraction to many civilians.
While the Kakariko Police Department (now hiring) dragged "It" away, he/she kept drunkenly stating "With C... With C... Sell me something with C..." This confused the brave men of our police force, who looked at each other, shrugged, and also charged the man/woman of displaying obvious signs of inebriation.
"People like 'It' should not be allowed to live in our fair town," said Mrs. Brown, the town's most eligible bachlorette who remains, to this day, dateless. "It's people like... him or her, whichever... that make our world terrible. I say we hang... him or her... without a trial!"
Despite Mrs. Brown's bloodthirsty desires, a trial was held on March 26 at four o'clock in the afternoon. While Princess Zelda, our fair judge, repeatedly asked the man/woman how he/she pleaded, "It" only responded by saying "With C... With C... Sell me something with C..."
"It" was dragged out of the courtroom for displaying drunkenness in front of Her Majesty.
"Not only do authorities believe that the man/woman has a horrible alcohol problem," reported Princess Zelda shortly after "It" was drug out of the room, "doctors also agree that 'It' suffers from some kind of psychological disease, in which 'It' believes that people can use things that aren't actually there. In this instance, a 'C' of some sort."
Further investigation is underway.
Copyright March Hylian Times