Scientists Shocked. Cattle Possibly Hiding Something?
By David Williams
Just yesterday, Malon, a co-owner of Lon Lon Ranch, reported signs of intelligence from one of the farm animals.
It had all started during the morning when Malon woke up to milk the ranch's dairy cows. As she walked towards the barn, she began to croak out a song that she claimed was composed by her mother. However, when she opened the barn, she ceased singing when she noticed all of the cows were staring at her with wide eyes.
"What a lovely song!" they all said in unison. "It reminds me of the pastures. It lets me make lots of milk! Would you like some of my nutritious milk?"
Malon, shocked beyond belief, stood in place with her mouth gaped open. She later ran out of the barn, leaving the cattle to chew their cuds in silence.
After reporting this strange occurrence to authorities, the authorities later alerted Princess Zelda, who set up grounds for a scientific experiment. Scientists were to find out how the cattle were able to talk and what possessed them to do so.
And so, five cows from Lon Lon Ranch were led to the Hylian Institute of Science (HIS), where they were taken to several observation rooms. All five were placed in the same general area and were watched by surveillance cameras. If they decided to talk, they would be recorded.
No words were exchanged.
After two hours of no conversation, the scientists took the cows to a small lab, where they tethered them to various objects. They then pried the beasts' mouths open and took a look down their gaping maws. There was no evidence of human vocal chords, which only added to the suspicion.
About to lose hope, the scientists remembered that the cows had started talking when Malon first entered the barn. They also kept in mind that she had been singing a tune. In a final attempt, the scientists began to hum the same song the young girl had been singing.
"What a lovely song! It reminds me of the pastures. It lets me make lots of milk! Would you like some of my nutritious milk?"
The scientists rejoiced after the five completed their statement. It was later recorded that the only thing that seemed to make the cows talk was that very song.
However, there was still an amount of suspicion. If a cow could say those sentences in perfect English, surely it must be able to say something else. There was no way that message was embedded into their brains for repetitive use.
After this theory, the scientists began to wonder if cattle may be hiding something from human intelligence. It is very possible, they noted, that the beasts may be planning a conspiracy of some sort, or may be even hiding forms of intelligence. Scientists plan to experiment with this theory in the future.
Even though the cattle (and possibly other animals) may be trying to overthrow the human race, scientists advise citizens to stay calm until further notice.
Copyright April Hylian Times